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Never let it be said that we Aussies don't have a sense of humour!!!

Never let it be said that we Aussies don't have a sense of humour!!!

Dec 7th, 2006, 04:07 PM
  #1  
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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Never let it be said that we Aussies don't have a sense of humour!!!

The following is pretty much self explanatory - it's the reason we love to fly Qantas. The scary thing is that it's probably true

FW: Airline Mechanical Problems... and Solutions

This is reassurance for all those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers. By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


and the best one saved for lastů

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a
hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

stormbird is offline  
Dec 7th, 2006, 08:04 PM
  #2  
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 252
Oh well if it made u laugh its fine
flybob is offline  
Dec 8th, 2006, 04:12 AM
  #3  
 
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Posts: 5,950
I love it!
Carrybean is offline  
Dec 8th, 2006, 05:55 PM
  #4  
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,276
please tell me that's a lame forward you received from someone and not a real document....
lynnejoel1015 is offline  
Dec 8th, 2006, 06:40 PM
  #5  
HKP
 
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Posts: 5,601
This one's so old it needs Rogaine.
HKP is offline  
Dec 8th, 2006, 07:35 PM
  #6  
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Geez, most people in the airlines forum seem to have their cranky pants on today. Lighten up people.
stormbird is offline  
Dec 8th, 2006, 07:36 PM
  #7  
 
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flybob, I agrea, LOL!
mrwunrfl is offline  
Dec 9th, 2006, 03:34 AM
  #8  
 
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Ditto Stormbird. I'd never seen it before.
Carrybean is offline  
Dec 9th, 2006, 07:19 AM
  #9  
HKP
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,601
Didn't say it wasn't funny. Didn't even say it wasn't about Qantas, although the first time I saw it, it was supposedly about United. Just said it was old.
HKP is offline  
Dec 9th, 2006, 10:42 AM
  #10  
 
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And I said I'd never seen it before.
Carrybean is offline  
Dec 10th, 2006, 12:14 AM
  #11  
 
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I think it is pretty funny actually. But it made me think of software problem reports made by users and the replies made by software developers.
mrwunrfl is offline  
Dec 10th, 2006, 05:22 AM
  #12  
 
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Posts: 2,540
I've seen this regularly for the past few years, and laugh every time I read it again. Thanks, stormbird, for making a few of us chuckle.
ccolor is offline  
Dec 10th, 2006, 06:13 AM
  #13  
 
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Posts: 1,071
Apparently I also have no sense of humor because every time I read this it makes me laugh. A good joke stands the test of time. And if I still laugh years later then it's a good joke far as I can tell.
jersey is offline  
Dec 10th, 2006, 11:25 PM
  #14  
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 252
stormbird, i just appologises for huniliating you by not agreeing with you and the moderator has deleted this. So for the record i did appologise.
Cheers
flybob is offline  
Dec 11th, 2006, 11:36 PM
  #15  
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Apology accepted flybob.
stormbird is offline  

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