Seeking Island Advice
 

We have been trying to decide where to go, and we are getting so confused by all the choices. This is what we are looking for, so hopefully someone can make a suggestion:<BR><BR>The perfect beach (at least 10 miles long)<BR><BR>No shells or coral to step on.<BR><BR>An amazing reef to snorkel that is 20 feet out from shore.<BR><BR>A giant pool with swim-up bar, and of course several waterfalls!!<BR> <BR>The most polite staff, (even when I'm rude)<BR><BR>Nothing but beachfront suites<BR><BR>Drink service on the beach from beautiful women in thongs<BR><BR>View of a volcano<BR><BR>Free tours of the island<BR><BR>At least 6 restaurants on site<BR><BR>6 person jacuzzi in the master bedroom.<BR><BR>private plunge pool<BR><BR>airport tranfers via a limo<BR><BR>60 inch plasma TV with free porn<BR><BR>Dolphin swim on site (recommended by Nancy)<BR><BR>Out of any hurricane belt, or threat of rain<BR><BR>We will be traveling March, and we are looking for non-stop flights from Portland, Maine. First class seats only.<BR>Our budget is $150 a night, and we were hoping to find airfare for under $200. Please help us pick our dream vacation.....<BR><BR>Happy New Year All....<BR>

No spa services? That really should be included too or would you settle for a 5 mile beach if there is a spa? <BR>The place I had in mind also has men in thongs rather than women doing the beach service. Would that be acceptable? <BR>Pleasant travels in 2003 with unlocked luggage!

You forgot a couple necessary amenities:<BR><BR>Thrice daily maid service with fresh flowers brought each time.<BR><BR>In-suite movie theater with recliner seats and fresh popcorn.<BR><BR>Skanky ho's and studs hanging out on the beach available for less than the price of a soft drink.<BR><BR>Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown doing the lounge entertaining and providing 'party favors'.<BR><BR>

no guests allowed unless passing stictly enforced eye-candy requirements

Shouldn't the food and drink be included? After all, you're spending all of $150! For that price it should be all inclusive, don't you think? And teh spa services should be complimentary as well...

Har de har, Traveler, very funny ;&gt;<BR><BR>Don't forget crab races, lingerie or toga parties and sex in the resort's poolside hot tub...

Your best bet will be Tahiti--try Huahine as it is less expensive than BB or Moorea. Your other option is Hawaii although water isn't as warm as Tahiti or the Carribean. The Carribean is our fav but we stay away from the ultra large hotels.

Your best bet would be heaven. You can either just wait or hurry things along.

for the poster, &quot;Paul&quot;<BR><BR>I am cracking up over here - your post was a RIOT!<BR><BR>This is a wild bb tonite! You folks are on a roll! Thanks, I needed that laugh, after the 'fam' was staying at our hotel (home) for the past 2 days!

Shangri-la, somewhere in the Himalayas.

I know the placae for you. It has old world charm (No bath); is tropical (Rainy); situated in a majestic setting (A long way from town); has options galore(Nothing is included in the itinerary); is located in a secluded hideaway(Impossible to find or get to), has Pre-registered rooms (Already occupied), and you can explore on your own(Pay for it yourself), with no extra fees (No extras), nominal fees <BR>(Outrageous charges), with standard rooms (Sub-standard), delux(Standard) and Superior rooms (One free shower cap) with all the amenities(Two free shower caps), or Plush(Top and bottom sheets) kissed by gentle Caribbean breezes(Occasional Gale-force winds). The place is light and airy(No a/c but a ceiling fan), and is Picturesque (Noisy theme park nearby)with an open bar(Free ice cubes). You're money will go far there. I think it's in the Cuyahoga River in Cleveland, Ohio. Benny Hill

Traveler...hehehe, hohoho, hahaha, what a jokester you are. I think you got to partying early on NY's Eve. This place is in your dreams and you know it. Heck, you can't even find a hotel at the Portland Jetport for under $200 with none of the amenities you demand. Embassy (hardly what I'd call beachfront) Suites overlooks the airport in their front yard and the madhouse Maine Mall Road in the back. Even at their prices, I doubt you'll find drink service from beautiful women in thongs or a view of a volcano. Ditto for many of the hotels on Maine Mall/Payne Road. They're all over $150. Get real, buddy. If what you want is in a tropical location, admit it, you won't find it.<BR><BR>I hope you've recovered from your celebrating without too much pain. Happy New Year

Traveler,<BR><BR>I really hope you are kidding...must be a joke...that is what I am assuming anyway! Why would you say something like &quot; a polite staff even when I am rude&quot;, for that alone, you don't deserve a vacation. Why be rude to people, especially on vacation? Hmmm, yes, &quot;traveler&quot;, and when on a budget like that, what you are asking, maybe you should hope for a genie in a bottle to grant you your wishes! and please, do let me know...lol..Now, if you are looking for something all inclusive, at a decent price , check Jamaica (Negril), it is beautiful...

Just to help clear the confused few...I wrote this post with a smile. And for those that thought there could be someone looking for the list I came up with....I have a great deal on some land for you....<BR><BR>It's the folks who actually believed this post who keep resorts like Sandals in business. Have a great 2003 travels everyone!!

I just had to top this - it totally cracked me up!

Angela