"Skål!"

"Skål!"

Many people who have never seen Sweden have nonetheless conjured an often nearsighted image of what they think it is like: Nordic woodlands, crystalline-featured women, Greta Garbo, sexual freedom, and yet lives lived within rigid, formal constraints. There's some truth to the latter image of Swedish formality. So let's take a look at it.

Please take a seat as an invited guest at the dining table. It is set with a crisp white tablecloth, perfectly polished silver, a candelabra, napkins, and crystal glasses. The wine is chilled, and nothing is out of place. Your hostess is the shimmering image of Swedish household perfection.

Nowhere more than at the dining table will you encounter the unspoken truths of Swedish formality, especially in the toast. In Australia or New Zealand it is scarcely de rigueur and may be accompanied by a drawling "G'day, mate." In Britain it is all stiff upper lip and chivalry. In the United States the rules are as diverse as the cultures that populate it. But in Sweden there is only one way to toast, and its protocol is very specific and universally followed. So, do not touch your glass yet, even though it is full and you are nervous. Never touch the glass first; you must wait until one of the hosts, usually the man, lifts his glass to all. Do not drink. Everyone must reply to the proffered "skål" (meaning "cheers" and pronounced skohl) with a collective "skål." Then you will all tilt your glasses to the host and hostess. Delayed eye contact is imperative before, during, and after the measured sip of appreciation. Don't empty the glass. The meal has commenced.

From here on in during the dinner, toasting will still play a role, but the procedure is individualized and personal. Guests will toast each other. You are free to toast anyone but the hostess. She can toast anyone she pleases. This is a safeguard against hostess inebriation. The temptation, of course, is for everyone to intermittently toast her in thanks.

The roots of this alcohol-related tradition may lie with the Vikings. They always lived in peril, and no one could be trusted. The rule was to toast your "friend" with full eye contact and an arm behind the back to prevent a quick slitting of the throat. Later, state control would become big in Sweden; alcohol was once banned to stop the poor from brewing their potatoes into freedom-inducing alcohol. Even later alcohol was limited to stave off social and health problems. Today you can buy wine and spirits only in government-controlled liquor stores, called Systembolagett. Caution is part of the Swedish nature, and the alcohol rituals show it.

Back at the dinner table, most of the rules will be somewhat familiar to you, simply practiced in a more accentuated form.

We leave you with your Swedish hosts now. You can surely find your way from here. As a foreigner you will be granted some leeway in strictly adhering to the customs. But whatever you do, do not take the bottle as you leave. From that transgression there is certainly no way back.