stormbird

You know you're Australian if....

You know the meaning of 'girt'

You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk

You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse

You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden

When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom

You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'

You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional

You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'

You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin

You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'

You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis

You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'

You wear ugg boots outside the house

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language

You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is alway polite

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'

You still think of Kylie Minogue as 'that girl off Neighbours'

When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit

You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered

You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!!

Melnq8

Hey stormbird - the sizing of the AUS $1 and $2 coins has always perplexed me, but makes it easy to differentiate between NZ coins which are the opposite.

Can you please tell this yank (or is that septic?) what the heck 'bouyay' means? Something to do with the number 26? And "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie" - is it just a cheer for the AUS team?

stormbird

Hey Mel,

That's 'septic tank' to you!

Re the coins I think the problem was that the $1 came first and maybe at that time there were no plans for further gold coins. Then when it was decided to introduce the $2 coin well there was nowhere else to go but smaller really. I'd like to see an end to the 5c piece soon too!!

Now 'bouyay' you have actually got me there - I'm not sure what it refers to but hopefully someone else can shine some light on the matter.

Aussie Aussie Aussie - perhaps from the Sydney Olympics - I'm not sure but no matter I'm just glad that we have it!

kiwi_rob

Stormbird, I stand exposed as a fake Aussie. I don't know what a "bong" is. Please enlighten me so that I can then join in the next intelligent chorus of "Oi, oi, oi!"

Bushranger

You've been watching those bouyay dance moves on deal or no deal ain't you Mel!

I absolutely detest Aussies using the prase ST for Americans, and just because it rhymes with yank

And it is just horrid to have a Kevin as PM

I know what American rooting means

And I get why there's no U in the party

Maybe Ol Bok and the Ox might realise I luv them just as much as Snoz and the stormiestpetrelfeatheredbird!

And you forgot to add storm that if someone says eh!, can't understand that lingo they're likely from the US and they might reserve the right to call us Bums in Cossies

And Mel, there are a few variations depending on how many beers have been consumed, eg.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Aussie Oi, Aussie, Oi Oi Oi
But it's perfectly acceptable to get your As and Ois miked up a bit - we're a flexible mob if nothing else - it's the culture!

And Mel
"Hey stormbird - the sizing of the AUS $1 and $2 coins has always perplexed me, but makes it easy to differentiate between NZ coins which are the opposite."

Those dirty mongrel Kiwis dis that on purpose not to differentiate them but to slip in $1 coins to Oz and get $2 value!
Got one as a $2 in change one time and so next trip over I reckon I might come back with a couple of thousand in coins - double my money and pay for next holiday.

And of course I'll be taking a couple of thousand in coin over with me too, $1s to swap for $2s

Bushranger

Rob, think bong! bong! you're lightheaded but not from the hits but the smoking

And Aussie Oi is more for Cricket, Tennis, Rugby etc., the national chant

Hear the Wallabies are going to be true Angels to Haka beat and chant Aussie Oi back at them with a final line of "Am I ever going to see your face again!"

stormbird

Hi Rob,

I have to be honest with you and say that I too, had to ask somebody what a bong was!
(Well, maybe not)

Anyhoo, if I was to mention that a bit of hootchy coo and bong go together - would you know what I mean.

Actually, I thought Kiwi's would <i>have</i> to use a bong before they go looking for those irresistable sheep in long grass.

Melnq8

I assumed 'bong' was universal. It's a common word in the US.

DalaiLlama

Stormbird, nice collection, but you got me on girt?

Could add the pronounciation of Brisbn and Canbra, and Surface (Surfers Paradise), and Muzzlebrook (Muswellbrook),

the word barracking (that one stomps the Yanks!),

the fact that Manly is not the opposite of Womanly, and a singlet is not somebody in search of company...

Cheers

Susan7

Llama, I thought you were a local! &quot;Girt&quot; is a line from the national anthem, as in &quot;Our land is girt by sea.&quot;

Geordie

&lt;&lt;Aussie Aussie Aussie - perhaps from the Sydney Olympics - I'm not sure but no matter I'm just glad that we have it!&gt;&gt;

I may stand corrected on this, maybe Mucky can support me, but the first time I came across this was from a Welsh comedian called Max Boyce, in the early 1970's.

He had a chant that was Oggi, Oggi, Oggi Oi Oi Oi, no idea what it meant but he used it as his trademark at rugby matches and on stage.

Geordie

stormbird

Yes Georgie I had read that too - so I think you could be right there about the origin.

DL - Our home is girt by sea - just another way of saying we are surrounded by water albeit a little more poetic. and yes, our pronunciation can be woeful but it's what makes us soooooo loveable

Melnq8

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe ya'll pronounce Cairns as 'cans'. Is that accurate?

kiwi_rob

Thank you for clearing my head on the &quot;bong&quot; issue. For a minute there I was afraid that it might be a derogatory term for something!

stormbird

Hi Mel,

It's true that in a lot of our language r's just don't exist so yep it's 'Cans'.


Rob,

It's always my pleasure to clear anything up for you. (Just as long as your niece is not involved).

Bushranger

I would have thought it was more a C'air'ns rather than a flat a Cans

Likewise anybody saying surface instead a proper Surfers is just a bit lingo lazy, as with Muzzlebrook!

DownUnder

I'm a fair dinkum Aussie and for me it has ALWAYS been Mel-born!

Neil_Oz

'Cairns' is most commonly as 'kens' but with the 'e' sound lengthened.

If I have to qualify on all those criteria you'll have to put me down as a stateless person. That's OK - it's really more a test to establish whether you're a bogan* or not. And patriotism is so last week anyway.

kiwi_rob, a 'bong' is a kind of water pipe or hookah used primarily for smoking marijuana.

* A somewhat kinder version of the US term &quot;trailer trash&quot;. We don't have many people living in trailers (caravans), so bogans have to live in houses.

Bushranger

Author: Neil_Oz
Date: 01/29/2009, 08:47 pm
'Cairns' is most commonly as 'kens' but with the 'e' sound lengthened.

Sounds like a confirmed sterile city slicker in love with anything starting with a Ke...

You'll not get too many Queenslanders pronouncing it that way with the northern Queensland twang.

And yes Downunder, &quot;born&quot; it is or a burn at least, just as it is burning at the moment!

kiwi_rob

Somehow that bong bit passed me by.

As for the rest of it, this helps to put things in perspective: http://team.aussiebattler.com/badoz/index.htm