Nywoman

I am a newcomer to Fodors and a Solo Traveler. It would never occur to me to go to a forum for Solo Travelers for answers.

I have been hanging out on the Asia Forum because that is where I am going. Have had a lot of questions answered by travelers, who have been to the places I am going to. Some have traveled by themselves others with companions.

I did respond once to a post on the scariest moment as a Solo Traveler,
that one I stumbled across because it was listed with the posts when you log on.

As a rule I travel by myself, by choice and don't really think of myself as a Solo Traveler. Am not even sure I like that label, it has a little bit of a desperate ring to it.

On the other hand this would be a good Forum to discuss why do people think you are brave when you travel alone? I am in my 60's and about to embark on a self planned 2 months trip through SEA.

My fingers and toes are not sufficient to count the amount of people who have told me that I am so brave. I don't think I am particularly brave, traveling by myself doesn't disturb my comfort zone. At least not yet.
We'll see how I feel in China?

However one of the women who couldn't stop talking about my bravery has completely gutted and restored an old house by herself. That to me is brave.

It is not in my comfort zone to saw, hammer and paint.

Is bravery going outside your comfort zone?

What are the things you consider brave?

Timlin

I agree with you. Others often think I'm brave because I'll fly off, rent a car and head off by myself but it's not brave.....I love it!!

Being brave is to face something that frightens you and still you take it on. I'm not brave!!

suze

I think you're correct that it's about comfort level.

People have called me brave for traveling alone. For goodness sakes I was in Amsterdam and Paris, not treking the outback or climbing a glacier. Hardly "brave" by my definition.

That said, I do not find a "desperate ring" to the term Solo Traveler.

You might not have gone to the Solo Traveler forum because you are experienced and comfortable traveling on your own. Many of the posters who asked for help when we had that specialized forum were people usually female who were considering their 1st trip alone and looking for encouragement and support.

Sue878

Timlin: You're right about "Being brave and being able to take face your fears and take it on"
that's why people think Solo Travelers are brave, I guess. I think you have more confidence traveling alone. That's great. But I don't have that yet. Maybe soon.

I read Solo Traveler forum because I'm still trying to get my courage up to go to London by myself. My family and friends don't understand why I want to go by myself. I tell them it's just to do or not do what I want and I love London. So I just keep reading about others experiences until I can go by myself.


But in the meantime it is interesting to read other Solo Travelers experiences.
Thanks

LSky

Good topic. I've never thought of traveling by oneself as brave, I have to do it for work. Never thought of it as brave.

I think of brave as when I decided to get over my fear of spiders. Once upon a time, a spider could be in my hallway and hold me hostage in the bedroom. Silly, yes but most fears are silly. Finally, I moved into a house with giagantic spiders outside and decided to get over that fear. Today, I even worried about one that hadn't seemed to move in a day or two, after all he has a job to cacth insects and I want him healthy

Nywoman

This particular trip is my Olympics. It really is about testing myself in countries where I don't speak the language, and communications are difficult at best.

I went to NYC Chinatown today and ended up wanting some dumplings to take home. Great problems finding out the differences between one kind or the other. The owner spoke some English but I never found out what the differences were.

The worst that can happen is that I will eat very badly in China, which in my case would be a blessing.
Imagine losing a lot of weight while on vacation?

That's a whole new subject

toedtoes

What I have found is that the people who think I am "brave" for traveling alone are those who have lived with someone else for many years. They also ask if I get lonely living alone, etc.

It comes down to unfamiliarity more than bravery or even comfort zone, I think. They've never experienced being alone for any length of time, so they can't comprehend what it would be like. They lived with their parents, then they lived with their spouse, then came the kids.

Often, someone who talked about "being brave" and traveling alone ends up divorced or widowed or the kids leave home, and after a while, they start doing things alone because they don't have the constant companionship. Then they stop telling me how brave I am for doing things alone.

atravelynn

Bravery, like art, is in the eye of the beholder.

If all those people who think it takes bravery to travel alone--or even travel at all--hit the road, their demand would drive up prices and everywhere would be too crowded.

Let them think it's a scary world out there that only the bravest dare confront.

Go for it Sue878! No real bravery needed.

lollylo25

Solo travelers braver? Yes, somewhat. I don't understand the fear of some people to travel alone, but I don't get alot of things. I go horseback riding, and people think that is brave & gutsy, but I don't see that either.

I think it really has to do with "what you fear most in life".

Brave to me is someone who is battling a disease and stays strong and focused and positive or someone who stays in a lackluster marriage for 30+ years to make sure her kids are wlll taken care of. Now those are true guts!

suze

I believe you DO need to be self-sufficent and more organized when you travel alone. Just because of having no one to fall back on. Maybe that is misinterpretted as "bravery" by someone who has not tried it themselves.

Syl

I also got the same response when I solo travelled around New Zealand many years ago. Because I was alone, I behaved so differently from my normal self, & I felt liberated.Within our daily relationship circle, we tend to wear different masks to be accepted & fit in. Alone in another part of the world where nobody knows us, we are able to come out of our shell & feel free from societal norms.How fortunate to meet strangers & hear their stories from a part of the world unfamiliar to us.Would you sit on a park bench in your local city & ask strangers to tell you about themselves,ultimately setting a meeting time for dinner that evening? Women have come a long way from the 60s liberation era.We've developed a self confidence that has allowed us total freedom & equality with men. So why isn't the male solo traveller perceived as "brave"?

toedtoes

Syl - the male solo traveler has routinely been looked at as "dangerous" rather than "brave".

While we get tired of being told we're brave, JBHapgood will provide you with a different dilemna as a solo male traveler and it's a much harder one to break and/or compensate for.

For women, the bravery comments provide us with an opening to meet new people. For men, the dangerous attitude keeps others from talking to them.

When a group of people see a solo woman, they may invite her to join them. When a group of people see a solo man, they tend to think of "serial killer" and avoid him.

bratsandbeer

I am not brave enough to travel alone. If I had to do it, I could - but it would not be something I would choose to do. I have driven across the USA with only one young son for company and that wasn't scary.

I grew up in a family with 4 children, have lived in apartments with girlfriends until I married and then lived with DH so have never been alone.

I like people too much to travel alone. Can't see how it would be fun - except for browsing through department stores alone-that is fun.

grapes

Bratsandbeer, "I like people too much to travel alone. Can't see how it would be fun - except for browsing through department stores alone-that is fun"

Just curious. Do you think Solo travelers dislike people? If so this is no more likely than any other traveler.

When you travel solo, it increases your opportunities for communicating with the locals and other travelers. No friend to fall back on and/or keep you isolated from the very people you have traveled to meet. I suspect most solo travelers are comfortable with their own company, so loneliness is not a serious concern.

toedtoes

bratsandbeer - from your description, it's not that you aren't "brave" enough to travel alone, but that you don't think it would be fun to travel alone. Those are completely different things.

There are various issues that get lumped into "you're so brave to travel alone":

1. Fun - how can you have fun doing all these things in all these exciting places by yourself? Don't you get bored with no one to share your experiences with or talk to during the trip?

Answer: Cell phones, email, etc. allow us to share special moments with folks back home. A quick call to someone back home to say "OMG! I just saw a whale!" or "You'll never believe you just invited me over for dinner at his house!?!" provides a great ability to share a moment. An email to a co-worker saying "Out of money (stop) Sell desk and forward money to me (stop) staying here (stop) not coming back (stop)" can provide you with a quick laugh and a reminder that you're off having a great time instead of dealing with fires back home at work.

2. Safety - aren't you afraid to stay in a hotel by yourself? What if your car breaks down?

Answer - why should having a second person (especially a child) with you make you feel safer? (ok, that's another question...) A lot of this is dependent upon your lifestyle. Like bratsandbeer, many people have never spent any time alone and have never learned how to be self-sufficient in regards to their safety. If their car breaks down, they call hubby to come and get them. If there's a noise in the night, they wake up hubby to "check it out". When you live alone, you don't have those options. You learn to be self-sufficient and trust your instincts and handle your own problems. This is something that you have to learn for yourself. This is also the major issue in the "bravery" comments.

3. Loneliness - Don't you get lonely? Don't you like people? You're set in your ways, aren't you? You must not be able to compromise?

Answer - of course you get lonely at times! That's part of life. However, when you can enjoy your own company, don't need someone else to entertain you, can get enjoyment from seeing something rather than talking about it, feel self-assured enough to talk to a stranger, etc., then the loneliness isn't a big deal. A good book in the evening before bed, chatting with the shop owners, fellow travelers, etc., asking questions of tour guides, getting out and walking around - these can all counter any momentary sense of loneliness a person might feel.

If you can't get past #2, then you probably won't enjoy solo travel, however, the "fun" and the "loneliness" issues can be treated as needed during a trip. The more you travel solo, the less they affect you - Practice may not make perfect, but it certainly makes it worth doing.

thursdaysd

Some great replies here. I get the "you're so brave" comment a lot: my usual reply is along the lines of "why should I be afraid". But we're all afraid of different things. A while back I read a book called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" and I think that's the definition of bravery. Doing something that doesn't scare you personally, isn't bravery.

I think another possible reason for the fear comment has to do with language issues, although I can't see that having someone else along who also doesn't speak the language would be any improvement, and in fact might make things worse.

Timlin

ahh but here I hear the assumption that a solo traveller is a single person (lady) Not true!!

I was 2nd eldest of 9 children, married very young and had 3 children of my own. I always had and I still have family living with me.

I travel alone at any opportunity (which isn't often because my 'nudder half loves to travel too). I love to rent a car and explore or to fly off and ride the tube and explore the world.

Being alone in your day to day life is not a necessary part of the plan for a person who loves to travel alone.

LSky

"Do you think Solo travelers dislike people?"

I know that question wasn't directed at me, hope you don't mind my responding.

I think solo travelers are more self contained then I am. Maybe more reserved. I like people and imagine on a solo vacation could always make a friend for a day, do you get tired of a steady diet of strangers?


Solo vacation travel intrigues me, I seem to read all the threads. Certainly, it would be preferable to go alone than with a friend you love but doesn't travel well.

lollylo25

HUGE misconception about solo travel and maybe an inspiration to people too fearful to try solo travel: "that you will be all alone".

Couldn't be further from the truth ...unless you really ~want~ to be alone. Solo travel is the best way to meet local people & other travelers.

JBHapgood

As a male solo traveler, I've received &quot;compliments&quot; on my &quot;bravery&quot; as well. This mainly happened when I took a cruise, and from senior couples who seemed to be the only people who showed any interest in talking to me. The scenario was nearly always the usual friendly small talk until they asked me about my wife and kids. When I said that I was single and on the cruise by myself, I could clearly see the &quot;tilt&quot; reaction on their faces. The next words (after what seemed a very lengthy silence) were &quot;you're so <i>brave</i>!,&quot; sometimes preceded with &quot;I've never heard of anyone taking a cruise alone.&quot;

I interpret this as the reaction of someone who had never encountered a &quot;soloist&quot; before, and had no idea what to say to such a strange creature. Since vacations are something you take with either your spouse or your family, anyone who violates this convention and ventures out alone must clearly be an exceptionally brave soul. Thus, &quot;you're so brave.&quot; A woman is probably doubly brave, since she is not only violating the convention but is risking certain injury or death.

But the cruise was somewhat unusual in that regard. As toedtoes noted, most of the time the couples and families I encounter on my solo trips tend to avoid me; and I very seldom encounter any solo travelers of either gender. I suspect this is mainly an American phenomenon, since I do all my solo travel in the United States. As evidence, in those rare instances when someone <i>does</i> talk to me they invariably have foreign accents (and if they don't, they're Canadian). Apparently people in other countries aren't aware of the fact that any solo male &quot;tourist&quot; is either a serial killer, a child rapist, or (since 9/11) a terrorist.

For me, solo travel has one and only one advantage: I can go where I want when I want, rather than waiting around for those rare occasions when a compatible companion is available and has the interest and the money to go with me. When those rare occasions do happen, it's much better than traveling alone. But in between those occasions, it's usually better to go somewhere interesting alone than to stay home alone.

I don't think I'll ever really understand all those women who insist that solo travel is &quot;empowering,&quot; &quot;spiritual,&quot; or otherwise the best way to travel. It's definitely better than either staying home or going somewhere with an incompatible companion (and I've done both), but I haven't found anything else good to say about it. Maybe that's enough?

(And yes, I have a solo trip planned for next month. It's better than staying home!)