bashful

We are contemplating a 3 month stay in Florida. Just returned from visiting friends there who are staying for 6 months. Just wondered about grandkids - do you miss them? How do you stay in touch? I expect my daughter and husband would be less than happy if we took off for 6 months.

Tandoori_Girl

We had Canadians at our beach house for six months last year. Their families came to Florida for Christmas and the grandkids stayed with them at our 2-bedroom place while the kids booked a hotel. And then they came back for spring break. Everybody was happy.

But I think I'd be wondering the same, bashful -- if I ever have any grandkids (my son is 15). I would miss those little buggers.

LilMsFoodie

Internet, email, instant messaging, cellphones a visit to grandma and grandpa. People are connected constantly now. I've worked with many grandparents that do just fine with this arrangement. Their children may not like the absence of the free babysitting. LMF

sgriffin

My parents go to florida for 6-8 weeks every winter & I hate it! I have 2 kids 10 & 7 and my parents do miss them! Sure, we do pick up the phone & call all the time, but how about asking if the GRANDKIDS miss the grandparents? Mine sure do! They hate this time of year and count the days until they come back. Macaroni & meatballs on sundays arent the same without them!

Dreamer2

A hundred years ago - well, 40 or so...
My grandparents used to go to Florida for a couple months each winter. Besides phone calls to my Mom, they'd send me a post card every week or so. Not with pictures of Florida, but those cute prints of cats and other animals living human lives in pretty parks or water holes or tree trunks. She'd assign family names to the animal characters on the front, and then write stories about their lives and what they were doing on the back. How I wish I'd saved them all! They'd always bring me home Orange Blossom perfume, and my brother got those round bubble gums that look like oranges in a pouch. These are great memories that were part of a wonderful relationship.

Your daughter and her husband should be able to manage on their own; I'm sure you did. And there are so many modern options for keeping in touch with the grandchildren. Not to mention the weeklong visit during school vacation week!

Enjoy yourselves!

GoTravel

""I expect my daughter and husband would be less than happy if we took off for 6 months. ""


Isn't it your choice to go and why would your children make a difference in your decision? You can fly the grandkids down for a visit.

Cassandra

Count on missing them. Count on discovering that you'd missed a lot in their lives (esp. little ones) by being gone 6 months. But two thoughts:

1. The planes fly both ways -- you can always pop back up to see them during your stay in Fla.

2. WEBCAM: get your nearest computer helper to install a webcam on both your computer and your daughter's. It's really not hard, and if you ever instant-message anyone, it's pretty much the same thing to get a webcam video "conference" going between you and their household. (Note: you do need DSL or cable hookup- regular dial-up won't do it.) Great way to stay in touch, see the kids and chat with them, etc. Keeps the grandkids' attention better than the lame "talk to Grandma" telephone conversations.

Judy24

How is this different than grandparents who live far away from their grandkids all year round? (Actually, that's worse.)

minette20

Sure, we all miss our grandkids, but, mine live hundreds of miles away. I make the special trip to them, if they would like me to come. In mid-April, my 2 grandsons will be in a school play and they want me to come see them perform. One, said he wanted me to "critique his gestures"--he's 8-. The 12 year old wants me to just applaud because he's scared!
Go with the flow --let them e-mail you or call when they want to.
A 6 month stay in Florida would definitely make me unhappy, unless it was Oct.-- Feb! I suspect daughter lives in the north and that would make her less than happy in the winter.

dfrostnh

Our first grandchild is thousands of miles away. Despite a holiday visit, I still haven't changed a diaper or given a bottle. The proud parents are moving back to the state so their child and future children can enjoy their grandparents like they did growing up. (And get free babysitting.) My inlaws never went south in winter preferring to enjoy the winter and snowmobiling. Our son did most of his snowmobiling with them. They had a very close relationship so when he was older and his gram was frail, he used to help her with chores without being asked. He would shovel the walk because his grandfather would be off plowing other peoples' driveways. They attend school plays. Knew his friends. Made his favorite meals and the best apple pies. When she died and my FIL asked if there was anything I wanted, I took the antique apple peeler. And yes, they did plenty of babysitting.
I think we'll probably do some one month trips but not 3 months every year. I plan to put in more hours as a 4-H volunteer and two of the most important events are January and March. Of course you can keep in touch by email and videos but it's just not the same. We want to be more than just in touch, we want to be an active part of our grandchild's life.
Plus I never get cabin fever.

JJ5

This is definitely the largest factor in my considerations for the future. My best friend has most of her grandchildren in Virginia, we are near Chicago. She tried the Webcam thing (this works but you can't hug), she does not work outside the home, and has the time so takes off on a plane to them at least 3 times a year. And they visit at least once here. Plus they all vacation in Michigan together each year, second week in June. BUT, as children grow and develop activities of their own, it is just not the same. By the time they are teen-agers it is very hard to keep close ties, especially with the boys. Minds change quickly, bodies do too, and things happen.

You don't get what I had yesterday. Stopped to drop off my taxes (son is a CPA) and was there only 1/2 hour. Yet my oldest granddaughter (10) was talkative and told me something very personal and very special about what happened yesterday, what it meant to her, and "where" she is right now about something very private. It isn't anything that could have been scheduled or just happen with a planned visit and all other family and her parents there in the house. AND I am not a baby-sitting grandma either. Because of work and my parents (very elderly and fiesty also) responsibility I literally have had little time to be available for this purpose. My two grandsons who are 1 and 4 from my daughter, I have babysat exactly once when she stood up to a wedding. We tend to do things all together (multi-generational) and like it, and it isn't because we "have" to or are obliged. Parents as well, with their children and without me along, also have one on one with each child. It's something I have taught them is very important. When the parents want alone time, my children spell each other (siblings watch the others' kids.)

These small spots (spur of the moment) times are the "best" ones for inter-generational connections and they are priceless to both ends. I wouldn't trade them in for anything. And for those who can't or don't get them, I don't think my way is the only way, and don't judge others if they prefer a more hands off and distant relationship. One friend I have says she can't wait for her grandkids to leave, they just get in her hair. So all my timers are off and I have lights going on at noon, because the baby has switched them all around again. I don't care about those things. Or big smears on the picture windows etc. Each of my five knows where they are going to go to get measured each year, where their closet is for games here, where to go when they are sad, and that's fine with me. It couldn't really happen if I was in another state. Not the same way.

Actually I could get to my Oma's on a bus, and my grandkids can't. That makes a difference, as well. But at least this grandma can go pick them up with a car now, if they have need. And my kids did all move middling-far to far at various times and then moved back. And I never said a word about where their choices lead them. One really shocked me by moving back after she was 30, said she never knew how much she would miss her support here.

I could be gone for the 2 months a year (Christmas to March 1st or so) and that might work fine. But I would never snowbird it, as I would probably just travel and not particularly seek out just the warm spots.

Cassandra

Okay, here's a dilemma we may face in a few years, and many of you may be facing it now.

DS lives across the country, on the "other coast." He loves his job, may go to grad sch. but will likely go back to essentially the same division of the company. He also has a Significant Girlfriend who grew up out there and whose parents live out there (they are slightly younger than we are, have one other child).

There's an outside chance he'll come back east for his PhD, but if he and SGF are still together (and it's looking that way), the pull to go back to Calif. will be extremely strong, I'm afraid. There really isn't much for him here in the Triangle in his field, anyway.

Meanwhile, we like NC well enough to consider staying here for retirement, although wouldn't mind going back up north if the economics allow. But we've certainly never lived in Calif., and the economics of moving there from here are extremely daunting in our tax bracket -- we could maybe buy a garage for what we could get for our 5BR house here.

Lots of people (often the ones who aren't parents yet) would shake fingers and say not to follow our son around the country and 'crowd' him and his life. And we are pretty unsettled by the idea of getting used to a new state at this stage of our lives, with nowhere near the money to have the same lifestyle there as here.

But I can't imagine trying to stay in good contact with him, SGF, and even with futuritive grandkiddles, on a limited income near a second-string airport (i.e., no non-stops to Calif.) as we age.

I'm having enough trouble keeping my mother's life going from 750 miles away; and she has been utterly out of certain of her grandkids' lives because she can't travel and some sibs of mine won't/can't bring grandkids to her.

I used to bicycle over to see my grandmother every few days. Going via DFW or ORD 2ce a year seems so paltry.

How are "y'all" ( ;-) ) handling this?

babs001

Cassandra:Actually, we're almost in the same situation that you are in. One son across the country with a Very Important Girlfriend. Son doesn't ever plan to move back here. Other son has a Very Important Girlfriend here. She would not want to move away from her family. We plan to find a second home (probably a condo or cottage) near 1st son and go back and forth, spending time in both places. Fortunately for us, one is north, the other south, so we will be able to take advantage of many seasonal advantages both ways and with 2 places (neither grandiose by any means) we can come and go at a moments notice. That way we can be where needed for special occasions in the future, etc., and also in the far off future, take gradnkids to visit cousins, etc. One reason we want to do this is from what our own kids have experienced. One set of grands live here, the other set is out of state. I know my kids love their out-of-state gandparents, but the relationship is not nearly as close as with the ones here. I don't want that to happen to us.

cd

Cassandra
I would encourage you to not follow your son. You have no idea what state his career will eventually take him to or how many times it would require you to move. We keep the home fires burning and our son loves coming home with his now teenage children to visit us, his sister and aunts and uncles. As he gets older family becomes more important. We all just have to make the best with what we have and take one day at a time.

letsgetouttahere

I'm not saying this is right or wrong, but this is how it is for us. My MIL divorced her husband (my kids grandfather) and moved full time to Florida. She says she misses my kids something awful, but she only comes up once a year and stays for about 4 days.

When she lived nearby, we spent most holidays together and she knew what was going on in my kids' lives. Now no holidays are spent together. (And we have the added burden of dealing of both grandparents new "significant others").

She says she loves Florida, and I have no reason not to believe her. But I could never make her choice - she has missed out on so much.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that only you know what you'd feel comfortable with. What my MIL feels comfortable with would not work for me.

Dreamer2

Gosh, folks, Bashful isn't considering disappearing from the face of the earth. She's talking about a 10-12 week vacation every winter! Of course grandparents and grandkids will miss each other, but they're not cutting each other out of their lives. I think younger couples expect way too much out of their parents in regards to the caretaking of their own kids.

GoTravel

This is so interesting. Given that neither my siblings or myself have given my parents grandchildren (with the exception of steps), there is no way they'd plan their retirement around their grandchildren. Ditto my husbands parents who have 11 grandkids.

While my inlaws love their grandkids, they'd look at me like I have a giant eye growing in the middle of my head if I suggested changing their retirement plans for grandkids.

My parents wouldn't be so nice about it.

Both sets have informed all parties that this is "their" time and they've earned it.

My mother has also informed my siblings and me that in no uncertain terms when we have kids to consider her for free babysitting.

My dad said he'd hire nannies.

Meesthare

This is a huge issue for us at the moment. We're planning to move across the country in about 6 months and I will miss my kids and grandkids terribly. One of my grandbabies is growing up in New York City and I don't get to see him very often, but I've seen all the others on at least a weekly basis. Somehow, though, the bond doesn't break. My little New York grandson is just 16 months old, but he's never, ever "made strange" with me even though I can't imagine that he'd remember me from one visit to the next. I'll miss my kids as much as the grandkids; I love them dearly, but somehow I think we'll be able to continue to be part of each other's lives.

letsgetouttahere

I do agree that leaving the grandkids for 3 months shouldn't be a big deal. Bashful, you are certainly entitled to a 3 month vacation!! What I do find more of a big deal is my MIL not making more of an effort to see her grandkids, after seeing them on a regular basis before moving away. I'm not talking joined at the hip either. When we did see her it was about once a month or so - it's not like she was offering to spend tons of time with my kids. But she did spend all their birthdays, and Christmas and every other Thanksgiving with them.

GoTravel, Am I reading too much into your post - are your parents telling you that spending time with your kids would be "free babysitting"? They would not be an option to watch your kids if you wanted to go away with your husband for a long weekend?

GoTravel

Two of my steps already live on their own (one college graduate, one about to graduate) and the youngest will be a high school senior.

Because their parents are divorced, it isn't an issue and we do take all three on vacations as much as schedules allow.

My parents let it be known in no uncertain terms they were not to be considered a free babysitting service. Ever.

This was their time and they'd worked hard to obtain it. Kind of ditto for my inlaws. To be fair, they are all in their mid to late 70s and chasing toddlers for a week wouldn't cut it.

However, if my husband and I had children of our own, at this point I would have a nanny or au pair. We aren't 25 year olds just starting out.