Dining alone

Eat at an earlier time within the dinner hour.

Make a reservation for one for the more high-end restaurants, rather than arrive unannounced.

Carry a paperback or magazine if you enjoy reading at meals.

Eat at the bar, lounge, or sidewalk tables for more casual setting.

My tricks:

The fancier the restaurant, the earlier the meal - I'll eat dinner at a casual place, but I'll do lunch at the fancier places. Fewer couples so less conspicuous "being alone" and usually less expensive.

Sit at a corner table where you can look out into the room and people watch, but you don't feel like people are pointing at you behind your back.

Bring a book, journal, word puzzle book, magazine, newspaper, etc. to enjoy while you eat. Check out your travel book for sightseeing ideas later.

Enter the restaurant with confidence! None of that sheepish, apologetic "just one" when asked how many are in your party

Yes, if you have to, reinvent yourself, make yourself exotic in your own eyes at least and sweep into the restaurant. If patrons look at you, give them something to look at. Don't let the staff put you off, if you enter like you are certainly entitled to dine alone, they will follow, most likely.

Years ago I watched an "older", ha, now probably about my age, woman come into a restaurant in this way and she has been my role model since then.

If you have to, then scope out the restaurant the day before when you make reservations so you will know where you want to sit and what time you will want to eat.

Be cordial, yet firm, don't let them seat you by the kitchen if you don't want to sit there. It is mostly attitude but some places still may be haughty to a lone diner, just be aware of that beforehand and get your confidence outside the door and relax once you get your table.

I don't believe that the patrons are "looking at you".

When I started doing things alone, that was the hardest "belief" to get out of my head - the belief that others are talking about you.

When you are sitting in a restaurant with friends, do you notice the other people entering or leaving and say to each other "Oh, look at that poor sad thing. Having to eat alone, how dreadful! I'd just die rather than eat alone. I wonder what's WRONG with her/him."

Of course you aren't, you're busy enjoying your meal and your friends.

So is everyone else. Even if they happen to make eye contact, it's not because they recognize you as some "poor old maid" or "lonely old man", they just happened to catch your eye while looking around.

Once you realize that everyone else is too caught up in their lives to spend their meal thinking about that "poor sap", then you'll find it's not that hard to dine alone (or go to the movies, or shop, etc.).

As for the wait staff, if they say "just one" in a mocking or derogatory manner (although I've never experienced that), simply reply with "oh yes, I'm afraid I couldn't convince any of my friends to come here." It will give them something to think about...

That is a good line, Toed, I like it.

I also think it is a good idea to practice eating alone in your own hometown before you even leave for the trip.

At times the other patrons look up and around and I do catch them looking at me but it doesn't bother me, but the point of the thread is if it does bother a person. I know a woman in her 50's who will not eat in the office dining room alone! Now that is sad.

Another poster helped me come up with this suggestion recently... If you plan to go to an extra nice restaurant, pack a special outfit for the occasion so you will feel that you belong.

In a casual place I like to write out post cards or read a local paper or entertainment guide.

I used to take a book, maybe a guidebook, and sometimes my journal, but I bought an iPod for my last trip and started taking that. I found that even better than a physical book (I loaded books and podcasts) as I could look around the restaurant, and at the view, if any, while I was listening.

If you want to eat somewhere without a reservation, going a little early as a single can sometimes get you a table when a larger party would be turned away.

Go to that nice restaurant for lunch rather than dinner. It's cheaper, and whatever stigma or discomfort might be attached to eating alone is absent or significantly reduced. Then have a picnic dinner from the local supermarket. Save money, calories, and discomfort!

An alternative is to arrive at that nice restaurant the moment it opens for dinner (say 5:00 in the United States, later elsewhere). The staff might genuinely welcome a solo diner at at what would otherwise be an empty table, even when they'd normally discourage a solo diner from wasting a perfectly good two-top.

Well, that may work for you, JBH, but a long, leisurely dinner with wine is my evening fun when I travel. Plus, depending on the country, a slow lunch can eat into sight-seeing time - wouldn't be a problem in a siesta country, but takes too much time in England, where sights are often only open 10:00-5:00. And I'm certainly not going to eat at 5:00 pm!

Interesting thread. How, where, and when to eat out at night is the aspect of travelling alone that I find the hardest.

You are in a strange place and you want to savour it, and enjoy dinner. Especially if the nightime meal is your big meal (I don't do lunch at home). You also want to sit over it, and, in my case, you don't want to spend too much money.

I keep an eye open while I'm out during the day for places that look welcoming. Local eateries. I'm not interested in a gourmet experience.

Then I go back and swan in, and, as they are a place with no pretensions, I have no problems with feeling I shouldn't be there.

As someone else has already said, the other diners couldn't care less.

And it's stating the obvious that you need to have something to occupy you. A book is good. And that book may just initiatate a conversation.

Not always, but sometimes, and that really is the difference between travelling alone and seeing what happens, and travelling with a tour group.

Ups and downs; pros and cons; etc.

Now I think about it, if you're traveling in some parts of Europe with an American tour group you'll likely get many more stares than if you're on your own. They generally get so loud!

One thing I do that helps assure the waiter I'm not going to be a dud, is order wine immediately. Of course I'm looking forward to the glass or carafe of wine, it helps me relax and get comfortable, but also signals that I'm not going to be a "tap water and side salad" type of female solo customer.

Thanks to everyone so far for contributing their views, tips, and expertise on the topic!

I lOVE dining alone.

Fine wine and fine food -or fine wine and causal food I'm easy - to relax with and savour with no chitter chatter distraction. A good book is a great companion.

If other people in the restauant have a problem - that's really THEIR problem.

Give them and nod and a smile, or a haughty stare if they're that bad then dismiss them and go back to your book. On the other hand, I've often struck up very interesting conversations with other diners.

The thing about travelling, no-one knows you anyway.

that sad looking couple at the table next to you probably envies you your solitude!

Righto, you never know what the other diners are thinking. I have dined with people where I wish I were a lone diner. Too bad we can't nod like Barbara Eden and poof boring people away and then dine solo.

have fun!
take a notebook and scribble away madly after each bite!

Does anyone wish to contribute a story about a time when reading a book while eating alone lead to a meeting that you will always remember?

You mean that time in south america when a handsome stranger stopped at my table to ask "What are you reading?"?

I think it is easier to meet people if you are not reading a book. Maybe if you are not intensely reading but just glancing at a guide book? If I take something to read it will be a magazine that I can flip through and look at the pictures. I often buy fashion or home decorating magazines in Europe.

OK, suze, tell us!!

Oh, I was just kidding

I am not hoping to meet people or strike up a conversation with strangers when I'm eating dinner out solo in a restaurant, so imo reading is not a bad idea in that regard.

I *do* in fact use a book on planes and trains when I don't want to get stuck chatting with my seat-mates.

I've done so much solo that I don’t think twice except that I think it makes me seem more exotic and interesting (echoing SeaUrchin there!) than the rest of the patrons. I've never had a waiter or waitress be rude to me or look down at me--or if they did it went right over my head.

If nothing else, 'fake it till you make it'. In other words--act confident and eventually you simply are confident.

I have to admit my eyesight isn't that great to be reading a book in a low-light restaurant. I would need a miner's hat.

In the US, I have been escorted to a lousy table when I arrive alone, but I politely ask for a better table. So far this hasn't happened in Europe.

I eat alone frequently when I travel for work. At first it was kind of strange and I would do a lot of take-out or ordering in at the hotel.

But now I take the opportunity to see what the area has to offer. I think open kitchens are fun since it is interesting to watch. I also like to eat outside for the people watching, or where I can see a good portion of the restaurant. I always bring a book, magazine, or newspaper.

It generally works out well and I have a fun time. Once in awhile I get a snooty server, but usually people are cool. I always figure the snooty server is just shooting himself or herself in the foot and don't worry about it - then I adjust my tip accordingly.

I love to eat alone -- I am a natural introvert and so treating myself to a good dinner and a chance to read my book alone is a good way for me to recharge my batteries. So, I look forward to grabbing dinner once in a while by myself and I have a few restaurants around my hometown where I feel very comfortable doing that.

This may sound a little wierd, but one trick I've learned so as not to appear like a "poor sad thing" is what I wear -- if I can, I avoid t-shirts and ratty shorts, or sweats, flip flos. I've noticed that I am treated very nicely and that I don't get any wierd looks if I dress nicely while dining alone.

I like to eat at the bar and chat with other patrons and the bartender. I love to meet other folks.

Eating at a counter that overlooks the kitchen can be fun if the restaurant has a counter/bar. I love to watch the cooks cook the food. And often there are other single dinners at the counter/bar.

I have never been able to figure out how to eat and read a book at the same time, lol. I do enjoy reading a newspaper while enjoying morning coffee and waiting for my breakfast.

And yes, dressing nicely is a good idea imo. And like suze I always order wine and more than just a salad. I order the same as I would if I had someone dining with me.

When eating alone I like to be at a table and seated at the side of the table that gives me the view of the restaurant/cafe. People watching is fun!

When I went to conferences and had to dine alone, I would ask the host/hostess to ask if another person dining alone would like to share a table with me.

At one conference, I had an opportunity to meet someone from another company whom I probably would never have met if it wasn’t for sharing a breakfast table. At another hotel, there were two conventions going on. A person from the “other” convention joined me and we had a wonderful conversation.

I would always bring a book or reading material as a backup.

SeaUrchin - now that is a really good point - about the lighting, I mean. No point in planning to read in a dimly lit restaurant!

Suze .. I got all excited but you were just joking! Like someone mentioned I don't go looking for company either, but it does happen and often it's the book that does it that opens up a really interesting conversation.

Happy travels all, and happy reading.

I think as a solo traveler, you really have to be comfortable in your own skin. Each time you travel alone, you become more confident, and relaxed. I rarely am without a book, and a journal. These are my companions when I am on my own. I tend to dine early, so getting a table is easier. After dinner, I like to walk, and later find a cafe, pub, tavern, etc. to have a drink or a coffee and do a bit of people watching.

I travel a lot and as such also dine alone.
In Europe and especially in Paris and France in general, learn to understand some of the important cultural points.
1. Understand some of the simple restaurant and cafe language terms that can avoid you being taken as a naive tourist.
2. Research and understand food (in the local language) to a degree you understand the dishes and their basic ingredients and process.
3. Research and have knowledge of wine and liquers and do not order wine before ordering the food - only an aperatif or a good water.
4. In the smarter restaurants try to visit them at lunchtime to introduce yourself and book a table from the next day onwards.
If you phone for a booking and they are full, then visit them the next day, explain the situation and make another arrangement - this they like and hardly ever fails unless you turn up like a tramp or drunk.
5. Initially order only lunch in the smarter restaurants - it is cheaper and allows you to get to know the layout, staff etc.
6. Dress appropriately.
7. Carry a range of suitable reading matter - Economist, Financial Times, up-market travel magazine, and best of all a City or regional restaurant guide book - this when openly shown can suddenly change a beligerent maitre d's attitude.
8. Make friends with the wine master - he/she has greater influence than is commonly believed - and make sure you take their advice and give a verdict on each wine drunk - if you return to the restaurent he will come back to you with suggestions.
9. Be aware that a person used to dining alone will always rearrange the dining table - this is good for when displaying the guide since they may take you for a food critic.
Remember in Europe that FOOD and WINE is KING, and the more knowledge and understanding you have and show will overcome all other barriers to you enjoying your meal.
OH I forgot - show respect in a quiet firm manner, and support focal points in the local economy as they also report back on you.

Really? I can't order wine before my meal?

I had a wonderful experience in paris about 6 years ago. Someone had told me about a great new resturant with a great new up and coming chef. While I was sightseeing during the day I saw the returant and went back and asked them when they opened, and told them in my college french that I had heard about the chef. They treated me like royalty, gave me a free hors d'oevre and dessert. It was a wonderful experience. The name of the the resturant was La Dinnee with an accent over the e. Don't know if it is still there.
Just walk in with confidence!

I can't turn up like a tramp or a drunk! Darn!!

Eating alone at dinner was the hardest thing for me to get used to on a solo trip. I used to take reading material but one night the light was so low it was impossible to read. That's when I figured out I should take a journal. It's a lot easier to write than to read in low light! It's also a great time to collect your thoughts from the events of the day. If I travel with someone I hardly ever find time to keep a journal. Also, I have been asked countless times about what I'm writing. It's a great conversation starter which just adds to what you can write about later. I also usually eat earlier when there are fewer people and you can get more personal attention from the staff. Many younger wait staff seem intrigued by the fact that a single woman can actually travel (and eat) alone so that helps in feeling more comfortable. I always try to engage the server too. I think they appreciate the fact that you interested in their opinions. I love the ipod idea and many of the other thoughts expressed here. Thanks! Next trip I'll try some of them out!

I know - geez. Tramp and drunk are my old standbys for when I go out.

I still want to know about why I can't have wine before my meal!

Honestly I have never heard that 'rule' before. I'm older, fairly well-traveled, and worked in the restaurant business in my youth.

It is news to me.

a glass of wine as an aperitif, maybe, but otherwise the wine you drink would be ordered after you order your meal, so that you can get a wine that goes with your meal.

Have you ever watched a travel video and wished you could just disappear inside it and join the diners or travelers? I have. This is how I see the solo travel experience, and this is how I overcame the intimidation factor of being alone.

You’ve all provided wonderful tips. Toedtoes asks how we’ve viewed solo diners while we’re with a group. Often, I view them with envy. No chains. No boring chatter. No disagreements over how to split the check. But the one I like best is from SeaUrchin.

Would anyone scoff at James Bond or Anjelica Huston entering a restaurant alone? Of course not, they project an air of confidence. They are in control from the moment they walk in. I also like the idea from Suze, busying yourself with post cards to friends back home. I wasted an entire evening in Paris once, writing post cards. Also, I occasionally bring a book – but something with an intriguing title, not self-help or personality improvement books.

Researching the menu and knowing what you want in advance also hints to other patrons that you might be a regular and that they might be the strangers in town. From the moment a Food Network personality once recommended the Crab Omelet at the Café de Flore in Paris, I knew that’s what I wanted when I went there. You should have seen the reaction when I ordered it with confidence without looking at the menu. Other diners smiled and copied my selection. (BTW, it was wonderful.)

Here’s a funny story about being confident. One night (around 2:00 a.m.), I was strolling back to my hotel in the Latin Quarter and heard a solo jazz guitarist entertaining sidewalk café guests from curbside. One small table was vacant, and I took it. The waiter arrived, and I ordered: L'habituel, s'il vous plaît (the usual, please). He brought my Heinekin, just what I wanted. The funny part was that I had never before been to that café. Try it.

Last, don’t be afraid to start conversations on the Metro while enroute to a tourist destination. Who knows when you’ll meet an exciting person to share that experience with at, say, a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Versailles.

o2bnfrance~ What a beautiful story. Loved it! I can just picture you.

Oh, and Suze, researching the menu and knowing what you want in advance also allows you to order wine before your dinner. Regardless, I agree with you, Suze. What’s the big deal?

Now, let’s move on to another important wine question: Why is it not okay to drink wine from the bottle?

Forget about "rules" - be confident, polite, express appreciation for the food (if it's good) and just enjoy. Dine at the time that suits you, order what you want to eat and drink and don't worry about anyone watching or critiquing you. Taking a newspaper or book is good for me, otherwise I end up being the one watching the others! I usually write in my journal while I'm waiting for the meal and write details of the food before the wine kicks in.
I was alone in Paris for 3 weeks over Xmas/New Year and had some wonderful dining experiences. The waiters were almost uniformly friendly and helpful; I was given complimentary drinks and invited out for after dinner coffee with a group of fellow diners. I even ended up asked to join the staff Xmas party for a very exclusive boutique hotel, when I was the sole diner at the restaurant where it was held.
I enter with confidence and assume if people are looking at me, it's because I'm interesting.
If you don't like the experience, don't tip - but don't go back there!
Enjoy.




Enjoy!

I always drink "house" white wine. Before and during the meal. Doesn't matter what I'm eating. So there's nothing I need to match up or wait for -lol!

Thanks, o2bnfrance, glad you like what I wrote. I know if people watch someone it is either because they look really good or really bad, those in the middle are easy to ignore.

Hopefully, if people watch me, it is not because I have spinach on my teeth or toilet paper stuck to my shoe. At least that is what I tell myself and it makes for a better experience! I always figure it is better to be as exotic as one can in any social occasion, it makes things more interesting, but that is because it just works for me.

I just read this from afterelton.com

Tim Gunn:

"What we choose to wear sends a message about how we want the world to perceive us. And I think the only way to do that successfully and to navigate the world comfortably is to be confident about what you're wearing and to feel that you look good. And I'm hoping that it's through interaction, engagement with other people that they'll understand other dimensions of you.

But if you look good – whatever that means, and it can be different for everybody – then you'll have carriage and bearing and the confidence to own the world in a manner of speaking."

And from me: and dine alone!

What great suggestions and comments!
I will be traveling to Hawaii in April solo, for a few days before the rest of my family arrives.
I'm ok doing things on my own, but it was eating dinner by myself that had me nervous. Thanks to all of the suggestions I feel much more comfortable.
Suze thanks for starting.

I never read a book or newspaper when dining alone. I love to people watch, and I find that a lot of people, even the waiters, will strike up a conversation with a lone diner. Once I'm seated I just enjoy the meal and my surroundings. I also don't hesitate to ask for a particular location, e.g., outdoors, or a different table if I don't like the one I'm led to.

But I will say that the worst part for me is entering a restaurant alone, especially an unfamiliar place.
A few years ago in Monterosso I was refused seating at a popular seaside restaurant. It was a casual place but I purposely went early b/c I realize that most places don't like to waste a table on one person during the busy hour.
The hostess - maybe she was the owner, I don't know - at first pretended not to notice me, and when I made her notice me, she pretended to be apologetic and said she had no tables available, which was obviously a lie. She then told me to come back at 8 or later, when she would be able to seat me.
I told her, in my very good and sarcastic Italian, that she was much too kind but not to bother holding a table for me because I would not be back at 8, or 9, or any other time.

Fortunately, that was the only time something like that ever happened. I only wish I'd noted the name of the place b/c I would have posted it all over the travel boards.

Panecott, what a ratty way to treat a customer. Listen, with Google Maps’ help, I have identified nine locations in Italy with the name, Monterosso. But only Monterosso al Mare is located at a seaside. This is the Monterosso I will be boycotting in your honor.

Next time, try wearing dark glasses, and tell the hostess or maitre d' that you’d like a table where the paparazzi can’t find you. I betcha it works.

Hello all,

I am a newcomer. I found great tips and suggestions over here. Will be of great help for me as I travel a lot & I am foodie.

Panecott - I've had the same thing happen to me, but only one time. It was in Chisinau, Moldova, and they claimed an empty room was fully booked! And it's not a town overwhelmed with tourists, believe me! However, I think being a single often works to my advantage in Europe when I don't have a reservation - they'll find a corner for me when a bigger party might be turned away.

>>I told her, in my very good and sarcastic Italian, that she was much too kind but not to bother holding a table for me because I would not be back at 8, or 9, or any other time.

Panecott- !

When I'm traveling alone, I'll often eat at the museum café, say, at the Louvre, or Musée D'Orsay.

I love museums, and I can spend hours there. Somehow I feel very comfortable dining alone, and the food is usually light and moderate. I feel safe and secure, and plenty of people are relaxing and writing postcards.

It is lovely to have a light salad, coffee and slice of torte in the afternoon. You don't need reservations, and they are usually not crowded at off hours.

Hi, Kailani. I've eaten at the restaurant near the entrance to the Denon Wing many times and loved it. Quiet, clean, good food, friendly staff, and reasonable. I always make it one of my lunch stops. Also, there are usually other single diners there. It gives us an opportunity to study the museum floor plan and plan our exhibit visits for the day.

o2bnfrance,
Yes, it was Monterosso al Mare, in 5Terre, which has become so popular I guess they feel they can be rude and still have enough business to keep going.
FTR, this place was way at the end of the new part of town, right on the water and had outdoor and indoor seating. Fortunately, other places were more hospitable.
Thanks for the boycott, and I like your other suggestions. I might just try them sometime.

thursdaysd,
I don't know about you but I was mortified, and really amazed, when that happened to me. In so many years of travel, that was a first! But fortunately, I'm sure I didn't let it show and I let her know just what I thought of her "hospitality".

boots08,
Thanks.

panecott - yes, I was somewhat upset! Enough that I added a complaint about the restaurant to the feedback I wrote to Lonely Planet on the Romania + Moldova guidebook - not that they took any notice!

Dining alone doesn't usually bother me. Think of it this way - when you dine with a group do you focus on single diners and pity them? Of course not, no one else does that when you dine alone.

I have an Amazon Kindle e-book. It always getrs attention from the waiter. I've had lots of lovely conversations about it - in fact sometimes more than I want. I think Jeff Bezos owes me some free books for the advertising I've done.

And Suze - as far as I'm concerned you can order wine any time you like. Heck have it with breakfast you're on a trip!

I will often grab a sandwich and fruit at a deli, and go to the beach, or a picnic area in a park, or a city square and eat while I watch people or whales.

Many towns have specialty fast foods, and when I'm by myself I might indulge in burritos, samosas or falafels more frequently than restaurant dining.

I am also more comfortable eating breakfast alone, so I'll enjoy a hearty omelet and eat light later in the day.

I'll pick up fruit and snacks to eat in my room, and catch up on reading and writing, and go to bed early to get an fresh start the next day.

I can often drop a few pounds when I travel by myself, versus eating out with my husband twice a day. I walk more, and I pretend I'm on a spa vacation.

I get most attention when I travel and dine alone but it has always been the admiring kind. Perhaps it is because many are afraid to do this solo, they think it is a reflection of great strength and bravery? I also often take pictures of my meal when it arrives and didn't think about it till just now.....maybe some think I am a food critic or writer?

Thanks to everyone for pitching in with great ideas. Both for comfortable solo restaurant experiences, and other alternatives.

I like the idea of museum cafes! I can picture that would be perfect for me.

Upscale hotels in cities with a large expat/business-transient population usually handle this smoothly. Smile and say cheerfully "just me!" and you get seated somewhere with a good view. The staff may bring along reading materials with your water in an breezy and not at all patronizing manner.

Well, if I were alone and on a cruise, for instance, I would go up to a party of diners who didn't seem to be distincly coupled up and say "mind if I join you.?" All they can say is no.

We have made it a point, on cruises, to look for people who seem to be travelling alone and ask if they would join our group. Some say, "no, I am enjoying being alone", but some do join us, and we have met some spectacular people that way.

In a restaurant, I don't see why it's a problem. Lots of places in Europe will ask "do you mind if we seat you with some other folks."

I truly believe people are just about as alone as they want to be. If you prefer to be alone, then be, and enjoy it, without reservations.

A variety of tips and stories about dining solo can be found at boldlysogolo.com in the "dining solo" category. Find specific restaurants, and suggestions from others around the world.

Okay, let me try that again. The link is spelled incorrectly in the previous post! Sorry about that. Tips and suggestions for dining solo are at boldlygosolo.com.

Topping for HEATHER on the Europe Forum, and also to add that I also love the "museum cafe" suggestion.
Convenient, yet cultured!

Oh for heaven's sake, when did eating solo become wierd?

Lollylo25~ if you dine solo and never feel uncomfortable or have a different experience than when you are out as a couple or with friends... well good for you, I guess.

No it's not weird, but it's not all that common. Just look around any restaurant at dinner time, how many tables have just one person? Not many.

And it *does* happen to make some people uncomfortable. Therefore this thread, with all the good tips and helpful suggestions.

Solo diners are more common than you think. It often depends on where you go to eat. If you usually dine out on "date night" with your significant other at a place you chose for its romantic ambiance, or at family-oriented restaurants with the kids, you probably will have rarely if ever seen anyone eating alone. Conversely, if you go to the restaurant of a hotel frequented by business travelers, you'll probably see a majority of solo diners (often dressed in full business attire oblivious to the world as they work feverishly on their laptops to finish tomorrow morning's presentation or catch up on what they're missing at the office). If you go to a wide variety of restaurants, you'll probably encounter a smattering of solo diners if you make a point of looking around the room.

I suspect that most "normal" people who dine out with significant others, family, or friends don't even notice the solo diners in their midst. They don't think solo dining is weird because they've never thought about it at all (although they might think it's weird if it ever does appear on their radar screen). That might offer some consolation to the many people who are afraid they'll be stared at or considered "weird" if they go to a restaurant alone. It might not offer consolation to those who are simply uncomfortable dining alone because they're sitting by themselves in a room full of couples, families, and friends. The only cure for that is to become confident and comfortable alone, which also happens to be the key to enjoying any other aspect of solo travel. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. Especially in a culture that equates leisure travel with couples and families, and with a travel industry that too often really does treat soloists as aberrations and gives them financial penalties and inferior service.

I have never been treated poorly by the wait staff of a restaurant because I was a solo diner. Once, I went into a nice fancy restaurant for lunch and the host was slightly surprised that I was alone. Other than that, the staff was wonderfully pleasant, the waitress even made sure to stop and discuss the meal afterwards (as you would normally do with friends after a good meal).

Most of the time I get perfectly fine service when I walk into a restaurant alone. It's the exceptions that are memorable, and that increase the apprehension. A few times I've phoned a restaurant for a dinner reservation, and when I answered the "how many in your party" question with "one" the response was "We don't take reservations for one." I have a hard time resisting the urge to reply to that with a well-deserved obscenity, but I know that would only give them the smug satisfaction of validating their policy.

I've also arrived at restaurants without a reservation (or that didn't take reservations), put in my "party of one" with the hostess, and then sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And watched couples and families who walked in after I did get cheerfully greeted and quickly seated. Until I finally got the not-so-subtle message that they didn't want me squandering a perfectly good table, and slunk away in disgust and embarrassment. (Complaining obviously would do no good.) This happened several times on solo trips to Hawaii during Christmas week, which is one of the reasons I now stay home during that time.

More common are the smaller slights that mar an otherwise good experience. Such as the hostess greeting me with "Are you by yourself tonight?" or "Just you?" And the busboy asking me the same question before whisking away the other table settings. These questions are surely more ignorant than malevolent, but they seem to indicate a staff that doesn't see many solo customers and doesn't quite know what to do with someone of my strange species. It's something different from a waiter who is obviously trying to hurry me out of there to free up the table for a more lucrative party (on the other hand, such a waiter may think he's being helpful by minimizing my discomfort-- it's difficult to determine the actual motivation).

Again, most of the time I'm treated like any other customer. But I do my part to increase the odds. I know better than to walk into a nice restaurant alone at the peak dinner hour on a Friday or Saturday night. If I do eat dinner out, I go early. Otherwise I go to a nice restaurant for lunch, when it's more comfortable and cheaper.

I do most of my solo dining in Europe and Asia, but I went up to Washington on my own this weekend to visit the Afghan exhibition, and decided to pay attention to how other diners reacted to the "solo" in their midst. I ate dinner at Jaleo Crystal City (noisy and full of groups) and a Thai restaurant (not very full of couples) also at Crystal City, and lunch at the Cascade Cafe in the National Gallery of Art, and a French bistro at the intersection of Connecticut and Florida Avenues. The only place anyone other than the wait staff paid the slightest attention to me was in the Cascade Cafe (so much for the museum suggestion!) - and there I was in the direct line of sight of a family party that wasn't doing too much interacting.

Since Jaleo is a tapas place it really works best for groups, but even though I arrived early for an Open Table reservation for one, I was seated promptly at a good table.

JBH wrote: "the smaller slights that mar an otherwise good experience. Such as the hostess greeting me with "Are you by yourself tonight?" or "Just you?" And the busboy asking me the same question before whisking away the other table settings." I take remarks like that as requests for information - I could have been planning to meet someone and arrived first.

I think of them that way also Thursday. Shouldn't they ask before taking away the other place setting?

Perhaps they could have asked "my I take this place setting?", but I almost feel that's worse because it's like they're afraid to point out I'm dining alone. I'm here by myself, I don't need to pretend I'm waiting for someone or that I've been stood up so I don't expect the staff to do the same.

It is a request for information. But the way they ask it reminds me that I'm alone (as if I need reminding). Sometimes is seems to feel more more awkward for them than for me. I think "may I take the other settings" or "do you need the other settings" would be better, since it feels more like a simple request for information that doesn't explicitly emphasize my solo status. But I don't think I've ever heard anyone take that approach.

JBH - maybe how you see the question depends on how self-conscious you feel about being on your own in the first place?

"Becoming confident & comfortable alone"...GREAT ADVICE. Truth is, most people are so scared of being alone because they fear what they may find out about themselves. But that is a topic for another venue. Dining alone, if one is uncomfortable doing this while traveling, you may want to stick to places that don't cater to families or couples. One look inside at the menu & folks dining will usually give you a clue. Traveling solo has so many benefits, that dining solo should not keep you from this experience. Besides, many cities have street markets. where you can eat while wandering around!

Casual dining is easy but not fine dining. If the latter restaurants are located in a hotel then it's not an issue. I will only fine dine alone in a non-hotel setting if there is a fabulous view to look at. I was in NYC city once and had Sunday lunch alone in one of Tavern on the Green's romantic rooms. I was quite comfortable despite being the only lone diner. I'm also quite comfortable dining alone in honeymoon resorts but they are usually by the beach.

I'm not sure what the real distinction is between "casual dining" and "fine dining." The latter probably refers to those restaurants that still impose a "no jacket no tie no service" dress code. But due to what some call "decay" or "dumbing-down," there are plenty of restaurants that offer fine food (if not necessarily an elegant "ambiance") without the fancy dress requirement.

Since I don't particularly enjoy dressing up, I very rarely go to restaurants with dress codes; I've certainly never gone to one of them alone. But I would suspect a fancy-dress restaurant would add an extra level of discomfort for the solo diner. Those places cater to couples celebrating some special romantic occasion or high-powered business executives, so they probably seldom see a solo customer. On the other hand, if they're really as elegant as they purport to be, their staff should be professional enough to give a solo diner the same high level of service they'd give a couple for an anniversary dinner. If they don't (or if they tell a prospective solo diner that they don't take reservations for one), it proves they're not as fine a restaurant as they claim.

Maybe if you're able to truly enjoy a solo meal at such a restaurant, you've surely reached the Titanium-Plus level of solo travel expertise and can comfortably and confidently go anywhere!

There are so many business travelers who by circumstances will find themselves dining alone at times. I know a few businessmen who have to jet around alone to take care of their projects, etc. I have seen restaurants cater to these people.

JB, take on the airs of one of these men who are thinking about other things and expect top service as a given. Dress and act the part and see if things fall into place. I hope they do for you.

Some years ago, DH and I decided that we would make one new acquaintence every month, since we were pretty new in town too. At a time just before Xmas,we were dining in a grand hotel and noticed an elder gentleman dining alone. We looked at each other and went over to introduce ourselves, ask him if he would consider dining with us.

Well, he came over, we had a grand visit, and he even took the bus over to our home later in the month to meet and enjoy our little kids....so tell me, would you like it or not, those of you who dine alone, if someone you didn't know invited you to share their table?

Just remembering what a good time that Xmas.

I have been invited to join other diners if I have been dining alone. It depends on the group dynamics if I enjoy the experience or not.

Two dinners come to mind off hand, one was I was invited by the male to join he and his wife, I could tell right off the bat that when I did join them it was not a good idea. In all innocence (on my part) the man and I hit it off and the wife sneered and sulked until I excused myself and left. Another time I joined a group of couples and we had a great time too, I met up with the ladies to visit some churches later in the week. Same as at home, ya just never know.

I don't travel alone; DH loves to go as much as I. But we have had many a great conversation with single diners we've met along the way. One evening in a piazza in Rome there was a lady dining alone on either side of our table. The four of us ended up enjoying after dinner drinks and trading travel stories.

Even at home, we will tell our hostess (as she seats us) that we'd be delighted to share a table with another couple. We've met some wonderful people in our own home town that way.

I almost always travel alone!

I like the freedom it gives me to make a tentative plan, but then change it spontaneously if something wonderful (like an unexpected invitation from a newly-made friend!) presents itself.

But I admit that I really hate to eat a "sit-down", elegant dinner alone. Even here where I live, in NYC, I generally think of those occasions as social opportunities for long, leisurely chats with my companions (as such, I tend to prefer extended dinnertimes, up to 3 hours or more, in the European way!). But when I am alone, usually I am simply eating for fuel; even here at home, I rarely eat at a restaurant table alone: this is largely because I am petite (& eat several small meals a day, which works best for my metabolism) and I am very high-energy, so my "vacations" are filled with a lot of running around!

As a result, I will sometimes eat at a table alone early in the day (e.g., breakfast), when I can use it as an opportunity to consult my guidebooks, etc, & plan my day's activities. If my hotel offers breakfast included, I show personal interest in the breakfast room staff, who generally treat me like gold thereafter(!); on occasion, if I see someone else alone but who looks interesting, I will sometimes ask him/her to join me.

The rest of the day, I will either carry some fruit & water with me (if I am lucky, my accommodations will include a small fridge-not wetbar-where I can store local grocery purchases for late night snacks etc ); otherwise, I will pick up something at the neighborhood bakery, make a picnic out of a mixture of native foods, stop off for a snack at a coffee bar or sweets shop, or take the opportunity to sample local specialties (e.g.: crepes in Paris, herring in Amsterdam, empanadas in Buenos Aires, etc) found on every corner, giving me the opportunity to eat like the locales!

I love to seek out produce markets & workers'cafes & eat as they do; the people-watching opportunities (& sometimes the resultant conversations!) & the chance to sample unusual, but authentic & inexpensive, dishes can't be beat!

Since I do eat only a little at a time, but often, & also am usually on a budget, I take advantage of the Mediterannean custom that charges less for the same food item if ordered standing at the bar than served at a dining room or outdoor cafe table. By eating the little dishes such places offer (e.g.: tapas in Spain, cicchetti in Venice), I minimize my costs while maximizing my opportunity to try a variety of foods that I might be less adventurous about if committing to an expensive entree at table! I also increase my chances of meeting people in such a convivial atmosphere! If I find a place not to my liking, I can just go on to another! And I can go from bar to bar in this way, sampling the country's wine or beer, snacking, chatting, & soaking up the real life of the people!

If I do eat alone at a restaurant table at dinner, however, I will usually choose an outdoor cafe with a lovely view, if possible. Then I will sometimes chat with people at a nearby table, depending on the proximity & whether I find them interesting. Often I will strike up a friendship with my server. But I do both of these out of real interest in the people,not desperation for company. I admit that this may be easier for me than for some others: I may be an "older" single woman, but I don't look it or feel it (I have friends of all ages, from all over the world), am an artist & quite cosmopolitan with varied interests, & am genuinely curious about almost everything! An innocent question on my part can lead to a quick answer, a long conversation, or a lifelong friendship! It may be a function of my own personality, but I find that when I am alone, I am much more likely to speak to a stranger & possibly meet a local, than if I were with a friend, whether at dinner or elsewhere.

Of course, I find it helps if the restaurant is cozy & casual, & I absolutely avoid tourist places, generally preferring local hangouts, particularly those which are family-run. Learning even a few words of the language, showing respect for customs, responding to puppies & babies, can all serve me well too!

I also tend to spend at least a week or more in one city &, if I find a place I like, I frequent it often (& tip nicely, if not extravagantly); I make friends & soon find a happy greeting & my favorite beverage awaiting me when I arrive! Nice!

I am travelling alone by choice, so my natural curiosity, sense of adventure, & genuine interest in nearly everything cancel out any pity about my solitary situation & usually makes interactions with others more accessible. And for me, the people I've met on my travels generally trump the sightseeing, no matter how spectacular, nearly every time!

stardancer:
I could not have said it better myself! I also have the same MO as you do, and love solo travel. I think it is a great way to really experience any culture.

I'm getting so inspired by all the input in this sight I'm actually starting to look forward to eating alone. Think I'll book a nice place tonight. LOL

A tip I observed at a bar: A woman seated herself right beside me and my partner though there were lots of other seats. She probably did that so she wouldn't seem to be alone or be hit on. Also when I last dined on my own at a nice restaurant, when I went away for a weekend, I put my cell on 'vibe' and texted back and forth with a friend while waiting for my food.

I think the journaling is a good idea too. But what about after dinner? How do you paint the town red when you are middle aged and no longer want to go to places for 18 year-olds?I usually use the dinner as my evening's entertainment so never go to dinner early as some have suggested. How to hook up with others for conversation over or after dinner?

Well, I'm really not interested in painting the town red, at home or when traveling. I make dinner my major evening entertainment, although I might spend some time just walking around afterwards if I'm in somewhere like Italy, or many parts of Asia. If I did want something more exciting (not always a good thing) I'd probably look for an Irish bar... Staying in hostels can be a good way to find people to talk and travel with, but I really prefer to stay a bit higher up the comfort scale.

I may have done the hostel thing 30 years ago but I like a few more creature comforts now myself. And the 'painting the town red' may be an exaggeration. Maybe 'peach' would be closer to it. lol

My point was that I so enjoy good conversation over dinner and after with friends and though I truly like to travel alone during the day, this is the hardest part; not being able to share your daily experiences,reactions to what you're tasting, sharing a meal. I guess it just comes with the territory?

MsLizzy - totally understand the desire for conversation - I handle some of that with email. I write a trip report as I travel and send it to an email list run off my website, plus I send some individual emails. Most places you can find cheap internet cafes (NOT hotel business centers!), although they are becoming rarer in more prosperous countries.

For after-dinner festivities if I am traveling solo I go to musical concerts. I usually find them posted on church notice boards or on any wall really. I really enjoy the music as well as the venue. Sometimes it is the only time a certain building is open to the public. Check posted bills for art talks and you could even take a night walking tour.

Also if you are staying in a small hotel, sometimes they have a little lobby where visitors meet for wine, etc.

I also write in my notebook like I am having a conversation on what I did or felt that day, if I linger after dinner in a restaurant. I find a resturant which is near my hotel or apartment to sit for an afterdinner drink.

<<this is the hardest part; not being able to share your daily experiences,reactions to what you're tasting, sharing a meal. I guess it just comes with the territory?>>

This thought proves the saying "everyone's different".

I live alone at home so I never have anyone to share daily experiences, talk about my reactions to a meal, whatever. So that is nothing I'd miss when I'm traveling.

Often times by evening I'm tired, and I am never real comfortable in extremely high-end restaurants anyways... sometimes I'll pick up take-away and a good bottle of wine and have dinner in my hotel room while watching TV (love this in a foreign language), read a book, or plan my next day's activities.

Or I find casual neighborhood bars, taverns, pubs, cafes to eat dinner. The kind of places with good food but little pretension, where a single person's welcomed as anyone else.

I rarely dine alone, but last week I did while traveling. I went for a late lunch and hit the local brewery/restaurant and opted for the outdoor seating. I found the smallest table under a tree and faced the street which was filled with people since this was a touristy area. I didn't bother to look at the menu, but just asked the waiter for what I was looking for. I had a tourist pamphlet with me so read through that during my meal, as well as people watched. I did text my DH though to let him know about the good beer I found and to rub it in

I felt totally at ease at this location by myself, but am glad I had something to do just in case I didn't feel comfortable.

At least for me when the question of "uncomfortable" comes up I picture myself under-dressed in a fancy Parisian restaurant where I reallly don't belong!

That 'nightmare' is easily avoided with exactly the kind of options, like mentioned above. Thanks mms (makes me want to sit in that same cafe!).

Here's a quick PS response from me:

Lollylo25:
You sound like my kind of traveller! I might not mind travelling with YOU! Thanks for the applause!

MsLizzy:
I find that the after-dinner issue can be dealt with in a variety of ways, depending on the time, place, or my feelings at the moment.

Since I have lived alone almost all of my adult life here in NYC, going out for an evening's entertainment when not on a date or in the company of a friend is nothing new to me.

I suggest you try one of 2 things:
either find something in the vacation location in a category which would interest you at home or try something new that your vacation location might be famous for.

If you like theater, get tickets to a show, if music, try a concert: use intermission to strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting & might share your opinion! The same for a sporting event!

If you like to shop & your vacation locale is famous for keeping shops open till 10pm (like Spain, perhaps), go do that!
Or just enjoy a walk in the evening, when your location can take on a completely different feeling & look from the one it showed you during the day!

It was winter when I went to Buenos Aires, but I am a dancer, so I was out ALL night long dancing tango at the milongas in BsAs! (I admit that on this trip I was with some fellow dancers, but whose company I really didn't want too much of, & also had a few friends living there with whom I also went out on occasion; but once I'd gotten the lay of the land with respect to the customs of such dance parties, I went out alone: a few times I ran into people I'd met at tango lessons & elsewhere, and at other times I was asked to dance by people I didn't know at all.)

In Venice, where most things shut down by 9 or 10pm for "family time", which is honored there, even in the warm weather of September, I confess to having been somewhat envious of the romantic couples in Piazza San Marco, touristy but lovely & one of the few places open later. But I went to enjoy the outdoor orchestras anyway! And one night there some unexpected fireworks precipitated a conversation with a handsome 19 year old young man from Cremona, who charmed me with his company for over an hour & rewarded me with an armful of roses! The other nights I headed to my favorite local bar for company, which included regulars happy to say hello & folks just newly arrived. Sometimes I met someone in my day travels who invited me for a drink; once I wandered into an art gallery, struck up a conversation with the owner, who, upon hearing I was an artist, invited me to a gallery opening the next evening (which, unfortunately, a late vaporetto forced me to miss!).

In Amsterdam I also had friends from nearby who came to visit me & spent an evening or two, but here things also close down early, by NYC standards, so I enjoyed bar-hoppping the rest of the week.

Etc,etc.............

Most places have some specialty in theater, art, film, dance, etc (bull-fighting?) Find a place & try it!
If the weather is good, most places have plazas of some sort filled with buskers to entertain you.
Or have a drink or a dessert at some lovely outdoor cafe & just relax & people-watch.

Almost everything, including getting lost, will be an opportunity to strike up a conversation! Sometimes it lasts an evening, sometimes it is over in a sentence.

Of course, things are more difficult if you do not know the local language. I try to learn at least a few words of whatever it is & also do very well with mime! But, unless you are going somewhere very out of the way, or very small, you are bound to find someone, whether a native or a fellow tourist, who has a word or two of English!

And yes, sometimes nothing works & you just feel lonely.
But, since I run around a lot in my travels, I am often up early, so, if all else fails, getting to sleep early can sometimes lead to awakening at 5am, as I did one day in Venice, when I used the opportunity to get to San Marco at dawn & pride myself on an entire roll's-worth of film pictures of the Piazza without a single tourist in it!!

An occasionally quiet evening, completely alone?
Try to remember the fun of the night before!
And also:
Tomorrow is another day!

Dining alone is the hardest part of solo travel and it takes a while to get comfortable. I have eaten in some very fine places alone, got dressed up, had a reservation for a party of one! I don't enjoy eating at the bar or a small hidden table, or getting carry out...I want the same experience I would have if I was with someone!! I never take a book or journal, I wouldn't do that if I had a dining partner and to me that screams "I'm uncomfortable dining alone". I chat up the waiter, people watch and even daydream a bit. Most of all I smile, enjoy the food and RELAX!!!

In Sarasota, FL one Sat morning i went to a French cafe for breakfast alone. There was a line and I was near the front but they kept taking the people behind me who were 2 or more. When this kept happening and i was kept waiting, I left and did not go back ever again.

I will be going to Venice solo in December and will try to take some of the advice on this post. I am usually exhausted by evening and it doesnt' seem like much fun to get dressed up and go out to a nice dinner alone. I'm not a foodie, either so I'd just as soon grab something on the run. This is the only time I really wish i was traveling with a companion.

That's the beauty of not having a companion, if you *want* to just grab something on the run and go back to the hotel... you can!

I just found this conversation again! I love all the suggestions and confessions. A few of my own:

When I'm traveling solo I always take a notebook because I often write about my trips. Plus, I get a little antsy waiting for my food when there's no one to talk to.
It's true what someone said above; that staff wonder what you're writing and often think you're a restaurant reviewer. Especially if you ask specifics about the food. Service starts to get very attentive.

Once I went into a restaurant alone with a crossword puzzle I was eager to work on. I was so into it, I didn't really think at all about other people in the restaurant.

Once I went to a nearly empty white-linen type of place in the hotel I was staying at. The only other diners were two couples. I felt really weird. But I didn't want to get into my rented car and drive somewhere else to be alone. And I was hungry and HATE eating in my room.
So I bit the bullet. That night the waiters and busboys turned out to be incredibly nice. We chatted a LOT. Sometimes in Spanish (I like to practice my weak Spanish skills.) I even got a recipe for the caramelized onion salad the server cooked tableside.
When I left, I shook hands good-bye with my main waiter and busboy and they walked me to the restaurant door.

One travel writer told me she makes phone reservations for two and shows up alone, saying her "friend" got sick. That solves the problem of restaurants that won't take reservations for one!

I never, ever go out to eat at a nice restaurant in my home town. THAT makes me feel uncomfortable. But out of town? No biggie. After all, I don't know anyone. Why do I care what anyone around me thinks??

And finally, I think I'll put a link from boldlygosolo.com to this site. Maybe more people will join in the conversation with some of their own tips.

My advice to fellow singletons is not too make such a big deal about eating, unless you're visiting a city or region specifically for the restaurants. Then, yes, some companionship comes in handy.

Breakfast is mandatory for me so I always stay someplace where breakfast is available or just down the street. I'm happier not having to talk at breakast, as many of you are, too.

Lunch is just something I grab on the move. When I'm exploring a new place, the last thing I want to do is spend an hour or two eating lunch. Snacking in a coffee shop or a cafe is all I need.

Dinner is the big deal for most of us. Usually, I grab something where I happen to be. But, when I want to enjoy a specific restaurant, I go. I don't take a book or anything else. I order a drink at my table and watch the other patrons. Trust me, they spend about as much time thinking about you as you would spend thinking about them if they came alone to a restaurant where you live. If they don't recognize you, they'll forget about you in 15 seconds.

And if I'm given a crummy table, I complain and threaten to leave. And, yes, I've left restaurants who refused to reseat me.

I've also found that if you go solo to a place you enjoy, tip generously, and return another evening, you'll be remembered and treated well.

Finally, every city has many places to dine that are habitually frequented by solo local folks. They won't be the best restaurants in town, but if you're really fretting, look for them.

BTW, I came here from BoldlyGoSolo.typepad.com, mentioned just above, which is in my RSS reader and deserves to be in more.

Interesting comment about never ordering wine before dinner. Must be an English thing. (Many restaurants in California do not have license to sell anything but beer and wine). I'd say never say never. If the restaurant has a good range of wines by the glass that are paired with the food, it's not unusual to order whatever looks good to drink with the bread and spread. Something else may or may not be ordered with the other courses.

The only place I've ever been denied a seat was a 2-star neighborhood place in Paris. I went in during the day to ask about a reservation for dinner and I guess they didn't like the way I was dressed. But that was the exception.

Most of the time the waiters will chat with you, especially if you lay a guide book on the table and attempt to order in the local language (although often they are just as happy to practice their English).

I've never had an issue in the United States with solo dining. You may get offered the bad table in the back by the kitchen door, but that also happens with two-tops. They are just trying to find someone who will accept it without asking to be moved. Once we watched a hostess try four different couples before someone took the bad table.

Chowhound is a good place to post and ask for restaurant suggestions.

I want to express my thanks to everyone who has participated to make this such a great thread!

THANK YOU, suze

This thread has become great as good restaurants are the one which matters to the travelers.

Traveling is my hobby even and I have found a great restaurant guide - www.boorah.com, through which I am able to find best restaurants based on reviews and ratings.

I love eating solo---especially here in NY. It always feels like I'm "treating" myself.

Anyway, a quick solo dining travel story. I went to Ireland several years ago with a group of friends---we were in college and were therefore really trying to get by on very little money. Ten days into the trip, I was dying for a "real meal"--not fast food, not a baguette, not cheese (this was basically all we were eating).

One night in Galway, the group of us called it an early night; wanting some real alone time I headed out for a walk. I stumbled on a candlelit restaurant with a 3-part jazz band. Ten minutes after I sat down, the place filled up; a couple came and asked if they could sit with me. They were obviously on a date and did not know each other very well. Over the next hour we talked on and off--I was drawing the majority of the time in a notebook I always carry with me. We talked about my drawings and they gave me advice on what I should when I graduated. Occasionally the three of us would slip into a comfortable silence and then they would begin talking again, just the two of them.

Anyway, it's hard to explain but there was something sort of enchanting about the night-- it definitely made me feel empowered to strike out on my own again.

I really enjoy meeting people randomly like this. My personal favorite solo dining tip is to consider sitting at the bar if you're interested in interacting with others. I've heard some interesting stories this way...

ttt (for our new format and new solo posters)

I don't order wine to go with my meal. I order my meal to go with my wine.

Thanks for all the great tips everyone.

LOL, hipvirgochick!
I didn't realize that this was such a hard thing to do for some folks, until my BF shared that she went out to dinner ALONE for the first time near her lake house. At 62, she worked up the courage - and had a great time. This is not a shy person - at all
I suppose it never occured to me because of years of solo travel for work. I don't think men worry about this. I agree that no one is "looking at you" in a negative way and that there's no reason to be apologetic for eating solo. I people-watch mostly. Sometimes I take in a Sudoku puzzle or a paper to journal while I'm waiting for my order.
But, kudos to all who step out of their comfort zone to enjoy a solo dinner in a nice restaurant.