It's The Ashes. Lovely, lovely Cricket.....

On my last trip the UK, I watched a cricket match at Exeter. I got a headache trying to understand it, and had to consume copious quantities of gin until I felt better.

BC, without any predictions

Gin does help. Pimms is better.

Cricket! Final proof that England and Scotland are not destined to remain together. We just don't get it. Nevermind. Good luck in the series CW. I think if you're lucky you may keep it down to 3 - 0.

Although having said that, a game where you can sit and get pleasantly pished in the sun cant be all bad.

Just watch out for misthrown balls.; They can be deadly

The Ozzies have a terrible team & injury worries, England (and Wales) have some form - so the result is clear, England are going to be thrashed and will be lucky to get the nil

My first cricket match was some huge event in Bermuda.. boy was it hot! boy were they nuts !

I think you are also nuts but I love you anyway- I will cheer on England !!

England are batting (in Wales) and are 120-3.

God I loves cricket.

Thought you were a bit quiet. Hows the wicket playing? I read there were concerns about it.

Well I have been invading Canada by accident....

It seems OK the three England wickets were a bit soft

Well seeing as we're on Day1 and they're just into the second session that runs between lunch of possibly cucumber sandwiches and tea which could be more of the same, it seems a good time to add a little truth to the earlier commentary:

" There really isn’t anything like it – we’re literally on opposite sides of the world and the actual trophy is a four inch high mock funeral urn that never leaves Lords because it’s too delicate. But it means more than life itself to us."

I think the Urn was actually brought out to Australia in 2007

It’s a series of five, five-day, cricket matches that brings both countries to an absolute standstill.
!!!!!really - maybe the Brits, like as they say it's mad dogs and englishmen out in the midday sun!

" Recently the Aussies have had the upper hand, but when England won in 2005 the country went nuts."
They did in deed becaus wasn't that the first time you had won in about 20 years?

" Then the Aussies absolutely mullered us in Australia. We were less nuts. "
I can imagine you were in deed seeing as we might as well mention it was a 5-0 white wash was it not?

This Sophia Park is an off looking ground hey what, more of a village field with some stands moved in.
But as Richie would say, such a lovely setting alongside the river with parklands about out on the fringe of Cardiff.

It even looks enticing enough that we may see some weddings in the park over the course of the 5 days could we?

I'm tipping a draw for this one given likelihood of weather that could blow in over there and I wouldn't be too quick to say the Aussies had the better batting line-up and bowling wise, the teams could be closer to equal too, so perhaps even a 1-1 series.

I am thinking it is a good year for a miracle.

3-2 England to keep the Ashes.

thereyet

Is the sport of Cricket an off spring of Baseball?

Cricket was first played in England in the 16th century.
Baseball was first played in England in the 18th century.
So the answer to your qustion is no/

No. Baseball is its child (and on the wrong side of the long grass).

Baseball is a version of a very old English game, rounders.

Played by children.

I think the reason that the Australians are so good at cricket is because they don't actually do anything else, at all.

The English players do other stuff like going to the shops, taking the kids to school, going to the cinema, getting the car repaired etc.

The Australians just play cricket.

<<< I think the reason that the Australians are so good at cricket >>>

Australian MALES are so good at cricket - their women are terrible presumably from all that tinny opening for their men-folk.

Which raises a question - are there any sports Ozzie women are good at?

I'm topping this just so I can watch you guys go at each other.

Pimms is squalaristic crap.

I'm not sure "squalaristic" is entirely cromulent.

You must be a little chuffed Cholmers, a first innings past 300 and in one day too - weather stays OK and you guys will have to be in with a good show with two spinners if the pitch starts to crumble and balls turn.

Was it a cunning ploy or not to have first game there on the banks of a river!, all that rich alluvial soil no doubt the best for a turning wicket - those alternate pitches look as dry as what you'd find in India or Pakistan.

And a little funnie from yesteryear with one of Englands favourite sons Ian Botham - don't know if you guys had a chuckle or not when a piglet was released on to the MCG one test, a Union Jack painted one side and word BOTHAM on other, great advertsing whilst the boys in blue and security attempted to catch him!

Heard this morning that it was vetinarian students who smuggled Bothamlet into the ground sedated enough for them to have him at the bottom of an esky [drinks cooler] and then they revived him - suppose Ian himself would have had a few similar occasions too!

He did walk from John O Groats is it to Lands End for charity and we do love a villain - probably have made a good convict!

But you Poms do dream somewhat with:
" I think the reason that the Australians are so good at cricket is because they don't actually do anything else, at all.

The English players do other stuff like going to the shops, taking the kids to school, going to the cinema, getting the car repaired etc.

The Australians just play cricket. "

There's something there to be learnt by the English ain't there!

and
" Australian MALES are so good at cricket - their women are terrible presumably from all that tinny opening for their men-folk.

Which raises a question - are there any sports Ozzie women are good at? "

Swimmers, Netballers, Volleyball, Basketball, Softball, Hockey, Equestrian, Water Polo, Athletics, Cycling, the list goes on with Gold and other Medallists at all levels.
Seven times World Womans surfing champion

And then of course they keep delivering the cricketers of the future.

Maybe something there to be learnt as well!

"The Australians just play cricket."

I know I sholudn't bite, but ...

I've played cricket twice in my life, at about age seven, retired hurt both times. I haven't the foggiest idea of the rules, and care less.

Your lot are welcome to win the Ashes as far as I'm concerned; the world will not change one iota, for better or worse, either way. I know many Australian males who feel the same way. There are of course the inevitable sports tragics who think it matters, but I only know one who actually plays the game. Two, if you count my son.

"their women are terrible presumably from all that tinny opening for their men-folk"

Tinnies gave way to 375ml bottles (stubbies) years ago. As they have twist tops it's not worth the bother of getting the ladies to open them, especially the bolshie ones like my wife who flat out refuse.

"are there any sports Ozzie women are good at?"

Who cares? Netball, perhaps, whatever that is, and I think something that looks like basketball but whose name escapes me.

I still carry the mental scars from playing the girl's hockey team at school one day, long after the physical scars have faded. It was a terrifying experience.

And I think the girls can swing the ball and bats pretty well too, and no doubt have a tinnie or stubbie or two or three to celebrate wins.
http://s44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/gan1948/?action=view&current=australian-womens-cricket-squad.jpg

And those Poms just loved Ian and wanted Australians to be likewise - 400,000 dolls!
Just wondering what happened with all the unsold ones!
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,20799180-953,00.html
Another piggie reference there too.

Eat my googlies tea leaves!

Engerland 437 all out.

Apparently one of the convict's openers grew up on a banana farm

They farm bananas in Australia? Won't the wombats eat them?

<<< And I think the girls can swing the ball and bats pretty well too, and no doubt have a tinnie or stubbie or two or three to celebrate wins. >>>

They must be the most sober women in Oz then

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/womens_cricket/8139082.stm

4 Nil - and rain stopped a whitewash

Wombats are a bit like what we call short @@$$#$ Cholmers, http://www.australianexplorer.com/photographs/australian_wildlife_wombats.htm just to remind you, a bit nuggedty like those two with the green cans, or one of them at least.

Thy'd need a leg up to reach the bananas - http://www.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://www.padil.gov.au/pbt/files/uall/pbt20-symptoms.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.padil.gov.au/pbt/index.php%3Fq%3Dnode/13%26pbtID%3D137&h=427&w=560&sz=156&tbnid=WdsAVFDKlvaesM:&tbnh=101&tbnw=133&prev=/images%3Fq%3DBanana%2BPlant%2BPicture&hl=en&usg=__icU3ReTgPV7jffsBP5kQ2cNMbOE=&ei=99hVSrb4JoSkswO7op30AQ&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=image

I'll have to learn about tiny!
But talking of less than tiny, is Stewart Broad a son of the earlier bowler, Peter was it?, or a nephew?

Battle of the lads between Broad and Hughes and looks like Phil is giving him a bit of a lesson at moment.

" <<< And I think the girls can swing the ball and bats pretty well too, and no doubt have a tinnie or stubbie or two or three to celebrate wins. >>>

They must be the most sober women in Oz then "

That's just for drinks in the session breaks, reason why they weren't too good for the ODI stuff but the real thing is about to come up for them too.

is Stewart Broad a son of the earlier bowler,>>>

He's the son of the batsman Chris Broad.

And don't try that monkey business about wombats with me sunny jim! I know wombats live in trees. I saw it on the telly. Bananas grown on trees (yes I know they're not actual trees but a form of grass, but wombats don't know that.)

That's probably who I was thinking of just like you might be confused with http://www.cfr.com.au/dropbears/index.html

Dropbears don't eat bananas. I suspect wombats might.

Nope, wrong again, the bears cousins - http://images.google.com.au/images?hl=en&q=Possums&cr=countryAU&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=-AdWSrOiK4SyswOV9vXODg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1

But their a good source of protein and fibre and sucking on the odd banana could perk the fielding side up a notch.

Hmmm, just one down, only 220 odd behind, what's the chances of it being close to just 100 in arrears by stumps, double for Ricky, a 100 odd for Simon
700+ on the board by stumps tomorrow
A few more for good measure on Saturday
Monty doesn't even have that gleam
And the luckless having to bat last for an innings defeat
Sorry lads

But you should see our latest VB add, streaker and all!

We will comfort ourselves with the knowledge that, come what may, we are never going to die after being bitten on the bum by a venemous spider that lives under toilet seats.

That's a big comfort.

Must admit it took a while to develop an immunity drop but enough of http://www.tastebeer.com.au/beer/27 and you'll not even feel a great eastern brown or a croc.

great centuries Ricky and Katich. Why are we playing in Wales? Is that so that the Welsh will support the Aussies??? or is it money???

Interesting question northie and just looking about a bit, seems as if it's a very competitive deal over yonder to get a test allocated - http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/cricket/4921718.stm

Decided upon over three years ago
And then a century ago, even an Aussie captain by name of would you believe! Monty Noble had voiced the idea.

Those Poms are a bit slow afterall ain't they!

"We will comfort ourselves with the knowledge that, come what may, we are never going to die after being bitten on the bum by a venemous spider that lives under toilet seats."

Fortunately it's been a long time (if ever) since any Australian met this fate.

The redback is an outdoorsy kind of spider, and a sluggish little bugger at that. Indoor toilets arrived a few years ago.

The funnelweb spider is a much more dangerous beast. Many years ago an Australian radio newsreader was lucky to keep his job after announcing that a woman had been "bitten on the funnel by a fingerweb spider".

Even the funnelweb is no more dangerous than one without a love for cricket
There's an antidote for those too

You could drown your sorrows here - http://www.thebeerfactory.com.au/superrange.html

Just found this thread. (Thanks Bushranger)

On my way to Sophia shortly for day 3.

Its looking to be squaring up to a great 3rd day.

We gotta get those 2 blokes out !!!

Quick question - with all his money, you would think Ricky P would be able to afford a new hat wouldn't ya??



Come on England and Wales !!!!!



Muck

The first Australian cricket team to tour England, in 1868, was an Aboriginal team. Before that the only international cricket tours were by English teams who visited the United States and Canada in 1859, and Australia in 1861–62 and 1863–64.

Over 6 months the team played 47 matches, winning 14, losing 14 and drawing 19. The outstanding player was one Johnny Mullagh, who scored 1,698 runs and took 245 wickets.

The Times described the tourists as "a travestie upon cricketing at Lord's", and "the conquered natives of a convict colony." The Daily Telegraph said of Australia that "nothing of interest comes from there except gold nuggets and black cricketers", an opinion obviously voiced by a contemporary Cholmondley_Warner.

The Daily Telegraph went on to say:

"It is highly interesting and curious, to see mixed in a friendly game on the most historically Saxon part of our island, representatives of two races so far removed from each other as the modern Englishman and the Aboriginal Australian. Although several of them are native bushmen, and all are as black as night, these Indian fellows are to all intents and purposes, clothed and in their right minds."

Well, that must have been a relief.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Aboriginal_cricket_team_in_England_in_1868

Cricket memories often go back just as far as the last not given Snoz.

On to yesterday though,

Cholmers, you weren't that junior batsman who got to partake of some Aussie crowd surfing a bit before stumps were you?

You kind of had the gower look about you.

Me? Go to Wales?

Come come my dear man....

Also; I went to the same school as Douglas Jardine (although not at the same time of course) and have very similar views on Australia to him.

There must be something in the water in Winchester (other than an enormous amount of chalk).

I think Cholmers had tried to bury this thread but I dug it up as his Cricketers are having a bit of a miserable time attempting to dig themselves out of a hole getting bigger and bigger with each session.

Suppose it's not so much sympathy we should have for them but there must be a bit of empathy for they must have felt a little reasonable getting 435 in first innings and then working over our new Bradman [but he's still just a lad and he'll be back]
And so it seems that all 435 might achieve is more than a couple of days in the field to come out in second innings a bit frazzled and unable to fire up too much.

" Such Is Life " said Ned on the gallows.

Perhaps Cholmers you need to streak about a bit with a Jardine war cry!

CW you would never get past passport control.



Croeso i Gymru

Muck

The !!!!!Rain!!!!!
From Ireland, across the Irish Sea
Who would have thought those Irish Eyes would smile on ye!

The !!!!!Rain!!!!!
From Ireland, across the Irish Sea
Who would have thought those Irish Eyes would smile on ye!

What the heck is the tally already!? We want updates!

thereyet

G'day Muckster

Well your attendance obviously spurred on the Aussies - 5 for 479 at stumps.

Think you'll have to pray for more rain!

I didn't see you there - or did I? (were yopu the fellow in the really silly hat?)

Sounds like they must have got a few overs in after the rain break Margo for I was waiting until there was less than half an hour to go and decided to hit the sack.
They were 4/~460 before the break.

I reckon instead of moving the Pommie tests to Wales, they might as well just move them out here where there's far more chance of avoiding the weather and we'll pack so many more into the grounds.

There was a minor sighting of me when the players came out.

My attendance ensured that geezer with the other stupid hat (and old n tatty too) alias RP got out. Rain is forecast today but ok Sunday, that means the half price 5th day tickets would have been a good buy after all.
But Iam resting today, its hard work sitting in the sun drinking cider all day.

479-5 get rid of the second half and head for a draw.

Muck

Aussies put the heat down and heat on, might be just enough to keep rain off long enough for a sizable lead to work on a win - just leave your spade in the garden shed this time Muck.

Seeing as they're off to lunch and the Aussies will probably knock a few coldies down, thought you'd like to see latest VB ad, some cricketers having a little cameo along with streakers!
. http://www.theshout.com.au/2009/07/08/article/VB-Earns-New-Ad-Campaign/MFMWJMWIMK.html

Update on the woeful Aussie women.

Australia 309
England 5 for 116

Poor C-W ..I wonder where his hideout is.We need to send him some condolence cards...

He could be thinking that Victory Hotel in Ballarat might not be too bad a watering hole kismetchimera.
Or would he be with the local Bahai seeing peace, enlightenment and more rain!

Rain!! I almost forgot how it looks like..

How the F did we get a draw out of that !!

Hers's to Thursday !!

"How the F did we get a draw out of that"

Monty Panesar is how. With a bit of help from sending the physio on. And the twelfth man. Repeatedly.

More importantly, how the F can anyone call cricket boring after this afternoon?

And to think, I thought I spoke English.

I agree, Madison. Perfect example of "Two Nations separated by a common language"!

just to be clear, I'm madison08. Not Madison.

went to a couple of cricket games in Melbourne..didn't understand much but loved when you all would just go nuts..way more than football in the US..you all love to party..almost went to one while in London but its a tough ticket to get..everything does stand still while those games are going on.

" "How the F did we get a draw out of that"

Monty Panesar is how. With a bit of help from sending the physio on. And the twelfth man. Repeatedly."

Yep, poor form by Englamd with go slow tactics, first with fields settings when Collingwood was bowling and then all that was obviously assisted by a fair bit of lost time virtue of rain - tipped the latter Day1 I did.


" I'm tipping a draw for this one given likelihood of weather that could blow in over there and I wouldn't be too quick to say the Aussies had the better batting line-up and bowling wise, the teams could be closer to equal too, so perhaps even a 1-1 series"

Well Strauss has led the way with dirty tactics, a very hollow draw in deed and I'm a bit disappointed with Ricky for not keeping the quicks on to if nothing else work Anderson and Panesar over a bit.

Thought bowlers were less than impressive in last ten and needed to mix it up a bit, slower balls and some full tosses wouldn't have hurt.

It was a little amazing how delirious fans were getting over the prospect of a draw and you would have thought they were clinching a victory in barely avoiding defeat!

Oh well, Mark Webber one his first GP.

Sour grapes? I do detect.

thereyet

We watched some people getting excited about all this at the pub around the corner from the apartment where we are spending a week in London. We had no clue what was going on, but it was fun to watch the reactions of those around us.

Yep Nikki, it was certainly a close finish and shows how cricket can be something of a long play, five days for a test in this case and various twists and turns along the way that allow a decision or a lack of a decision in there being a draw coming down to the last few minutes and two last batsmen who aren't really for they are bowlers who usually have to bat.

And full credit to Monty and James Anderson for not getting out.

But no sour grapes ty, just a factual account and disappointment?, for sure when you have had a team that was so indisputedly superior in most respects but factors outside of their control thwart victory.

Australia could have tried going a little harder in their later batting to give a better chance of winning but still come undone.

"It was a little amazing how delirious fans were getting over the prospect of a draw"

How, precisely, does that differ from the behaviour of the Australian TEAM (not just fans) after the Old Trafford draw in 2005? Third Test: last Ashes series in Britain (as we now have to call it)

Or are Australians incapable of remembering anything that happened before their last tinny?

I love it when the Aussies start whining about gamesmanship.

Lest we forget this stain on their nation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OYwqcvdPyE

But that game just gone proves what a perfect game cricket is - Chess with violence.

Do you think Harold Larwood might fancy a recall?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwL1VOBG6Vo

(he does look fast doesn't he - and he ws bowling a full yard closer to the batsman)

" I love it when the Aussies start whining about gamesmanship."

And don't you just love it when a statement of facts brings on not just claims of whinging that Poms are the greatest at but dredging up of whatever they can from yesteryears.

It is 2009 after all guys and I know even the Queen can't control the weather which was the major impact on the game and a moral victory or not, result is a draw that Aussies can live with and move forward.
As the Captain said, England can play it their way and we will do it our way.

If England cannot move on, more than likely it'll be their loss.

It's just that the most rule bending captain of all time whining about a little light gamesmanship is a bit rich.

Mind you, it's not that hard to distinguish between Punter and a ray of sunshine at the best of times.

He needs a new hat too. I know he keeps getting fined his match fees but even so...

" It's just that the most rule bending captain of all time whining about a little light gamesmanship is a bit rich. "

Are you keeping a diary on such events Cholmers?
And could it be he has so many morefold tests as captain up that of course you'll have more on him in it?

I'd just take each test as it comes and yep, Greg Chappel didn't even have too many supporters in Australia for telling his brother what sort of a ball to bowl - within the rules.

But was Ricky even born? and it was nothing to do with the ashes now was it?

Aussies do take pride in getting a baggy green, to the extent that they rather the original, and again it might just show how many games some of them play compared to the opposition.

You've got to admit it brightened up the day that the Ozzies couldn't get someone out who barely knows which end of the bat to hold - and then to have Ponting with his pet lip threatening to throw his handbag down.

In some ways it's actually more satisfying than beating the Ozzies

I wonder if all these "whinging Ozzies" are in fact descended from the "whinging £10 poms"?

Little matters do amuse small minds Alan and if you get satisfied in slagging a cricketer instead of your team winning, no doubt there'll be much opportunity for further satisfaction.

From what I can gather, once a whinging pom, a ten quid one or not, it'll always be a whinging pom.
I think you'll find most like that tend to keep the Brit passport and head back to enjoy drizzle rather than sunshine.

Well once you've seen all Australia has to offfer culture wise - An opera house that's useless for putting on operas in and the museum of rotary clothes dryers then I suppose a little drizzle is a small price to pay. Oh and a lack of bum-biting spiders.

Anyway....To Lords where England have only beaten the convicts once since Queen Victoria (Queen of Both England and Australia of course) died. I wonder why the Aussies raise their game at Lords? Cultural cringe mayhaps?

Full marks to Monty and Anderson.

The situation was actually created by Ricky P and his merry men.

Friday after tea, there was a small rain shower after which the batsmen came back on, the floodlights were on for the 1st time ever in Ashes history.

The Aussie batsmen played for a couple of overs and legged it. Light was too bad !! -Rubbish !!

It was that momentous decision causing a loss of about an hours play. That cost them the game.
Retrospectively- if they had played on they would have declared earlier and poor old Monty wouldn't have lasted too much longer. Game set and match

So well done Ricky P, declaration was too late and your batsmen crying off under the floodlights lost you the game.

Gamesmanship -perhaps, probably a trick England learned from the Aussies.

I say again- How the F ............


Muck

<<< From what I can gather, once a whinging pom, a ten quid one or not, it'll always be a whinging pom. >>>

And their Ozzie descendants who clearly have inherited the whinging gene?

Will you make it to Lords, CW?

Do have a pastie, and put a fiver on "First out by Stumps" for me!

thereyet

"From what I can gather, once a whinging pom, a ten quid one or not, it'll always be a whinging pom."

As far as I can see, all the whingeing on this thread is coming from Down Under. Cricket's about tactics, and the arch-gamesmanship mob can't hack it when they screw their tactics up.

The 2001 UK Census officially confirmed that ALL whingers have now been expelled from the UK. Only in Australia, these days, can they find kindred spirits - though listening to little Ricky last night, it was obvious a few sneak in past the Heathrow Whinger Detectors every summer.

"The 2001 UK Census officially confirmed that ALL whingers have now been expelled from the UK"

Come on Flanner you know that isn't totally true.

You and me are still here.lol

Now I know how you Brits must feel when we Yanks blather on about one of our unique sports, using incomprehensible jargon, obscure references and slang. I apologize.

I'd still like to know who is winning, though. Can you give us colonists a clue?

It is a draw so far, nukesafe....much to the dismay of the folks from Downunder!

thereyet

"Can you give us colonists a clue?"

You mean colonised. And, BTW, that traitor George Washington played cricket (http://americanrevwar.homestead.com/files/valley.htm), but didn't play baseball, ice hockey or blouseball - so if he could understand it, why can't you lot? And isn't playing these non-Washington games unAmerican?

For those less able to grasp a simple game than the cherry tree bloke:

- We were about to get totally wiped out in the first of five five-day matches
- With about an hour to go, we were reduced to having probably the worst batsman ever to play in international cricket at the stump (think baseball). He's usually OK as a bowler, though
- Against all odds (and with a bit of help from some creative time-wasting by the English team) he was still there when time was called
- So, although by the more boring standards (like who played better), Oz was light years ahead of us, rules is rules and the match was a draw. Probably the most exciting draw in living memory.

"The 2001 UK Census officially confirmed that ALL whingers have now been expelled from the UK"

Untrue - some of them sent their offspring to live in Alley

Thank you Flan! I can see why all the excitement.

All I can remember about Cricket was an afternoon in the company of Ted, the Father of my English "Practice Wife". It was a chilly day, and I can recall being terminally bored, until Ted started pouring something called "Whisky Mac" (sp) that were supposed to warm us up. After that, the afternoon became much more pleasant as those fellows out on the field faded away to a vague blur.

Let's try that again

Untrue - some of them sent their offspring to live in Kangaroo Alley where they spend 2 years surrounded by Ozzie beer & other Ozzies.

<<< Now I know how you Brits must feel when we Yanks blather on about one of our unique sports, >>>

This "unique" sport is followed by some 1.5 billion people around the world. It's not to be compared to rounders or girls rugby

" As far as I can see, all the whingeing on this thread is coming from Down Under. "
Dunno about that nor can remember which of the whiners in the old crumbling place even said it.

Rock on Thursday.

And Mucky, it's always easy in hindsight to say this or that should have been done.
Only time I've ever played under lights was at indoor cricket, totally different scene.

Didn't the Aussies lose Clark in that session when they came back and he was already pretty well settled.
And if they had played on and had a collapse, England performs better and who knows what the result could have been!

Looks like Freddie is in doubt for Lords, Harmison named which I thought was on the cards - haven't you guys got any new blood worth blooding!

If you had of had an old cricketer like
http://s44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/gan1948/?action=view&current=DaddyShane.jpg
you could be in with a chance.

And Mucky, I'll not let on about being a turncoat with what you have planned!

"The 2001 UK Census officially confirmed that ALL whingers have now been expelled from the UK">>>

Do you think that walkingaround has to hide in an attic like Ann Frank?

Will you make it to Lords, CW?>>>

Yup. On saturday.

Do have a pastie, and put a fiver on "First out by Stumps" for me! >>>

Pastie yes, suicide bet? No.

PS Cricket is the second most popular game in the world after football. It's just a few outposts of insularilty that don't play it (Would it be true to say that USA and Canada are the only countries once run by the British that don't play it? Why not Canada?).

Harmison called up - along with the magnificently named onions. Onions plays in a team with a wicket keeper called Mustard so yo often see A Batsman c Mustard b Onions. This amuses me .

<<< yo often see A Batsman c Mustard b Onions. This amuses me . >>>

or the classic commentary line - "the batman's Holding, the bowler's Willey".

We do too play cricket! The NYPD even sponsers a team.

http://ny.usaca.org/

The major cricket webiste is cricinfo.com They have a specifically American service - but it ain't aimed at yanks, but those of us from the real world who wound up stranded there and need a fix.

I am fairly sure that Canada was in the last one day cricket world cup in South Africa. Mostly expat West Indians, but not a bad side.

Probably have score cards that read "Saskatchewan 23-2, Growly bears stopped play"

<<Do have a pastie, and put a fiver on "First out by Stumps" for me! >>>

Pastie yes, suicide bet? No.>>

Ahhhhh, but just think of the stories you could tell if the improbable happens!

thereyet

"And Mucky, it's always easy in hindsight to say this or that should have been done.
Only time I've ever played under lights was at indoor cricket, totally different scene."

Yes that's true but the use of lights was agreed by both teams if required, the lights are used frequently at Glamorgan, I was there for a rain sodden game last year which finished at 23:10, in the drizzle. The only thing I would say in their defence is that under floodlights the ball should be white, this would then have cause a multitude of problems.

What do I have planned Bush...?

Roll on Thursday !!!

Muck

Cricket is a daytime game, played in white, over five days with a red ball.

Everything else is a mere confection for the feeble minded.

<<< Cricket is a daytime game, played in white, over five days with a red ball. >>>

Rugby is a hooligans game played by gentlemen with oddly shaped balls

Rugby is a game for the merchant classes.

It also gets played in heaven some pundits would have us believe.

All this sport is nearly getting me overwhelmed!
Aussie winning his first GP
Last of three state of origin RL tonight between NSW and Queensland but Queensland have already won the series.
Keeping up with the cycling in France, complete with snails on the road.
And then we have the Aussies and Kiwis doing battle in first Rugby Bledisloe Cup match on Saturday
It's good the other whites at Wombledom Common have been put away so we can concentrate on the sly Pommie tactics.

And then of course there's the real game - www.afl.com.au

Just hope you guys can keep the amateur gardeners away from the pitches for the next month.

Yeah - let's not forget that Cardiff - the venue and the pitch - was set up to give the Poms a first-up advantage - they were expecting their much vaunted spin attack to run through the Australian batting.

We now know that the bowling is the main weakness for the Poms as well and much will probably depend on the extent to which Harmison and Johnson can get their respective acts together. Mitchell Johnson may have an excuse for his indifferent performance at Cardiff - women - apparently his mother was on television the other night claiming that she had rarely seen or heard from him since his [rather stunning] girlfriend/ fiancee had arrived on the scene. The story is that Dennis Lillee saw him on a Perth beach and suggested Mitchell might give his mother a call... That's all a bloke needs!

BTW, hadn't seen this thread and C_W_'s rather unsporting 'convict' aside when I posted on 'Tell C_W_ where to go' (Sophia Gardens was the recommendation as it happens) or would have suggested he visit the Old Bailey and the London docks to learn something of his more enterprising countrymen and women (the dregs stayed behind). Have to agree though that Test cricket is the only form that matters.

I spend half my life in the Old Bailey. It's not a lot of laughs in real life.

It looks like they'll drop Monty for Onions.

That is a wonderful sentence isn't it?

And to make the Aussies feel welcome(and this is honestly, yes HONESTLY, in the Australian National Museum):

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2f/Early_hills_hoist.jpg

One of our gifts to the world (we have a well used offspring in our backyard, keeping company with the Victa lawnmower - ours is the entry level 'Statesman' model, as you'd expect, but it gets very little use nowadays as the 'lawn' has died off and, quite sensibly, we're not allowed to use precious water. Thought you'd appreciate that. The connection with the thread title is that we'll now be breeding prodigious spinners in our Sub-Continent-like backyard dustbowls - they'll be ready for our 2019 Ashes defence).

Apologies for uncharacteristic Antipodean poor taste in referring to your relatives at the Old Bailey - I'll plead physical and mental debility - too many late nights watching the Tour and the cricket, and Scottish ancestry.

If your lot really knew where the bowlers got started Cholmers.

Much backyard cricket using that slender pole as a wicket to aim for.
When the kids get that down pat, a dads fishing pole becomes the target.

No wicketkeepers for if you do not get bat on ball it's automatically out CB or MS.

And yep the Hills has been known for many more a use too.

Import a few more and you might have a mob to cut the mustard by 2039.

Bushranger - that reminds me, the only time we would willingly bring in the washing was when it was interfering with our backyard shot selection (limited as it was). And ditto for mowing the lawn - when we needed a pitch.

Keep up the chatter!

Lords starts tonight!

Bring on your Harmison!!!

Who can forget the first ball of the last Ashes tour? Harmison direct to second slip!

Although he apparently has some good figures, lately!

Another 5 nights without sleep!

how can we explain the game?? 6 wickets to 19 wickets and it's draw!!! great article by Darren Lehmann in today's Herald Sun. Roll on Lords!!!!!

At this rate, with responses already tipping the ton after one game and another four to go, this thread might set some kind of record if the Poms manage to stay remotely in the hunt.

It could be a bit hard farrermog, but then we've just found a Pom lost in the middle of nowhere.

" Who can forget the first ball of the last Ashes tour? Harmison direct to second slip! "

Was a bit unforgettable eh! Margo.

I wonder whether Cholmers has any sway over there

Like with his elastic conotations and tests under lights they could put them on at a reasonable hour for us you'd think.

If there's any elastic left over, he could use it to stop him swaying too far.

What do the others this end think of the SBS TV studio commentary team of MacGill, Marto and Mo? Thought they did a good job, getting better as they loosened up. An article on MacGill last weekend referred to his 'team bonding difficulties' - he gave the example of looking for a decent meal and wine after a game only to find that the others would be content with a Subway and a quick trip back to the hotel to jump onto the X Box (with him settling into a good book later). As we frequently see here, we all can't be bon whatevers and intellectuals, can we?

They're certainly a change from what we may be used to farrer but then that's the SBS.

I've never minded Gilly actually and he probably never got to fulfill his potential courtesy of Sheik of Tweak about and lapping up baked beans heated in the MW.

To be honest, I haven't paid a lot of attention to the studio commentary and Marto [given way he bailed out] and Mo [bit of a weirdo in some ways] might also grow into the job.
One comment I remember Mo it might have been made at some stage was that maybe a few full tosses [even a beam ball] might have the deal to vary the bowling on a dead sort of pitch.

Ha!, are underarms still legal in tests?
That would have had Monty flummoxed.

Ha!, are underarms still legal in tests?>>>

Yup. We may have to resort to them at some stage.

An Ashes test at HQ. Does it get better than this? I'm there on saturday and I hope that there's still a game on by then.

And it's Flintoffs last Lord's test.

Lest we forget:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2009/jul/16/andrew-flintoff-mexico-manager-you-tube

We'll miss him (and so will you).

Onions plays! Read that and weep!

Well don't know if onions grow too well planted this time of the year do they Cholmers?
And three big mistakes, even before they're on the field.
. Win the toss and batting
They must love those longer stints in the field just like Sofia.
. No Harmison.
. And Freddie announces he'll retire! - kind of like a lame duck President ain't it.
Is he hoping for a big effort from mates to bolster his own shortcomings at the moment?
The Aussies will sure give him a send off that he might as well duck down to the registry before his innings and get a name change.
Barney Rubble on the board will look just fine.

Todays Thursday!, suppose there'll still be some play come Saturday.

We'll get the tour back on earlier.

I love Aussies (I really do). A two bob island in Indonesia that thinks it's a suburb of Surrey, or the 51st state.

Yet they continue to produce these amazing sportsmen. If I had to pick a batsman to bat for my life it would be Ponting, He reminds me of Boycott (showing my age now).

Obviously they can't do scientists, philosophers, artists etc but give 'em a bat and a target and they're brilliant.

What are you really after Cholmers!, like such a huge suck?
A steady start it's for now.
Is this going to be dead pitch draw maker too?

Punter reminds you of Boringcoot!
Watching his innings were like waiting for a slab of butter to melt in winter.

If you wanted one sentence to sum up the English attitude to our national cricket team - especially when playing the Crims, and super-especially if it's the Lords Ashes game - it's this, from the BBC text commentary after England survived today's first hour without losing a wicket:

"I'd like to write that it's been a decent start from England, but I don't dare"

Now there Chummers - it so happens that we've got oodles of artists here - I come from a long line of them myself - and you sound like one as well.

Johnson all over the place and costly - the Poms' best chance.

A personal favourite of your mob was Derek Underpants - Boycott with a run up - line and length and bore'em out.

The cycling's suddenly looking a much better viewing proposition - go Cadel! (if only those Continental prima donnas will support him having a crack at Astana).

A personal favourite of your mob was Derek Underpants>>>

You're showing your age!

Derek Underpants was known as "The Umbrella". You took him everywhre in case of rain.

Uncovered wickets, jumpers for goal posts.....

Ou sont les medium paced spinners d'antan?

Talking of umbrellas CW, don't forget yours Saturday. I predict a washout Friday and Saturday =Draw.

Not a bad knock from Strauss and Cookie, well done lads.

May go down to see a bit of Glammy at Sophia.

Weather permitting of course.

I was listening to the daughter of Harold Larwood today on the radio, now there's a great bowler. And he had the good sense to emigrate too.

Do we have anyone like him these days? Doubt it.


Muck

Nearly looking a bit like Brideshead revisited but with a better start ain't it right now?

Watched up until the Tour finished and Collywobbles went (c.0200hrs) and reckon we're lucky to 'ave 'em sixfer. Can't afford to give anyone a flying start, even the Poms.

Exposes the folly of using a loose cannon as your main weapon. Got away with it with Thommo of course, but had DK at the other end. Some of us armchair experts think the very well performed NSW quick Doug Bollinger should have been still in the mix (after being unlucky on debut against the Saffers in less than ideal conditions), with Johnson used in a supporting shock weapon role. OK, Johnson's got 100 wickets (and a batting record to offset his expense account with the ball), but let's face it, only the Wehrmacht did shock consistently well. We're at the stage where Johnson only has to bowl a half-decent ball in proximity to the pitch and the batsman is so shocked he loses his wicket, but at what cost? A further point in Dougie's favor is that he's had a hair transplant.

Apparently Johno must have had a lay off of sorts or could have been a lay in but story for Wales was he could be a bit rusty.

Maybe mum was right and she should have got a trip over instead of the fiance!, but he'll come good.
Always Lee and Clark in the wings too.

I'm just wondering if we're in for a series of dead wickets so they don't have to rely on some spaders!

And then it could be time for the IOC to check the athletic stadium design to make sure there ain't any Moscovite sliding doors!

Yeah, maybe too many lay-days. And the Poms being in no hurry to rush in Harmison says something.

"Obviously they can't do scientists, philosophers, artists etc but give 'em a bat and a target and they're brilliant."

Actually we do scientists and artists too. Not philosophers, admittedly but who wants to play host to a bunch of hairy incomprehensible layabouts anyway? The English, very sensibly, stopped producing them in the 19th century. Much better left to those poseurs, the Frogs.

I'm not sure "cricket" (or any sport) and "brilliant" belong in the same sentence, though.

Sports freak No 1 Son is watching a game of American baseball on the idiot box as I type. It looks to be as boring as batshit, worse than cricket if that's possible.

Sounds like you had better get back to the science of helping the Chinese with their engine pollution aspirations!

Howzat for philosophy! - LBW - one leg before the other and you can walk.

It would appear that Australia is mainly populated by Yodas.

Now can we get 450?

Yodas?, got me there.
You nearly got to 450
Plenty enough seeing the start we got

I was listening to Botham commentating on the Hughes dismissal and he says we'll see the hot spot on the glove - but after a close up look, No hot spot!

And then Ricky gets given out caught!
Does the Ump get a second chance for lbw if he had been denied by the video ref for a caught because of no snick [not that that goes to the Vref]!

Oh well, life in the hands of the Lords - they wouldn't have had much time for convicts either.
Bit like going down for stealing a loaf of bread.

Have fun tomorrow Cholm!

thereyet

Looks right now Cholmers as if your guys could be doing another long stint in the field.

How things can turn from one match to another but I said at outset of this thread, the series could be close.

Will do - but the forecast is minging.

I'm enjoying this. Anything that winds up Ponting is grist to this Pom's mill.

<<< Looks right now Cholmers as if your guys could be doing another long stint in the field. >>>

152-8 - you are probably right when the follow on is enforced. Question is what is everyone going to do on Sunday & Monday?

aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!

An early night vindicated. Awoke to find that Anderson (yeah, Anderson!), who went for three figures in Cardiff without success, is the new wonder boy. Perhaps the Australian team's effort should be seen as part of our foreign aid - aimed at enhancing self esteem in failing Old World countries without much going for them. With his plucky back-to-the-wall contribution with the bat with Monty in Cardiff [the turning point of the Series perhaps??], Anderson is shaping as an early Man of the Series - who'da thought it? Now there's hope for us all!

From The Chaser's headlines of the week - "Mitchell Johnson's form still not as poor as his mum's"

http://www.chaser.com.au/

" 152-8 - you are probably right when the follow on is enforced. Question is what is everyone going to do on Sunday & Monday? "

You have to be an optimist Alan and just as there can be a turn of fortunes from match to match, so there can be within matches.
If Australia bat second innings like their first in Wales, there'll still be a bit of singing until the fat lady winds up.

It's not all bad news, whatever the outcome of this match at least the papers will have something else to write about instead of how many swine flu casualties are expected this week.

Just settling down by my radio and illegal internet stream to watch the match .

At least give us a decent game fellas.

Muck

I'm just off the St John's Wood.

However I have a serious problem. Owing to a stomach bug I am, enforcedly, on the wagon.

Is it possible to watch cricket sober? I haven't done it since I was about 14, so memory is a little hazy.

It's not right in any case. Botham and hughes never even PLAYED cricket sober.

Almost as classy as Puig Aubert -

http://tinyurl.com/lev4ns

http://tinyurl.com/m4kh2o

My old man saw him out here in the early 50s.

That reminds me Chummers, the only time I've been to Lord's (in 1986 when your mob was playing India; saw Vengsarkar's century) I took a photo on St John's Wood Rd of a waltzing young ponce wearing tails and a top hat on which was precariously balanced a rather large cake. Might've been making an escape from his wedding reception. Wasn't you was it?

No. And I don't dress up as Elvis either.

Not sure CW, I have never watched a game sober either, in fact I felt pretty rough last week after sitting in the sun all day drinking cider.

Its always possible that booze is an antidote though.

As I write, It's lunch and no doubt your sat on the champagne lawn with all the hoorah henries in their really dodgy looking MCC Jackets.

Have a good un...England (and Wales) are.


Muck

hi CW,

just found this thread - where have you been hiding it?

not sure about this decision to bat again - now Strauss and Cook are out, bopara and KP will have to prove they are better batsmen than Jimmy and Monty - LOL.

BTW, my excuse for watching all day is that it's raining here in Cornwall, and looks like doing so all day tomorrow too - hope it doesn't make its way up to Lords til Tuesday.

how do we recognise you in the crowd? - egg and bacon blazer perhaps? rolled guardian under the arm? [that'd make you stand out at Lord's]

I'd say have one for me, but as you on the wagon, don't.

regards, ann

PS - watching yesterday, DS said [spotting well-known celeb in the crowd] there's that bloke from the pop group who all look as if they should be dead. Guess who?

PPS - RP just dropped a catch - how long until the Aussie press call for his scalp?

" PS - watching yesterday, DS said [spotting well-known celeb in the crowd] there's that bloke from the pop group who all look as if they should be dead. Guess who? "

I think the camera panned on to one of Micks mates wasn't it and Mick himself might have even been there.
Good to hear about the rain.
Haven't been to church for a long long time and maybe I'm overdue for a general pray for rain.

Big pressure is yeat to come with Strauss having to have a waltz on just how many and how much time he'll need.

And then of course the standard for gloves replacements, physio etc. has been set which Strauss will need to reflect on.

That effort in Wales could yet come to haunt him for if he allows too much time for physio and toilet breaks, it'll only need an Aussie Wales batting performance to have him muttering me Lawdy!

Then what press will call for whose scalp?
It does seem to be a bit of a carnival ride for that in England.

hi bushranger

good guess - it was Mick himself. strange how his hair has got darker since i stood next to him at the oval about 25 years ago while we both drank our pints. he lloked pretty raddled then!

KP & Bopara look like cats on hot tin roofs, not top-class batsmen in an experienced test side. I agree that if engalnd snatch defeat [or even a draw] from the jaws of victory here, by not enforcing the follow-on, there will be calls for strauss's blood. but who could replace him? there are FOUR england captains in the england side at present, and he's the best of them. bring back KP? on present form, I don't think so. Collie seems to share a lot of characteristics with the dog of the same name - loyal and willing but not a leader - and Freddie is about to retire. who else is there? Monty?

Well that was fun. Biff! Baff! Boff! Take that you tea leaves!

How does anyone post from these infernal raspberry devices?

no idea, CW. I'm still struggling with pigeons.

The Official MCC Ashes Treasures album reviewed in this weekend's Canberra Times with a warning that the reviewer "is a fan of cricket and history both, and is liable to lose all perspective at their intersection".

The reviewer Richard Begbie notes that "A twopenny scorecard detailing the famous 1882 Test lists the English players strictly according to class. Dr W.G. Grace, the Hon. A. Lyttelton, Mr C.T. Studd and other gentlemen are afforded their full dignity. The 'players' or professionals rate merely a bald surname." That's where 'Onions' would look a lot better with an MBE.

The accompanying photograph of the first Australian team looks like a line-up at an asylum for the criminally insane, but on closer inspection the striped blazers, which at first glance might be mistaken for work-gang outfits, look quite similar to those straining to cover the ample girths of the Billy Bunter types we've been seeing on our television screens.

I think Cholmers might have been trying out his blackberry Ann or do they have strawberries and cream at Lawdies like at Wombledom Common?

Four Captains? - Strauss, Petersen or son is it?, but no son of England came from SA did they except for Tony Greig and Freddie and so was Collie a captain at some stage?

But I class Collingwood as one of your most underated players, a bit of Alan Border in him but they should have gone to him as Captain a long time ago and perhaps his doggedness would have been inspiring and he would have grown as a leader - not all are naturals.
But he is too old now and regardless of what happens I would not see Strauss being dumped despite my comment.

I'd think Cook would have to be next in line wouldn't he? or give it to Collingwood for a couple of years.

Before they panned on to the lips, there was another guy half hiding behind a door frame and I got the impression they were referring to him but maybe they meant Mick.

Come to think of it, the other guy could have been Micky Parkinson! - is he a cricket fan too?

And come to think of it, though Australia's next captain in waiting seems to be deemed another Micky [Clarke], I have my doubts and the remainder of options other than the bowlers are either nearly on pension cards or close to applying.

One of Australias problems for having had strong teams for a couple of decades is that they have habitually left too many of dads army types in uniform and it could be a changing of the guard is nearing.

WellAussie can bat a bit but why have they brought thesepie throwers with them?

If Johnson can play test cticket so can I. And so can my mum. And my cat.

The captains: Strauss; Pietersen; Collingwood; Flintoff.

I'm wqarming to colly. The reason he didn't get the nod this time around is that he wasn't sure of his place in the team.Surely no longer an issue, especially with Fred gone.

You're mum can't play cricket. She's Scottish and therefore allergic to it.

Now that Dean Jones says we can still win I'm off to bed.

I see Mr Ponting is continuing with his good grace and maintaining the "Spirit of cricket" by calling back Hughes when he walked.

<<You're mum can't play cricket. She's Scottish and therefore allergic to it.>>

I now know why cricket never established itself in Canada. "English" Canada was essentially a creation of the Scots (and Irish.)

Plus if you stand around in the open in Canada for five days at least half of you will be eaten by growly bears.

See the Ozzies are praying for rain

<<Come to think of it, the other guy could have been Micky Parkinson! - is he a cricket fan too?>>

Bushranger - Michael Parkinson is a well-known cricket fan [and some-time journalist, i think] and son of Barnsley, like Dickie Bird. i saw the camera pan in on him too, as well as the newly ravenhaired M. Jagger esq.

Johnson's figures were quite a bit better yesterday, but he's no Glenn McGrath, or even Brett Lee, or even, dare I say it, Graham Onions.

as for Collie, he was made ne-day captain last year, when Vaughan was struggling a bit, had mixed results, and then got sacked after he was suspended for a match for what was really a pretty minor misdeameanor.

A. Cook is officially vice-captain, but IMHO is too young and pretty to be taken seriously.

Rob Key scored 270 this weekend and should be brought back for the next test to open and replace bopara, with Strauss dropping down to no 3. he would then be able to take over as captain if required.

<<However I have a serious problem. Owing to a stomach bug I am, enforcedly, on the wagon.>>

You mean, you had to watch them drink the bubbly with an empty hand? The horror!

thereyet

" WellAussie can bat a bit but why have they brought thesepie throwers with them? "
Did someone put a pie in your mush ol son or were they being rudy, throwin them at Rudi!

I was flicking between channels and missed the Rudi action, and so what say you on Freddies foot and the finger from Strauss with ball on turf - if true, hope it hurt and should have got broken.
Seems as though Rudi ought to be up for a big rest after his other decision making.
And worse still, it'd seem as though it is contagious re decision for Hussey from reports.
................
"If Johnson can play test cticket so can I. And so can my mum. And my cat."
When he gets his act together you may have a different opinion, all bowlers like batsmen can have their off times, but why all of a sudden?, a little nervy are we! .
.........................

" I see Mr Ponting is continuing with his good grace and maintaining the "Spirit of cricket" by calling back Hughes when he walked. "
The Spirit of Cricket as you put it willit would have been Strauss recognising the doubtfulness of his supposed catch - a despicable act not worthy of a Captain and even without umpires decisions running as they have, a Captain has not just a right but a duty to do what he can to ensure fair decisions.
.................

" Bushranger - Michael Parkinson is a well-known cricket fan [and some-time journalist, i think] and son of Barnsley, like Dickie Bird. i saw the camera pan in on him too, as well as the newly ravenhaired M. Jagger esq. "
It may have even been Dickie Bird peering around the doorway Ann and sounds like he should swap places with Rudi on the field.
....................
Johnson's figures were quite a bit better yesterday, but he's no Glenn McGrath, or even Brett Lee, or even, dare I say it, Graham Onions.
It's still early days for Johnson and yet I read/heard just last week that he had greatest number of wickets of all bowlers for tests between 11 and 20 [58] I think it was.
He'll come good.

Pity about Collie, I quite like his demeanour and solid approach to the game.

" A. Cook is officially vice-captain, but IMHO is too young and pretty to be taken seriously. ",
as for Mitchell J who if he is able to get some stability into all aspects of his game could also make it as an allrounder future Captain if he wanted to - somebody of prominence should plant that seed and it may help him.

Well no flicking channels tonight, though another good Brit show - "Spooks" is on here but mostly during lunch break.

And no Alan, we'll take what comes, even with poor umpiring and if it rains, as the greatest of all bushrangers said on the gallows "Such is Life"!

We'll even let Strauss immigrate if he feels orphaned at home with the Lords.

Having now seen the alleged Strauss catch!
Yes, that little exclamation dot could signify a grounded ball!
You are supposed to actually catch them, not stop and scoop fingers underneath in a second motion!

So Chommers
" I'm enjoying this. Anything that winds up Ponting is grist to this Pom's mill."

Does that include having an English Captain cheating to the extent he ought to be put through the mill by the Bill?

Umpires make mistakes and all teams suffer from them. It would be an awful shame if a series of poor decissions lead to a player being dropped as happened to Simon Katich last time in England. Was it five or six times he was given out wrongly in 2005?

"interesting" umpiring decisions lead to an exciting test series last time around and seem to be doing so this time in England too. Though I would not have thought it necessary this time as the teams look a lot closer.

Umpires make mistakes and we learn to live with those that are based on judgement calls. It is reprehensible though if the third umpire does not know or does not carry out his duties when deciding on a referral. When asked to decide if a ‘catch’ has carried, the third umpire is required to make it known to the standing umpire that the ball was not hit if he becomes aware of that during his deliberations.

A little consistency in the application of the technology would be good too. When Hauritz took the “catch” it went upstairs but not the Strauss one. This is despite the umpires both being closer to the first. To the naked eye on the TV screen at regular speed it looked to me as if the ball bounced 10 cm short of Strauss.

Bushranger, you don’t easily break fingers on bounced balls as everything is on the way up by then. It is only when you get your hands under the ball that there is any danger of that!

" Bushranger, you don’t easily break fingers on bounced balls as everything is on the way up by then. It is only when you get your hands under the ball that there is any danger of that! "
Salty, my earlier comment was made before I had seen the action but on having seen it, I'd not say the ball bounced 10 cm. before Strauss but more a stopping the ball at impact with the ground and then wrapping his fingers around it as per my second comment " You are supposed to actually catch them, not stop and scoop fingers underneath in a second motion!" , something a finger break was deserved on by a "Captain Cheater" claiming a catch!
- all very quick and hard to detect with the natural eye but on square leg indicating it had carried, Rudi did not need to go upstairs.

I know Umpires make mistakes and you hope they even out but Rudi has made too many in just two tests now and we're not finished and a team member would probably be dropped with comparable performance.

With an even break from the umpires (apparently the catch off Hussey wasn't one either) we're still in with a sniff - Mitchell Johnson to guide Australia to victory with the bat!

Some of us are bemused by the focus here and in the media on Ponting - for those who need a bogeyman in life he's clearly been a success. Australians expect their captains to be combative, grumpy, even unreasonable, perhaps because the rest of the team (like so many of their countrymen) are so laid back. But we don't see the need for this "Ooh, I just love it when Strauss gets his knickers in a knot!" - most of us enjoy the spectacle of a good hard scrap (even if some of our opponents - Collywobbles fr'instance, who I've got a bit of time for - consistently get the better of us).

Apart from young Mitch, another in the spotlight in the Australian camp might be Marcus North, particularly if Shane Watson is fit. North has now scored a debut century against the Saffers and the Poms, but his other five digs have yielded, what, 40-something. The temptation might be to drop him until the first match of the next series whereupon he can collect another ton and ease off again.

" Apart from young Mitch, another in the spotlight in the Australian camp might be Marcus North, particularly if Shane Watson is fit. "

That, or move Brett Lee in who is no mug with the bat either, a bit more fire power to rock them back on their heels and between Lee and Mitch they ought to even strengthen the batting too.

I reckon if they're going to take to cheating, and was Lizzie there again yesterday?, especially in front of their Queen! they're due whatever comes.

Yeah, Lee will have to come in, but he can go for a bit too so they might also have to think about accommodating Stuart Clark, which would mean that Mitchell Johnson might have to go - not good for his confidence, but he's had to deal with his mother so he should be OK to bounce back on a better track.

If they keep it up, Mrs Sonderburg-Glucksburg won't be amused and will surely have to take back their MBEs. "Oh, no, not the MBE!" In which case most of them will be back on the streets wiv-out any garden party invites, just like any old Chumley.

How many other series have we scored five (and possibly six) centuries to one, only to be staring at being one down after two? Guess it shows that consistency's the thing whether we're talking batting or umpiring.

especially in front of their Queen!>>>

Your Queen too old bean.

I'm loving this Aussie winge-fest. As has often been said - terrible losers, even worse winners.

Why do the Aussie captains have to be such sourpusses - Border, Chapple etc?

Oh well, I have the day off and will spend it in the garden listening to the cricket and drinking bloodly lemonade. (It's not a stomach bug - it's effing swine 'flu. So I am ordered to stay home. Suits me. Insert pig joke here).

Hey Chummers & Co.! - get your jollies off on this (it'll be good for the immune system)-

Australia up against it at Lord's

Wallabies beaten on weekend by All Blacks (one try apiece)

Cadel admitted yesterday's was his worst T de F stage

Hockeyroos (the sheilas) lost the Champion's Trophy final against the Argy-Bargies and were relegated for next year's comp

Australian swimmers 6th in medal tally at Worlds

Hope that pulls you through the S-F.

And it gets better - Haddin out b Flintoff.

There's a very strong rumour flying around that this will be Flintoff's last test as his body has simply had it.

I don't know what the fuss about this here swine flu is. It's no worse than the after effects of a dodgy doner.

Oh well it's a week off. By order.

Great start to the day! Good old Freddie...

Poor Chummers, you must be feeling pig sick. Hope you are feeling perky again soon!

http://www.pinkyandperky.com/frames/index.htm

" Your Queen too old bean.

I'm loving this Aussie winge-fest. As has often been said - terrible losers, even worse winners. "

No doubt about the first but I'd expect your lads to feel that little bit more respectful to Her Majesty for we're just the conviot mob afterall.

And then if your answer in total is all you can come up with, no comment on disastrous umpiring, I'd reckon you probably agree that it'd be hard to find another match anytime that has been so affected by the standard of it.

Don't you go putting a pitchfork through the foot now!, but it'd be interesting to be a fly on the fence to see what is worse, that or losing and which brings the greater whinge!

"Feeling Perky" is an arrestable offence.

The Aussies have been manipulating umpires for decades. They are past masters at the dark arts. They make Machester United look like rank amateurs. (See Punter's ludicrous "spirit of the game" guff for an example)

So when they don't have things going their way for once, the endless wingeing about what has always been a part of cricket - iffy decisions - is a bit rich.

But it looks like this particular team is going to get a fair bit of practice at coming up with excuses for losing - they're the worst Aussie bowlers since Kim Hughes' day.

Yo need Brett Lee back pronto. Warne's commentating for Sky - you could play him as an amateur. Warne SK.

That's why I wrote the p as lower case!

perky
Adjective
[perkier, perkiest]
1. jaunty or lively
2. confident or spirited

Behave yourself, wouldn't want the Pigs coming to put you away now, would we?

Whingers ornot (and I've always had a high opinion of Ozzies since they kindly took all our whingers off our hands 40-50 years ago)...

Buggers seem pretty determined to spoil our party, don't they?

343 for 6. 520's looking pretty damn likely

That's as good a confession we'll get that he thinks it's been 'the umpiring what's been the culprit all along'. He's becoming delirious.

Well, with now Clarke gone, maybe - JUST maybe - we can stop biting our nails.

But 180 with three still standing doesn't look that impossible...

Put down the glasses Flanner, you're home. Well played England. Thank you linesmen, thank you ball boys.

This is from the BBC's online commentary:

"Drift and dip did for Clarkie there - Swann gave it some air, Pup got monkeyed in the flight and the ball then turned just enough from outside off to thunk the top of the off peg. As bowling changes go, that's useful..."

Could you please explain what on earth they are talking about.

I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you after.

I suspect the answer's Mornington Crescent.

Drift is how a spin bowler ball moves through the air in a slight horizontal arc and dip is a reflection of how he may have bowled a ball a bit slower than usual [giving it some air], allowing it to drop on to the pitch from more of a looped vertical arc - [think two dimensional][and three dimensional for where the bowler will try to have the ball hit the pitch], the more bowlers [especially slower ones] can vary their bowling directions and trajectory but disguise it, the better chance they have of beating the batsman, Clarke in that case.
Much the same as a baseball pitcher varying speed, going low or high or with a curve to make the batter miss for a strike or miss hit for a catch.

Pup [nickname for Clarke] was beaten by the flight and turn [ the other factor that comes into play with a spin bowler for as the name implies a spin bowler puts a spin on the ball in attempting to get it to move sharply off the pitch in a new direction - hopefully towards the wicket or to catch an edge of the bat or for a miss hit that could see the ball skied, both to effect a catch, or alternately to get the batsman coming forward out of his crease, miss altogether and the wicketkeeper grabs the ball and knocks the stumps off - batsman out stumped if he is out of his crease and Ckarke would have gone that way if not bowled], and made to look like a monkey - taking a big airy swipe and missing - not so good for a batsman already settled and usually a good player of spin bowling.

So with his big airy, the ball pitched outside off stump, [the outside wicket of the three that is on the same side as the batsmens bat], Clarke miss judged and the ball spun into the off wicket [thunking it] to dislodge the bails [ the little sticks on top of the wickets - called by the commentator as pegs in this case]

Brcause Swann had only just been brought into bowl instead of Broad, it was a bowling change and anytime a change produces a result it is useful.

If Clarke and Johnson had taken to him and started hitting a few fours and sixes, it would have been a less than useful bowling change.

Congratulations Poms, even if begrudgingly.
On to the next match and wonder if Rudi will be there!
He sure doesn't deserve a guernsey.

Eat my bails!

A michelle for freddie at HQ on his last ever test there. Bravo that man!

I have to keep reminding myself that this is Australia who are rolling over. The team of Border, Hughes, Warne, McGrath, Moody, the Waughs etc are no having batting collapses and have an attack made up of pie throwers.

There's an element of the West Indies after Garner, Marshall, Walsh and Ambrose about this.....

Next up - Edgbaston which has historically been a swingers paradise (not like that - Birmingham wouldn't make anyone randy). Do the Aussies have anyone who can HOLD a cricket ball never mind spin one?

Eat my bails! (we're even doing well in the Tour de France. I may be deliroius. It may be the swine 'flu (which incidentally is the poofiest 'flu ever).

Bushranger

Thanks for the detailed reply - most informative.

'Guernsey'??

Can I set you a challenge to explain the current offside rule in football proper version)in the same or less amount of words

"Guernsey" is what the tea leaves call a "shirt" as in football shirt, or team strip - ie a place in the team.

So "not getting a guernsey" = being dropped.

The Aussies are livid with Koertzen for some dodgy decisions (and a few rank howlers). It's the first time ever ever ever that a cricket team has been on the wrong end of mistakes you see. It's never happened to any one else. That's why they're riled. It's to do with the "spirit of cricket". The plums.

Nothing to do with having a team of second rates who think they can step into the shoes of probably the finest team of all time. Oh no sirree bob. Nothing to do with that. The plums.

I could do the off side rule but i need salt and pepper pots....

Well played, poms.

Oh Chommers, you kid yourself some
" There's an element of the West Indies after Garner, Marshall, Walsh and Ambrose about this....."
Border has been gone for near twenty years, Hughes and Moody with him and the Waughs not all that far behind them.
Steve was a bit shaky here and there, actually dropped twice and Mark could be flukey.

But I did mention the dads army culture earlier and your lot aren't all that much younger, and have never had the same level of success.
The Warne and McGrath era has certainly been good with great wicketkeeper batsmen like Healy and Gilchrist but even Warne got hammered early on in his career, 1 for 200+ in first teat I think it may have been and McGrath took time to develop.

This series is a long way from over and even if you get those ashes back, you'll only have them for a bit over twelve months again.

let joy be unconfined. remember that great football comentary which started "are you watching Maggie Thatcher?" - that's just how I feel.

Just watching it again [isn't SKY wonderful?] and listening to RP saying all the right things about being beaten by the better side, needing to bounce back, etc, etc, - I hope they've got the carpet ready for him to chew when he gets back to the dressing room.

i had the day off too - not swine flu, though, just indolence. the piggie flu hasn't really got to Cornwall yet. hard luck, CW, get well soon.

No my sheep stealing friends. There is a shift at work here. These newer bowlers are just not as good as the lot that have just gone.

No team would easily replace MsGrath and Warne, and you haven't. Maybe there's some kid playing for his sunday school in Alice Springs ready to take up the mantle, but this lot ain't it.

Oh and you're woeful at 20/20 too!

You're lucky that you still have one of the best batting line ups in the world (although not as good as Indias or Sith Effrikas). That will cover up a lot.

Welcome back to planet earth my bum-bitten pals.

Bushranger - let us poms enjoy our brief few hours of happiness. I think Australia may well win the next 3 games, but this series has shown there is not a great deal between the sides.

If you want to guarantee an Australian success, then drag Warne down from the commentary box and make him captain. Having watched him captain Hampshire for a couple of seasons, I cannot understand why he didn't get the national job instead of Ponting.

While I recognise the contribution of the Sarf Efrikans , didn't a certain Mr Wessels open for Australia?

Great result !!

Rain to stop play for all other games and we get the Ashes !!


It finished closer than I expected, hats off to Clarke and Haddin for a great 2nd innings.
Well done Freddie for a super spell of bowling this morning.

1st innings will be a disappointment to the Aussies for sure.
It's a long way off and lots of cricket still to play.

Not sure if I will be welcomed at Bradman museum now though maybe I should pretend I am an Aussie.


Muck

maybe I should pretend I am an Aussie.>>>>

Have you ever been bitten on the bum by a spider that lives in kharzis?

That's how they spot each other. They show each other the scars on their bums.

Mind you if you have a hat with corks dangling from it....That'll probably do it.

All Aussie blokes wear thongs. They're proud of it too.

More Aussie inventions:

http://partyfood.suite101.com/article.cfm/unique_australian_inventions

And to give the Aussies something to come back with. Tuffers has made a single. It's for charidee, but even so....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZfGzbhdsiQ

I've rather taken to Tuffers in the TMS team. But there's no excuse for this.

Rolf, wasn't impressed, his main in fact only concern was whether Tuffers had permission to use the song !!

Even though the writers died 50 yrs ago, there must be someone running their estate that would have to give permission.lol

Its for Charity Rolfy.

>>Tuffers has made a single. <<

Well they can't all be sixes.

" If you want to guarantee an Australian success, then drag Warne down from the commentary box and make him captain. Having watched him captain Hampshire for a couple of seasons, I cannot understand why he didn't get the national job instead of Ponting.

While I recognise the contribution of the Sarf Efrikans , didn't a certain Mr Wessels open for Australia? "

Yes you can enjoy your win willit and so you should after 75 years was it?
And Warne may have had made a good captain [bit too old now] but leading up to when he should have been appointed he kept shooting himself in the foot with texting english shielas, playing up with them in general to consternation of his wife, smoking when he shouldn't have and getting a 12 months ban for using some fluid loss drug or whatever.

And he may have got a bit bitter on that for it was alleged his chumminess with Petersen led to our downfall in the 95 series, wrong attitude and all that.
Latest has it that he and Simone are now getting remarried.

Talk of celebrations, is Freddie a punce or not, like this arms akimbo statuette posing on getting a wicket - does he think he's a god or just wants his team mates to pander to his ego?, but then he'll be quickly forgotten - has he announced anything about the retirement?

And yes, Keppler did play a few matches for us back when nobody would play the Sarf Erikans.

Ok, that's enough of the niceties.

Bushranger was right - our North German Queen was clearly not amused by the unsporting battlefield tactics of that upstart Strauss (himself the victim of an umpiring Stab in the Back in a previous campaign) and so the garland falls by default to the tall blond god-poseur Flintoff who evidently thinks he's the Colossus of Lord's (even as he prepares to desert the defence of the Realm for the mercenary forms of the game.)

Well the Queen was so impressed with the cricket that she spent yesterday swan-upping.

I'd rather have been at Lords myself, but each to their own.

There are now fairly serious doubts about our two most important players - Freddie and KP.

Freddie has said he intends to see out the series and if we continue to use him as a shock bowler he just might make it.

KP is clearly a crock.

Add to that the certainty that the Aussies won't be this dreadful again in the series and it's nicely balanced.

I'd drop Onions for Harmison, but stick with the same XI for Edgbaston.

The Aussies have some serious thinking to do about Hughes (Flintoff's bunny) and all their bowlers.

Yes, an interesting tradition the Swan upping.

I'm just wondering whether that term may have come from wanting a Swanfella getting up a Swanette for
In the days of old
When knights were bold
Cricket was yet to be played
And sport was a dragon to be slayed
The swans were counted
For Christmas feasting
And knights no doubt a wench mounted
In that usual British way of beasting

But now in gentler times
And finding word rhymes
Counting is for survival
As Freddie leads the revival.

Seems as though you ain't too keen on your veges there Chommers.

Ponting's called for 'a big improvement' and hasn't mentioned the umpires.

Letter in today's Canberra Times points out that Freddie has just struggled to deliver the fastest ball of the season (151km/h) and is clearly suffering from a debilitating case of Indian Premier League disease... so "English fans have a right to feel more than just duped."

KP looks as if he's been hobbled - surprised he can bat as well as he can with that ungainly footwork - like a praying mantis on crutches against the short ball. For mine though, Collywobbles is the genuine article and main danger man.

This from today's Sydney Morning Herald about the company Parky's been keeping at Lord's -

http://tinyurl.com/nmoxh3

Allco has been one of the most spectacular corporate wrecks locally. When he's not at Lord's Parky spends half the year living at the Sydney Cricket Ground where some members are afraid to show their faces these days. Of course, Parky being a Yorkshireman and not your usual Pom doesn't have a problem.

Parky was a half decent cricketer in his youth. He played in the Yorkshire League - a high standard just below first class.

He is however a terrible yorkshire bore (as is Dicky Bird, and "Sir" Geoff Boycott, and every othet bloody yorkshireman).

Do Australian swans belong to the Queen too?

Well the Queen was so impressed with the cricket that she spent yesterday swan-upping.>>

my informant who was there on sat [and sun & mon too, being the proud possessor of an egg and bacon tie] says that they had terrible trouble getting the queen's drink of choice - gin and dubonnet. in the end they had to send out, as the bottle behond the bar wasn't up to snuff. the first place they went to said they hadn't stocked it for 30 years, but they found some in the end.

I'm surprised that she doesn't travel with her own supply, if it's so difficult to come by. perhaps that's why they had the presentation before the lunch - they were still trying to find herself's drink.


<<I'd drop Onions for Harmison, but stick with the same XI for Edgbaston.>>

can someone tell me what Bopara is doing in the team? he's clearly not there for his batting, and his fielding was at best, patchy. Never thought I'd hear him say this, but even DH [who can't stand him, probably just because he comes from my home town which DH thoroughly dislikes] is saying bring back BEll.

Our North German Queen probably has more of an affinity with eagles.

Does Freddie really want or need to give it all up for the IPL? Who remembers (or cares) who won the last IPL?

Bill Lawry's gone into bat for Johnson (probably because he's another left hander), so that's probably the kiss of death. Doesn't appear to be too much concern about Hughes at this stage - he's got similar figures to Bopara who hasn't had to deal with a Freddie. If KP's out for Edgbaston presumably Bell will come in allowing Bopara to move down.

And so it's on to Edgbaston... mention of which brings back memories of tuning in my childhood crystal set in the dead of night to be greeted with, "And it's raining at Edgbaston..."

can someone tell me what Bopara is doing in the team? >>>>

Happily. He's potentially the best batsman of his generation. He has all the toys. He just needs to sort his head out, otherwise he will be the Hick de nos jours - flat track bully.

There's no greater raw talent in cricket in the world. Give him time (he smeared the windies all over the park don't forget).

Your kids play the game I believe? Ask them about Bopara. If they have the foggiest they'll back me up. It's his wrists. Subcontinental wrists and english aggression. Loveley.

my informant who was there on sat [and sun & mon too, being the proud possessor of an egg and bacon tie] says that they had terrible trouble getting the queen's drink of choice - gin and dubonnet.>>>>

They had some fun with this on TMS. If you've been to Lords you'll know it's in a residential area (full of russians, yanks and japs) with no shops. Quite where one would source Dubonnet in St John's Wood is a mystery.

Her old mum used to drink gin and Dubonnet and when she visited a place (I've been on a few of these) the equerry would bring a bottle.

Dubonnet is foul.

Agree, Bopara looks a class act, whereas Hughes is more your gritty clubber.

KP out for series, but not as bad a blow for England as it would be to lose their main strike bowler, Flintoff. And, to put things into perspective, even to lose Flintoff with his 6 for 119 'match winning performance' would not be in the same category as the Australians' loss of McGrath for the second and fourth Tests in 2005 after his 9 for 82 man of the match effort first up at Lord's.

CW - <<Your kids play the game I believe? Ask them about Bopara. If they have the foggiest they'll back me up. It's his wrists>>

i know the THEORY of why Bopara's in the team [i don't need my kids to tell me that] - and he may indeed have lovely wrists, but he's not using them to score runs. playing against the West Indies is different to the Ashes, as Cardiff proved.

with KP out, I'm not sure that we can afford another "maybe" player like him.

farramog - IMHO, you're right that the loss of McGrath was a bigger blow than losing KP is.

regards, ann

So who do you put in instead - we've either got the tried and failed (like bloddy Key) or the unknown like Carberry?

Bopara has scored runs at this level and the Aussies attack is pony - his problem is in his head not his hands.

Not sure about the swans of Oz, but apparently HRH does own the swans of Ottawa. Loved the Ashes Song! (Says you either love it or hate it--I'm in the first category!)

BC

A worry for England is when top order batsmen like Cook and Bopara get a decent ball they get out - perhaps it's the element of surprise - one of the few things going for the Australian attack at the moment.

Hughes goes cheaply at Northampton.

Langer overtakes Bradman as Aussie's highest ever run scorer - 28,000 of the bloomin' things!

BTW - in Ireland "Langer" is an insult. Honest:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=langer

To a mick, it's a bit like that word that begins with "w" and rhymes with "anchor".

BC

Obviously because he lingers langer in the middle. Sorry about that. Thereagain why wouldn't he, with five women at home.

Good outing for Shane Watson at Northampton. Putting aside the usual reluctance to make sweeping changes, it would not be a great surprise if Lee and Clark were to come in for Siddle and Hilfenhaus (both honest toilers, but not world beaters), Johnson retains his place, but as the backup shock weapon, and Watson comes in for North (and cover for Johnson).

lee's crocked until the fourth test at least.

In other lovely lovely lovely cricket news....

Hampshire (God's own county) today won the FP trophy (domestic 50 over knock out cup) at Lords by a vast distance.

Incidentally "Dizzy" Gillespie was one of the commentators and he was wonderful. He was asked about the "spirit of cricket" and replied "absolute bollocks".

He was also asked about sledging and said "if it bothers you you should simply adjust your skirt and leave the field".

I was also pleased to know that whenever he fielded on the boundary in England he was bombarded with chants of "where's your caravan?".

he also told us what a "kuala" is [no, not a koala, a kuala]

it turns out that the aussies have their own rhyming slang:

kuala = kuala lumpar = bumper!

england team is announced tomorrow.

Bell Starts. Oh dear.

" it turns out that the aussies have their own rhyming slang:"
Don't you lot answer your dog and bone over there annie?
And what would chips be without a bit of dead horse?
" Bell Starts." , Is that yours Cholmers for an old english fart?

you leave BELLY alone CW. I have enough trouble defending him from my DH.

bushranger - I answer my dog and bone which is at the foot of my apples and pears whilst wearing my titfer.

not getting the "dead horse" though.

I think Bushranger means Sauce...

Can't wait for Wednesday, and am already missing the Tour de France - didn't our Brits do well!

hi [again] Julia

I so agree about the tour. this year has been a classic - excitement from beginning to end.

yesterday was terrible - cricket at lords, mont ventoux on the tour, and gardening to do. what a quandry.

thank goodness for digital radio.

hmmmmm...can we get Langer??

There was also football at Wembley. Spurs came second.

'And it's soggy at Edgbaston...' What's changed?

Watson in for Hughes - they may only have time for a one-dayer anyway.

What, if anything, is happening with Stuart Clark?

We've got 'em rattled. They've dropped the Boy Wonder.

No play today I suspect. The outfield looks like a swimming pool.

Maybe the Aussies can work on their "aura".

Hughes has a similar Ashes average to Bopara - we must have higher standards.

BTW, Bradman and Steve Waugh were both dropped from the team early in their Test careers. (OK, so were another 43 who didn't make it back).

One advantage of the delay at Edgbaston - ABC Radio is replaying memorable Ashes Test stories - would have been nice though if they'd started with something other than Jim Laker talking about his 19 wickets against Australia at Old Trafford in '56, after he'd taken all 10 wickets for Surrey in the tour match - more in the halo class than your common aura.

I think the aura is an important thing. The Australian side of a few years back that included the likes of Hayden, Langer, Gilchrist and of course Warne and McGrath did truly seem unbeatable. Before 2005, I honestly wondered if England would every again regain the ashes.

This air of invincibility has gone. I watched the 3rd Test between Australia and South Africa in Cape Town, and Australia seemed almost brittle (They had already won the series)

On the question of stats, there was an Aussie Journalist on the radio last night pointing out the the UK press is all praising Anderson for his 6 wickets at an average of 41, while condeming Johnson who has 8 at a similar rate. He also reminded the Poms that so far, there is only one England century maker as oppossed to 6 Australians.

Absolutely true, but meaningless as Anderson ripped out the top order for not much, while 4 of the 6 centuries were wasted by being unable to get Panesar out.

FOr what it is worth, I still think the Australians will win this series.

Rain rain rain, the ground staff did a remarkable job clearing that lot up !! My hat is off to them.

Here's to a good game

Muck

Your erstwhile countryman and commentator Peter Roebuck can't see the logic in Hughes' axing, pointing out that he had earned his place not because he was the golden boy, but by force of runs accumulated at the top of the order and that his average of 52 something after five Tests compares with Watson's 19 something after eight, batting down the order. So of course Watson comes in and delivers the goods - early days yet, but as Roebuck suggests, perhaps the difference and what the Australian selectors were looking for is the physical presence and enthusiasm Watson brings, batting, bowling and in the field (an incipient aura perhaps!). Keeping him injury free is another matter.

Two balls, two wickets. Howd'ya like them Onions?

Eat my aura tea leaves.

BTW for them that likes their cricket and are stuck at their desks can I recommend the Guardians over by over coverage:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/jul/31/ashes-third-test-day-two-obo

Funny and astute (at times).

Off you go punter. Game on.

Onions. I just like writing it. Onions.

At he risk of speaking to myself...

202/6

The Brum crowd are singing "where's your aura gone? Far far away"

203/7.
heh heh.

"far far away"

"far far away"

Talking of Slade songs......


"How does it Feel" ?




Muck

Talking of Slade songs......

I know you're only joking, butfor any high court judges reading...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVW3Yege2-I

The trousers that the guitarists are wearing are "special".

Is that link correct CW??

Try these

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0NpJ7mcfPo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0NpJ7mcfPo

But the trousers are here: With a message to a 'snick' umpire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0NpJ7mcfPo




Muck

oops ....

Is that link correct CW??

Try these

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0NpJ7mcfPo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJU3iAL5WjU

But the trousers are here: With a message to a 'snick' umpire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLsw668PVyY

(That may be correct)



Muck

I loves me some Slade.

I saw them destroy the rest of the bill at Reading '80.

They stepped in at the last minute to cover for Maiden.

Everyone was bitching and grumbling.

Not after 5 minutes they weren't.

I think JR was there and he luvz em to bits too.

And here's why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLsw668PVyY

and this is perfect:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-jKlGGkx0U&feature=related

I seriously think that Slade are the hidden greats of british rock. Oasis have basically nicked their act.

BTW yanks DO appreciate them ( i have had the "pleasure" of playing with these clowns. I have not the words)):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2rKzSnzMlE&feature=related

I'm much happier as a plod.

You know I said Oasis had nicked their act....

(well worth a look)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnxtFtaL46w&feature=related

CW - off to put mirrors on his hat.

Hmmm strange lack if Australians on this thread today!

It's all about noddy today

That and the fact we've made the aussies look like little girls

And given that sweattie has joined a cricket thread, weegies best moment:

Piss off! You know there are still huge tits up possiblities tomorrow.

ayay and boil......

(these is good):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vnOzs0vdlA

Probably the only band I've never played for.
And I know this is an open major. But I luvz it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2BjJbKQkgc&feature=related

Simples. it's honestly very good.

I may have to translate that. look at the links.

CW

were you too embarrased to put this link on?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFfzga-X2x4

Just in case anyone was confused.

That should have been 'embarrassed' - in case the spelling police are watching.

One of my favourite cover versions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vSLZs3kq2M

CW I never had you down as one of the Boyz.

Slade are still the best in my eyes (and ears).

Arguably the best Live act ever to come out of UK.

Had a huge influence on the British music scene. Seriously underated I reckon.
Stormed Australia, but Jimbo's Hepititis on the USA tour meant that America didn't get the full tour. Damn shame.


Muck

CW you're younger than me and your into Nazareth and other heavy metal types. Public schools have a lot to answer for.

I'm not much older than CW, definitely didn't go to a public school, and while I am typing am listening to "made in Japan" - the 1972 Deep Purple album.

Noise it might be, but excellent noise.

Horrible horrible noise lol!

have you been raiding the exhibits cupboard again CW?

I could swear that the drummer on that Nazareth tape is a dead ringer for Dave Lee Travis.

now pleeease can we get back to the cricket? especially as I had to work all day and as soon as i stepped in the house they decided to go off for bad light, the nancies. so I had to watch the highlights and try not to blink during the first over. as you say, CW, onions.

can we start a new thread - sportsmen/women with funny names?

They played did they and the Poms had some luck? Assumed it'd be raining and had an early night. (After the T de Fr and this, some of us have had a month of sleep deprivation, for precious little reward.)

An aura of onions? A halo of onion rings? Doesn't quite cut it, does is? Then again, who would have thought batsmen would be quaking having to face a bowler named Lillee.

Sounds like a typical European Status Quo crowd here.

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"

<<< "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" >>>

It's a cracker.

It's a pity Anderson did so well yesterday otherwise the headlines would have been "Onions Makes Ozzies Cry"

Aye, that Lillian Thompson was a great bowler.

meanwhile; back with 70s proggers from the wet bits of the country...A treasured possesion is an album by the Sensational Alex Harvey Band (without Alex). Its rather good as it happens: But has there ever been a worse ot less appealing band name than the "Sensationa; Alex Harvey Band (without Alex)"?

http://www.foob.be/underrated/sahb-fourplay.htmn

Kids today eh?

'And it's raining at Edgbaston... '. And we need only eight quick wickets and then another ten.

It's not raining in Cardiff......

(It stopped 10 mins ago)

SAHB = Great stuff, that album looks interesting especially as it is supposed to sound like Toto and REO Speedwagon Supertramp or 10CC.

10CC are my second most favouritist band ever. I love REO and Toto too.

But. SAHB probably hasn't got the same ring to it if the Alex Harvey bit is removed = Sensational Band.

At least Slade can carry on even with out Jimbo and the Nodster.

Ok it is not what it was, Don is still a great bloke and a fabulous drummer and H is H so life goes on until either H hangs up his Superyob or Don runs out of drumsticks ( I have 1 by the way prized possession)




Muck

10CC are my second most favouritist band ever. I love REO and Toto too.

*Puts Mucky on the list of criminals to be arrested for crimes against taste*

Who would have thought the Ozzies would pray for rain

it appears that god is an australian.

Few of us pray or have imaginary friends in the sky [current and recent PMs notwithstanding] and the ABC website is in fact reporting the washout as 'Aussie hopes fade as rain wipes out play'. In the meantime Ann, please get your boys back on topic or I'll retaliate with Spike Jones and his City Slickers.

Sorry, that was a bit extreme - how about The Loved Ones -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Loved_Ones

I'm actually relieved at the choices your boys have made - up until now C_W_ has given the impression he was a Bay City Rollers and Proclaimers groupie.

<<ABC website is in fact reporting the washout as 'Aussie hopes fade as rain wipes out play'>>

LOL - aussie hopes of what?

I think that CW and Mucky have gone gaga watching too many repeats of the 2005 tests on Sky.

Well, with eight quick wickets and another ten we would have won this one.

<<repeats of the 2005 tests>> - repeats of two of the 2005 tests I think you'll find - just think what they'd be like if they had five tests to gloat about - they'd feel so Australian they'd have to migrate - but we don't just let anyone in these days.

"Cholmondley_Warner on Aug 1, 09 at 12:53 PM
10CC are my second most favouritist band ever. I love REO and Toto too.

*Puts Mucky on the list of criminals to be arrested for crimes against taste*


Harsh but fair !!


Muck

The thing to remember about the Aussies is they like to lick toads.


Anyway play starts at 12, ideally I'd like England to get a small first innings lead and put the toad-lickers in.

looks like you may get your wish sooner rather than later, CW

Just to add fuel to the fire:

http://adsoftheworld.com/media/print/marstons_pedigree_coaster

Six centuries to one/ five of the top six run scorers/ four of the top five wicket takers/ two to one man of the match awards/ two second digs around the 400 mark - and trailing in the series. Perhaps it's something to do with a dysfunctional bowling attack lacking the ability to take quick wickets - and the signs are that England could be similarly hampered if the atmospherics aren't there for swing in the final two tests - in which case we've got more tight contests ahead - who says test cricket is boring?

Schuler - of course, you're aware the relationship's reversed in the southern hemisphere, with a stream of visiting young Poms, Irish, Yanks and assorted Euros only too pleased to serve their colonial masters in many of our bars and restos. We don't mind at all as long as they remember the beer has to be cold.

Australians don't pour beer in the UK anymore - poles do.

Australians all work on IT helpdesks. I think "turn it off and turn it back on again" is their national motto.

We're playing dirty:

http://www.brandrepublic.com/News/910610/Marmite-launches-limited-edition-cricket-ball-jar/

We are into our second jar of this yummy Marmite at the t---- household!

It's the nicest one yet.

*Puts Mucky on the list of criminals to be arrested for crimes against taste*

Must be why Mucky's making another run for OZ - and sanctuary!

Tolerant of most types here, we are

Thanks Margo lol
I will push your tolerance to new levels !!

I am not making a run for Oz, I have been sent there lol that's what we traditionally do with criminals

Role on Friday, We have just named a South African (another one) in our squad that's gotta be good news eh !!


Muck

'tis true; Australia has only ever produced one good band.

Well one up and two to play. We'd have taken that back in June.

That's right Muck - we've always thought of Pommyland as where the crims come from.

This series has gotta be your big chance, but I see the Pommy Press is having an attack of the nervous nellies.

"'tis true; Australia has only ever produced one good band."

Presumably you mean the Australian Chamber Orchestra, hailed as the world's best by the Times' music critic? I beg to differ. The Australian Brandenburg Orchestra is an excellent baroque ensemble and the Sydney Symphony, now being conducted by Ashkenazy, is an excellent big band.

A toad licker writes:

Presumably you mean the Australian Chamber Orchestra, hailed as the world's best by the Times' music critic? I beg to differ. The Australian Brandenburg Orchestra is an excellent baroque ensemble and the Sydney Symphony, now being conducted by Ashkenazy, is an excellent big band.>>>>

Well; this is actually Australias great gift to music - the tribute band.

Because it's commercial suicide to fly across the world to play to 20 million people (most of whom are delirious following toad/spider incidents) the Aussies started up tribute bands.

That's what orchestras are - beethoven/mozart/chopin tribute acts.

Well done the Aussies and their tribute acts.

Another one puts down the Toads long enough to write:

>>>>This series has gotta be your big chance, but I see the Pommy Press is having an attack of the nervous nellies.>>>>

It's not just our press. It's all of us.

>>>I see the Pommy Press is having an attack of the nervous nellies.>>>>

That is their natural condition. We pay them to fret for us.

Hey Chummers, what's with the toad fetish? We get high on fresh air and your lot are usually ferret fanciers.

C_W, I did attempt to address this toad-licking business in another thread that got pulled, possibly due to the ravings of another Australian poster who it seems has now been consigned to the Fodors Outer Darkness.

To the extent that it may occur, such outré behaviour would be confined to northern Queensland, the adopted home of the giant cane toad (Bufo marinus). Other Australians will happily credit North Queenslanders with all manner of oddities, and personally I'm not about to discount the possibility that some deranged soul up there might get off on licking the toad's poison glands, which exude hallucinogenic toxins. As it seems that some addled hippies make a habit (perhaps short-term) of smoking the dried skin of the toad, anything's possible.

I do urge you to beg, borrow or steal the 1988 documentary "Cane Toads: An Unnatural History", which manages to be both disturbing and hilarious, in which you'll encounter a toad-smoker and much else.(www.imdb.com/title/tt0130529/)

(Classical orchestras as "tribute bands"? That may be what's known in cricketing circles as a wide ball... but a valiant attempt nevertheless.)

I quite like the sport of swerving the car to hit the fat fellas, are the Queenslanders still encouraged to flatten as many as they can?

The road I saw was quite a mess.



Muck

(Oh did you think I was talking about Cane toads? Nah I was on about that other fat fella, Shane Warne)

You leave, Hampshire player, Shane Warne alone!

He is the best thing that's happend to cricket since the 80s - he re-invented slow/spin bowling. Otherwise it would be back to 10 overs an hour bowled by failed basketball players at 90 mph.

Yes he may look like a fairground gonk and have problems with his mobile phone, but us finger spinners luv him to bits.

He's bloody good on telly too. Not as good as Nasser, for whom I may be devolping a man-crush.

ps. Since when hae test matches started on a friday?

It's not right. It may signal the end times.

pps If orchestras aren't tribute bands how come they never write their own set?

"pps If orchestras aren't tribute bands how come they never write their own set?"

An unsettling insight into the mindset of a pop music fancier...

You can include me in the Shane Warne appreciation society - OK, so he was a little fond of the bar, but he was a great captain for Hampshire. Despite him being a cricketing superstar, he always found time to sign autograqphs for the queues of kids who waited after a game - he signs all of them, no matter how long it takes.

Compare and contrast with another supposed Hampshire player (Although I doubt he knows where the Rose Bowl is).

When I visited Cairns, one of the bars was advertising an evening of "Cane toad racing, Amateur Pole Dancing and Karaoke". I cannot believe that anybody could consider the place Uncultured

"OK, so he was a little fond of the bar"

He is also quite fond of the pie shop.......


Muck

OK, so North Queenslanders are up for anything, but if you look closely at those video clips you'll see the toad botherers are mainly your gap year Alastairs, Nigels, and the occasional Marigold, seeking a defining cultural experience before returning to the Grey Isle to settle down with a good ferret. It's been said before - we've got more culture than a penicillin factory.

"Unable to produce players of their own, the Poms seem intent on pinching everyone else's players."

Trott the latest soft option for England -

http://tinyurl.com/mufrfx

Meerkats displacing ferrets.

Strauss succumbs to the pressure - another four or five before lunch, please.

Ooo, Mucky, you cut right to the quick with the "pie shop" comment!

And CW, developing a man crush??? OMG, first he has the Swine Flu, which may've been manflu, now he's got a man crush! What next?

BC

The only cultured thing in Australia is a yoghurt.

Things are not going well in Yorkshire...When does the footie season kick off?

OMG !!
Will England get a 100?

"Will England get a 100?"

A hundred lashes is what they should get.

Still, at least there's something - well, comforting - about imminent pulverisation.

>Things are not going well in Yorkshire...When does the footie season kick off?<

You're a Spurs fan mate. The footie season is not likely to offer much by way of relief. Then again we've just drawn Arsenal in the Champions League qualifier. I'd offer that us beating them may provide you some chuckles but I've not started drinking yet today so my optimism levels are still realistic.

On MSN there's a picture of a batsman, with the headline:-

'Oh Dear!'

wellididntknowthat on Aug 7, 09 at 09:44 AM
<I've not started drinking yet today so my optimism levels are still realistic.>

I haven't had a drink for 6 days !!

If this game carries on like this I can see that ending rapidly !!

At least Spurs fans have something to look forward to next week. I'm trying to guess when my lot (Pompey) might get to double figures - and my best guess is April 2010 (but only if I am being optimistic).

And as for the cricket, there is nothing like a good old fashioned England batting collapse to make one feeel nostalgic.

Has there been and England batting collapse this series yet? Good start to the Australian batting too. At this rate it will be all over by Sunday. Will make the 5th test very interesting though.

*Does rain dance*

*Worries about Spurs v Liverpool on opening day.*

*gives up generally*

I have started on cider.




Muck

I may join you.

Keep the faith boys I'm sure Freddie will be back for the 5th test. He's just trying to make it interesting. Malformed sense of drama that lad has.

It's setting itself up nicely for the Oval innit?

Cricket boring? Hmmmm.....

Drunk all the cider. Fancy a Guinness CW?



Muck

If it gets any worse, I'm going to try the Dulux.

Nothing like a spot of real pressure to liven things up, eh what. Lowest England score at the ground in a century. Extras third highest scorer. Still, two of the Australian top order went cheaply and Mr Broad's boy continuing to show some promise. Today's first session should be a cracker.

Headlines from the weekend Sydney Morning Herald sports section -

"Blond on blond: Skipper to break up Lee and Watson's public duel".

"For Lee, it is almost time to pack up his kit and walk quietly away [like Flintoff]" (Peter Roebuck)

Then there's the letter to the sporting editor by a whingeing Pom about all of our excuses (the latest that the Poms pinch other countries' players), but apparently the whinger is unaware that much of what has been said has come from another Pom, the transplanted Roebuck.

And here's one for Chummers and his man-love, Nasser -

http://tinyurl.com/lv6q36

As a bonus there's even a passing mention of Henry Blowfly and his toad impersonations.

Toad with a capital T.

You people take Roebuck seriously?

You need to cut down on the toads. Seriously.

Just go in your gardens and look at Australia's one invention - the Hills Hoist. And feel a warm rush of national pride.

two lowest scores in a century in the same test? just pitiful. is this a record? - Malcolm [did you hear him saying he's a JP?] will know. Strauss's worst day at the office ever. [I hope!]

How is it that the aussies know better how to bowl at Headingley than our lot? and what was the point of putting Trott in the squad if they weren't going to pick him for the team? Bopara got a bad decision but I would still drop him - his performances in this series have been woeful.

all over by lunchtime tomorrow, I think. and don't think the rain is going to save us - rain is forecast but not til 4pm ish according to the BBC website.

And no Monty to save you this time.

Now there Chummers, please give credit where it's due - there's also the black box flight recorder - the England team needs one at the moment - and Vegemite - which I hesitate to mention to a ferret fancier. And one doesn't have to be Capability Brown to know that one's 'ills 'oist goes in the backyard, not one's garden.

There are also some inventions in the field of medical technology that for all I know may be of assistance to English sporting teams. Among them are the CPAP machine, which supplies a continuous flow of air to a sleeper, the cochlear implant (actually not recommended, as it would amplify the derision of the spectators) and, to drown your sorrows quickly, there's the wine cask which at a small stretch can be considered an item of medical equipment. And the Super Sopper, "a giant rolling sponge used to quickly soak up water from sporting grounds" seems especialy relevant to British sporting fixtures.

Monty's offsider Anderson gone - it's now sixfer, but Prior and Mr Broad's boy have shown they can stick around for a while - but it'd need to be three days. Where are Chummers & Co.? - hope they haven't topped themselves - think of the Olympics, don't let all that National Lottery moolah go for nought.

Mr Broad's boy goes berserk and brings up the 200 - can he and Swanney do an Ando and Monty?

I'm not missing the Olympics under any circs. I need the money after the Micheal Jackson debacle.

I'm pleased to hear that the Aussies have invented:

A big tin box with a tape recorder in it.

An airpipe.

Whatever the hell a cochlear implant is (I suspect it involves toads, spiders or rotary drying machines)

A sponge

Tribute bands.

They must be so very very proud.

Bring on the Oval (where once a year they play Aussie rules football - umpired by butchers for some reason, and invented at my old school.)

Get back to the cricket - Clark's gone for 32 in his last two overs.

Mr Broad's boy dropped a second time - Johnson returns the favour to Siddle.

Shouldn't you be hunting koalas?

Or whatever it is you people do.

From the Guardian's site:

The sorry, sorry truth is that he [Broad] and Swann have now combined for 321 runs in this series, as opposed to the 372 made by Cook, Bell and Bopara between them...

Nuff said. Bell out. Bopara out and.....Well that's why I'm not a selctor.

Typical isn't it - a bloke goes to put out the rubbish and misses a wicket and the spectacle of Harmison scoring a run.

Again from the Guardian:

>>>>For a time there, with a blond all-rounder carving the ball all around Headingley in a seemingly hopeless cause, there were distinct echoes of Ashes history.>>>

Ou sont les Bothams d'antan? (that's from me. Even the Guardian ain't that pretentious)

Not a bad morning's entertainment even from this perspective - over 160 in the session. Used to be one allrounder in a team if you were lucky, now it's three or four including the wicketkeeper - presumably the influence of the pyjama game.

Perhaps they shouldn't get too carried away - Mitchell Johnson has a 63 this series (after a ton and a stranded 96 against the Saffers).

That fancy quote of yours refers to John Snow rather than Les Botham.

I grant you, the black box is worthy of a mention.

But how can you compare the 'Super Sopper' with wondrous marvels such as the the jet engine, penicillin, or the Creme Egg?

hotspot showing Swann nout out - Billy is having a terrible match, but England's is worse.

Both suggesting that England reverse the batting order 'cos the bottom 5 are scoring almost as well as the top 5 - LOL!

anyone know what the equivalent stats for the aussies are?

you still with us farramog and Neil? you'll be able to go to bed VERY soon!

that's it, folks.

what money on Ramps for the oval then??

Penicillin needed an Australian, Howard Florey, and a German born Brit, Ernst Chain, to make it a life saver - both shared the Nobel Prize in 1945 with Fleming. The jet engine needed Germans to make it operational and cricket needed the Australians to show the Poms how to play. And Johnson has five wickets and it's all over at Headingly and safe for a bloke to put out the recycling and go to bed.

talking about [re]cycling, while we've been watching this, someone's nicked DH's bike!

this being somewhat up your street, any suggestions, CW?

apart, of course, from "lock it up"...can you here the sound of stable doors?

Sorry to hear about your husband's bike Ann. From what we've seen here I don't think there'd be any point trying to get a confession out of CW - and he'd be miles away by now anyway, probably in company with a ferret.

farrermog - that would be an otter.

Hey, who won? I, a Yank who knows diddly squat about cricket, have been following this thread for over a month now. Mostly because the jargon and chatter is fascinating, and amusing, if totally incomprehensible.

I'll ask again; who won the damned thing? Surely any game should have ended after a month!

nukesafe,
It's still going on. So far two matches drawn and one to each team. The final match in the conflict will occur next week over a period of five days. The English, with the help of the Welsh and anyone else whose great-great grandmother lived in Britain, need to win that match to win the series. As the Australians already hold the ashes, despite the fact that they never actually go to Australia, only need to draw the match. Now, if you were not confused before ...

Thank you for the explanation, Saltuarius; that helps.

What still puzzles me though is how long the game (series?) goes on. From what I can gather, the spectators sit in chairs on a lawn, socialize, while getting genteelly blitzed each day.

We colonists do a similar thing at football games with tailgate parties, at which one picnics in the game parking lot before the game -- and get blitzed. We don't do it for a whole MONTH, though! Lord, I would be a hopeless alcoholic doing that.

nukesafe, the games do end and there is a break of several days. This enables the Barmy army to get back to the mini bus for the journey to the next location.
They use the time to save a bit more money so they can pay the £3 a pint asked at stadiums.

On top of that the ticket price which ranges from £50 upwards on days 1-4 with reductions for day 5 if the game ever gets there.
Unfortunately even day 3 is looking decidedly dodgy lately.
And the ticket touts were left with loads of unsold tickets lol.

During this gap in proceedings; in theory, the fans liver is given a break and the stadium groundsmen are trimming the pitch and the champagne lawn. This is where the hoorah henries in their MCC jackets sometimes have their salmon sandwiches and fizzy pop.

At the end of the 5 tests (matches)the trophy which has huge significance to Aussie and England cricket fans, is won but is left in England, because it is so small it will probably get lost.

Once all this is over we all turn our attention to the football season and wonder where the summer went.


Muck

Nukesafe - Saltaurius and Mucky explain it well - and even CW managed a reasonable job in his intro. On this thread and countless similar it's all about a great excuse to grieviously abuse worthy targets without starting World War III (an example other Fodors threads might take on board) in the course of securing bragging rights for the next two years. And of course there's an underlying common love of the game (in CW's case, very common love).

I will not be lectured about love by someone from a country where there are more sheeps than peeps.

In the papers (including the ones owned by that Aussie wrong'un) I have seen calls for Key, Ramps and Trescothick. The last one has some merit.

BTW for the foreign Johnnies amongst us (not the Aussies - they're basically a bit of Surrey with spiders and other intriguing fauna) this is what they're fighting for:

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42338000/jpg/_42338760_cricket_416.jpg

We should fight them for this:

http://www.aussieclotheslines.com.au/images/core/enlargements/1%20-%20Folding%20Rotary%20Clotheslines/HILLS-Rotary-500-Hoist_l.jpg

ps the Germans never got jets to work properly. They had rockets instead. As any fule kno.

Thanks for the reminder of what we take for granted in this part of the world - the Ashes and that beautiful backyard vista. I tell the young ones they should realise how fortunate we are when others can only have a Hills Hoist as a screen saver.

So Ramprakash to come in for Bopara (looks the part until he gets out) or Bell and the Australians to think about Hauritz (for Clark perhaps), which gets us back to the teams' original strengths and weaknesses. Lotta runs on offer at The Oval apparently. Is it likely to turn - for Swann and perhaps Hauritz - or more likely to be a dead wicket?

Let's hope the umpiring isn't the difference - who knows, the wildcard could be an unexpected run of good decisions.

To go back to the OP, I was amused by the statement that the Ashes "brings both countries to an absolute standstill."

I can assure you that I've seen no sign of this country grinding to a halt. In fact I don't know many people, a few cricket tragics excepted, who give a rat's fundament about it.

Yeah, but don't let the Poms know Neil - there's not much else going for them. We take five nil sporting series victories in our stride, but look what happens when the Poms manage the narrowest of wins - it's like deliverance from the plague and VE Day all over and the German Queen has to settle them down by sprinkling around shiney badges and fancy sashes.

Steady on boys, they may not put up that little urn to be fought over if you keep ramming home truths like that!

Interesting that the BBC radio commentators replayed the end of the previous Headingley Ashes test repeatedly but it was not shown at all on those times I was able to watch the TV. Any reason for that you think?

Now, what could it be?

With a three day innings victory the new standard, the Poms probably have to go back to Agincourt.

Alya - we shouldn't continue to focus on the poor chap's darker side, but thanks for the intelligence - was unaware of the otter in CW's past. Perhaps we should be thankful that his current clothes line fetish suggests he may have moved on to snowdropping.

Not for us to question informed local opinion, but if you're serious about bringing in Ramprakash at three, why not ask Derek Randall if he's up for a laugh at four?

"Interesting that the BBC radio commentators replayed the end of the previous Headingley Ashes test repeatedly but it was not shown at all on those times I was able to watch the TV. Any reason for that you think?"

Probably because a certain ex Australian owns the rights. BBC gets to show about 20 seconds on the news, and that's it. We (poms) got a hiding. All the deficiencies that had been papered over while 1-0 up were brutally exposed at Leeds by some superb bowling. On that wicket, and playing as the did, Australia would probably have beaten any other side in the world - although it would probably have taken a fair amount more time than this weekends fiasco.

And just to add to earlier notes. Fleming is famous for the discovery of penicillin. Chaim and Florey were rightly awarded the Nobel prize, but there are many who believe the 3rd prize winner should have been Norman Heatley who worked out how to purify the drug.

Ramprakash is averaging 100 and Trescothick 81.

Plus ramps can do this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvZhbAUk8P0

He won the series.

It's getting interesting!

Otter???

Margo - he's moved on (Ou sont le snowdropper d'antan? - he's here among us) and we are being (relatively) gracious in victory and in anticipation that the rightful order will be restored in the shadow of the gasometer the week after next.
Apparently the first test double century was scored at The Oval in 1884 - by Billy Murdoch, the only Australian captain (to date, perish the thought) to lose two Ashes series.

The England selectors are obviously expecting Rampra's dancing partner to accompany him to the wicket to help out with his pirouettes and ducking and weaving and will be hoping he doesn't think he's back on The Weakest Link.

You do all realise you've just said all that out loud?

It's alright, they won't hear us from this distance. Will he wear padding under his tights?

Trescothick would be a better bet you'd think, although he may not relish the stress of an Ashes decider (not that he would be alone there).

I used to own a gay otter.

Meanwhile....

Looks like Ramps is back.

And don't you have strictly come dancing in Australia? It's the only thing camper than my otter.

really CW - what's your source? [about Ramps, not of gay otters].

Ann - has he returned the bike? Of course letting him keep it may have been healthier for everyone. Doesn't your Plod issue bikes to its finest?

CW - yes, we do have something of the kind where sporting, media and political failures have the opportunity to make even bigger gooses of themselves. They're quite good at it apparently.

And speaking of the Nobel Prize -

"Digital radio may well be the greatest invention of modern times. The delay function means I can now synchronise the cricket on the radio with the high definition TV coverage. Brilliant." Jason King (Letters, SMH, 13 Aug)

"Digital radio may well be the greatest invention of modern times. The delay function means I can now synchronise the cricket on the radio with the high definition TV coverage. Brilliant." Jason King (Letters, SMH, 13 Aug)

Need to get a digital radio, then.

At least currently, when someone gets out, with the delay I have time to stop whatever I'm doing and have a look!

Although the TV coverage isn't too bad this time around. No Tony Greig and Co.!

"At least currently, when someone gets out, with the delay I have time to stop whatever I'm doing and have a look!"

Maybe the England batsmen would benefit from having the same facility Margo, they would be able to tell where the ball is then.



(4 weeks and 1 day to lift off)

My source - every newspaper!

I don't have a special CW phone to Geoff Miller. Sadly. 'cos I'd tell him to blood Carberry.

Digital radio is rubbish. Like digital TV. Every time a milk float goes past it cuts out.

we have synchronised our digital radio with the TV, as we prefer Blowers and Tuffers to Bumble etc, though i do quite like Nas, and Michael Holding. I could listen to him saying "boundry" all day.

I realise that we miss les bons mots de Shane Warne but I doubt that they would fill more than a page of A4. A little bit of Shane goes a long way [as M. Gatting can testify].

CW - you obviously read different papers to me [can you get "The West Briton" in London?]

strangely, it quite often unsychronises itself after a few minutes. perhaps it's that milk-float going past.

you have milk floats??? with horses??

Of course with horses - where do you think we get the milk from?

We also have loads of street urchins who, from time to time, break out into song and dance numbers and most of our chimney sweeps are in fact Americans of Dutch descent. (which is why we can't understand a perishin' word they say guvnor).

Right - just three days to go. Trott* starts at four - bell plays at three. Which is a world of wrong.

Weather forecast is minging.

*Another one from that bit of surrey that has lions and antelopes in.

'Trott fit for Proteas' Second XI (perhaps)' -

http://tinyurl.com/lko7n4

With Hughes and Bopara falling by the wayside (temporarily it is hoped), it'd be good to see at least one young batsman make an impact in this series (but a limited impact in this case, thanks).

Sorry to bring a sobering thought, but the best prospect of a (relatively) young batsman going on with the job is likely to come later this year when the Poms take on the Saffas - the really big young batting revelation from the last set of home and away Aust - SA tests was J-P Duminy, who showed consistency and match winning ability.

Trotts hardly a new-born. He's about 28 I think.

Bopara will come again. Hopefully.

Hughes? Mebbe not.

How did Rampra take being voted off? Where to now for him? The dance floor? (He's the same vintage as 'They Shoot Horses, Don't They?'.)

With his healthy lifestyle and dancing he could always team up with Warney's Advanced Hair Studio and say, Mike Brearley's psychotherapy to offer a complete makeover service for the faded sports star. Can anyone think of others who might have something to contribute? (Geoff Boycott doesn't by any chance promote haemorrhoid treatments, does he??) The sad thing is that some - well, one or two - of these guys could still be playing test cricket if the rules were amended to allow cameo appearances. Perhaps that's what is needed to counter the attraction of the vulgar (short) forms of the game.

"if the rules were amended to allow cameo appearances"

Most of the England batsmen made a cameo appearance in the last test !!!




Let Battle commence !!

Muck

<<"if the rules were amended to allow cameo appearances">>

isn't that what 20/20 is for?

'England doesn't deserve to win' -

http://tinyurl.com/kp46sg

There again, the Oval hasn't been a happy hunting ground for the Australians (perhaps because it's rarely been the deciding venue).

"Cameo appearances" - perhaps "guest appearances" - each side could have say, one "guest player" who wouldn't have to field. When their services weren't required in the middle they could be eating pies or baked beans in the terraces or signing bats, shirts, midriffs or inner thighs in the outer.

Can anyone think of others who might have something to contribute?>>>

Pele promotes Viagra.

So Trott starts...

one wag in the Guardian suggested that all the English batsmen made guest appearances in the Leeds test!!!!

oops sorry Mucky maybe it was you in The Guardian-I hadn't read your comment.

Not the best of days all round I'd say, but perhaps that's because I called it a night with Bell on 71 and Collywobbles on 20. Wayward Australian bowling, another no ball wicket, first run out of the series, England fails to go on with it, and the pitch already breaking up. Swann might be the key.

Useless stats dept - As a proportion of total runs off the bat in innings thus far, the median contribution of extras in England innings has been about 11%, double that of the contribution to extras in Australian innings. Could be the critical factor in a tight series you'd think, but perhaps the significant Australian no ball and wide component (98 in 8 England innings, compared to 34 by England in 6 Australian innings) might be considered a shrewd collateral investment in securing the wickets of England batsmen who succumb when a half decent ball comes along. Back to the spray 'em round days of Thommo (whose renowned diplomacy might be added to the sought after skills mentioned earlier).

Make that two 'no ball' wickets. Didn't hear what Shane Warne had to say about them (his top Test score 99, out to a 'no ball'). He probably prefers not to think about the condition.

I'd put the Aussies slightly on top.

But I wouldn't want to bat last on that pitch.

Jimmy Anderson finally gets his duck, Broad grassed again, but this time it'd not too costly. Yeah, Australia might need a 200 run buffer on this pitch.

It's coming home, it's coming home, the Urn is coming home....

Very good performance today and after such pessimism yesterday. God it's going to be murder if you win.

We won the World Cup in 1966. We tend to keep quiet about it though, so you probably didn't know.

god darn that judge...he kept us til 3pm so by the time I got home it was all over bar the shouting,..and drinking and general merrymaking.

everything I ever said, wrote or thought about S. Broad I take back.

No, no, it's the Australians who need the 400 run buffer! OK, so it's a set-up for the British TV viewing market.

Forget losing the toss on a mongrel pitch, the Australians' ill-disciplined bowling has been the defining difference throughout the series and someone will have to pay - take their names! And send them to Roebuck for a good spanking!

So, it appears that unless three or four Australian batsmen score centuries in the second innings, we get to keep Roebuck forever.

Perhaps we should offer him up for a 24 hour stint on the plinth.

I'm STILL not sure about this.

I want to be at least 400 ahead before I sleep easy. I've been ooffered a ticket for tomorrow - well "offered" by a tout. Two hundred sheets!

A bargain - it'll be memorable one way or another. They did manage 400 in the second innings at Lord's with almost as much pressure, but a better pitch. Holding out hope they'll rumble the remaining England batsmen for 70 odd today (any chance of a helpful shower?), but in some ways an improbable 400 might be an easier proposition than a gettable 300.

two hundred egnlish soveriegn strerling pounds is 54465456564857 Aussie dollars! That's a lot.

Or about ten scoops of our iron ore - nothin' really.

"I want to be at least 400 ahead before I sleep easy"

Why?

It'll take us all day, then the Australians will just stonewall for two days. Thus keeping them.

If there's one thing we lead the world in, it's the ability of English national teams to grab defeat from the jaws of victory.

We're certainly more likely to win this match than they are. But they only need http://www.fodors.com/community/images/PostMessage.pnga draw - and that's STILL the most likely outcome.

Another solid knock by Strauss - Man of the Series unless Clarke comes up with something special - and a very composed debut hundred by Trott (except for that character-building fright on 97). Only five or six hundred to get in two days - plenty of time and we only have to find three or four century makers. (And the highest successful run chase at The Oval is what, 298?)

Or not even that many.

Now there's our first 5 runs peeled off - I think I'll call it a night (at 0215) - it could be a long day.

546 to win with 10 wickets and 2 days, several million Ozzies praying for rain

A dream performance by Trotters !!

Well done that man.

aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

Isn't Trotter a Seth African?

Next they'll be signing up Murray Goodwin to replace Cook.

We'll have the rain here, not there, thanks - only 466 to get in two days - should be a piece of cake.

The Poms will be self-flagellating again if we're still in with a sniff by stumps on Day 4.

And a round of applause for CW for scoring 400 on his thread - showing that anything over 400 is gettable these days.

"margo_oz on Aug 22, 09 at 05:28 PM
aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

Isn't Trotter a Seth African?"

Only when he's not English or gets a rubbish score.

90-2

BUGGER!!!!

I've got a report I MUST get out tonight. Now I'm going to be sneaking over to the Beeb site every five seconds.

The poor pooch is going to get blamed again.

As I said - Trott is from that bit of surrey that has lions and anteopes wandering around in it.

And it's goodbye Katich. Book the open top bus!

Only 375 to go at lunch and Punter and Hussey looking the goods for double tons. At this rate they'll finish off the job shortly after lunch tomorrow.

See. Just one good throw from Freddie and neither even gets a ton...

That's what happens if you're vainglorious.

I am gathering...England is about to pull off the unbelievable?

Help a Yankee out?

thereyet

Not unbelievable: five matches over five days on a different ground for each match tend to produce ups and downs.

In their two innings, England made 332 and 373. Australia made 160 in their first, and are now on their second, and are at (at the time of writing) 320 for 5 (i.e., need 226 to win).

The match being in its fourth day, there is the rest of today and tomorrow to try to close the gap (and for England to try to get the remaining 5 Australian batsmen out). Any result is at least possible, though a draw looks the least likely.

Time to drag in my favourite cricket story (for one thing, it's true). In a similar situation in the Ashes series in Australia in 1963 (the worst UK winter for decades, with snow disrupting traffic everywhere), the England captain was in a similar sort of situation on the final day. He could play adventurously for a win, and risk losing the whole series; or he could play safely for a draw, which would save some face but leave the Ashes in Australia (since a drawn series leaves them with the holder). In all the furious(ish) debate about what he should do, one man stopped in the street said (on live TV) "Ashes? Ashes? Don't talk to me about ashes - I haven't had any coal for seven bleedin weeks!"

Ah well it's official. England win the Ashes. We'll never hear the end of it.

Yes Yes Yes !!!!!!!!!!!!

Great, another two tests to watch repeats of for the next four years!

Overall, not as good as 2005, but from an English point of view, very satisfying.

I think the two sides were quite evenly matched. Australia's batting the better, Englands bowlers making use of the conditions.

I think both India and South Africa are stronger teams.

Real rollercoaster ride of a series.

Wonder how pissed Freddie will be tomorrow?

he said he was taking "her indoors" out for dinner.

her and that flottila of flying pigs.


of course, what we should do now is be very grown-up about it and talk about how it's just a game, doesn't really matter, etc rather than rubbing aussie noses in it.

FAT CHANCE.

And it was all looking pretty good when I left them... so that'll mean another 5-zip when they next meet then.

More discipline required - Roebuck Australia's new coach.

The Poms played well when it counted - take the day off and have a couple on me. Well done England and thanks to CW & Co. for the entertainment.

Good show, England!

I hoped to get the basics today in the NY Times, condensed into maybe 8 column inches and suited to the meanest intelligence; no mention.

Bl**dy good show!

thereyet

stoke - what were you expecting? lol- a ball by ball account?

I'm sure that if you access the website of one of the less serious UK papers, you'll get enough of a gist to understand why this is such a big deal. on this occasion, the heavies [in all senses of the word] might be a little too detailed!

Hi, ann. I looked at the guardian site and listened to Flintoff's cool accent while flipping through photos of flannels and bats and wickets. That's probably the closest I'll come to grasping the game.

I thought maybe the NYTimes would give a cricket for dummies overview.

hi stoke,

I'm not sure that the Guardian qualifies as a "less serious newspaper" but I'm glad that you got to listen to Freddie. he is a real character, possibly one of the last ones.

Here you are - Cricket for beginners, from the BBC:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/rules_and_equipment/default.stm

Or indeed

http://thecrickettier.com/2009/07/03/cricket-101-episode-1/
http://thecrickettier.com/2009/07/05/cricket-101-episode-2/

Well that's that - knighthoods all round.

England win the Ashes and Spurs are top of the league.

It's 1961 all over again!

Patrick - what Stoke needs is that tea-towel with the rules of cricket. you know that one:

<<You have two sides,
one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in
goes out, and when he's out he comes in,
and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out, the side that's out
comes in, and the side that's been in goes
out ...>>

hope that's clear, Stoke.

Ann and Patrick, I appreciate your kindness. Light begins to dawn.

Cricket is like Noh play. Unnecessary to understand what's going on to appreciate the mysterious beauty.

And Tuffers is going on Strictly Come Dancing!

Well he was called the cat....

Somehow I don't quite see him being quite as graceful, elegant and light-footed as Ramprakash. But he'll be fun to watch nonetheless.

But wasn't the Cat nickname something to do with his off the field antics, as in 'having the habits of a tomcat?'

no, more to do with the fact that until he was needed, he would be sleeping somewhere in the changing rooms, oblivious to everything.

at least that was what he said on TMS recently.

Joe Calzaghe is also a contestant. I fear for Craig.

<<I fear for Craig.>>

in what sense?

Joe will batter the snot out of him. I can't see craig as much use in a scrap.

that's not really much of an insult - Joe would marmalise anybody.

though possibly Arlene might have given him a few rounds. perhaps that's why they sacked her?

Brunos light in the loafers too. So should have good footwork.

And no one would ever want to hit Len.

Saffer C side on the way, but perhaps not in time for next Ashes series -

"Foreign-born elite athletes will soon find it easier to represent Australia"

http://tinyurl.com/ljnmnf

Ha, I got into a conversation about the Ashes at an SF GTG with another fodorite. She was NOT pleased that England had won. I laughed....love a good underdog story.

thereyet

Cricket is like the Borg. Resistence is futile.

4-zip in the 1-dayers...

Doesn't make up for the loss, though

Hardly Margo, but that's just between you and me. As much as I abhor the shortened/ vulgar forms of the game, you've gotta be flexible in these things - so that makes it, what, 5-2 thus far.

annhig: I have that very same tea towel -- bought 30+ years ago before I understood the first thing about cricket . . .

No one cares about the pyjama game. Just the Ashes. Which we won. by beating Australia. As you may have heard.

I'm a bit jittery about Hampshire though. We could go down.

In this weekend's Sydney Morning Herald, courtesy of the Guardian -

Q. Where will the England cricket team be staying on their tour of South Africa?
A. With their parents.

Then there's the business section's 'Ashes defeat offers some retail lessons' -

http://tinyurl.com/nr4fxa

And, yesterday's story on yesterday's man of the future, Phillip Hughes -

http://tinyurl.com/llnse4

Ravi Bopara (who's obviously got something on the England selectors), that could have been you.

both Trott and Bell played very well in a pro 40 the other night, and James Foster hit 5 sixes off one over in another such match where Alister Cook got a century.

but none of that seems to make any difference to the selectors. with the exception of Strauss, the batsmen seeem totally demoralised. is there any hope that they might give a few new faces a run out for the last match?

I thought not.

6-zip - but still not the Ashes!

You're right about Bopara, farrermog - he must have some god photos!

I think that Bopara has a great deal of talent. The trouble is that raw ability is one thing and becoming a top international is something completely different, though predicated on the former.

Strauss has been the standout for England for years. Even when he had a somewhat lean time in Australia a few years back it was mainly because he copped more than his fair share of poor umpiring decisions. Collywobbles not making a bigger contribution was the main surprise for me.

Yeah, Bopara certainly looks the goods and can roll his arm over. It appears that the cruncher for Hughes was that he doesn't bowl and as Watson can do a bit of both he could cover for the wayward Johnson. Dropping Hughes after two Tests was rough IMO and I hope he bounces back.

6-1 a reasonable outcome you'd haveta think, for those who follow the vulgar form of the game [but must be careful not to protest too much]. Wouldn't have been much justice going to the top of the pyjama rankings on the strength of a whitewash - a bit like relying on regular series against Bangladesh to boost standings and averages.

Picked ya seat yet? [so to speak] -

http://www.gulliverstravel.co.uk/cricket/england-cricket-tour-to-australia-2010-2011

Not a few of us here feel that Cricket Australia has once again been a little too generous to the Poms in giving their fans early access to a sigificant chunk of the seats for our home tests. But, hey, we're just all round good sports.

Hitler rants about Nathan Hauritz's non selection [& never mind a loose fact or three] -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYdyTxk4wSw

It's been suggested recently that the Australian team for the 2010/2011 Ashes should be the New South Wales team with Ponting [a NSW-residing Tasmanian] added as captain. Some would say it would be difficult arguing that this would not be a stronger team than all others, but it is unlikely to happen because of the state parochialism which is always a factor in Australian selections and often to the national team's detriment. Thereagain, it might be said that state parochialism is not as bad as it was in the past because of greater player mobility these days (eg Hauritz and Watson, who currently play for NSW, are Queenslanders). Still, the feeling is that other national teams don't have quite the same selection problems.

And talking again of Hauritz [Swanny would have to be impressed], Ponting put the wind up the Indians after the Australian team's win in the pyjama series last week by claiming that Hauritz is a better spinner than Harbhajan!

Seriously; you're getting wiped.

Beaten like a ginger step child.

Our top six against yours? Our attack against ours?

It's gonna hurt.

CW- hopefull.

I just love CW's optimism - you would have thought he would have learn't what with being a Spurs fan.

I might just put £10 on another Aussie 5-0 whitewash.

well, the SA rain gods shone on England last night - plus the vagueries of duckworth-lewis.

great hitting all round - who had Collers down as a quick scorer? Let's hope we can keep it up.

Yep - Duckworth-Lewis against South Africans has the same impact as garlic on vampires.

CW - recall you having a bit of an obsession with these chaps a few months back during the course of those practice games for the 2010/2011 Ashes series (perhaps it was an obsession with being bitten on the bum) -

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/11/25/2752536.htm

Only a matter of time before they turn up in the nether regions of Blackheath - have your chopsticks handy (strictly for external use only).

Hey Chummers, I know you'll appreciate me sharing this, but I've just realised that the only time I've been bitten by a redback was in the Megalong Valley, in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney. And here's the scary bit - the Megalong Valley is directly below our Blackheath, which is obviously from where your mob pinched the name.

Anyway, true enough, it was at an outdoor dunny and being a stickler for decorum and there being no one present who I'd want to attempt to suck out the poison, I bravely maintained that the bite was just a little nip 'on the upper thigh' (which in fact it was). Obviously I survived, and yes, the spider came to a particularly horrible end. Not that most of us care too much about redbacks - bites might on occasion be life-threatening for the young, sick and elderly (and Poms no doubt) - and my spider was probably a far less harmful male (this is one occasion where it is better to be bitten on the bum by a male) and I don't believe anyone has karked it since antivenom has been available.

I had just finished a weekend's bushwalking where the main concern was black snakes - again, a less harmful and less aggressive variety, but in February in the Megalong Valley and Cox's River they can be everywhere and it can become a bit wearing trying to avoid stepping on them - on another occasion I'd had one crawl along the length of my body when I was lying on a small sandy beach on the Cox's River and it was on its way down to the water.

As it happens, on the Australia and the Pacific forum there has been an erudite discussion of our vast collection of nasties (crocs, dengue carrying mosquitoes, disembowelling kangaroos etc) and little else, so it's amazing we end up attracting any visitors at all. And of course, most discussion on the subject tends to degenerate to the point where someone will claim that the most dangerous local creature of all is the dreaded one-eyed trouser snake.

While I think of it, remember to check under the seat of your police bike before you next attempt to mount it.

If redbacks can invade Japan they can turn up almost anywhere. Including C_W's bicycle seat.

The Japanese response is of course fruitless; resistance is futile.

"In the case of big factories, we must move in and exterminate at once" - well, good luck with that.

Not that I'd expect much resistance from a people so soft that they've become addicted to electrically heated toilet seats. Where is the fabled spirit of Bushido?

*makes mental note not to visit Australia and Japan*

*Makes mental note to buy electric bog seat*

That seems to have done the trick then. If only it was as easy to deter the Barmy Army.

Would the heat attract, or deter, neurotoxic spiders?