Tips for Nervous Fliers

Me best friend swears by xanax and bloody mary's

My mantra is that when it's my time, it's my time.

With all the hassle and restrictions, I don't know how anyone can love flying commerical anymore.

That said, tell your friend what a US Airline pilot told me "We don't want to die anymore than you do.

Wine also helps!

Both ring true for me!

When I get scared I tend to give myself a small guilt trip by considering that pilots and stewards and stewardesses take their chances for a living. Of those that I've spoken with about it, they don't seem to infuse extra drama into their descriptions of their jobs. When I think about what they do ever other day I feel silly for dreading the 3-4 times a year I fly.

I don't remember the name, but several years ago I found internet fear of flight classes. I printed all pages and read before bedtime one by one. There are also advices for things to do the day before, day of flight, and on the plane. I still do the breathing exercises, and feel so much better now!

Oh, and here is the prayer for a safe journey

http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=34620794

(and alcohol shouldn't be mixed with fears!)

Xanax!

Seriously, I know people who are so afraid to fly it affects how they travel. I always tell them to try some medication just to relieve the terror and relax them. It helps me, I used to be a white knuckle flyer. I can now fly and be relaxed. It also helps that my husband studied to be an aerospace engineer and can tell me what the sounds are and how much stress the wings can tolerate. And hold my hand.

I never thought I'd ever fly relaxed so it seems like a miracle to me.

I hate to fly, just hate it. I always get over it and just try to thing about the wonderful destination. But then every time I think I have it handled I run into one of those programs about some spectacular air crash..the last one was the TWA plane over NY and before that the Swiss Air flght. I try not to watch but I just can't help it and then they talk about the cause and how these things are STILL issues on planes flying today. So then I think.."don't the pilots KNOW this and why aren't THEY doing something about it"? So then the bottom line is, I just think too much. I get over it and fly to where I need to fly to, but I'll never feel good about it. And P.S. I don't take meds and I don't drink..hmmmmm maybe I should start? So, I really have no advice except just deal with it. That's what I do.

I read somewhere that most crashes happen with in 30 seconds of takeoff, or right at landing, so I have a little ritual:

On takeoff, I hold my husband's hand, say I love you, and then count 33 seconds without saying another word. Once we're up, I'm fine until we're nearing landing. Once the wheels go down, and the ground appears imminent, I again grab hold my husband's hand, say I love you, and wait until the wheels touch the ground.

I figure if I'm going to die, the last words out of my mouth will have been the words that meant the most to me while living...how silly am I?

Cyn

Cyn, may I borrow your husband for my next flight?

I love to fly!!! I don't know how I could pass that feeling on to someone who is fearful of the experience.

For your friend who suffers "severe anxiety" I recommend seeing a doctor and requesting an anti-anxiety prescription medication to help with that. They work (xanax, valium, etc.)

I also like to fly b/c it means I'm going somewhere! But I can be a nervous flier. It helps to fly with my husband, who is never afraid. He knows what all those scary noises that the plane makes are, what the dings mean to the flight attendants, etc. I always think we're tilting too much to change to direction, though.

It also calms me to know the statistics involved in flying, and how 2001 was the safest year for aviation, even with all the 9/11 deaths. And that we are far more dangerous driving on the expressway to the airport than we are on the plane.

FainaAgain -absolutley -he is the world's best flyer! And he's a darn good traveling companion too.

Cyn

Cyn, my dear... What is the main rule of travels? Never take on a trip what you cannot afford to lose.

Sounds like you have a great husband. You can't afford to lose him. Leave him at home next time!!

You are so right - I would be lost without him. And who but he would just smile, hold my hand tight and say "I love you" back? Every flight, Up and Down.

Silly little ritual, but it gets me there(where ever "there" may be)!

Cyn

I definitely do not like to fly but it is a means to an end isn't it? My fears have lessened over the years maybe when I realised that anything that may or may not happen on a flight is totally out of my control and I have to just accept the hand that fate deals me. My life has been golden and so every day is just an absolute bonus to me - and when my time comes well so be it - I'm ready.

I really do sympathise with people who have a fear of flying - and I really am not sure how to solve their anxieties. Medication ..perhaps. Alcohol...I don't think that is the answer.

What about hypnosis - has anyone ever tried that? That could be interesting.

It's a very sad thought that a fear of flying would stop someone from venturing through this big, wonderful world isn't it?

I fly a lot, and don't like it...some things help. One is to get an aisle seat, if possible--then I can get up and stretch without inconveniencing others, and another thing I do is to say a little prayer to myself, then remind myself that I have a good reason to be hear, flying is the safest way to travel, I have had a good life thus far, and should it all end badly, at least it's quick..No lying around in a coma for years.!! Then I get a glass of wine at first opportunity, and read something interesting. If it's an overnight, I try to fly business, lean back and dream of good things past,and good times to come.

I love to travel and do not like to fly but my husband is an excellent person to fly with.

He sleeps so easily on any flight at any time and thru the bumps but when i put my hand on his, he wakes immediately and just holds my hand and soothes me.

I usually do not sleep on a flight and am not usually able to concentrate on a book or a movie so I have magazines to read or flick thru the channels/movies on the TV.
...but I love to travel too much to let my fear get in the way!

I am so envious of people that are able to "relax and enjoy the flight"

I also take a Xanax, hold my husband's or one of my daughters' hands, close my eyes, and revert to my Catholic upbringing and say Hail Mary's until the plane is up in the air. Landing isn't as bad for me.

I hate flying. Hate and fear.
I love getting places far away without having to drive or swim or sit on a boat.
I just leave my brain at the baggage check.

I started thinking about the fear of flying before I even flew!

I would read my mother's Reader's Digest and their heart wrenching accounts of the crash victim's lives up until they died. The articles would all start with a loving story about a wonderful couple, a talented lovely child, relaxed happy retirees a few days before their trip and then...horror.

I don't know why I read them but I always did, boy, what a set up for fear of flying!

Now that I fly more often the fear is leaving me, it is just too tiresome to sit in fear for 14 or 15 hours, so I give it up to fate. Sometimes though I wonder if someone will read about me in Reader's Digest, or did they quit writing such things?

There are several very good websites that can help with this. I actually took a course called SOAR, which can be found at www.fearofflying.com. The course made a world of difference for me and I recommend it, but you can also get lots of free help at the site, including a message board and weekly chat (which is how I started).

Also very helpful is www.fearofflyinghelp.com. There is a free online course there that I printed out and bring on flights with me. I think they also sell a DVD now. There is also a message board there.

A site with a very active message board and tons of information (but no actual course) is www.takingflight.us. It's a great support group.

Another recommendation for www.fearofflyinghelp.com - with the help of this website (printed out the lessons and "cheat sheets") I managed to overcome a very strong flying phobia.

To put it in context, in November of one year I actually started panicking and hyperventilating on a short flight to the UK and the cabin crew ended up clamping an oxygen mask to my face. It annoyed me very much that what had been a minor worry had got out of control, to the extent that i was starting to dread going on holiday! So I followed the fearofflyinghelp.com course carefully, and in March of the next year I went on a trip to South Africa during which I took two 12 hour flights plus 5 short-haul flights (one on a tiny plane), and enjoyed the whole lot. No stress, no panicking, was completely relaxed.

So my main tip to people scared of flying is to address the root cause of the fear and anxiety and deal with that, rather than treating the symptoms with drugs. I'm sure drugs like Xanax can help, but they alone won't cure you of a fear of flying.
It really is all in the mind - but you do have to be determined to beat your fear

I do love to travel but hate, hate flying. I hate everything about flying. I hate the uncomfortable seats, the small space with a hundred or more people crowded in, the possibility of dying. But I tell myself, if I die, I die. I won't get out of this world alive anyway. It's just something I have to do to see and experience all the wonderful places offered by the world.

I agree with you cd! too many places to see in this world!!

I use to have a severe fear of flying which is stupid because I've been flying since I was five years old and my phobia didn't hit until my late twenties.

I just started educating myself and talking to pilots, mechanics, engineers, FAs and anyone else who would talk to me.

I watched documentaries and read books.

I'm fine now. Every once in a while my heart will jump and the best part of flying is landing but I'm actually a very good flyer now and have helped calm other people down.

Thanks for the tips. Hanl, my friend shies away from prescription drugs... I'll pass along that link to her. Thanks!

I also didn't develop a fear of flying until later in life - it was after my kids were born, actually.

When my husband first started traveling for work, I was constantly worried about his safety. Now I'm not even sure where is sometimes - I just know I can check his flight info online on the USAir website. And now I'm glad when he travels far, like CA, b/c it means more FF points.

Even with all the hassles, I mostly look forward to flying b/c it means I'm getting away on vacation! I'm thankful that dealing with all the hassles of business travel hasn't put my husband off of travel. He just focuses on the perks.

I'm another fearful flyer and resort to a xanax to get through the takeoff and some of the flight. If I'm lucky I sleep through the takeoff and wake up an hour or so later. I've had the opportunity to fly business class a few times lately and it is helpful. Much more roomy and the food service is a good distraction (especially with the wine refills). I am one of those people who freaks whenever there is turbulence. I know it means nothing but it throws me into a panic. In addition to my fears I have a hard time with my sinuses - head and ear pressure. I've been flying a lot more the past few years and I don't let my fears stop me. I used to have a lot of anticipatory fears but lately it doesn't kick in till the day of.

Jeangail,

I too have problems with my ears flying. Have you tried Earplanes? They really help and are cheap.

I have tried earplanes but was not impressed. I know people swear by them so maybe I will give them another try. I usually start taking claritin a few days prior and then again the day I fly. I also do Afrin nasal spray an hour before descent. If I stick to that regimen, it usually is very helpful.

I worked at the Police Dept. for 25 years & know who is on our streets behind the wheel: people who have lost their licenses, never had licenses, are on drugs, are alcoholics, have Alzheimer's, criminals who have driving arrests listed on print-outs that are 5 ft. long...... THAT'S what is frightening to me! I love to fly but my mother is petrified & has never been on a plane. I tell her that it is SOOOOO much safer to be in the air than on the highway with the nuts driving down here. Whenever I fly, I just compare the pilot's training & knowledge to that of the people who are below us driving cars & I am never afraid. I just got back from Egypt & we had to take 10 flights during that trip. It didn't bother me at all. I am MUCH more comfortable in the air than in a car !!! I just figure the pilots know what they are doing & I sit back & relax & take a nap.

"people who have lost their licenses, never had licenses, are on drugs, are alcoholics, have Alzheimer's, criminals who have driving arrests" - wow, Duck, you must've been riding Greyhound a lot!

Well, duckpond, after reading your post I feel much better about flying. But now I'm scared to death to get in my car!

Jeangail - You sound exactly like me. Take offs are the worse for me and turbulence is a second.

Fainia - I read your post a lot and know you travel quite a bit so I feel like I am no so alone since I fly pretty regularly with the help of Ativan.

If I am late taking my medication or f the turbulence is really bad I panic. I look around the plane to see if anyone else knows we are in iminent danger. I almost always lock eyes with some guy who starts looking at me like I'm hitting on him. I have held hands with a compassionate stranger on more than one occasion. If I weren't so terrified it would be embarrassing. I much prefer flying with my family. I too usually don't panic until the day of a flight although since I have booked 4 flights in Greece and Turkey and will take 4 others to get there and back I am already mildly worrying.

Wow, I do appreciate this thread and the links. I was a bored flyer all through my 20s and 30s but something happened after 40. My husband and I hadn't traveled for a number of years after buying a house. We planned a trip to the midwest to visit family and had 2 two-hour flights to get there. When the first plane took off I clutched my husband's arm and just started whimpering. It was awful and embarrassing. I couldn't believe I was reacting like this. My husband, Mr. Wonderful, tried to tell me how safe it was and to watch how casual the cabin crew was. When this didn't work he brought up how my dad and his uncle had flown in WWII with people shooting at them and planes now are so much safer. Through my tears I said "And look what happened to Daddy!" My dad was on a B-17 crew, had parachuted out of burning plane, ended up in a life raft on the North Sea another time and finally crash landed in England with serious injuries. We both laughed a little at his example and my reaction.

Before we flew to Europe the following year I spoke to my doctor who prescribed Ativan, a short acting tranquilizer. Now I don't leave home without "Vitamin A".

Second the Ativan rec. I've only used it about 10 times in the 6 years I've known about it; but when I need it, it works like nothing else...sans side effects (I am very drug-sensitive.)

I just returned from seeing Bob Newhart perform and he talked about flying. He's flown hundreds of thousands of miles in his career and has now decided to only fly Delta because their pilots are the highest paid. Seems like a very reasonable way to select an airline.
BTW Newhart was very funny live.
Scootoir

I turn off my concern (not fear) by saying that the plane I am about to get on has never crashed before. My wife, though, exhales only when we land.

I used to love to fly and traveled frequently for work, but have developed an irrational dread of it in recent years. Xanax helps, but the MOST helpful advice I've received was to make eye contact and say hello firmly to the crew members (and pilot/co-pilot if possible). Making eye contact with someone who is responsible for your safety somehow conveys confidence in me. I was told by a pilot deadheading and sitting next to me one time that pilots and crew are very aware and very compassionate about fearful flyers and often make themselves available to greet passengers for that reason. I recall seeing pilots greeting passengers at the cabin door every flight I took right after 9/11 and he said that was exactly why. Now, whenever I board, I make sure to say hello to every member of the crew I see. It really helps. I also thank them profusely as I leave after a safe landing!

Scootoir, I love Newhart's dry wit. He's always been one of those seemingly effortless, egoless performers. Something so loveable about him. That line you quote is so him, too.

I cast another vote for drugs.

My fear is completely irrational, and I know it. I've been flying since I was a baby and never feared it until 18. I'm now 27 and it's gotten so bad that my legs quake involuntarily, I cry, etc., at the slightest jolt or bump.

Unfortunately, DH is not very sympathetic. I have to pry his hand from his computer to hold mine. Drugs have worked miracles for me so far. And yes, I do have a glass of wine or two to help, yes, I know that's not recommended.

The last time I flew, I took the drug (ativan, I think- a form of vallium) an hour prior, got on the plane, and woke up 5.5 hours later and the FA told me "You did a really good job!" (DH says I warned her upon boarding that I'm not a good flyer but I don't remember saying that! )

Following Faina's cue I thought I'd add this thread too from the Europe board...I'd personally go for upbeat over calming...Coltrane?

Music for Fearful Flyers
http://tinyurl.com/2zep6f

Once on a nignt trip to London, on a 747, we hit terrific turbulance. Everyone who was snoozing sat upright, gripped the arms of the seats, and expected that the plane would self destruct any second. The bumping and thumping was deafening!! It went on for several hours and guess what? The plane and all upon it arrived at Heathrow just fine (after a most uncomfortable night). Lesson learned, for me at least: planes are pretty tough and built to handle a great deal of turbulance, so relax...you are really pretty safe.

I, too, used to love to fly...and now I am quite nervous the entire time. But remember how much fun it used to be? You had room to move around, meals, drinks, you dressed up and kind of socialized. That distracted us from the fear.

Now all I can think of is that there are hundreds of people trapped (squeezed) rather tightly in a relatively tiny little metal tube 35,000 feet from anywhere. It gives me the creeps.

I think I am almost more afraid of turbulence and what precedes a crash, than of dying.

I saw John Travota on Oprah a couple of years ago and he spoke about flying with such earnestness and confidence and intelligence that he really did help my brain get around the nonsense.

ABC NEWS 20/20 is looking for someone who is a nervous flier/ Ideally looking for someone who only sits in one part of the plane (middle vs. front vs. back) because they think one section of the plane is safer to sit, especially during a possible plane crash. If this is you, please email me! Also, please only respond if you are willing to go on camera. THANKS

helaine.tabacoff@abc.com

I just flew on one of the smaller planes and although the seating feels tighter, it was pleasant enough. I did ask my doc for a prescription of Xanac, but I didn't take it.

I also don't care for turbulence. My understanding is that it does not cause crashes, but if you're not buckled in, it can throw you around. I try to imagine the plane is flying in jello and the bumps are bits of pineapple it's hitting.

Last year one of our flights was aborted right at take off. It happened so quickly, I didn't have a chance to get nervous. I wasn't nervous afterward, either.

When it comes to long distances, I'll take flying over driving anyday.

Martha, I love how you picture jello and pineapple! That is so endearing.

I was on one flight that was so rough our drinks were spilling, flight attendants stumbling, etc. It was just awful. I heard one attendant whisper to another it was the worst she had ever experienced. Looking ahead you could see the plane dropping and churning - not pleasant. I had to close my eyes. People were vomiting (myself included - no dignity left). Nasty, mess, nauseating. It lasted for about 45 minutes. Ever since then I am getting squeamish about flying, especially on long hauls to Europe.

I'm a pilot, so I might be a bit biased, but doesn't anyone consider that there are literally thousands of safe flights each and every day without the least hint of a problem? Accidents make the news because they are so infrequent and unusual!

Pilots go through simulator training that puts them through the tortures of the damned...multiple systems failures combined with turbulence, icing, etc etc etc just so that they can handle the relatively minor things that make the headlines.

Every time I hear about an airliner returning to its departure airport because there was an "explosion" in one of its engines I tell my wife "compressor stall." Makes a lot of noise, might show some flame, but is essentially harmless...but if the pilot failed to get the airplane back on the ground the incident would be on the news for weeks.

Stormbird - my friend was terrified of flying and had 4 or 5 sessions of hypnosis about 3 years ago. She is now fairly comfortable with flying and has actually managed to look out of the windows during flights - something she had never done before. Her first flight after the hypnosis had bad turbulence across the Atlantic but she was calm and trying to reassure her white faced, knuckle clenched boyfriend! So, yes, something in it worked for her. She is also a lot happier on ski lifts. It transpired during the sessions that her real problem was mainly a fear of heights, which had become linked with flying in her mind, so that was what the hypnotist worked on.

Knowing that I was planning a long flight to Mexico for vacation last month, my doctor recommended a therapist who specializes in dealing with fear of flying. The therapist (who is also an RN) agreed that Xanax is the perfect drug for most people for this problem and also taught me diaphragmatic breathing, which was so simple and SO effective! A description and instructions are on wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragmatic_breathing. The only thing she added was to count to 13 on the exhale to keep it slow and help concentrate on something else.

We hit fairly rough turbulence going to Mexico (one of the veteran flight attendants said it was as bad as she'd ever experienced in many years of flying) and while it was certainly unpleasant, the breathing exercise and the Xanax got me through it fine. I highly recommend it.

And I love the jello/pineapple bits trick! I'll use that too next time!

kava, yum (joke). i'd rather eat dirt. doh, too late.

My apologies to everybody, but I HAVE to ask this. With the fear of flight, how does Xanax work? You feel happy for a couple of hours, and then what? On longer flights, do you need another doze?

Isn't it just getting away from a problem, not facing it? What about before/after flights?

I'm not a medical professional--am sure someone here is and will chime in--but I'm happy to share my personal experience with it. Both my doctor and the therapist described Xanax as a very mild anti-anxiety drug they like a lot for this purpose. My dose is .25 mg and I can take up to three a day, but never have needed more than one and a half. I take one an hour or two before the flight and I avoid caffeine, so it doesn't counteract it. Honestly, I don't feel sleepy, woozy, or even notice it, it just seems to let me relax in my seat and not dread the flight so much. I don't feel "happy" or drunk, just less jittery. I'm able to concentrate on reading or talking. On longer flights (over five hours) or if it gets very bumpy, my doctor said I can take another one or half of one to boost it a bit. He gives me 20 at a time and it's not refillable without his permission. I've taken about 10 flights using it so far and haven't noticed a hangover or after-effect. It seems to be long-acting with me and wears off very gently--I really don't notice it wearing off--and hasn't interfered with my sleep. Bottom line is it works to take the edge off my fear of flying. Hope that answers your questions.

I have a terrible fear of flying. I take lots of xanax and one glass of wine to help relax me.

My fear is that the plane will crash and we will all die. however, the reason i continue to travel is that I would rather die early having seen different places around the world, than live 100 years only seeing my own backyard.

About two years ago I bought this course...I downloaded it to my ipod and altho I am not gung ho over flying it really helped me.

There are different sections on the plane itself, how to control your anxiety, turbulance, etc.. I use it all the time.

http://www.fearofflying.com/ (SOAR)

I do have to tell you though.. on our last trip to Paris coming home we ran into the worst turbulance we had ever experienced. There was a huge religious group on our plane and I looked over. What i saw really scared me. They were all praying..and loudly...some were mumbling to themselves, others swaying back and forth. The tapes didn't cover that, but I managed and since then, turbulance hasn't been as bad.

loisco, i don't know which is worse on a flight, religious group swaying and loud praying or turbulence. hope i'm sleeping through both

Kauai...looking back on the event, it does seem humorous. At the time, I was filled with terror.
My husband recounts the story all the time drawing laughter... not from me.

Gosh, I thought that was what an
Airport Bar was for and the $1 for the extra shot in your drink!

Booze can make your fear worse actually, and it's not all that predictable. I'm a little bit of a nervous flier too, but this free guide was very helpful http://www.fearofflyingphobia.com but there's also some good books on flying you may find useful, it all depends on what your fear is. if you fear the plane crashing, then learning about how p;lanes work is good, if you're afraid of the anxiety itself, then you need to learn about that. There's no one size fits all approach IMO.

As a pilot, I only get a little apprehensive when the plane encounters weather nearing its destination - and I stay that way until we've parked at the terminal. This is especially true if it's a regional carrier. And here's why:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/12/earlyshow/main5008179.shtml

It's even worse than that--both the pilot and co-pilot were fatigued from lack of sleep--because of low pay they couldn't afford a place to stay before the flight so they dozed on sofas in the crew room. I would be very wary about flying on a US regional carrier in the future if this is typical.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090513/ap_on_go_ot/us_plane_into_home

I HATE to fly and the information coming out of the investigation of the crash in Buffalo is doing NOTHING to make me feel better. It sounds like not only were the pilot and co-pilot fatigued, they didn't even really know how to fly the plane?????