Depending on who asks, I have two standard answers:

1. Because if I meet some great foreign guy, I don't want to be tied down (OK, that was for a guy I was trying to dump)

2. Because I don't want to spend my vacation at Hard Rock Cafe (meaning I want to go where I want to go)

I think the question I get asked more often is: Aren't you afraid to travel alone? I couldn't do it.

To which I answer: I'm not afraid to be by myself. I enjoy my own company.

I don't ever recall being asked why I'm traveling solo. Maybe men do have it easier in that regard. The closest I've had to actual discrimination is when I've tried to make a dinner reservation and was told that they don't take reservations for one. That has happened to me a few times, in touristed areas. I did resist the temptation to respond with words unsuitable for family viewing, but only because that would merely validate their policy and give them reason to believe that solo customers are not merely "inefficient use of their valuable tables" but bad people.

JBH, that's ridiculous (not you, the restaurants). Have you tried reserving a table for two and then when you get there say you got stood up?

I try to take the "afraid" question as a compliment. Folks are completely amazed that I'm not scared to sleep in a hotel room alone. I remind them that I live alone and they can't believe I'm not afraid every night of my life.

JBHapgood and Toedtoes -- the scenario is much worse for an Asian girl. It's mostly due to culture and traditional values. Traveling solo and living alone are two subjects which raise a lot of eyebrows in this part of the world. It's just not done. If you don't believe me, just look around: you see Japanese/Chinese/Korean/any Asian visitors in bus-loads or family units, not in singular formation.

I'm yet to encounter a restaurant refusing to seat me or take my reservation simply because I'm alone. That'd be so terribly unfair. I salute you for biting back the harsh words, JBHapgood!

Toedtoes -- I would have thought that a single female living alone is commonplace in NA. Shows how wrong I am...

Some possible stock answers:

"It's so difficult to learn to be a successful prostitute with someone always looking over your shoulder."

"If someone wants to go with me, they'll want a cut of the drug sales profits."

"The international espionage agency I work for prevents me from traveling with anyone else."

"The last time I traveled with someone she got me so upset I killed her and buried her body in the Tuscan hillside."

"No one else seems to like the actiities I do, such as nude sky diving and wrestling camels."

Traveling in Mexico people really don't understand a single woman, that way by choice. I never lie about having a husband, but when pressed will make up a tale of a long time love affair with a sad ending. That seems much more acceptable than simply being single because you prefer it that way.

jbtan, I do believe that single females living alone in the U.S. *IS* fairly common. There are statistics.

toedtoes, people really wonder that you would be afraid to sleep in a hotel room alone? Now that is amazing. Treking India I would understand, but a hotel room???

It is commonplace to live alone nowadays, but people still make it to be a big deal.

I never thought sleeping in a hotel room was that big of a deal, but apparently it is. They never seem to ask my single friends who have a child (of any age), but they ask me.

jbtan - I know what you mean, Asian culture is very much based on family and a single woman doesn't support that in the traditional manner.

Suze - I've also used the "sad ending" relationship just to end the conversation, especially when they start trying to set me up once they hear I'm alone.

Neo
It does get annoying to be quizzed and looked at as odd just because I'm not hanging off some fellow's arm.

I plan to try this one out next time I'm asked the inevitable 'why alone?' question :

"I travel alone because my husband is dead."

If they persist and try to find out what happened to him, I'll try out your line Neo:

"I killed him on our last trip to Tuscany and buried him in the hillside there."

My answer, "None of my friends or family get the 5 weeks of vacation I do. And, the vacation they do get, they spend on visiting family or cleaning out the garage."

I think if I ever were asked that question, my answer would be "I travel alone because it's better than staying home alone waiting for someone to go with me."

Great answers from all of you. Unfortunately, I just can't do tall tales with a straight face. Flippant doesn't work too well with me either. Got to be something in my upbringing. But I'm going to give one of two of your answers a try one of these days...

...tales? What tales?

The tall tales were basically told to me by others ("oh you must have had...") all I had to do was shake my head sadly yes -LOL. Also it was going on in Spanish/English so a language barrier was in play as well as the obvious cultural differences.

That said, I will never wear a wedding ring as some people recommend or do themselves as a female traveling alone. Nor will I lie and say I have a husband.

I know what you mean, my DH died thirteen years ago and I've holidayed alone ever since, apart from one disasterous week with sister in law, we didn't get on before we don't now. I've been told I'm brave, asked if I ever get scared. I've met some wonderful friends on holidays, seen some beautiful sights and as I get older and cannot travel (not for many years yet I hope) I will the memories and photos to look back on. I have been lonely but then I live alone and I can usually pick myself up and find somethong to be happy about. At least I have been there and done that I have no regrets.

I plan to travel until I die. Seriously. I know I may have to modify some methods and itineraries, but unless I am hospitalized I see no reason to stop. Ever.

I agree. It's going to take a lot to stop me from travelling - and not having someone to take with me isn't going to be enough.

I absolutely agree on not waiting for anyone, and just pack your luggage and go...! Back in 2000, I traveled -- for the first time -- with three of my good friends and it's a very interesting 3.5-week vacation. Being the eldest of the group, I was appointed the leader. And the first rule I advocated? Agree to disagree. Everytime we came to a disagreement, we did a quick opinion poll and decided on the best course forward. For me, it's a humbling experience of learning to tie four strong personalities together and have a vacation which we'd remember fondly -- and fortunately, WE DO! Phew...!

But I still would hare off solo at any time... Too bad my cat has to stay back...

jbtan - I commend you on making it a success! That's pretty tough to do, more so than taking a family trip because there is no "I'm the Mom and this is what we're going to do". It also takes a group that is open to change and new ideas and that doesn't hold grudges.

lately as i hit my mid 30's i just say that i will meet my husband later at another destination since he has to work, even though i am single.

i do enjoy traveling on one's own but lately i've been getting hit on by guys a decade younger than me esp. when i admit that i am single.

sighhhhh, it's enough to get a traveling companion (male or female) at times

Hi Toedtoes -- I guess being bossy helped...! Anyway, my friends know me well enough that if I said, "OK, let's do this trail and not that one", they know I must have a good reason for saying that. In the first place, I painted enough worst-case scenarios so that their expectations -- blue skies everyday, great rooms everywhere, punctual buses every time -- based on the beautiful travel guides were moderated down to a manageable degree... especially when we're traveling in-between seasons with rather discouraging weather forecast. That must have done the trick!

Jbtan - that sounds like me, I am well known for telling folks everything that might go wrong so that they'll be prepared. I get teased about it, but when something does go wrong and I've got the solution figured out and done within minutes, they tend to stop teasing.

Quietplague - be happy for small blessings, it's better to be hit on by men 10 years younger than by men 40 years older...

Interesting thread. I prefer solo travel, too. The dinner part doesn't bother me because I have been divorced for 17 years, don't like to cook for one, so I eat out almost every day. As I mentioned, though, I don't like going into a "bar" alone just to have a drink. I will stop at a sidewalk cafe to have a glass of wine or cocktail though.

It has been mentioned that men may have it easier, but in my experience, men are less likely to travel alone. I seldom see men traveling alone. Usually when they do, it is apparent they are on business.

I don't want to generalize, but in my experience, men are less likely to want to contend with the inevitable little problems that arise. They don't want to contend with the crowds, the waits, the inconveniences.

Also, men are more focused on one interest. Women are more likely to have less concentrated interests, but for many more things. This decreases men's need to travel.

Also, I suppose that many of us begin to travel later in life. Probably because we have more money than we did when we were younger, more likely to be alone, and more likely to have developed the self-confidence to travel solo. Women tend to outlive their husbands and then can finally travel if they have always wanted to, but didn't because he didn't.

Tipsygus, you have the right idea! I feel much like you. Years ago, I worked part time in a nursing home doing activities. I had a discussion group one day and asked, "What would you have done differently with your life?" The men were mostly satisfied, but the women said they would have traveled more. They were disappointed that they had spent so much of their energy on their homes and yet, they ended up in a room with only a bed, dresser and chair, and no memories. You don't reminesce about "the blue flowered sofa or the perfectly manicured lawn."

I always make dinner reservations for two and then get "stood up." Many restaurants do not make reservations for one. So, I'm a two.

The only complaint I have about solo travel is that deals are so often, "buy one, get one free." Most are not changed to 50% off for one.

Cchottel - I wonder if it might have something to do with the service. I look at my family, and most of the men (most generations) were in the service when they were young. They travelled all over during that time. Whereas the women were home waiting for them. Then, when they returned, life was centered around building a family and working. Maybe they don't regret because they had the opportunity to see the world at some point...

If you have to make sweeping generalizations, men tend not to like to travel in general. (I'm an exception, which is probably one reason I travel alone by default rather than by choice.) In my own experience, married/family men take family vacations and romantic getaways at the insistence of their wives and families. They're rather be on the golf course, fishing, watching sports, working on the car, or other specific goal-oriented pursuit (if they're not working extra hours chasing phantom success at the office). Single men travel to please or impress their girlfriends. So that's why you so rarely see men traveling alone except for business.

Because the male solo traveler is so rare (at least in the US), men really don't have it easier. We're more likely to be seen as threatening or at least abnormal when traveling alone. That means that reaching out to socialize with the couples, families, and groups we do meet (I very rarely encounter an unattached person of either sex) requires extra effort to convince them that we're just being friendly, not lascivious or criminal. I haven't had many experiences with the spontaneous conversations and connections with new friends while traveling that so many women claim to enjoy. Traveling in the United States might have something to do with it, as the only time someone is likely to show interest in talking to me is if he or she has a foreign accent.

I have only occasionally encountered restaurants that won't make reservations for one. They're usually in tourist areas. In such circumstances I'm more inclined to stifle an unprintable response when told that than to try the stood-up couple ruse. But maybe it's a better idea?

As for the two-for-one deals, my strategy is to ask the manager (or a supervisor) whether there's an alternative deal available, as I'm traveling alone. The worst thing that could happen is to be told no. That's the most likely reponse, but it's worth pursuing because it might open up their eyes to the fact that some people do travel alone. It's possible that there is a discount available to those who ask. Another option is to use a two-for-one as a pickup line, or at least an invitation to another solo traveler to make a friend by sharing a bargain.

jbh, you make some great points.

You are probably right about the conversation being easier for women. I do like to strike up a conversation at times with other travelers, but usually not more than a few minutes. That's why I wouldn't suggest sharing a two-for-one. Frankly, I don't really want to have dinner with someone else. Does that sound terribly anti-social? I'm not really. I just value my peace and quiet so much when traveling.

My best way to speak to people is to offer to take a photo. If I notice a couple, taking each other's photo, I will make the offer to take a photo of both of them or a family. People ask me to take pictures, too, since I usually am shooting photos anyway.

I do wonder if the restaurant reservation thing has something to do with the gender, too. Fine, expensive restaurants have been the place where men take their clients on expense accounts or spend a lot of money on their dates. A restaurant may not want to jeopardize that contact.

I don't notice many solo male travelers in Europe either. A few more than here. Don't know about the other continents. Maybe more likely, but I doubt it. I imagine the same single focus, goal-oriented preferences apply.

But it is great to hear from a guy who enjoys traveling alone.

cch-- first, you're making an assumption that I enjoy traveling alone. I really don't enjoy it. But I do enjoy travel; and if I don't have anyone who can go with me the only option (beyond staying home and watching Globe Trekker) is to go alone. My best travel has always been with a companion. But my solo trips are good enough, certainly better than the "vacations" I've spent at home. I suspect that there are a lot more solo travelers (of both sexes) who are like me than those who enjoy solo travel and would prefer it even if they had other choices.

I have never tried sharing a two-for-one, if only because there isn't anyone to share it with. I occasionally read about "communal tables" and would like to try it, but I've never seen one and have no idea where I might actually find one. I find that solo travel is at its worst when it's dinner time.

Because I have an "expensive-looking" DSLR and my camera bag is my constant companion when I travel, I do get asked to take people's photos. Usually they're foreign couples or families, as the American couples and families tend to avoid solo men. The strangest such experience was in Las Vegas last December (as it happens, on a rare non-solo trip) when a Japanese guy handed me his brand-new Canon 5D (with 24-105L IS lens and a large flash I didn't recognize) and gestured that he wanted me to take his picture. It was rather strange to have a stranger hand me something worth 6000. I hope I did a good job.

From Americans I'm more likely to get stares and questions about what I'm taking pictures of and why. Since no wife or kids are visible, they must think I'm a terrorist or something (even though my ancestors most likely left the Middle East over 1000 years ago, if indeed they came from there).

Maybe Australian men travel alone? Nearly all the unattached men I've met on my trips in the US come from there, and they tend to think nothing of approaching me to talk. I have yet to see an unattached woman on my US travels.

Hi everybody, thanks for all the responses to this thread of mine. Interesting feedback. BTW, I just got back from a business trip to Taipei and no prize for guessing what questions I was asked (yet again!). Besides the usual "Aren't you scared to...?", I had one asking, "But what do you do while waiting at the airport by your lonesome?" Huh? I just said I mostly buried my nose in a book.

JBHapgood, I definitely agree that I seldom see guys traveling alone; my five elder brothers are among the exceptions; they hare off everywhere at the drop of the hat -- not sure if they're escaping my sisters-in-law or the kids, or both. LOL.

cchottel: sometimes I would offer to take photos for fellow travelers but since I'm rather butter-fingered (the problem strikes at rather weird times), I only do so with those carrying less expensive cameras.

I guess being 'obviously foreign' has its advantages especially when it comes to solo travel. So far, knock on wood, I'm yet to encounter an unpleasant encounter during my travels.

jbtan: I have only ever had one "scary" moment. On a French train. Alone in a first-class compartment late at night and a drunk decided to come in and plop himself down right next to me. I was afraid he might not be drunk but might be a pickpocket I solved the problem by getting up and plopping myself down in the compartment that the conductors sat in.

JB: It is a shame you can't find someone to travel with. I'm surprised you don't see more woman traveling alone. I don't see hoards of them, but I will see 10 women for every man. Maybe you go to more male-oriented places.

Actually, I don't know anyone who travels alone who would rather go with someone else. Or I just assume they prefer it because I do. People I work with and other friends hint at going with me, but I just ignore it. I will only travel with my children if I have to travel with someone else. Even then, I prefer traveling alone. Like today, I took the day off work and went on a road trip. I could have waited for the weekend and asked someone else to go, but I preferred it alone.

I just realized that their are two jb's. The first part of my last message was to jbhapgood.

Also, Hapgood: I forget to mention that is it very easy to find communal tables in Italy. You can find them here, too. Amish country. Dinner theater.

I can remember when I was young, if you were sitting alone at a table and another lone diner came in the hostess would ask if she could sit the lone diner with you.

This is so interesting, I never thought about the absence of solo male travelers but I think everything that's been observed is very true.

I would be much more open to talking to other male tourists vs. local men. I always feel "pursued" when local men approach me but I'd feel less threatened by another male tourist - I wouldn't assume there's romantic interest, but just that he'd prefer to not eat alone, or whatever.

I tend to be very stand-offish when I'm traveling internationally to avoid being approached. Even small talk leads to the sharing of so much personal info (so you have to lie about where you're staying, how long, your name, etc.) -- it just seems unsafe to share this kind of info. Am I missing out on potentially meaningful exchanges by being too cautious? If you carry yourself in a more open and friendly manner, don't you have to also deal with more male advances?

fishee, I have never had that problem in Europe, although I have in Mexico (not to the point I felt afraid, just bothered). I don't feel it is unsafe to talk with people, but for me personally I'm not looking to make friends so am stand-offish naturally and don't feel I am missing anything.

I don't usually talk too much to single men, but prefer couples. I don't look to make friends, but just to be friendly. Actually, I usually talk mostly to other tourists. If I see a family or a young couple of any nationality who are passing the camera back and forth to take photos, I offer to take a photo of the couple or group.

No, I totally see what you're saying, it's not like you're making eye contact with the men in the room but rather with families, couples, children, etc. I also offer to take photos when I see couples straining to take a picture of themselves -- I've had my share of mis-shapen alien head pics of me and my boyfriend (he holds the camera since his arm is longer) to sympathize.

I find myself completely fawning over dogs because I just can't help myself.

suze, you sound like me in terms of how you carry yourself. I would like to try interacting more with the world -- I sometimes resent performing this aloof, detached attitude when I travel alone. It's not at all how I am when travelling with friends or the boyfriend -- I don't feel the need to be so self-protective. But then I read JB's posts and I can see how being a solo male has its own problems.

Fishee - I'm a sucker for a dog too! Or a cat, or any animal really...

I have actually found that I am much more receptive to people when I'm travelling alone than when at home or with friends and family. I think it's because at home I'm thinking of work, errands, etc. and when I'm with others, I tend to be caught up with them. So when I'm alone, I actually see the people around me and interact.

For whatever reason meeting strangers just isn't all that interesting to me. More often I am adopted without really trying, by another traveling two-some or a couple, most often resulting from casual chat over lots of wine or cocktails somewhere.

Back to the original question proposed, in many many years and solo trips, I honestly can't think of a single time when anyone ever specifically asked "why are you traveling solo?"

I think I am more often asked about traveling alone by those at home than those I meet. I always get the "Aren't you afraid?" questions. I always say not really and certainly it beats sitting at home. I guess I am a little fatalistic - if it's your time to go you go. I think of it as a public service to die in a manner that generates an interesting obituary. Better to go out run down by a bus in Cambodia that falling down the stairs in my house.
Mostly people I meet when traveling think it's cool that I'm alone. The only exception is when I've travelled in Indonesia, where they think it's very brave but they are sad becasue they do nothing alone. My encounters there are different also because I used to be married to an Indonesian and so I speak the language and know the culture so I go to a lot of non-tourist places.
Overall I am honest and tell people I travel alone because I'm selfish. There is no negotiation when you go alone. If you are hungry you eat if not you don't. If you aren't interested in the "must see" you can skip it.
I'm careful about my safety, but I don't make up elaborate stories or invent a fictious husband. I guess I think if I have an imaginary husband I might miss out on meeting a real one. (Certainly if I had made one up my autobiography would be missing the chapter called "The Time I Married an Indonesian".)
Maybe another alternative would be to ask people why they don't travel alone.
Sorry this is a little rambly I still have jet lag from Italy.

I'm with you. I work for an international airline and keep my passport with me at all times as I never am quite sure when and where my ability to travel will strike. I have a weird schedule and can go at a moment's notice and often do. If I had someone to travel with, I might not be able to take advantage of what comes my way. Oh, a my best friend of 20+ years works for the same airline, so often, if I'm at the airport whane she is flying a trip and I have the time off, I often tell the crew to tell my friend, "I'm coming along!" Usually to Zurich, Frankfurt, Spain, Lisbon or London. Oh waht a drag to travel alone!! Yea, right!!!

In the past 7 years or so I've traveled all over the place by myself. I decided long ago that b/c I had the time, money, and moxie to go anywhere I wanted I might as well do it rather than do what most ppl in NYC do-waste their money on a share in the Hamptons and the time spent there waiting in line at some club. Then I come back from a great trip and everyone says they want to come the next time but of course never do. So my stock answer if asked (which is rare) is "my friends are too lame to get their acts together so I left em at home." Oops, a little blunt but true and usually it makes me look all the more brave and interesting!!!!

"I think of it as a public service to die in a manner that generates an interesting obituary. Better to go out run down by a bus in Cambodia that falling down the stairs in my house."

That is great! I’ll have to remember that one.

I have also traveled solo on vacations – Florence, Italy, San Francisco and Williamsburg, Va. and on day trips and enjoy it very much. Probably more than traveling with someone. I once had someone tell my I was a loser for going somewhere alone. I think it was to the movies or something, though, not on vacation. This particular individual, on his second trip to New York City, left right after his "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" audition rather than checking out a museum, seeing some sites, etc. even though he liked the city the first time because he didn’t want to do anything alone. I wonder if he's been back since so he could enjoy the sites with the blessing of a friend or relative. Doubtful.

Twenty-five years ago I remember traveling alone in Wales on business and being asked by a bunch of rugby players where my husband was. When I said that he was "in America," I was told that "he must be a very weak man" to let me travel alone. No, I said, just the opposite: He had supreme confidence in himself AND me! Oddly enough, Southeast Asia has been the easiest place to travel alone: No problems at all--and the only men who harrassed me just wanted to practice their English!

I have been traveling solo for almost 40 years, and have had very few problems. Just like some others here, the only people who have ever questioned me about it are people I work with or family members. Many years ago they thought me too young, and now I'm too old. I travel alone because I LOVE it. Even when I was married, I always had to do a solo trip. I enjoy meeting new people, doing new things, and eating new foods. I think I'll never stop doing this.

The thing that worries people most is no my going to strange foreign countries, but driving long distances by myself. For some reason I really don't understand, it's something a woman in her 60's should not be doing.

Sometimes people find it even stranger when you do have a husband at home and he isn't with you. Usually I just say, "He couldn't get away" (which is absolutely true, though I am comfortable traveling solo and do so at least twuce a year). I did travel with a friend once and that is probably the last time.)

I just went to New Zealand alone, to attend a two day conference but also of course to see as much of the country as I could in 8 days. Had a great time; went on an all-woman hike, and then out to dinner with a couple of women from the hike, from Australia and Denmark. People back home thought I was very brave to go all that way alone, but it's the same distance from SFO to Aukland as to most European hubs.

I've never had trouble getting a table for myself only anywhere in Europe, US, or NZ.

It just occurred to me that the best answer is probably "Why not?"

This thread is fascinating, and I hope it's ok to participate even though I don't travel alone very often. My mother traveled alone, all over the world, at a time when women didn't do "such things" (!), and so I've never considered solo travelling to be unusual.

In any case, as a rather private person, if I'm not with my husband (who is also a private person), I infinitely prefer to travel alone rather than with someone (or a group of someones) just for the sake of "company." I assume that has to do with personality type, as my sister & her husband almost always travel with other couples, and one of my unmarried friends always travels with a group of women.

In any case, I think JBHapgood has the perfect answer: Why not?

I loved reading everyone's contributions. I am single and frequently have to fact the choice of either traveling alone or not travel at all. I love traveling so it comes up frequently. In March 2006 I wanted to do a two week trip through holiday through France and Italy. One woman at work shook her head in sympathy when I said that I was going to travel alone. She actually said that it was "sad". I told her it was what I wanted to do and I thought liberating and not sad. Then I thought about a friend of mine said years ago that it was a good idea to mail local people in cities where you might want to live in order to find out more about the place. So I went onto a dating site and mailed someone in every city I was going to visit to find out more about the respective cities. Only one person responded. An American living in Lyon - and we actually traveled together in the end! Even though I took the precaution of making sure that until I could suss him out that we would never be alone together. I turned out very well and I don't think I need to tell you what I told the woman at work. That the possiblity of traveling alone and who you can travel with is much better than sitting at home wishing you had. I hope to travel, alone or not, for years to come. No matter what, but society's pressure of pushing me in a box will not make me conform. I want to travel to Vic falls again - and I am sitting with the same problem. I am a bit more scared though. It is Africa. I am from South Africa and right now I am actually considering making England my new home because I would love to travel more and traveling alone in Africa is not always a safe option.

T

Lucie - all are welcome here!

Taniajvr - your comment about better to travel alone than regret never going anywhere is exactly how I feel.

I think most people would prefer to travel with another person who is compatible than to travel alone, but to forego traveling at all because you will be alone is a shame.

I remember talking to a friend who was amazed I travelled alone and I asked her "have you ever cuddled up on the couch with a good book when the family was out somewhere?" She hadn't. I told her that was why she couldn't understand traveling alone, because she had never been alone. It's not the same thing as being lonely, it's enjoying your own company.

Perfectly said, toed. I do think some people find their own company uninteresting -- and/or uncomfortable! And in my experience, it has little to do with being introverted, extroverted, etc. ...

I started traveling alone 5 years ago and when people ask me why I go alone, I tell them it is my character building timeout, mommy sabatical and that it enhances my coping skills for when I get home and have to deal with all the other obstacles you're dealt with in everyday life..when traveling, if you're lost, you're lost..don't panic, regain your composure and think out your situation..most women are too afraid, not confident and totally rely on men to fulfill their life and it irritates me when women admire me for my solo travels and want to go and then their husbands leer at me for traveling alone and then look at my husband like he is something from boggy creek for letting me go..it's like their wives are their possessions and can't think for themselves..

enough said..I'm embarking on a rigorous schedule in May and have no earthly idea how to go about doing everything in the timeframe I'm doing it in re: eng/ireland/scotland, but know that I will do the research and give it MY best shot! Here's to all the women solo travelers who love their life! Here's to all the places I've been and plan to go!

aggie83, I agree with the gist of your comments, but as for those who aren't comfortable travelling/being alone -- I don't think women corner the market! Not by a long shot!

I usually find that the most extroverted people I know, are the least self-contented people. Being introverted doesn't mean being anti-social.

Aggie - You're right. I think too many women (of all ages) look to others to make them happy. In doing so, they never learn how to be happy with themselves. I think most solo travelers have learned that trick.

With all humility , I would say that solo travelers have a deeper understanding of our existence than other folks have. I think perhaps our experiences are felt at a much deeper level. I can certainly say that for me, I feel things much deeper when experiencing them alone than I do when I have other people with me. Maybe it's because I can just let everything flow around me without worrying about how the other person is doing...

Aggie - that trip sounds wonderful. How long will you be there? I know I'm planning a 1 month trip to England, Scotland and Wales and I can't imagine how I'm going to see everything.

I once read a great response to prying questions- which is to smile and say "Why do you ask?". This after finding myself answering questions I knew I didn't want to answer, or shouldn't be asked. I have taken on this answer and felt much better about it.

While all the reasons we travel alone are valid- no one has ever asked me "Why do you travel with your husband/daughter, etc?"

Happy travels- no need to explain or justify.

I usually find that the most extroverted people I know, are the least self-contented people. Being introverted doesn't mean being anti-social.

I've seen a definition that extroverts gain energy from being around people, while introverts expend energy when around people. I don't necessarily agree with that, but I think it has merit.

With all humility , I would say that solo travelers have a deeper understanding of our existence than other folks have. I think perhaps our experiences are felt at a much deeper level. I can certainly say that for me, I feel things much deeper when experiencing them alone than I do when I have other people with me.

I'm sorry, but for me that paragraph might as well have been written in Outer Mongolian. I can't fathom any connection between solo travel and either "deep feelings" or "understanding." Maybe that's something peculiar to women, as I've seen similar statements in writings about solo travel "by women for women." Or maybe it's because I see solo travel something strictly practical: I don't enjoy solo travel very much, but I will not let the lack of a travel companion force me to stay home. I guess that's ultimately what matters, and if you derive something deeper than that from solo travel, so much the better.

While all the reasons we travel alone are valid- no one has ever asked me "Why do you travel with your husband/daughter, etc?"

It's probably the same reason why nobody asks 90+% of the population "Why do you choose your heterosexual lifestyle?"

If you're a member of any minory group-- particularly a poorly-understood one-- you'll have to learn to live with stares, questions, and sometimes derision. Solo leisure travelers are a small and poorly-understood minority, particularly in the United States where the leisure travel industry is based entirely on (and markets almost exclusively to) couples and families. So the sight of a solo traveler is apt to provoke a range of emotions from pity to curiosity to fear (in the case of solo men). The most common reaction within the travel industry is to ignore solo travelers entirely, as they're a troublesome anomaly too insignficant to bother with anyway.

JB - perhaps the "deeper feeling" thing is for people who really enjoy traveling alone rather than for just anyone traveling alone? I know for me, I enjoy traveling alone very much because I can spend 3 hours watching a sailboat fade out of sight on the horizon without worrying about my companion being bored. That tends to get me thinking about deeper things. When I'm with others, I would never spend all that time just watching, so my thoughts don't start roaming. If I didn't enjoy being alone like that, I'd probably spend that time thinking how much better it would be if I had someone to share it with, etc.

I would definitely agree with that definition of extrovert and introvert. While I'm very social and folks would laugh at the thought, with that description, I'm definitely an introvert. After spending several hours in a crowd, I need to spend time alone to recoup. In the days of going to clubs, I could never go out 2 weekends in a row - if I did, I was emotionally worn out and testy.

I am one of those people who *really* enjoys traveling alone, but I truly don't feel any deeper understanding of my existence!! What a riot. Sorry Toedtoes but you just crack me up

Often before I leave on a trip I promise myself I will "review my life" and do some real serious thinking on the state of things during the course of a trip... so far *never once* has that actually happened. I get on the plane, get the trip rolling, and start have too much fun to remember to contemplate my navel -lol!

I guess I'm just weird then!

Am I the only deep thinker here? I feel so alone!!! Oh wait, maybe that's because I travel alone... hmmmmmm the thought processes are endless!

toed, you're not alone, not by a long shot, dear one. I contemplate my navel when I'm alone and even when I'm with my dh: we contemplate our navels together. We both have lovely navels.

Lucie - I'm glad to hear that. My navel is quite lovely too.

I'm married, though have travelled alone (only short trips so far) or with female friends/ relatives without DH.

I travel alone frequently. Perhaps because I've always traveled alot for business (which is usually by myself)I'm totally comfortable doing it for pleasure. I'm not often asked why I'm traveling alone, but when I am, my answer is the truth. My friends either (i) didn't want to go where I wanted to go; (ii) couldn't afford to travel the way I wanted to travel; or (iii) couldn't take as much vacation time as I could. Why not go where I want, when I want, with someone I like to be with (me)? Yes, I think the appropriate response is "Why Not?"

The single supplements are the only thing that really irk me when traveling abroad by myself. A 30 day African safari probably cost me close to 50% more(I don't remember exactly) because I stayed in small permanent tented camps and lodges and the single supplements were stiff.

Very interesting post! I enjoy traveling solo (male btw) because you meet more people that way. When I took the train from Seattle to Los Angeles (a 2 day ordeal) by myself, I met several fascinating people- one that I still keep in touch with, and is now my traveling buddy (he stayed with me in LA, he showed me around Seattle and we are planning a East Coast trip. I find that if you're traveling with another person, you tend to only focus on that person and you ignore everyone else around you. By traveling solo, you notice everyone and although that first conversation can be difficult, the worst they can do is tell you to go away. I stay at hostels and guesthouses and I find that's also an excellent way to meet other solo travelers, possibly for sightseeing together, splitting a cab, etc. I've never gotten any strange reactions at my traveling alone, except a lady on a train from Albuquerque asked me if I preferred traveling alone, but I thought that was more from her curiosity than her judgmental-ness.

None of your businees unless you are footing the bill.

Hello... I'm back...! Thanks for all the wonderful responses to this thread which I started way back when. Sorry to disappear like that... I was away for business trips most of the time.

Just confirmed my vacation in Turin and Valle d'Aosta following a business trip to London/Rome. Traveling solo, of course. I'm looking forward to quiet strolls/hikes and some downtime. And to contemplate life in general (and not just my navel... which is in the right side of cute ...)

Toedtoes: I too need time away from the crowds. For that reason, I don't do well in amusement parks or packed museums/castles with noisy tourists.

JBHapgood: Yes, I think you got it. 'Why not' indeed... I don't think twice about haring off somewhere by myself. If friends want to tag along, fine. If not, fine too. In the case of Turin/Aosta, I have been warned of gregarious Italian men by many people. But does that worry me? Nah...! I'm a big girl... Hey, I will talk to the guys (and anyone who will stop to chat with me) as long as they are well-mannered and don't look like they're escaped convicts (just a figure of speech here, mind you). After all, this trip is about brushing up my Italian.

Over to you...

Because I want to go where I want to go, when I want to go. I don't really have the time nor the patience to sit around trying to plan something for a group. I can tweak my travel plans all I want, without having to check with anybody else.

I can basically be selfish.

I like solo traveling since I can travel in my own time frame and do what I want. It costs so much to travel these days, so I don't understand why anyone would travel with someone else and spend half their time seeing what the other person wants to see. It's really the best way to travel, by yourself. Do what you want, be responsible for yourself and have fun

Theresa

www.nomadwannabe.com

I agree with you pippy. I just got back from visiting New England with a friend whose plane was delayed, then cancelled, then his baggage was lost, it was just a nightmare. Of course, I had to spend my vacation standing around the airport waiting for him, then had to accomodate my schedule for his plans, it was just a headache.

jbtan- People tell me I am so brave when they hear of my travel plans, but they say the same thing if they hear I am going into the city (NY) to see a museum exhibit or a play alone!

Today at work, I was finishing up a project when our cleaning service came in. A man I hadn't met before and I were chatting amiably in Spanish, and he asked if I had ever been to his country Peru, and I said I wanted to see/drive the countryside there, but not alone. And he said, what about your husband? I just said I had no husband. He suddenly switched to English and said, "What happened?"

I couldn't believe it.
I usually just say I can sit home, I can wait to find someone to go with, or I can just go, so I go.

I once shocked a guy at work by saying well, if I wait for the flavour of teh month to decide what he wants to do, I'll never go anywhere. (It's funnier if you know I am not a serial dater, which he did not know)

Suze I love that sad tale idea. Shame 'em for asking!

I've found that how I answer the "what about your husband" changes how people respond.

"I have no husband" infers something happened.

"Husband? Oh God no! I'm single" (said with a lilt in the voice) infers that you're glad you're single.

ninasdream -- I'd go to the museum by myself any time. It beats having someone whispering to my ears whenever I'm checking out the exhibits. Gee... if I wanted all that bzzzzz or pssssst, I might as well bring along several mosquitoes...

toedtoes -- I second your singleton answer! I always say that... especially when the question comes from a persistent guy who doesn't know when to leave it well alone

Exactly, Jbtan! I think it scares the men a bit because it presents you as a confident woman who doesn't "need a man" rather than the usual stereotype that is desperate to find a man, any man.

With older women, I think they see your confidence as a good thing - I remember my Grandmother always being very proud when we girls stepped up and took control of our lives. Older men usually are able to quickly adjust to your confidence enjoy ribbing you about it. I think the younger men get confused and don't know how to react to it.

ninasdream~~ i had to come and reread this thread to remember what tragic romance i had told you all about (since i never really had one -lol!)...