I think you will have trouble finding a place to stay within 30 minutes of JFK - that is a mobbed suburban area - no hotels on or near beach - and just basic chains for business travelers.

I would head straight out to the Hamptons. If you don;t want to drive you might catch the last Hampton Jitney - don't know their summer hours. You will need to reserve a place to stay far in advance - and many places require more than one night.

Suggest yuo start looking now.

Well, The Allegria hotel is on the beach and near JFK,
http://www.allegriahotel.com/
I don't know if things are back up and running completely after SuperStorm Sandy. Local news people were staying at this hotel and it looked nice, if waterlogged.

I think it will be very difficult (and expensive) to find a one night stay in LI on a Friday in August. And while the trip from LI to Tarrytown on a Saturday will be against the main flow of traffic, assume it will still take much longer than any mapping program says it will.

When we went up for an August family reunion two or three years ago we could not get a one night reservation in the Hamptons/Amagansett area. We settled for a B&B in Riverhead as the travel time wasn't bad since the event was in Southhampton.

For hotels fairly near JFK, search Lynbrook and Rockville Center. I think ut was Lynbrook that used to have a Holiday Inn Express or Best Western.

If you do decide to drive out to Amagansett and can't find lodging at that end of the Island, consider taking the ferry from Orient Point to New London, CT in the evening, as there is plenty to choose from in that area. Then head to Tarrytown on the CT side of the sound.

Before you make this plan, do ensure that you can spend just one weekend summer night in a hotel somewhere around the area. Most hotels in the Hamptons have 2-night minimums in the summer.

Regardless, this will be expensive.

Thanks all. Sounds like the idea is not completely crazy from a traffic point of view, but that it is not greatly practical (or desirable) from a lodging standpoint. I had totally forgotten about the dreaded 2 night minimum on weekends. Don't mind just finding a local Marriott or Sheraton near JFK after a long flight, but had not realized that a nice place to stay out by Amaganset would be such a problem. And I am sure that we will not want to have dinner and then embark on a journey to Orient Point and New London (although a nice creative idea).

One other thought would be to pick a nice town nice along the shore not up as far as Amaganset (i.e. not a 2 hour drive after a cross country flight), stay 2 nights and have our friends drive down and meet us there for lunch or dinner on Friday. Any suggestions for town/resort/hotel that would be a nice place to stay a couple of days?

Unfortunately the towns are not mostly along the shore - at least on the south shore. And there aren't a lot of places to stay next to beach.

In the Hamptons the shore is typically either a state park, a town beach or the estate of someone terminally famous. the inns and small motels are typically in the towns - a mile or more from the water.

Amagansett is one of the few areas that has lodging n the beach - but many condo colonies that rent by the week. As for staying in Lynbrook or similar - these motels are not always what they seem - some should rent by the hour or are for the most budget of business travelers. These are really suburban areas - not resorts.

Have heard from a couple of people about Allegria - that it was a dump - and perhaps still damaged - I don't know that part.

I think you have three options...
1. Ask your friends in Amagansett if you can stay at their house
2. Stay somewhere on suburban LI between JFK and the Hamtptons (Islip, Deer Park, etc.), knowing that is will be charmless
3. Ditch the idea of meeting your friends and enjoy a night in NYC

Thanks nytraveler. Any suggestions for a decent town even a mile from the water? I see lots of town on the map (Sayville, Belport, Eastport, Westhampton Beach, East Qougue etc. but have NO idea what they are like). Any north shore towns worth considering?

msteacher, you may be right . Had considered NYC but figured it would be too much hassle to get in and out for a night and had a fantasy of Long Island being more charming than charmless!

Really, what's there to see and do in LI anyway? Are you into celeb watching? Hoping to bump into Babs, or Baldwin, or Spielberg or Hanks?
Your friends sound made of money; thus, ask to crash in their crib.
Otherwise, go to NYC, and then go to the wedding... unless you are really into long abandoned and shuttered mansions.
BTW, there is a tour I might go on that shows the ploretariat what life for the rich in LI used to be.

Thanks to all of you who gave helpful replies and information. The more desirable hotels where we are heading are indeed very expensive (some of the largest low to high season price spreads I have ever seen in a lot of years of traveling through the world) and most have a 3 -not 2 - night minimum in the summer.

I found a perfectly fine looking Hyatt in Riverhead which will do just fine; the idea was just to get to explore that part of the New York area, have lunch with our friends and not be just flying in from the west coast right before the wedding. This will make for a more relaxed trip, and for less pressured driving. Replies very helpful for getting oriented.

West Hampton is a wonderful town. There is a public beach on the ocean there. Think is called
http://long-island.newsday.com/recreation/beaches/cupsogue-beach-county-park-1.854399
cupsoque. There is live music at dinner time and the ocean is well, fantastic. On the other side from Riverhead is the north shore or wine country. The drive on sound avenue is beautiful and interesting. Goat farm, asian vege farm, oyster farm on the water and even a lavender farm in Orient. Both sides of Long Island are just so special but I'm partial since I've lived here all my life. The only problem is to start out early or late. The traffic can be difficult.

If you want to visit friends in Amagansett don;t stay on the North Fork - there would be huge trek to get back and forth.

And yes, places to say are expensive. Youmight look at some of te fisherman's places on Montauk - next town to Amagansett.

But it's hard to give advice - we either visit friends or rent a house for several weeks - so don;t know shorter term lodging that well.

I think you need more than a weekend to make this work. Amagansett is just too far from Tarrytown Staying in Riverhead is too far from both on a weekend in August. Imo, the only places on LI worth isiting are on the east end...just too far.

Thanks guys/gals. Montauk looks like even more what I had in mind, but I can already see that trying to do all of this in a day is, indeed, seeming pretty crazy. It probably makes more sense to visit these friends when we have more time. And I am sure we can stay at their house; just not sure that is what I really wanted to do, and even with that we are still looking at a very short time period.

It is so hard to plan these things using only google maps and their driving estimates. This is the sort of trip that would probably work just the way I had wanted it to -- in the winter! [Greatly appreciate advice!]

Just spend the night in NYC and have fun!

One last question: decided just to skip Long Island (and actually Manhattan too in August) and just head to the Hudson Valley.

Can anyone comment on how bad traffic is likely to be at 6 pm from JFK to the Tarrytown area? (In other words, is it crazy to land at 5:30 from the west coast, pick up a rental car and head north? Better to stay around JFK and drive up in the morning?)

There will be traffic until 7 or later. Buy don't count on landing on time or getting a car in 30 minutes

I suppose that would be overly optimistic . By the time we get the car traffic should have died down to livable.

Even with traffic, how bad can a forty mile trip be? Certainly not as bad as driving out east.

You will be on west coast time so maybe not that tired. Maybe get the car and depending on the hour, stop nearby for dinner and then drive on to Tarrytown. I wouldn't hang near JFK unless you go to the Allegria hotel in Long Beach and spend Fri. On the beach before heading north.

Thanks all and appreciate the Allegria hotel suggestion mclaurie; what I had in mind for a first night on Long Island. It is a long haul from SFO and even though we are on west coast time, it is nice to be out of vehicles. We can head up to the Hudson Valley on Friday morning after rush hour.

Long Beach was hit badly by hurricane Sandy. Just check what condition they're in.

The Allegria hotel is what I suggested when you first posed your question last week. I have never been there (have you mclaurie?) but it looked interesting so if you do go, please let us know about it.

Have not but a cousin went to a conference there and said it was quite nice. I looked at Thurs. Aug 15 and note that best price, fully cancelable, is on booking.com

Thank you both, and you are correct nyer that you suggested this a while back. I think I have been through so many iterations of this trip that I lost track. Will post experiences if we go there (may still just head north to the Hudson Valley and get off of Long Island before the weekend hits but hotel looks very nice!)

Hi. You are not crazy!
Long Island is very nice in the summertime, everybody basically moves onto the water.

You don't have to be in an uninspiring suburb like Deer Park or Islip to find accommodation close to the Hamptons. Check out East Moriches/Center Moriches/Speonk area for the "poor man's Hamptons" (Westhampton Beach also nice, a bit more posh). Beautiful scenery on the water, lots of water sports and other adventure activities, relaxed pace, less expensive than the Hamptons, and MUCH friendlier people.

Breakfast at Gabreski airport, Westhampton (locals, rich people in corporate jets - see how the other half lives, and airforce personnel from Gabreski air base, plus the adopted cat for the cuteness factor, nice atmosphere), or the luncheonette in Eastport (a local hangout), or excellent lunch/breakfast at the Speonk train station cafe, local free-range eggs, fresh fish and more, or great Italian/Sicilian food at La Volpe in Center Moriches. Catch a show or an international movie at Westhampton Beach (whbpac.org), or stop en route at Patchogue for wonderful Thai food at Lawan (on Main Street).

In the summertime you can also take a tour of Brookhaven National Lab, or visit the William Floyd Estate in Shirley. - Remember, you can hop across to Fire Island easily, either by ferry from Patchogue or Sayville, or drive over at William Floyd Parkway. (Further west, in Nassau County, Robert Moses State Park/Beach is pretty cool; walk over to Kismet for breakfast or lunch (clothing-optional beach on the way).
Worth a visit...