Re: How old is too old?: boys in ladies room

Old Oct 4th, 2004, 02:37 PM
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Re: How old is too old?: boys in ladies room

I wanted to respond to the prior post regarding boys in the ladies room, but it appears that the post was shut down. I just wanted to say that about 6 years ago, a 9 year old boy went into a public restroom in Oceanside, CA while his aunt waited for him outside. A young drifter came in and slashed the boys throat. I never question why a boy of any age accompanies his mother to the restroom. It is more important to protect our children than to worry about what might make someone uncomfortable. Horrible things really do happen.
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 02:42 PM
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1tiredmama. How strange, I have thinking about that incident this past hour. It was terrible!! Being a parent (or having any little one we love) has so many worries. And yes, protecting our children is the most important job there is. And if anyone takes offense, so be it.
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 02:47 PM
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I have 2 adult sons, and if the father (not another relative like an uncle or a friend) was there I'd send him with the child. If not I wouldn't care for any remarks, safety would be the main thing on my mind. I don't want MY child to be on the news!
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 03:18 PM
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Bathrooms are sometimes sought out by criminals. In Chicago, the Bloomies building actually has security phones in the hallways leading to the bathrooms in the event of an assault. And, that's swanky Bloomies.

I don't allow my son (age 7) to go to the bathroom alone.

On one school field trip last year, I took a group of three boys into the zoo's bathroom with me and made each one of them put a foot under the stall and told them not to peek or there'd be no treats whatsoever. LOL. That always works!
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 03:27 PM
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I remember that story....so sad!

When my son was 6 or 7, he went in the men's room only if dad was with us; otherwise he came with me to the ladies room. That's just too young an age to send into a men's room - especially the ones with the wall urinals and no privacy. How scary for a little kid - and dangerous with all the perverts out there!

Someone gave me a dirty look once when I brought my son in with me. I eyeballed her right back with a look on my face that said, "go ahead....say something!"

I think the original poster never had a little boy, or she wouldn't have had to ask that question! (And maybe the man with them was not dad - but a friend or mom's boyfriend).
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 05:23 PM
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Say what you like about safety, I think when a boy reaches 18 he should stop accompanying his mother to the ladies room!
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 05:25 PM
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Very funny Patrick. Don't be so picky hehe.
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 05:31 PM
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I have to tell this story now that Patrick has said that
Last fall, my son was visiting from Japan and we were going to see a play (NYC) we were stuck in some traffic and when we arrived at the theatre, I needed to use the ladies room. There was a line of maybe 30 women. My son went into the mens and was out in a minute. He walked over to me and said > It is empty in there, come on, I will take you and you can use the mens. I was about to say no, when the lady in front of me said that she would go too! So he held my hand, I covered my eyes in case there was a man there, and two other ladies traipsed along behind me and we used the mens while my son stood guard.
so a mother is never too old to be accompanied to the toilet by ones child

*apparently in Tokyo, women have no problem with using the mens*
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 06:22 PM
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LOL Scarlett, that is so funny! My DH tried to get me to that when we went to see Les Mis, but no other woman dared. I can just picture you with your eyes covered....what a hoot!
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 06:26 PM
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That little boy's name was Matthew Checci. How terribly sad and frightening.
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 06:37 PM
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People who give dirty looks probably don't have children. It's amazing how when you become a parent, you automatically worry about your children's well being.

Even during the hurricanes here in Florida, I knew my house was safe and boarded up, but I couldn't sleep all night because my instinct was to stay awake for my little girl, in case something were to happen and I needed to grab her quickly.

This world is a different place and children are victimized everyday. I'll be darned if I will let someone else's insecurities stop me from protecting my child.
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 06:39 PM
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I suppose it was my blunt remark that froze the previous thread but the inability of the OP to see the safety issue just pushed the wrong buttons.

Some malls and movie theaters have "family bathrooms". It is separate and apart from the public bathroom and allows shoppers with young families to go in together. Unfortunately they are far and few between and because of that, the only appropriate solution is to escort young children to the restroom.
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 07:04 PM
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I would absolutely agree that "common sense" should prevail with no regard whatsoever to what anyone else may think appropriate or not.

You know, whether anyone in any ladies room is "uncomfortable" (and I know I've never once been...)about any young man using a ladies room, for whatever reason, there is no mother on the planet who would give a whit, and if anyone else does - well, who cares?

Of COURSE it is more important to protect our children, no matter what.
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 07:17 PM
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Perhaps the mother was protecting the men's room from the little boy. When my brother was young he could disappear into the men's room and not emerge until he had unravelled all of the TP and drained the soap dispensers! He was fond of the hot air hand dryers and could entertain himself with those endlessly. He was also notorious for starting conversations, looking up under the stall door to ask his captive audience questions. My mother had no choice but to take him in the ladies' room with her, and keep him on a short leash!
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 07:42 PM
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LOL maui! How does one keep such a child on a short leash when one is...um...occupied? It's all I can do to keep my two year old from opening the stall door!
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Old Oct 4th, 2004, 07:58 PM
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Everyone knows mom doesn't get to use the facilities, or eat hot food, take a nap, sleep in, talk on the phone...
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Old Oct 5th, 2004, 01:38 AM
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I'd say it is inappropriate for anyone to take an 12 yr old into a women's restroom, the key is young male children (10 and under). Believe it or not, all other women using the facilities think it is appropriate for a stranger of the opposite gender to be in a bathroom with them. I had an situation where I work in a predominant women's hospital and a 12 or 14 yr old went into the same stall with him Mom to pee and he was there when she peed too. To me that is really sick. Nobody in a women's room wants your kid, really most people who will harm your child are relatives or family friends not complete strangers (and believe me I know (a family friend - trusted - molested my sister and brother when children - not me I told it to never touch me again), all of you watch too much TV and get like one or two stories and then freak and think strangers are the threat. Check out an Uncle, cousin, boyfriend, they are the ones that will be sexually playing with your children.

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Old Oct 5th, 2004, 03:09 AM
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Please Stephanie. I do not have children and it bothers me not one bit to see a male child (12 is still a child) in the ladies bathroom. I think a child's safety is far more important than me worrying he might actually see me wash my hands. The likelyhood of that 12 year old seeing you actually using the bathroom is not real high.

On the other hand, I have used the male restrooms when the ladies line was far too long and hubby informed me there was no one in the male's. He simply stands guard outside the door for me.
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Old Oct 5th, 2004, 03:18 AM
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Fortunately, many newer buildings are recognizing that this is a problem - not just for adults with opposite-sex children, but for those with disabilities who need help in the bathroom. In some places there is a single person bathroom designated for use by those with disabilities or sometimes even called "family" bathroom (there is even one at our local mall). I experienced similar problem when taking our son to YMCA for swimming when he was about that age.

Back to original post - no one can know if adult male sitting with woman and kids was father or what or if there was some other issue that prevented him from accompanying kid to bathroom.

I can understand if someone is uncomfortable with a child of the opposite sex being in bathroom - but they should, as the adult, deal with it by waiting, leaving or just ignoring it. Since every women's restroom I have ever been in has a reasonable amount of privacy in stalls, it should not be too much of an issue - I don't care who watches me wash my hands and fix my hair.

My husband never knew what to do when he was out with our daughter when she was young - same privacy obviously not often present in men's room - but safety of a young girl in women's room concerns me less than boy in men's room.
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Old Oct 5th, 2004, 04:17 AM
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I am the mom of two sons - ages 8 and 4.5. I am so happy to read all of the support for taking young boys into the women's restrooms. I have just started allowing my 8 year old to go in by himself and it makes me a nervous wreck...after reading about that poor boy, I may have to reconsider allowing him to go in by himself.

I love family bathrooms and I have become a very loyal shopper/community center user at establishments that have them.
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