justretired

As I mentioned, my husband and I have been invited to use the Rennes apartment of friends for a couple of nights in the beginning of our Brittany vacation. As a house gift, I was thinking of bringing a gift from the Boston area- a book, maple syrup candy, a university or local T shirt, etc. They also have a new grandchild, which they are visiting shortly after our own stay, and I was thinking of bringing a gift for the infant. Culturally, are these appropriate or do you have alternative suggestions?

In addition, we have been invited to dinner at an acquaintance's home in L'Oriente. What is the proper gift to bring to the home? Flowers? Chocolate?

Thanks.

StCirq

I would not bring a university or local T-shirt. Maple syrup is easily available here in France, though maybe not the candy. A historical or picture book of Boston would be nice, though may be heavy to carry.

You would certainly never be expected to bring a gift for an unknown infant, but if you do, make it simple and universally baby-ish. You can bring flowers (not chrysanthemums please, though even that is kind of a myth projected by that strange Polly Platt) or a bottle of wine (yes, you can) or chocolate, or anything. It will all be appreciated, but isn't necessary.

Me, I'd probably bring a can of Boston baked beans.

Yes, go to Vannes!

Regarding the Quimper, yes, it's expensive and not to everyone's liking, so caveat emptor.

And I wouldn't be worrying so much about gifts. They are not expected IME and can easily be misconstrued for so many reasons (they spent SO much money! It's not to our taste! What were they thinking? Americans are so strange!). In all my many, many years in France, not a single French person hasn't appreciated a single, simple heartfelt gift. Stop fretting about it and thinking you can find the perfect offerings.

I'm talking about bringing gifts to your French acquaintances, of course. The American relatives ar something else, with a whole different sort of cultural expectations.

Whathello

We often invite people at our house on the Riviera. The gifts we liked most were :
Chairs when we had no ne yet for the exterior. Our friend made sure we'd like them then bought them locally.
A bottle of something.
Last week 2 friends of my daughter bought a bottle of whisky. They must have overheard my complaining that my lagavullin bottle was empty. ;-)
Most usually our guests invite us to a good restaurant in the neighbourhood. That is the gifts we like most.
I must say that I would hate to be given a maple syrup.
I was given a towel from Boston that I liked a lot and still have after 30 years (friend is Bostonian) but I would hardly look at another one.
I also offered some foie gras to a Chinese friend and it was as much a disaster as when he gave me mooncakes.
Did I say somewhere that I like to be given a Zinfandel ?

kja

I must admit that I “grew up” in the days when OFF-registry gifts were not only welcomed, but were even (I believe) EXPECTED of one’s closest friends and family members. I was stunned to learn that I had stepped outside the bounds of current couples’ wishes! As I understand it, there was a shift, somewhere in the past few decades, from “a registry will help those who don’t know us” to “a registry will tell EVERYONE what we REALLY want." I sincerely apologize if my words suggested that you hadn’t been senstive to this issue – that was not my intention. I’m sure you know the bride well enough to choose a gift that will bring a smile to bride AND groom every time they see it -- and may those times be many!

justretired

kja, I wasn't upset or insulted at all by your suggestions. I'm thinking aloud here. I think your description of the changes in the thinking about the registry are spot-on- I just don't particularly like it. I love to look for a special gift for special young people in my life.

All the same, I think that you are correct that this young couple probably would prefer something off the registry. It certainly easier. I know the bride specifically said she would love a French tablecloth and napkins. I think that Quimper really isn't her taste. Maybe I'll look for a tablecloth to go along with some of her requested dishes.

Her registry is lovely, but huge. Tasteful and practical. I'm sure she wanted to give everyone choices, both in taste and financial. However, practically, and with 80 people at the wedding, I'm afraid she won't get complete sets of anything and wind up with a mish mash of beautiful things. She requested, for example, 2 sets of dishes and flatware ( everyday and entertaining), full sets of kitchen pots and pans, electronics, and gadgets. And, of course, assorted linens, bathroom, garden, and living room stuff. Not to mention gift certificates- and charitable contributions.

As I'm writing this, I convinced myself that I should probably just get something off the Registry and get the couple some small token from France.

Whathello

I also found Kja spot on.
I got married in 93 and that time was in between for Belgium. We were starting to have registers.
Now whenever the younger generation gets married I just click on the site they indicate. Or even simply donate money (I don't like at all but heck if us their wedding).
Don't worry about sets being incomplete one can redistribute among the register.
We had gotten half our limoges on our register and cancelled it as we went to Limoges and bought one there 30px cheaper.
The money was used fir something else.

justretired

Hi again,

I have a couple of questions about French etiquette. First of all, as I mentioned, we are staying at an apartment of a French couple whom we know only peripherally because we helped out with their children when they summered here as teenagers. The couple is actually quite good friends with some of our close local friends. They are being generous and kind, picking us up at the train station in Rennes, taking us back to their apartment, and then, taking us on a short tour of the city. They need to return to their summer home in St Malo that evening.

We anticipate that they might suggest dinner before they head out. Is it appropriate to offer to pay for the dinner, or will they either want to go Dutch or pay themselves? We certainly don't want to appear rude or gauch.

My husband has been skyping with a woman who lives in L'Oriente ( language exchange) and she has suggested to get together for a bit of a tour and perhaps a meal-maybe crepes and cider. Again, what is the norm about payment? We would be quite willing to pay for the meal since she and her husband are going out of their way to show us around. But, again, what is the norm?

Thanks for the advice about gifts. We are bringing a gift for the baby because, although we don't know the child, we do know the mother. She is the teenager we spent quite a lot of time with when she was in the states.

StCirq

I'm not sure that there is a "norm," but I do know that we would always offer to pick up the tab for French friends or acquaintances under both of those scenarios, but wouldn't be insistent or put off if they refused. And in both cases, I would let the French acquaintances choose the places to eat.