Penalty Phase-Ekscrunchy
 

Well it's taken a long time, but the penalty has finally been computed. Before anyonew objects to the imposition of a penalty on someone with as much with and humor as the OP, I quote a post from the original thread:

ekscrunchy on Apr 26, 08 at 08:34 AM
I promise to finish soon after returning home. Trip is only one week. Then I will have 2 reports to write!

Note the date! Note the promise to finish! Need I say more?

We start with the number of days that the report took to write from start to finish-369. Multiply that by the number of responses, 368, yielding a figure of 135,792. Divide by the number of the posts that were actually posted by Ekscrunchy on this thread, 147, yielding a figure of 924 (rounding up). Multiply by 2 for referencing a non-existent "Snarky Panda", yielding a figure of 1848. A further multiplying by 2 for promising to finish in April or May of 2008, yielding a figure of 3696. Divide by 3 because she is amusing, yielding a figure of 1232. Futher divide by 2 for standardizing the word "boof", yielding a figure of 616. This amount in Vietnamese Dong is therefore owed to the PLF Foundation.

Of course, if the OP actually attends the Boston GTG in October 2009, the penalty will be paid by the Panda.

Oh blimey i guess i am racking up quite a penalty then?

I am the attorney for ekscrunchy. I have advised my client to remain silent until we have a chance to meet and weigh our options. (You should note that my client can be headstong. I repeatedly advised her to edit the "snarky Panda" phrase from her text. Alas, to no avail. As I suspected, this reference had the result of increasing the suggested penalty to an untenable amount of VND). At the present time, I can assure you that my client will be more likely to relinquish the monies due if the amount may be tendered in Burmese Kyat.
(She also has some Indonesian rupiah coins lying around the house somewhere; there is a rumored but unconfirmed sighting of Tito era Yugoslav dinar as well )

My client was unaware of any Boston bash. I will attempt to pursuade her to attend in light of the fact that the rather harsh penalty would be lifted. Of course we will need this exemption to be notarized and sealed with scarlet sealing wax bearing the family crest of G. Panda.

May I file an amicus curiae brief pointing out that there should be a reduction in the penalty in consideration of the acused's recent posting pulling all the actual info into one post?

The blatant attempt at amelioration will not be considered. I draw your attention the the internal paradox of a report that took 369 days with 147 posts from the original poster. How can this be? Plus, I had to count those posts by hand. Do you have any idea how long that took? The penalty stands as asessed.

Not to mention that her screen name causes one to wonder whether she used to be a scrunchy and now she is an ex-scrunchy. This should result in a penalty on its own. But no, the ever-beneficent panda is letting this slide.

My only comment at this time is that my client rues the day that she chose the unfortunate alias! How it came about shall remain a mystery until the release of the memoir, sometime in 2027.

Signed, Attorney and agent for Ekscrunchy

Once again, the substantive issues are ignored. The unfortunate alias is an aside. When can we expect payment or a committment to attend the Boston GTG?

Notice that this essential penalty service is provided without charge. It is for the greater good of Fodorites everywhere.

There is NEVER a cost for a penalty! Do you think I am some kind of bopping fool!

ekscrunchy, replying against the advice of counsel

Bop on over to the bank and withdraw the funds necessary to meet your payment! Do you notice the lack of fellow Fodorites jumping in to your defense. Even the most forgiving know that the penalty is just and fair. Maybe paying the penalty will restore your scrunchiness and you can stop being an ex.

I attempt to hijack this thread. Thank you.

I have recently posted a trip report on the Eruope forum, at http://tinyurl.com/c669t4

I ask the semi-esteemed Cantabridgian to calculate a penalty.

It is a fairly long report, at an immodest 6,600 words, and the report is a mere 36 years late.

Panda: Please disregard any further communication from my quack attorney. I have axed him.

I will be readying up the monies due. Since you have not responded to the query about currency, I will assume that this means that the aforementioned Kyat and Rupiah (and Italian lire; I have not located the buried pre-Tito dinar stash as of yet) will be acceptable.

Furthermore, and again since you have not responded to previous inquiry, I will assume that payment need not be rendered in paper currency but that small coins and cowrie shells will be acceptable.

R-technically, this does not qualify as a report. It is a memoir. By their very nature, memoirs are not supposed to be written quickly. Nonetheless, I will calculate a penalty just for practice.

Take the number of days late, 13149 (counting leap days and assuming its exactly 36 years late). Divide by two because you went to Sarrbruken, where my son lived for three years, yielding 6575. Multiply by 3 becayse you were the second recent post with a mouse story, yielding 19725. Multiply by 2 for the ridiculous night on the beach/in the car, yielding 39450. Divide by 12 for the number of countries, yielding 3288. This is payable in Indonesian Rupiah to the PLF foundation or can be excused if you attend one of the two evening functions of the Boston GTG. For those who don't know, Rizzutto is a faithful attendee of the Boston GTG lunch, but apparently he's under house arrest and must be home by dusk.

But I never went to Saarbrucken! And I mentioned bats, not mice. So you will have to go back to the abacus. And don't forget to include extra points for climbing to the top of Sigiriya.

And there is the matter of the short ribs I cooked Friday night.

EKS-did you see the "R" that began the penultimate post? That penalty assignement was done at the request of Rizzutto and applied to his youthful European excursion.

Plus, pandas do not rely on mechanical or electronic aids in calculating penalties. A few quiet moments of reflection and all becomes clear.

Your penalty is hereby doubled for inattention! That will be 1232 VND, please.

Oh, sorry. Typically not paying attention and posting too soon.