Top Signs You're At A Bad Motel

http://www.roadtripamerica.com/signs/motel.htm

There is broken glass in the baby crib. This really happened to us!

Flashing neon lights advertising HOT WATER

When your cat doesn't want to sleep on the bed (another true story)!

When they advise you NOT to drink the hotel water (at the only vacant hotel in Rock Springs, WY in the mid '70's). Even as a kid, I was horrified--and my poor mother...

1. When the front desk clerk has no teeth.

2. When you're up all night listening to the drug deals going on in the adjacent alley.

PS, don't stay in Marina, CA!

1. When the front door, showing signs of being kicked in, is held shut with a bungy cord.
2. When the closet has a rat trap in it.
3. "Swimming" beach is filled with tiny jellyfish.
(all true - place in Marathon, FL)

We saw what looked like a bullet hole in the wall in a really crappy Las Vegas motel.
We arrived in Las Vegas a day eariler than planned and figured we stay a night some place cheap before checking into Baley's. That was when Baley's was one of the nicer places on the strip.
We always laugh about our night there. Thank God we survived. I think we heard a pimp collecting some money from one of his employees during the night.
We were young and dumb at the time with no kids, so we weren't as concerned about safety. I'm sure it's been torn down by now.

When there's awful smelling air fresheners in three corners of the room and they still smell better than whatever smell they're trying to cover up! (Geneva, Swizterland)

You are gang tackled by the insects in the bathroom.

You find a whiskey bottle, mostly full, lying on the bed.

When Norman Bates checks you in!

When the first thing you see in the room is a GIANT can of Raid on the dresser. True - Pioneer Inn, Lahaina

* When you can't get any "cold" water in your hotel bathroom, only hot or warm.
* When you can't take a bath before you go out to a party because the plumber has to come up and fix the problem.
* When you come home from a party and the carpet is soaked near the bathroom (but your too tired to change rooms).
* When you turn down the thermostat and the sound of the AC wakes you up, constantly.
* When you wake up and 5 am and want to take a pill and there is still no cold water to drink.

All this happened in our hotel room last Saturday night in San Diego. The desk guy comped our parking fee though...

LOL,
When your Pup doesn't want to sleep on the bed
When you are afraid to step on that stain at the foot of the bed. ( where are the chalk marks???)

True !!

M t l

When the maid steals some of your makeup, then the management refuses to believe you when you complain.

When the local police warn you that if you smell an ammonia smell in the hall, it's someone cooking methamphetamine and you need to give them a call!

When the hotel bar is full of transvestites attending a convention.

(These ALL happened to me in Abilene, TX!)

Between the curtains, the bedspreads, and the wallpaper, there are 5 different floral patterns in the room at once!!
(Marlin, TX)

when the sheets are hard.

When the desk clerk tells you they change the sheets daily--from one room to the next.

OK, I made that one up. But the following is true:

A few years ago I checked into a hotel in Minsk, Belarus. As soon as we got into the room, we saw roaches scattering in the bathroom. We stomped as many as we could, then called the desk to complain and ask for a room change. The clerk said the other rooms will be the same, so if we've already killed the roaches in that room, it's just as well that we stay there. I was with a tour on this trip so changing hotels was not an option.

Thank God we were only in Minsk for one night.

* The shower head produces exactly three streams in three different directions (none of them down).

* The mold in the shower stall is so green and so rampant, the idea of stepping one foot in there without clothes on makes your skin crawl.

* There are cobwebs large enough to capture a rat in 2 of the 4 corners.

* The other two corners are heavily water-stained and moldy.

True story. Thankfully, I've forgotten the name of the motel, but it was in Groton, CT.

...The flies outnumber the roaches and they're soooo excited to see you... your wakeup call is "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"...the continental breakfast that you purchased the night before has already been violated...there's only one corner of the shower that you can hope for- and it rotates like musical chairs as the roaches chase you.
After all, it was "their" home first. (The Towne Motel, Medina, Ohio)

When there is a button on the wall in the middle of the bathroom and a sign beside it that says "Do not push". (Jacksonville, FL)

My son who travels a lot came up with this one.

You know you are in a bad motel when the barefooted guest in the lobby has a toe tag.

As a kid, we were at the Jersey shore for the day. My parents decided to spend the night and we saw a sign saying Pier one motel. My confused mom thought she remembered that being recommended, (It was Pier 17 motel that was recommended). Anyway, the room was pretty gross and there was a huge fight outside our room that lasted half the night. The guy actually threw the room tv at the other guy. My mom broke her toe trying to get between the rollaways to see the action! It was a long night, but we all laugh about our luxury accomodations now!

When the front desk clerk is drunk.


cruisintigger, jellyfish have nothing to do with the hotel, fact of nature.

When I called the desk attendant at a Days Inn in Miami to inspect a pubic hair on a pillow, he told me "Well, there is only one."

Steve--LOL! I guess that helps to explain the nickname for Rotten Groton

When you wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of roaches running all over the room.

When the air freshener doesn't begin to mask the smell of cat urine.
ozarksbill

When the pattern on the sheets move because they are actually bed bugs.

When you spend your time counting the cigarette burns in the sheets.

When you get high from the residual pot smoke from the employee checking you in.

(Yes, I am referring to the Econolodge in Tucson, AZ)

when the desk clerk asks if you're going to be paying for the entire evening or just by the hour

When the manager's grandfather is clipping his toenails in full view of the check-in desk, the room's only light fixture is dangling from the ceiling, and there are suspicious stains on the furniture...all, alas, true.

-You call to make a reservation and the clerk says to call back later.

Yep, that happened to me. Guess what, I stayed somewhere else.

-The card key won't work. Even after returning to the front desk and the clerk runs it through the machine again.

Yep, that happened to me.

-You ask for a late checkout and told it's $5 per hour. WHAT TYPE OF HOTEL IS THIS?

Yep, that happened to me.

-When you show up to check in, the front desk clerk says you can stay one night here, and the next night at the hotel across the street. I refused the offer and said I was staying for my entire reservation. Should have asked if I could have stayed at the hotel across the street for the entire time.

all true stories:

1. when you wake up with new "lovely" tattoos that resemble bug bites.

2. when your mother tells you that under no circumstances are you to take your socks off, even in bed.

3. when the uglier than heck pictures that are in your room are all nailed to the wall b/c god forbid you steal these atrocities.

When there is a handwritten cardboard sign prominently displayed at the check-in desk that reads:

"No crayfish in rooms."

(1985, a Motel 6 somewhere in Louisiana on my ill-fated road trip from Wilmington, NC to New Branufels, TX during which I became deathly ill with some kind of wasting virus.)

When there is a sign posted on the front door stating the desk clerk's hours. Haines, AK

When you get up in the middle of the night to sleep in the lobby because of the bed bugs. Juneau, AK

When cock roaches wake you up. Cairo, Egypt

When you discover a peep hole. south of England

When you share the elevator with two prositutes on a Sunday morning. Minneapolis, MN

When you get car jacked in the hotel parking lot, Springfield, IL

I forgot a couple.

When you open the door to your room and there is a couple in there who say "They told us we would be the only ones in this room". Isreal

When you open the door to the room and find a bunch of hippies living in it. Athens

This would be so funny if it weren't true!

...when there is a hamburger bun floating in the indoor pool (Ramada Inn, Mobile)
....when you wake up covered in itchy welts (Mount Pleasant, Tex)

I posted this as a joke. I just cannot believe some horrifying experiences here!

And I thought that if they forgot to put shampoo in, it means the place is bad! I gotta start counting my blessings!

jorr...LOL...could you please tell us your criteria for picking hotels? I think there's a lesson we all can learn here...

My true story is...when there are no drawers in the bureau (just openings where they are supposed to be); the light in the bathroom goes off, and then on again, and then off in randomly timed intervals; the sole light is one dangling from a wire in the center of the ceiling; and the upper balcony railing is off and replaced with yellow caution tape. (Can you say multiple code violations?)

(Havasupai Lodge, Supai, AZ)

Here's another one I remembered later:

1. The dog would only lay on the entryway which had vinyl flooring, because even she was disgusted by the smell of the carpet.

2. After the first of 2 miserable nights, we called the desk to complain that the sheets and towels had not been changed, nor had the room been cleaned at all. They informed us that they don't do these things every day.

3. The window would not close all the way because it was crooked on the track. I could live with the draft, but I was bothered that the window wouldn't lock. This is especially bad when you are on the ground floor.

We could not go elsewhere because a fishing tournament was in town and other hotels were booked. Also we had our dog with us and it's really hard to find a place that allows dogs. Stay away from Balboa Courts in Rockport, TX.

My head is beginning to itch reading all the bedbug posts.

We had green lime stains in the bathtub that could not be removed.

There were standard sized pillow cases on king sized pillows and one of the pillows had obviously been puked on, washed and stuffed back in the tiny pillow case.

Carpet in the bathroom!!! Can you say yuck?

Drunks straggling back to their rooms at 2AM (probably so they could puke on the pillows).

When your rental car gets stolen in the parking lot. This happened to my great-uncle who stayed at a hotel (that will remain nameless) in Harvey, IL for a funeral (we would have offered to put him up but didn't have the room), he ended up missing most of the funeral because of the whole 'stolen car' issue.

When the curtains match the bed spreads, I turn away...

When there is no bed frame...

If they say "We'll leave the light on for you", run....light is left on to keep the bugs away....

....when the hotel manager removes the ash tray to turn your room into a non-smoking room.

LOL, J62, I had a worse one: When I complained about finding an ash tray in a "nonsmoking" room, the staff pointed out that it was unused!

-When there are burn marks outlining every single wall outlet and you are afraid to plug any personal appliance in.

-When you refuse to walk on the bathroom floor or in the shower w/o your shoes on.

-When your car alarm goes off every 30 minutes all night long.

-When you pass an open doorway while going to your room and see a heroin addict shooting up on the bed in his room....and he's only four doors down from your room to top it off.

-When the motel sign has an "hourly rate" listed.

.... when you open the tub drain and the water level rises instead of falls.

karens, My criteria for choosing a hotel for some of my experiences was Budget Travel. The ones in Haines, Juneau, Isreal, Cairo, and Athens. In those cases I/we were roughing it and going for the lowest priced place to get a bed. The rest were main stream hotels and motels.

The worst was the car jacking motel in Springfield. Two teenagers threatened me at gun point and tried to force me into my car with them as they entered from both sides. I fought back and got out of the car, ran behind another car and they took off with my car. I ran back to the hotel's restaurant and learned that "scared speechless" was real. It took me awhile for words to come out of my mouth and I'm sure I freaked out the girl at the register. My car was found the next morning in the middle of a street at a railroad crossing.

As for the lesson in all my exeriences you asked for is you get what you pay for....except for that prostitutes in the elevator thing. It was a very expensive hotel !

When you talk to the desk staff and they confide that they haven't seen the manager on the premises in more than a month!

(It was the hotel that inspired my username!)

Statia-

You really saw a heroin addict shooting up at a hotel? That must have been pretty disturbing.

Seeing needles is bad enough, but combined with heroin!

mah, actually everything on my list (execpt the hourly rate) was an experience at a hotel in New Orleans many years ago.

DH and I decided to make a spur of the moment trip there about midnight one night in order to listen to some jazz for the weekend. (What WERE we thinking?). A very late night arrival, no hotel availability, combined with very little funds made for an interesting weekend that we still laugh about today.

Yes, we saw the guy shooting up, and I'm assuming it was heroin, but I suppose it could have been anything. At any rate...it was definitely disturbing and we now never embark on a spur of the moment road trip without ensuring that we have reservations for a decent hotel beforehand.

when you see the outline of bodies on the floor from the police who came to the crime scene.

Statia,

Oh my goodness! I would have fainted if I saw someone shooting up. You would think if one was going to do that, they'd at least close the door!

You have to tell me in code the name of the hotel b/c I live in NO. If you tell me it was the Windsor Court or Hotel Monteleone I'll die!

mah, I couldn't tell you the name or where exactly it was. It was so long ago. If I recall correctly, it was somewhere over near Tulane University. It was just one of those desperate situations after driving so far with no plan in place. We would have probably been better off sleeping in the car in another hotel's parking garage.

Being a world traveller and have stayed at the finest hotels to some real dumps, I just had the worst experience of my life at a Best Western in Grants, New Mexico just this past Thanksgiving..checked in after driving 13 hours from San Diego, dead tired and when I went to pull down the bedsheets..there was all these hairs all over the bed and dirty kleenexes that were tucked into the sheets..it was sooo gross! When I demanded they either give me a clean room or my money back, they gave me such an attitude and when I went to the Manager the next morning to explain the situation, he started yelling at me to "Get Out" screaming at the top of his voice, chasing me in the front lobby in front of all these customers saying it over and over and the other customers were stating how they had pretty much the same experience.. It was like being in a bad B movie.. I did call the CEO of BW and they were horrified at the treatment I received but I will never stay at the Best Western in Grants, New Mexico EVER again!

And neither will we! Yikes!

When a varmint starts thumping around in the attic in the middle of the night--a cabin at Yellowstone NP. They were rated "rustic."

When your check in hosts are a non English speaking brother and sister 5/6 yr. olds perhaps, who know how to put hand out for pesos and point to room - what, no key or lock.....

When you know you know for some reason that you are the only occupant - just makes you wonder....

When there's a hole in the wall just big enough for a mans head - how did that happen.....

When you make your husband stand in the BR as you shower to kill big and totally unidentifyable insects in the shower - and then he makes you do the same...

When you have to sleep on your used and rather sandy beach towel on top of the bed...

I'll stop here as there's much more....

All too true - Playa del Carmen before it's Rennisance

Sherry

(eww..I've seen that Day's Inn in Miami!)
When your 11 yr old gets stuck in the bathroom and after 1 hour and 4 handymen later the best they can do is break the door down and leave you in a room with splinters, nails, no door in bathroom, no soap, no shampoo and no apologies or new room. The Executive West Hotel Louisville, KY

When there is a condom machine in the lobby and drunk refugees partying in the parking lot and making lewd comments. Only made it inside to cancel the reservation as we didn't want to experience the rooms after seeing the exterior and lobby at The Best Inn in Shreveport, LA..YUCK!!

you are woken every time someone flushes a toilet in the entire building of your hotel...it just happened to us at the Comfort Suites in San Diego. Worse hotel in the city...the walls are paper thin, electricity went out constantly and tons of kids who decided to get up every morning at 6:30 a.m. and play in the hallways of the hotel. UGH

1. When you arrive to discover that your air conditioning doesn't work.
2. There is mold all over the walls.
3. Tiny ants all over the pillow and night stand.
4. Dirty bathtub water standing in bathtub.
Yes, it happened in a Sunscape in Puerto Adventuras Mexico. Don't go.

When there is poop on the toilet seat and the manager explains, "Well, we had only one maid cleaning fifty rooms today." (Motel 6, Stateline CA)
When you're in a room with water trickling down the walls, but have miraculously managed to fall asleep, only to be awakened by two drunken men turning on the light as they enter in the middle of the night(Someplace in Istanbul )
When you think it odd that the shower curtain in the bathroom is made of black fabric, then discover it's actually covered in thick mildew (a small town in the northern end of Vancouver Island).

Faina, did you note the reference to Minsk, Belorusse above?

No wonder many of us rarely use that expression, " A room is just to sleep in, anyway."

I'm surprised that nobody has yet referred to the classic Powerpoint presentation, "Yours is a very bad hotel," put together for revenge by two guys who found out the hard way that "guaranteed" reservations might not be held after midnight:

http://www.hyperorg.com/misc/DoubleTreeShow_files/frame.html

Hee,hee,hee! I can't wait to show that to my husband! I especially enjoyed the slide on Mike's career path, lol. Fortunately my DH has never had to stay at the Doubletree in Houston. He always receives a warm welcome at the Marriott and is on a first-name basis with all employees. Sad, but true.

I'll never forget the time we were in an efficiency unit in SC (I have blocked the name of the dump out of my head) and there was one of those pest strips dripping on the counter. Our then one year old could not leave his playpen because nearly every single outlet was missing a plate. It was the longest 12 hours of my life. Nearly ended our marriage

LOL- love the slide show! I need to work harder on my bad reviews. I'm too nice.
http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g39604-d224880-r3727599-Executive_West_Hotel-Louisville_Kentucky.html

Anonymous, I think that is because most people don't have access to Powerpoint.

Anonymous - thanks for posting this - this was hysterical.

Does anyone know the results of this complaint?

It's discussed on Snopes. The original complaint took place back in 2001 I believe. Both the complaintants and the hotel wish the thing would die once and for all by now.

Yes, the original was a Powerpoint presentation, but when you view it on a web site, it's just links to web pages, so anybody can see it. Several of the sites that preserved it have taken it down, at the request of the original parties.

The presentation does include the 2001 date. You gotta wonder where Mike is working now.

I am guessing Mike is at North Carolina DMV.

I've been wondering what became of Mike, too.

Maybe someone mentioned this, as I didn't read all the posts, but I was once offered heroin and crack outside of my hotel room pretty much right after we arrived... they actually knocked on the door!! That added to all the questionable appearing people around the area convinced me it was time to leave. We ended up paying about $60 to move to a better hotel, but I would like to think my life was worth it!

That's an interesting form of room service.

My parents told us of their honeymoon hotel in Atlantic City in the late 1940s. They awoke to find 12" of water in their room. The guy upstairs left the bathroom tub on overnight and flooded the plaace.

OMG, we've been in so many bad motels it's hard to pick one experience! I won't mention the name, but at one cheap motel near Disneyland, we had our camcorder stolen right at the front entrance AND there was a huge ANT fest in our room!!! We were treated like crap when we complained about BOTH problems!!!! Never, ever again!!!!!!!!

Crime scene tape across your door

When the sign in the lobby says.."welcome Midnight Riders" and at midnight 200 snowmobiles fire up in the parking lot... Potato City Motel...

There are a few definite signs. First, and very sadly, when you see a large group of unsupervised children playing about and treating the motel like a gymnasium. It means the motel is home-of-last-resort for a family one step from homelessness. Second, if you see large contracting and/or utility trucks parked in the lot. It may mean that an out-of-town contractor is using the motel as his temporary home for the duration of a project and that the motel caters to temp contractors. Though the contractors are usually very honorable people in my experience, a motel that rents to them has usually fallen on hard times. Third, if the motel is on a highway that was displaced by an interstate (on the east coast, Routes 301 and 1), it has probably fallen on hard times and rents to a derelict group of individuals. Fourth, any motel that doesn't have a coke machine outside probably is in either a bad neighborhood or attracts the sorts of people who would vandalize the coke machine. Fifth, any motel that has a outdoor sign that advertizes weekly or monthly rates as many of the people who need to rent rooms in that fashion are homeless, destitute, derelicts or contractors. Sixth, any motel which has a pool that either is empty of water in the summer or has green water in the summer has certainly long ago gave up renting to families. Seventh, any motel with very suggestively and scantily clad hardened women hanging about for reasons I won't elaborate.

If there is a car engine in the bath tub!

Is there really a Potato City? I love that.

I haven't had it so bad. I've only left two because I skivied the rug (I couldn't picture walking on it, sockless or not). I've always been able to leave right away. After all these years, I don't think I've hit any real bad ones. Not the case with public washrooms though.

Except maybe:

When you arrive late at night, go right to bed and see in the morning that every parking lot and surrounding grounds for the motel/hotel is covered with 10 foot fence topped with barbed wire. And when you go to find a restaurant, you discover there is nothing within blocks but "Gentlemen's Clubs" and pawn shops.

This happened at a hotel with very nicely appointed rooms in Memphis.

"Fourth, any motel that doesn't have a coke machine outside probably is in either a bad neighborhood or attracts the sorts of people who would vandalize the coke machine."

I just wanted to repeat this and say that it's the most useful and insightful thing I've read all day!

Actually that may be true in hot weather states, but not in a majority of the states. In the Midwest, Northern Plains etc. I seldom see any outside Coke machines at all.

I cannot imagine some who post staying in a mere motel, "bad" or otherwise since they would have so much trouble "blending in."

The Potato City Motel was opened by Richard Nixon's brother and it is located outside of Coudersport, PA ... they grew p________ there!

All these were late night check ins with exhausted travelers.

Cape Girardeau MO - Turned down a bed to put the grandson to sleep, it was full of dead roaches.

Lewistown MT - The office also served as a gun shop, the rooms were spartin but clean.

Waycross GA - Placed food (pizza) in a corner to keep the roaches and other bugs happy so we could turn the lights out. It worked! This was also a very early check out.

Another motel in Waycross GA I was ask the next morning if the gun fire woke us up. Seems there was a shoot out between the police and a robbery suspect on the motel property next to where we were staying.

US-23 in KY - All the water faucets, and even the water in the tolet was scalding hot.

Another older motel out west, a faded sign listing hourly rates.

Oberlin KS - Crime scene tape blocking the entrance to the motel where we had planned to stay. Had been a murder there that morning.

I-75 in KY, motel - After checking in the clerk brought up one little problem they were having, the water for the motel had been shut off. She was nice and offered the fact that water could be purchased at a convienance store near by. We moved on...

We checked into a motel in Chemult, Oregon. When we opened the door to our room, our big black Labrador dog disappeared under the bed and would not come out. I lifted the foot of the bed. Our dog was guarding the remains of a beef rib dinner. The room clerk -- an Indian lady with one of those dots in the middle of her forehead -- insisted this could not be true. We urged her to come see. She sent her husband. He entered, looked, shrugged, and left. So did we.

When you hear the guy checking in next to you say "don't put any calls through if it's my parole officer".

I see that this is a really old comment thread, but I am stuck in a crappy motel until late tonight and reading this had me laughing so hard I was crying. Made putting up with this room much more bearable for a few more hours. Here is mine from this motel:

1. When the manager calls and accuses you of stealing 3 bed sets (blankets, comforters, the works)... because you had to request new ones twice because you have two children who picked up a flu while there and puked all over them. Not sure where we were supposedly hiding them or why we would want used, stained, and cigarette burned blankets.
2. When every time you shower, yellow water runs in streams down all of the walls and you have to keep your belongings in the center of the room.
3. When you go through three pairs of white socks because they turn black walking on the floor in your room.
4. When you have to air dry after your shower because the cleaning staff never bring back clean towels and the management accuses you of theft and refuses to bring new ones.
5. When the housekeeping lady comes in and (after being warned that your son is in the tub behind the 'closed' curtain) proceeds to enter the bathroom, pull back the shower curtain and peek at your child.
6. When the first thing you have to do upon entering your room is wash out the microwave because it is filled with food splatters from the previous guest.
7. When the coffee maker in your room is so dirty and has so many layers of dust on it that you wouldn't touch it with a stick.
8. When you are scared to use the toilet in your room because the seat looks like it has been burned everywhere with acid and the holes burnt in are all stained yellow-orange.
9. When the housekeeping staff come and ask you if you would 'like' your garbage taken out. No thanks, I think I'll let it pile up until you need a truck to haul it out!?
10. When the housekeeping staff spend an extraordinarily long amounts of time in the rooms (with apparently pairs of single men staying in them, I've seen them come and go) on either side of yours – while the men are still in the rooms.

I remember this thread from six years ago, but it's still funny.

Since that time I've learned to use web sites to get user reviews of lodging prior to making a reservation. I always check out the reviews that rate a place "Terrible" to see if there's something about a place that some people might overlook but that others can't ignore.

One such review I recall stated that he should have known something was wrong when he saw a sign at the front desk warning, "No refunds after ten minutes."

I hereby approve of THIS old thread being revived!!!

... "when you can't figure out if the fence surrounding the place is the keep the neighborhood OUT or your fellow motel guests IN" (Stamford, CT, Motel with a one-digit number)


Oh heck, I'm tame compared to most of these experiences. I've only ever SEEN three cockroaches IN MY LIFE. Two were in different cheap motels, and the other on a street in Tijuana (but I digress).

Wait, I thought of one... "when your father checks into a motel and you reach your room to find a couple of dozen empty beer/alcohol bottles inside"


Oh, I thought I was in a (qualifying) cheap hotel/motel one time, by the fact that I kept feeling 'bite' marks as I lie in bed watching TV with the lights on late at night. Each time I'd move, I'd feel a bite... and I was mortified.

It was so late I figured I'd just bear it, so I first opened the covers, and never saw a hint of anything that wasn't pure white (repeated many times over). FINALLY I turned off the lights and the TV, got back into bed, and was quite FASCINATED to find my own little 'electric show' happening any time I moved my legs.

As I was in Whitehorse, Yukon, which is among the driest places on the continent (Nevada has slightly less average precipitation), I suspect the static electricity was especially energetic in early April (with temps outside near 5 degrees) and eventually I was SEEING it flash from under the bed covers. (clarity: this was no electric blanket - but I thought I was feeling 'bedbugs' )

Refreshing to see how honest all the posters were back in 2005. These days few fodorites will admit to staying in anything less than a 4-star.

I almost stayed in one in Chowchilla that had towels that were so thread bare they were nearly transparent, pubes on the pillow, and nothing but porn on the TV. My first ex-husband was insulted that I refused to stay there because "all of the other racers are staying here!"

This was part of a trip report:

Hotel Cloche, Geneva

During the last renovation of the Hotel Cloche in 1897, they decided to exclude anything that resembled an amenity. The room, which is tiny, is its best feature. The mattress was either slate or shale, I am not sure which, and the sheets were starchy. The pillow was smaller than a beignet but not as puffy. The floor was covered with odd colored spongy diamonds things, usually found in outdoor playgrounds to protect the heads and bones of children. There was a television and a remote but it must have been one of those cardboard display units displayed at the Door Store, since neither worked. Did I mention that the hotel lied and said they had an elevator and that luggage is not easy to drag up a spiral marble staircase?
The bathroom was so tiny that it was used to train astronauts, so they would be prepared under the most confined of circumstances. One can multi-task while seated. The shower head needed to hand held which did not allow for singing into my soap microphone. Did I mention that this place was recommended by Frommer’s?
The clerk/owner attempted to be gracious but with his Inspector Clouseau accent I expected him to send us to the zoo to see the minkeys. Instead, he suggested we visit the Red Cross museum, but the donation at the door was a pint of blood.
A heat wave attacked Geneva thus we had to leave the window open which was not too bad if were not for the Grand Casino across the street and a major thoroughfare a block away. Hotel Cloche has the type of charm that would attract, Reinfield, Dracula’s assistant.

- There is no lobby. The front desk is behind bullet proof glass and the check in is conducted through the sliding drawer of a bank drive thru.

- The front desk clerk is behind bullet proof glass and must buzz you into the lobby.

- Hypodermic needle left in bathroom from previous occupants.

- Other veteran travelers will recall the original Holiday Inn hot water system circulated by the heater. If you were first in the morning to shower, or in the shower after the water system was dormant from the afternoon, you would hear a sputter then a hiss warning to get out of the way as the next water from the shower would have been boiling for hours and would scald you or worse.