Am I Crazy?
Jun 17th, 2005, 09:43 PM
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Am I Crazy?
We are going to be in France the second week of July. While there my 18 yr old son wants to take a train for an overnight visit to Amsterdam. Would I be crazy to okay trip, he is fairly traveled, this is his second trip oversea, but only to England. Has also traveled quite a bit in the states. But always with us, his parents. Any opinions? especially as to safety ( he wants to go by himself? )
Jun 17th, 2005, 11:10 PM
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He's your son, but I would have a very important conversation as to why he so much wants to go by himself. I think for the first time by himself, it might be better for him to go off by himself in the city you are in and have an appointed time for him to be back....but once again, he's your son, and I assume you know what kind of young man he is and what you have taught him. I believe you are the only one who can truly answer your question.
Jun 17th, 2005, 11:56 PM
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Safetywise, Amsterdam is rather tame. It is quite small, densely populated with locals and tourists, IMHO much safer than your average US city. The only "hot" place is the red light district, but again, like Paris's Pigalle, it is nowadays more of a showcase than anything else and heavy police presence is available. If you want to have some control over his visit, pick a week day and a hotel outside the station/RLD area. It won't be cheap (return train + accommodation).
Jun 18th, 2005, 12:29 AM
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It seems that your son is at the age where a young man very much needs to find the new edges of approaching independence, as is quite natural in the course of events.
IMO, the dilemma is more about what the alternative result would be, should you decide to refuse. Amsterdam is a pretty safe place, and English is commonly spoken-my nephew visited on his own for a week just out of high school, and came home happier, an emerging young adult, but otherwise unscathed.
When a bird needs to learn to fly, better to leave the window slightly open so he can leave, explore, and then return .
Try Lonely Planet for practical suggestions for young people on where to stay, and how to navigate Amsterdam (not difficult) Discuss the legalized approach to the use of Marijuana in Amsterdam with so you can have an open dialogue, work through it together. It's really between you and him. Best of luck, enjoy your trip.
IMO, the dilemma is more about what the alternative result would be, should you decide to refuse. Amsterdam is a pretty safe place, and English is commonly spoken-my nephew visited on his own for a week just out of high school, and came home happier, an emerging young adult, but otherwise unscathed.
When a bird needs to learn to fly, better to leave the window slightly open so he can leave, explore, and then return .
Try Lonely Planet for practical suggestions for young people on where to stay, and how to navigate Amsterdam (not difficult) Discuss the legalized approach to the use of Marijuana in Amsterdam with so you can have an open dialogue, work through it together. It's really between you and him. Best of luck, enjoy your trip.
Jun 18th, 2005, 12:34 AM
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Just saw another thread here called "Just saw my son on a webcam in Amsterdam" that might inspire you. Do a search for it, because it gives a link to the webcam, and a fun idea for a way to wave to your son from afar!
Jun 18th, 2005, 12:39 AM
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Sorry- too sleepy to make good sense, but here's the info from that other post (from parents of another 18 year visiting Amsterdam)
"they (the 18 year old son and friends) went to Koningsplein this afternoon at 1 pm Amsterdam time, 7 am eastern U.S. time, where there is a streaming live webcam.
www.amsterdamhotspots, click webcams, click Koningsplein, double click for full screen."
"they (the 18 year old son and friends) went to Koningsplein this afternoon at 1 pm Amsterdam time, 7 am eastern U.S. time, where there is a streaming live webcam.
www.amsterdamhotspots, click webcams, click Koningsplein, double click for full screen."
Jun 18th, 2005, 01:18 AM
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It strikes me that Americans have a strange attitude to their children.
In some ways they make them grow up too fast. For example British teenagers have none of the fashion competition and other tribulations of American high schools because they wear school uniforms.
On the other hand, they seem to want to keep them as children.
For goodness sake, this is an adult we're talking about, old enough to fight for his country, old enough to leave home to go to university, old enough to marry.
Untie the apron strings and let him go.
In some ways they make them grow up too fast. For example British teenagers have none of the fashion competition and other tribulations of American high schools because they wear school uniforms.
On the other hand, they seem to want to keep them as children.
For goodness sake, this is an adult we're talking about, old enough to fight for his country, old enough to leave home to go to university, old enough to marry.
Untie the apron strings and let him go.
Jun 18th, 2005, 01:32 AM
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Personally, and with the greatest of respect for you, AND assuming you are trying to do what is best, I think you are foolish to rely on the opinions of a bunch of anonymous strangers to make a "parenting" decision of this sort.
Jun 18th, 2005, 02:34 AM
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I don't think the original poster is trying to make a decision based on the opinion of strangers on this board. Probably just looking for more thoughts on the subject, and in fact, has received quite a few rather good ones. Especially the suggestion to have a good discission with him as to why he wants to go to Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a great small city with lovely architecture, beautiful canals, first class museums, legal marijuana, and a legal red light district. But there are plenty of 18 year olds who are interested in going there for reasons other than those last two. Just best to have the conversation. In terms of taking the train and staying in a hotel by himself, it would be as safe as anywhere else (more safe probably than in the US). Eighteen year olds are adults and do need some freedom. But as the mother of three children, two of whom have passed the 18 year old mark and one who hasn't yet, even siblings can be very different in terms of common sense, dependabilty, judgment, etc. If the 18 year old in question has those qualities I'd let him go.
Jun 18th, 2005, 07:12 AM
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Jun 18th, 2005, 07:21 AM
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I do not know your son, but I can't help but think that he wants a night alone in Amsterdam in order to do things that are not legal in the US. However, he is a grown man and you cannot stop him from doing those things, whether he's in Amsterdam or the US. At least in Amsterdam he doesn't have to worry about being arrested for such activities.
Jun 18th, 2005, 07:30 AM
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I'd encourage him to make the trip if, in your estimation, his level of maturity and responsibility are sufficient. You'll be a good safety net, relatively close by in France, as opposed to far away in the US.
Let him research his transportation and lodging (hostel maybe?), etc. then discuss his plans with him in detail, as mentioned above, and provide guidance where he needs it. The way he goes about the planning process should give you some idea of his ability to handle the trip.
As a parent, you should applaud his fledgling independence. It means you've done your job well! So take a deep breath, help him structure his journey, and wish him well. He'll come back to you a changed kid, grinning from ear to ear!
Oh one more thing, make sure HE earns the funds to do this side trip.
Let him research his transportation and lodging (hostel maybe?), etc. then discuss his plans with him in detail, as mentioned above, and provide guidance where he needs it. The way he goes about the planning process should give you some idea of his ability to handle the trip.
As a parent, you should applaud his fledgling independence. It means you've done your job well! So take a deep breath, help him structure his journey, and wish him well. He'll come back to you a changed kid, grinning from ear to ear!
Oh one more thing, make sure HE earns the funds to do this side trip.
Jun 18th, 2005, 07:33 AM
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I agree with oldie. My European BIL spent his youth traveling by train all over Europe, by himself, from the age of 15. I was amazed as a teenager when I heard that, but had a different perspective after I actually visited Europe. We do have a different approach here in the US. At 18 he's old enough to go to Iraq, get married and make many other "adult" decisions. Let him go to Amsterdam with your blessings (and your cautions to "be safe". Yes, ira is probably right. But, you've raised him Mom to make good decisions and to take care of himself.
To answer your question, "yes" it is safe.
To answer your question, "yes" it is safe.
Jun 18th, 2005, 07:44 AM
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We were recently in Amsterdam with our 17-year old son and just-turned-20-year old daughter. It felt like a very safe city, and the coffee shops we saw didn't seem especially sleazy, but we weren't in the red light district, either. There is a great live music venue there, the Paradiso, that my two 'teens' went to one night and really enjoyed it. A very cool place transformed from a church.
I'd suggest you participate in selecting the hotel/hostel where your son will stay. I recommend the university district for lots of young people out and about. (Click on my name above for my trip report with recommendations for our hotel and some cafes.)
If your son is relatively mature and responsible and level-headed, he'll probably be fine. Too bad he doesn't have a friend to travel there with. I always feel better for mine to be anywhere with a partner.
In any event, if he goes, be sure you remind him the dangers of trying to take any substance out of Amsterdam. The authorities are onto that trick, the pot there smells really strong and is easy for dogs to sniff out. We were told horror stories of young people getting one-year jail sentences on the spot for trying to smuggle out of Amsterdam.
I'd suggest you participate in selecting the hotel/hostel where your son will stay. I recommend the university district for lots of young people out and about. (Click on my name above for my trip report with recommendations for our hotel and some cafes.)
If your son is relatively mature and responsible and level-headed, he'll probably be fine. Too bad he doesn't have a friend to travel there with. I always feel better for mine to be anywhere with a partner.
In any event, if he goes, be sure you remind him the dangers of trying to take any substance out of Amsterdam. The authorities are onto that trick, the pot there smells really strong and is easy for dogs to sniff out. We were told horror stories of young people getting one-year jail sentences on the spot for trying to smuggle out of Amsterdam.
Jun 18th, 2005, 08:04 AM
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Let him go! He'll remember it for a lifetime and it will add to his maturity. I trekked around Europe at 19 by myself (granted, years ago when things really were different) but he IS 18 and it IS a relatively "controlled" trip - I mean, you'll at least be on the same continent!
Amsterdam is great city for fun if you are young and, yes, he may experiment with coffee houses or alcohol. Sounds like he may be well-traveled enough to handle it. Only you know for sure. Talk about some of the things he might expect in Amsterdam and then let him fly! Have a cell phone to keep in touch.
Amsterdam is great city for fun if you are young and, yes, he may experiment with coffee houses or alcohol. Sounds like he may be well-traveled enough to handle it. Only you know for sure. Talk about some of the things he might expect in Amsterdam and then let him fly! Have a cell phone to keep in touch.
