The Best, Worst, and Weirdest Hotel Bathrobes

This hooded sweatshirt robe at Hotel Monaco in Philadelphia is inspired by Rocky Balboa, the movie character, who lived in Philly (in the movie). However, you are not required to do boxing while wearing it. You can just pretend that you are a great boxing champion while wearing it and watching TV. Also, it is extremely soft and you’ll probably want to take it with you, so you can lounge around in it in your own home while barely moving (let alone boxing–no thanks!) as well.

And here is a Zebra printed robe from Ink48 in New York. It’s part of a “High Amenities” package, offered by the hotel. Kimpton offers absolutely amazing robes at all 65 of their properties. You can pay extra money to wear this thing home and look like a zebra there, too, if you’d like–and we sure would. They also have leopard and giraffe print–and they’re all super comfortable. And fun as heck.

The hotel bathrobes offered at the Oberoi Hotel in Chandigarh are pure heaven. This particular one is seafoam green and silk. One Fodor’s editor even thinks it’s nice enough to wear as a dress in the real world (not me–but I do fully support her decision).

Epically comfortable, you’ll want to spend your whole hotel stay wearing this robe by TY Presidential Collection. It’s stylish and flattering, with grey and white vertical stripes and the best part is that it doesn’t do that thing that some bathrobes do where it just moves water around on your body without actually getting you dry.

Here is a denim robe at Hotel Americano in New York. It has a neat look, sure, but you’ll find little comfort here–which is the whole point of a robe. Would you like to step out of the shower, and wear a pair of jeans all over your whole wet body? No? Didn’t think so. Goodbye.

Listen, it was news in 2016 that one of Trump’s hotels, The Trump International Hotel in Washington DC, didn’t wash a bathrobe between guests, so we’re just going to go ahead and condemn all of them, and leave it at that. That is all, no more questions. Unreasonable? Maybe—and that’s fine by us. Safety first, as far robe hygiene is concerned! Also, this robe is boring. Next.

This robe is peach, which is… fine, I guess, but it’s the website description of it that is bothersome:

“If, from the very first day, the hotel bath robes and linen have been the tender color of this summer fruit, it is because César Ritz noticed how much this color enhanced ladies’ complexions.”

Wrapping a lady in blanket dress modeled after a “tender summer fruit” does not necessarily enhance her complexion. All ladies are different. C’mon. Don’t tell me what enhances my complexion, Ritz! Also, stop noticing my complexion. It’s making me uncomfortable. Is this one mostly personal to me? Yes. So what. Once, I wore a peach colored robe and I did not look like a sweet summer fruit, I looked like a giant walking marshmallow peep.

Ladies, if this peach robe makes your skin glow like a sweet, glowing apricot, I salute you. I’m just personally staying away from this one.

Look, these robes are actually fine. They’re really nice and extremely decadent. However, they are offered in children’s sizes, and frankly, this is just unfair. Babies can’t appreciate a good hotel bathrobe yet. They have to grow up and go through things, difficult things, and then obtain Supreme Hotel Comfort via luxurious hotel room bathrobe.