Spring Lake is lovely. It's a beautiful little town with cute shops, lots of nearby restaurants, etc. And if you want to experience a little time with honky tonk, then it is a short drive from Pt. Pleasant.

http://www.springlake.org/

Cape May would fit the bill.

~Liz

Then DO NOT EVEN THINK about places like Wildwood (even though it has one of the best beaches in the state). Spring Lake is a LOVELY town...I think you go more for the town than the beach but worth a trip for sure (you used to have to buy a PASS to be on the beach but that may have changed) and Cape May, of course has been a gathering place for those with your ssensibilities for decades.

Stone Harbor, I haven't been in quite awhile, may fit your needs. Also I like many of the towns in Long Beach Island. There really isn't a boardwalk; the restaurants are great, they have really good Bed and Breakfasts, there is a really nice walk by Barnegat Lighthouse.

I agree definietly with Stone Harbor..nicely quiet and "refined."

Cape May, Stone Harbor, Avalon, Sea Isle City all fit your desires.

Barnegat Light on Long Beach Island for quiet - lots of dunes, but no boardwalk. Pretty sunsets along the bay road, and nice marinas to rent a little putter for the bay or a sea fishing expedition on one of the big charter boats. On the other end of LBI is Beach Haven - better if you want more activity. It has lots of shops and bed and breakfasts. The town of Holgate just north of Beach Haven is quieter, and you can easily bike or walk into Beach Haven. Personally, I love Barnegat Light. I used to live there.

Cape May will be larger than the other towns with lots of old Victorians, shops, and good restaurants. Avalon is very nice and filled with very expensive homes but I find the shops are a little more spread out than Stone Harbor's. Stone Harbor and Avalon share an island so it's very easy to get from one to another. Sea Isle will have more high rise condos on the beach. None have a boardwalk.If you want to visit the boardwalk, drive 20 min up to Ocean City. Don't go to the Wildwood boardwalk which it teen city.

Whatever you decide, start looking now for rentals. Renting is up this year from last so it could be harder to find something. If you decide on Avalon or Stone Harbor, check back I can help with further questions.

I grew up going to Avon by the Sea. It is a wonderful, clean small beach town. I still love going there. There are no hotels per se but you can find lovely B&Bs.

I'm with nanecam on this one. My wife loved the time she spent at Barnegat Lighthouse. If you really want a boardwalk, try Rehobeth Beach Delaware.

Thanks all....as usual, Fodorites come through

You might enjoy the unique town of Ocean Grove. http://www.oceangrovenj.com/index.html But I must admit some of the authentic Victorian lodging there is a little too authentic - best hotel is the Ocean Plaza. http://www.theinnsofoceangrove.com/ocean-plaza/

Wherever you wind up staying, try to spend (at least) a day at Island Beach State Park, an almost untouched strip of coastal barrier island.

http://www.islandbeachnj.org/

More on IBSP: http://www.state.nj.us/dep/parksandforests/parks/island.html

If you decide on a town along the northern coast, Sandy Hook is a wonderful, historical place to visit....long stretches of beach and dunes, historical buildings, a light house,etc.

http://www.nps.gov/gate/planyourvisit/thingstodosandyhook.htm

I grew up spending summers in Wildwood and will agree that at times the boardwalk area is heavy with teens and college kids but it is usually worst in late June during Senior Week and on weekends. I'd also say that the beaches are free (no beach tags) and huge so you shouldn't feel crowded there. Wildwood Crest and North Wildwood past the boardwalk will also have fewer groups of kids. As an alternative, what about Atlantic City? Not sure what deals some of the boardwalk casino hotels have but there might be some decent choices there, the beaches are free again and there are a lot of dining and entertainment choices.

Just curious, how about Deal?