Gpanda!
 

I hope that your calculator is warmed up and ready for action because I have finally finished my trip report. It all ended up being posted under the erroneous 2002 heading and I would just like to remind you that it was Nov - December 2005. When you make your calculations, please note that while the report is somewhat tardy, it is not yet 2 months overdue!

I await your full and final decision with a plea for leniency. Having learned my lesson, I resolve to become a fully paid up member of this board, making future trip reports in 'real' time.

K-the calculations are complete. Your report was two months late, the calculation begins on the completion of your report. That is 1/6 of a year. Multiplying the total estimated cost of a taxi tranfer from BKK airport (250)Baht yields 41.66. Adding the total number of World Cups won by Scotland yields a figure of 41.66. Dividing by Pi yields a figure of 13.26. Adding my age in dog years yields a figure of 384.26. Adding the estimated total umber of miles travelled ( 14,000) yields 14,384.26. (Please note that the penalty is less for shorter trips.) This is payable in Kip. Checks should be made out to "Fodors Delinquent Trip Report Fund" and sent to a PO Box in Needham. It should also be noted that every late penalty calculation is different.

hey...you forgot my po box #...just like an ambulance chaser attorney....short on the details...

Bob, if the payment is 14,384.26 Kip, it won't even pay for the gas to get you to the post office.

Laurie-keep it under your chapeau.

Careful, Kippy. Rumours are rampant about financial improprieties and accounting irregularities in the Delinquent Trip Report Fund. Word is there may be malfeasance, misfeasance or possibly even a complete lack of feasance.

And watch out for bait and switch. Gpanda says he will add the number of World Cups won by Scotland, but he may instead MULTIPLY by the odds against Scotland ever winning the World Cup (1,000,000 to 1). So your 14,384.26 kip would turn into over 14 billion. And you know what they say: a billion kip here, a billion kip there, and pretty soon you're talking real money.

Caution, man, caution.

Any improprieties in the Fund can be directly attributed to the dastardly deeds of the Needham Nabob, i.e., Bob a/k/a RhkKmk.

We have not even determined whether Kippy is a Ranger or Celtic fan. How can we possibly be so unfair as to use Scotland's chances at a World Cup (a near-mythical number) as a multiplier. The Deliquency Fund is nothing if not fair.

Gpanda,

You may note that my final posting on my trip report was made on the 25th January - a day when you must be aware that all true Scots are out shooting haggis in preparation for the
celebrations of Scotland's most famous bard - Robert Burns.
The fact that only the vegetarian version of this creature will pass my lips does not obviate the sacrifice made in making the posting on that day.

Add to this the mention I made in my trip report of the musicians in Villa Santi playing what is possibly the most famous of the Great Bard's works - Auld Lang Syne - I think that all tips paid locally in kip that evening should settle my debt, without further word or apsersions cast on any performance on the international football pitch.

Just mentioning Haggis automatically doubles the penalty. It's the primary reason Scots are known for their dour expressions, not the football scores. If you're a vegetarian, you may not be either a Ranger or a Celtic supporter.

Gpanda,

How perceptive to make the connection between my eating preferences and my non partisan tendencies!

Any national disposition is more likely to be attributable to prevailing weather conditions, hence the attraction of travelling to The Land of Smile at the onset of winter.

Before I accumulate any further penalties for late response to this posting, outstanding dues will be sent to undisclosed Needham P.O. box.

For the record, I referenced dour expressions not dipositions. For all I know, Scotland could be the "Land of Secret Smiles". Seems unlikely.

OK, OK

Enough of this. As everyone knows, we Scots are the kindest, most cheerful and generous of people.

Any more of these derogatory comments and I will be forced to come hunting you all down with my claymore.

Robemac-Celtic or Ranger? I'm guessing you're not a vegetarian. While you may have gone a bit overboard on your characterization of the Scot, I readily admit that the expression "wry sense of humor" may have originated there.

You should acknowledge that "Land of the Secret Smiles" would be a boon to tourism.

Aberdeen through and through!!

And yes I am a vegetarian--I eat lots of potatoes and mushy peas.

Again, a vegetarian that is neither a Celtic nor a Ranger fan. Do I detect a trend?

You have to remember, not only did we bring Haggis to the attention of the world but Scotland also discovered the delights of Deep-fried Mars bar.

Lovely with Ice Cream!!!!!

Please! No more Scottish "delicacies". I've just eaten lunch. Do I need to mention that the National poetic icon is named "Bobby?" On second thought, I do believe that there is a parable about Americans who live in Glass houses that may apply. I withdraw any and all derogatory comments concerning Scotland.

"Bobby"!!!!!!!

If you mean Rabbie Burns please genuflect when doing so.

Don't worry about me retaliating in kind. You are too easy a target.

Matching wits with an unarmed opponent comes to mind!!!

I would never presume to match wits with someone who has benefited from "an Old Fashioned Scottish Education." (See a previous post by Kippy)As a meager victim of American public schools, I'm at a severe disadvatage. However, I do note that I had the opportunity to play Rugby with a number of Scottish fellows. Their spirit always greatly exceeded thier talent. I was and remain a scrummie.

Through the mists of time I remember playing rugby at school. I'm afraid that it was the one sport that I just could not enjoy playing--too many whistles. It's funny but I don't mind watching it on TV--the constant breaks make it easier for me to go to the fridge for light refreshment, if you catch my drift.

Back to the original post, I can only assume that Robmac is volunteering to pay the penalty owing for the late report. It's this type of Scottish comraderie that warms the soul on those chilly nights on the heath. A vegetarian that played rugby? This cannot have been contemporaneous events.

Just a moment!

PAY!!!!

I'm afraid that that just does not compute.

I've gone all faint.

I'm sorry, but given the intent of the OP and your obvious willingness to come to the defense of a fellow countryperson, the only possible conclusion is that you were interceding as a guarantor. 14,384.26 Kip is due immediately. However, this can be waived only by the submission of an original verse in honor of the afore-mentioned "Bobby".

Sae help ma Boab,

Aricht 'en

Here goes

Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim'rous beastie,
O, what panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murd'ring pattle!

And any more references to "Bobby" and I'll be sending marauding clans to Needham--wherever that is.

Sorry, I just realized that you wanted an "Original" verse. You wouldn't think that I worked in the printing trade now would you?

I'm afraid that I don't have an original bone in my body.

For instance:

There once was a man from Aberdeen
Whose thoughts and deeds were seldom clean.
But travelling to Chiang Mai
Straightened out this bad guy
And he's acheived the Golden Mean.

Marauding clans would be an improvement in Needham. It would raise both the moral fiber and the dress code. Pandas live in Cambridge (our fair city).

I'm afraid that I am going to hurt you to the core.

I mistook you for Rhkkmk!!!

OK here is my feeble attempt at poetry:--

There once was a panda named Andy,
Who always drank ale and shandy.
He drank all day long.
Until he looked like king kong.
And his legs turned quite bandy.

Michty me!

Fit hiv a sterted?



ODE TO A PEDANTIC GPANDA

with apologies to haggis and Robert Burns (or his modern misnomer - Rabbie)
NEVER Bobby!


Fair fa yir honest sonsie face
Great chieftain o the Fodor race
Aboon them a ye tak yir place
an dae it a wi sic guid grace
wi a thae wirds an bawbees tae wirk oot
ye are a canny chiel withoot a doot.

Two superb entries. The penalty is hereby waived. In fact, the next delinquent Scottish entry will also be penalty free.

Confusing me with RhkKmk is however an unpardonable sin. No penalty attaches, but shame is visited upon your house.