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U.S. Airlines to complete with European Airlines

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Apr 1st, 2005, 03:25 AM
  #1
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U.S. Airlines to complete with European Airlines

Starting today, you will see many changes with several U.S. Airlines on International Flights:

American Airlines will start serving wine for free and begin charging for sodas. This is being fueled by complaints that sodas are making American's fat.

Continental is planning to add a Disco on all of their 777's. They are unsure at this time how people will be able to dance with their seat belt fastened, however.

United will begin encouraging everyone to bring their own alcohol on planes. United says we just can't stock everyone's favorite.

Delta will begin replacing all of their 767's and 777 with Airbus A340's. Delta claims that too many people are walking on top of sleeping people on their way to the toilet.

Northwest Airlines is planning to change all of their seats in Economy to flatbeds. We probably will have to put the 6 foot people on their third bunk bed, said a Northwest spokeperson.

U.S. Airways will begin offering wine and cheese as a complementary snack on all flights.

If any of these changes catch you in a surprised shock, you may want to check the date of this posting.
wally34949 is offline  
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Apr 1st, 2005, 07:49 AM
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Must be an april fool joke, and a good one!!

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Apr 1st, 2005, 08:29 AM
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These are news I've heard:

US airlines -

AA will start flying to actual European cities other than just LHR, which isn't even on the continent.

UA will actually use the 747s and 777s they're parking in the desert. Doesn't matter where they're going - perhaps just some "flights to nowhere".

DL will start flying a route that doesn't originate or terminate in Atlanta. [And stop dreaming about getting routes to the Far East.]

CO will stop the madness with 50% EQM. And add first class seats on their planes.

NW will fly non-stop US-Asia, without stopping in Japan.

US will just shut down and layoff everybody.

---

European airlines -

BA will give FF miles to discount fare flyers.

VS will stop flying those horrendous 747-200s.

LH and KLM will put individual screens on their long-haul planes in coach.

AF will start washing their planes.

AZ will just shut down.

---

Asia/Pacific:

CX will start flying to real AA hubs. And buy a few more planes that can fly non-stop to the East Coast.

QF will stop blocking other airlines for US-Australia flights.

An airline will indicate that their first A380 isn't going to fly between Europe and Australia.

---

From Boeing:

They will make a 737-1000. A single-aisle plane that's the longest passenger plane in the world, with enough range to fly 20+ hours, no personal video screen in coach, and only lavatories are in the back of the plane. It will be the most efficient plane in the world and all airlines will make money flying it.

All 777s will have 3-4-2 configuration in coach from now on.

They will actually find customers for the 777-200LR other than Pakistan International and EVA.

---

From Airbus:

They will make a 317 to compete with the regional jets - it will look even more ridiculous than the 318.

They will actually make a 4-engined plane that's not overweight and can meet its promised performance.

They will actually make real money selling the A380.

They will actually sell a few A380 to airlines not based in the Middle East.
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Apr 4th, 2005, 12:15 PM
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Loved it! thanks for the laugh.

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