Traveling with friends? Sharing your wallet?

Stop paying for your friends?

This happened to my son. He ended up always bailing his friend out when they went out. He now brings only the amount of money he knows he will spend, leaves his credit card at home. When it happened the first time that he went this way, he told his friend "gee sorry I just have enough to pay my own way". It was amazing his friend pulled out his credit card and paid for what he had just told my son he did not have money for. No problems now. So I agree stop paying.

Because you say it always happens and that you don't mind covering for friends...

I'm sad to say I think they are taking advantage of your generous nature.

I would carry cash, and simply put up only enough for your own share of the tab and tip.

what we do is all put money on the kitty and pay with stuff that way - like for food at the gas station, groceries, bel hop tips, taxis, and even restaurants if you like. if you don't want to do the restaurants, then if you ended up spotting someone for lunch during the vacation, then the next time you're at the next restaurant/bar, say "hey, it's your turn, i got the last one" and say it with a smile as if you're joking but you aren't.

Say your low on cash. Sorry. Unless its a friend in the past that might have helped you out or treated you to dinner or lunch. People got to budget there money to last the whole time.

We have taken three extensive trips with friends and one with BIL and SIL.

We decide ahead of time who is going to be the "bookkeeper", usually me, and I keep track of every single expense in a small notebook.

If we buy gas, one couple pays for it, and I duly record it. Same goes for meals (we split these, and since we usually spend about the same amount, it comes out even in the long run.) We pay our own hotel bills.

At the end of a day I add up the two columns, "theirs" and "ours" and subtract to find the balance of who spent the least. The difference is then carried over to the appropriate column for the next day.

The secret to not being 'stiffed" is to have an agreement ahead of time and good enough friends/relatives that if they have two expensive cocktails before dinner and you don't, they will throw in some extra money. Another secret is not to be embarrassed to matter-of-factly suggest this solution. Most people would be happy to have it upfront.

It also works best if you use credit cards instead of cash. But, if you DO use cash, then the bucks you threw in to cover their lunch goes on your side of the ledger and they OWE.

You definitely need an agreement. con't let them go home after the trip without settling up with you <grin>

You paid for somebody AND made it clear you want your money back, right? They didn't care to pay you. You are still going with the same people?

Bring cash, and put only a few dollars in your wallet every day. Let them see YOU are short on cash this time.

We do what JTrandolph does when we have a girls' weekend. Someone buys dinner one night. Someone pays for one night hotel, someone pays for lunch and cabs, etc etc.We try to make the items even out. One person is the "bookeeper." At the end of the trip, we figure out who paid for what and if i paid less than person B, I give them what makes us all even. It sounds complicated but it isn't and it really takes the stress out of loaning money, splitting checks 5 times, etc.

Say you are low on cash.

When we dine out we always split the bill evenly.

I'd refuse to go if I didn't have the money.

Remind each deadbeat friend (privately) before the trip that you are a little strapped and will have to watch your spending carefully - so they ned to be sure to bring enough cash and credit cards. If they run out - let them drink water, not gamble and eat less. Just keep saying - sorry I don;t have any extra money this trio.

(I wouldn't try the kitty option with these people - since they won't have enough to put in up front - or when it gets low they'll say they're out of money. You're better off not mixing your money with theirs at all.)

yeah, i guess so nytraveller. i guess i have never gone out of town with friends who didn't have the money to begin with. just say no maliabrody!

I also have used the "tally it up" method (you simply keep a running total of everything either person spends of expenses that are for both of you, not personal, at the end of the trip add up the two columns and the person who has chipped in less pays up the difference to make it equal. Incredibly easy.

I do not believe this method would work with this group, his friends sound a bit immature.

give them an inch and they'll take a mile. You've already given them a mile. Of course they take advantage of you. Time to say no, MailaBrody. It really isn't that hard. Here's a good plan. Next time you go out, take NO money at all -- and no credit cards either. In fact, it would be smart to just plain "forget" your wallet. Apologize and then make a joke out of how you always pay, so somebody's gonna have to cover you this time. Then do it again the next time you go out. Trust me. They'll get the hint.

We have traveled extensivley with friends and use this method: at the beginning of the trip, each couple throws in $100 to the kitty. Everything is paid out of that and when it's empty, everyone antes up again. Worked like a charm!

One thing you should know is that restaurants are usually happy to split a bill on 2 credit cards. I like that because then one person isn't stuck with the whole thing showing up on their bill a month later.

Oh, but I love to pay the full check with my credit card and take the cash from friends. I LOVE those extra miles!!

^ I hear you on that, but I don't know, the cash is gone so fast, and then along comes that bill...

(My husband thinks I have a really poor sense of financial matters - ya' think?!)

i'm with you on that neopatrick but we're very good about redepositing that cash on the way to work and then pay the card on line a couple of days later. we never see a big bill at the end of the month. at the advent of online statements, you don't have to wait for the bill to come! we pay the cards in full every month. we're firm believers that if you don't have the cash, you shoudn't be spending at all!

Me too Patrick!!

But I am happy to say I have never had a problem with friends regarding this situation except for one so called friend years ago. She always when the lunch bill arrived said "OH, I don't have any cash on me and I forgot my credit card but I will get the lunch and drinks next time". Oh right! After about three or four times of this I quit having lunch with her.

So Malia, I wouldn't take a trip with a friend that has a history of "always being low on cash". End of story.

My last group trip, I kept a running total of who paid what all day, then balanced and collected each night.

This worked well, especially using foreign currency (invariably you find a great cash souvenir right before you find an ATM, right?)and we mostly ate family style,were in teh same cabs, and bought gifts for the same people. We all did our hotel bills and major shopping on our own.

Next time though, I'm sugessting that we each put $100 or so in a wallet (or money belt)and the "treasurer" pays for all the common expenses- meals, cabs, etc. That way, I won't have to do math at night!!

yeah, that's why we do the kitty too because cabs, tips, snacks, etc get lost in the midst of everything. we do bills (hotel or house rental), gas money, food (like groceries) the way others have done. A couple does one and we tally up in the end.

The second time it happened I would remind them that they still owe me for the last time and suggest that they just put my bill on their card this time and call it even.
Order big, they owe some interest.

i have to say, one of my friends is like malia and i get so worked up when she tells me some of the things she ends up paying for when another friend of hers (only an aquaintance of mine) drinks up a storm and at the end of it says she doesn't have money. she feels bad for her, why she does it. to me that's not the point. i always go by the rule that if i didn't have the money for it, then i don't go - especially go and drinks up a storm! it's just using, isn't it?

We have traveled with friends many times and keep track of what we pay. At the end we figure out who owes who and pay it.

If you don't have this understanding, if you are not traveling with honorable people, you shouldn't travel with them. Or else accept it and don't complain about the aggrevation.

MaliaBrody:
We are a group of four women and we’ve been going on vacation for the past four years together. Our vacations are usually more than 10 days, so at arrival time we start out with $100.00 each to cover for parking, gas, and groceries if any, usually somewhere in the middle we start running low we add $50.00 each. Last year while in Hawaii on our last day we had close to $100.00 left and everything was covered so we had lunch on us
Hope this helps. Gina

We do the kitty thing too. Takes a lot of stress out of the trip. No quibbling.

Any system will work just fine if the people you're traveling with are willing to pay their share. Unfortunately the OP's friends are moochers who are trying to GET OUT of paying. So no system will work with them- since they will always be "short" and say I'll pay later.

The only way to deal with them is to say you don;t have the extra and they'll have to figure out some way to pay themselves.

I am usually the bookkeeper for our road trips. The first road trip I did (Pittsburgh, Cincy, Detroit and Toronto) from Hartford. I bought the tickets for each baseball game for the 2 of us. My friend paid for the hotels. Then we alternated the meals. I paid for the gas / parking, etc. We kept all the receipts and after we got back, totaled what each of us spent. We were within $10 of each other so I bought him a beer and called it even. My trip this year (Chicago, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis), there is 4 of us so I am keeping a log. I don't mind helping once in a while but if it becomes a habit, I put an end to it.

I agree with NYtraveler above. In most situations any system would work... be it alternating who pays, a kitty, keeping a written tally then evening it up. But THIS person's friends mooch off him on a regular basis. Any of our suggested systems assume responsible adult participants, which sounds like these people are not.

The only idea I have is for everyone to carry their own cash and pay their (and only their) way as you go. Separate checks if you have to.

Oh boy, I am showing my age with this comment. Just remember what Father Guido Sarducci always said about splitting the bill for the Last Supper on Sat Night Live: "He who orders the scrambled eggs pays the same as he who orders the lobster"

Maybe, next time you have dinner together, turn to the waiter/waitress, and say that these will be on separate checks, and explain to them that you only have enough for yourself. Do it each time you eat together until they realize that you're onto them and you aren't going to bail them out. But i definitely would not go on a trip with them.

MaliaBrody, are you vacationing somewhere that doesn't have ATM's? That would be hard to believe since they are just about everywhere. If someone's account is that low that they can't withdraw from an ATM each and very time I vacation with them, then that is not someone I would go on vacation with. I agree with everyone that says you are being taken. There have been a few great tips on how to handle this person. My advice: Listen to some of the previous posters!

Thanks so much for all the insightful responses everybody! Really helpful.

I have to say though...it's not like they take advantage of me. It doesn't happen every other hour on the trip. lol. They make a good effort to pay back, but just the act of collecting the money from everyone afterwards is such a hassle. Especially if it's more than just one person that owes me a little money.

I think doing collection via online would be a good solution. Is anybody familiar with MoneyExchange? I was thinking they could all transfer me the exact amount they owe me online and it doesn't have any transfer fees. That way I save myself having to ask each person on every chance I remember when I hang out with them.

Just don't lend them any money. Luckily for me, I have good friends who always return the money they've borrowed. You may need to get better friends if you're always the one who ends up covering for other people. A small amount here and there adds up especially if you're having a hard time hunting them down to return the money. If they're not paying you back then make it a point to never lend them any more money.

2 recent bad experiences have made me leery of even going out with friends. I know it is overreacting but it is such a bummer when these things occur. First event, friends want to go out to dinner during the Sundance film festival in town and I acquire the task of planning. Fine, I do that and find a great place that requires $25 deposit per person in the reservation. I check with everyone and say do not commit if you are not going to go through with this. They all commit and I put it on my credit card for 6 people; $150 bucks. Night of the dinner and 2 of them cancel....just too tired. Luckily, we found 2 other people to join us but I am unlikely to ever expose myself to that setting with those two again.
Second situation: same evening. Of the six people, I do not know the other couple who filled in. We order frugally knowing we will likely be splitting the check three ways and do not want to impose excessive costs on others. The bill arrives and one guys grandly offers to pay for the entire thing. Magnanimous, but then the restaurant has half the bill already paid for by me because of the initial deposit. That amount is double of what we ordered. This guy then expects me to just cover that half which basically subsidizes his friends who I don't even know.
This sort of complexity really turns me off on the whole dining out experience with others you have to share costs with. Yes, the one who orders the scrambled egg pays the same as the one who ordered lobster. But what if you are on a budget and don't feel like spending that much? It is a pretty thorny subject, MaliaBrody, and a good one to bring up. I really like the "kitty" idea for traveling together for incidentals. I find dining out together more risky for problematic occurrences like this.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Going out a second time with people who blatantly take advantage of you is foolhardy.

If a friend or co-worker stiffs me for the cost of a meal I try to return the favor: the next time we go out I say that I have no cash and let them pay.

ncounty --

I totally hear ya'. I'm very hesitant to put money on my charge for other people. It's just too hard to get paid back -- I don't know why, but people just don't care. Also, I think many people, more than we know, are in dire financial doo-doo. But I don't understand why they don't feel bad.

Another bad situation is the work-play event. Somebody says, let's take the birthday girl or boy out for drinks/lunch/dinner. Then half the crowd has no money. Or they leave before the bill comes! (That's my favorite.) Or they claim they didn't eat/drink "much."

Some people just have no conscience I guess.

What's even worse are the people who throw in $20 for a $18.99 entree. What about drinks ? What about tax ? What about tip ?

they don't have a clue that they are stiffing anyone else and always throw in first, thus stiffing the last person to throw in.

I've been known to 'leave' something at the table to go back and hand the waiter an extra $5 (or appropriate) that they know is from me to help not short them.

I agree with y'all. By the way, my two events were on the same evening. I do generally apply the fool me twice shame on me principle. Surfmom- that is great that you do that. I generally make note of the shortage and also just toss a few extra bills on the table to cover it for the wait staff.

For me it only depends on my own situation. I wouldn't do this traveling if I weren't in good $ shape, so if someone I travel with is not in good $ shape, I pay and forget it.

Or don't travel with them if it bothers you.

MaliaBrody, Ah, now I see. You just don't seem to like the hassle of asking for the money back.

Instead of doing an on-line thing; take a moment during the day to say, (before the eating or drinking commences, "hey, we're all going to dinner. Does anyone need to go the ATM?" and add with a smile, "Last chance."
Your part will be done.