Kathie- thanks for the advice- yes 4 star resorts would work also. Over the years I have come to know that the following is a must for the wife to be happy:
1) Large rooms with large bathrooms modern etc- like the Penn.
2) Shopping venues- designer fakes, other items, local crafts etc.
3) View of the water- does not have be on the beach, although it would be nice.
4) many food options- chinese especially.
5) Resort needs to be very clean- no bugs in the room.
6) Spa- massage, facials and reasonably priced.

Bill, of the places I listed, (and obviously, there are many, many other options) the one that comes closest is the Anantara at Hua Hin, in a deluxe lagoon room. You'll love the rooms. Thre are several good restaurants there - a wonderful Thai place by the pool, an exccellent Italian restaurant, and big restaurant (where the fabulous breakfast buffets are held) with a multi-cultural menu, etc. I don't specifically remember a Chinese restaurant. You could certainly get a car into town if you wanted. I know nothing about shoppng in Hua Hin. I tend to do my shopping in Bangkok. Perhaps you'll want to take your beach time as pure relaxation, and spend time at the beginning or end of your trip in Bangkok to shop.

I'm thinking of splitting time in two hotels/resorts- some time in one where there is a real town with shopping venues/markets/nightlife etc and then maybe a nice beach resort. Bali/Phuket may be suitable but will require more research to see which one can satisfy the needs. Have been to Bangkok- don't want to repeat a visit just yet.
Thanks

Bali is a great option. U could split your time between the beach and Ubud (mountains). Take a look at the Conrad hotel - they have amazing deals on their recently opened property. Also The Bale and the legian Club. In Ubud u cud look at Pita Maha and Puri Wulandari. Are great restaurants and clubs, spas, I loved the shopping.

I'd look into the Legian, Bali. A studio suite (in the regular hotel part) should be in the $200-250 range including breakfast and some other perks. You'd be right on the beach with a million dollar view. The rooms are very well designed with a small sitting area and a large seaview balcony.

The resort is well run and very beautiful (great bathrooms!).

The surrounding neighborhood is full of inexpensive restaurants, spas, shops, clubs -- easily within walking distance. Plus the Indonesian Rupiah is sliding so everything's getting cheaper. You can get the best of both worlds -- quiet isolation on the resort property and lots of stimulus nearby.

If you decide to go to Ubud you would have the choice of many many fine resorts in your price range. My favorite is the Alilia.