You're not going to protest her going any more? That's probably very refreshing for her - she's an fully-fledged adult forgodsake!

Don't be one of those control-freak or guilt-trip mothers because that is highly offensive for all others involved.

I don't mean to be snide here. But she's a grown up!

You claim to have been to Europe with her. You also claim that she is a solid and common-sense kind of person.

If you can't trust your own perception of her, and you don't believe that she has the appropriate judgement to deal with situations, and that she may not be able to use her common sense when in Europe, then it's not up to the contributors here to tell you what to do about her trip to Europe.

It's totally unfair to the posters here to provide you with re-assurance about your daughter's trip.

Lady:

Don't ask us...we are all crazy!

Get your "reassurances" from her, her pastor, professors, employer, her dad...

Please, leave us out of this.

p.s. make sure she doe not log on to your computer and find that you have asked "the world" about her decision.

Thanks,
Oaktown Traveler

doe=does

Gee, If I had a 22 year old daughter who was headed to Europe alone I might turn here for words of encouragement. You guys are brutal.

Lady, I am certainly not 22 but have traveled in Europe a lot alone. No problem. As long as she is smart about choices, there are loads of kids out there on their own. She won't be alone. Of course you will probably worry a bit, but that's what being a Mom is about... even if their "kid" is 22.

Thank you, grasshopper. I'm thinking no one who responded was a mother. Yes, the people on this board can be brutal. I changed my screen name once because they made such fun of me on another post. I don't think I'll come here again. This is obviously for people who only ask the 'right' questions.

BTW, I was only concerned about her SAFETY, not what she chose to do!

Turn here for words of encouragement? Wow, just like Oaktown above may as well have written - we're may all be a bunch of serial killers here ! Just ask us about shoes and silk underwears to wear in Europe,

Yup, ask a bunch of internet message board posters whom she had most likely never met nor talked to, ever, about her relationship with her daughter.

Now that I think of it, Lady's post makes me wonder which one is actually the grown-up between the two of them.

Lady, There are huge numbers of nice, helpful people who love to share useful information. I've made friends with several in the real world. Do come back and ask questions. Just ignore the nasties.

Lady:

I am a mom.

BRUTAL Honesty: Put her in your prayers and leave it at that.

Her SAFETY is in "his" hands not ours.

If you really have been on these boards you might know that I am a HUGE advocate of women travelling solo be they married or not.

Please, do not come here and whine and cry because "we" are not telling you what you want to hear.

And, if a whole goo-gob of us said yes or no what would you really do?

Sorry, to be so terse but Lady, for once in Fodor board history posters are playing this parent question straight!

Cut your percieved losses and go spend some time with your daughter already.

Parent-to-Parent,
Oaktown Traveler

To get back to your original question, I think it depends on where she is going and on what sort of budget. These factors would seem to me to have more impact on the safety issue than whether she is alone or with a friend.

She's got common sense and she's been to Europe -- that's good. So you might assume that she will not decide to wander into a rough part of town late at night, right? Is she staying in decent hotels in safe neighborhoods? Does she have enough money to take a taxi instead of a bus if need be? Etc.

You might also feel reassured that she is very likely to meet up with other people her age and end up traveling with them.

Lady,

As grasshopper mentioned, just ignore all the posts from people telling you to "get over it because she's an adult". Apparently, they don't seem to understand that most parents will always be a bit afraid of their kids traveling alone abroad.

I asked for some advice when taking my younger brothers to europe, and when I posted that they would be 18 and 19, the board went crazy with people complaning that I was an over-bearing, obsessive sister... they failed to see that since I would be the oldest in the group, only 25 at that, I would be responsible for them!!

This board has many people happily willing to offer advice on sites, transport, etc, but things tend to get touchy when parents/sibilings ask about the "safety" of their loved ones.

To answer your question - since she already traveled to Europe twice, I would guess she has some of her bearings as to the locations on things she wants to see.

Europe is very safe, even in the cities, if you use common sense and not be out till 2am in a dodgy part of town. My sister and I just went to Europe, for the first time, and we felt perfectly safe there!

Our daughters both travel alone and they've never had any problems. On the contrary, they have both often met very kind people (probably posters on this forum) who have welcomed them, given them advice, bought them dinners and assisted in various ways.

She'll be fine. Enjoy the fact that she has the courage to travel alone. Many people don't, you know.

Considering the events of this morning, I think she might want to avoid Spain, if she has any safety concerns...

I was 17 when I travelled by myself from Finland to Spain by boat and train. Sweden-Denmark-The Netherlands-Germany-France-Spain. And then I travelled also back. That was in those times when there where no cell phones, and I had money to call home only once a week. Nothing bad happened.

My only child is a boy. He went Interrailing all over Eastern Europe and Italy when he was 16. Nothing bad happened, except that he got stuck for days to some small town in Poland because of the floods. But that was more like an experience.

i am 22 and I recently weent to europe (with a friend who had lived in france for almost a year), and my mom was concerned. I have never been out side the US, and only the second time traveling without one of my parents. They were worried, but i gotan e-kit phone card witha voice mail system so if they needed to call me they could leave a message and i could call them, they never actually left a message, but i think it gave them some reassureance, i also left them with a copy of my itinery. You can also find internet cafes to e-mail or IM

Don't worry! Just make sure you know where she will be and ask her to visit an internet cafe to send you a few quick messages. She should try and get a friend to go with her bc at 22, she would probably have more fun with a companion! I know I did at that age.

Some of the earlier replies to this thread may have been full-moon induced. The girl is only 22 for goodness sakes and, unless she went to grad school at NYU and Lady mom works for the United Nations, I think it's perfectly reasonable to worry and be concerned.

My (Ohio) mother used to tell me that my father had difficulty sleeping the first five years I lived in NYC (I moved right from the rural family house into a NYC one-bedroom apartment with two stranger roommates on NYC's then drug-infested, Lower East Side). Sometimes "letting go" can be the most difficult act of love a parent can provide.

Sounds to me your daughter will do just fine. Most likely, she will flourish. At least we live in modern times and she's only a phone call away. Be grateful your daughter has exploration in her soul. This is a good thing.

Hi Lady,

She'll be all right. Make sure she knows how to say 'no' in 6 or 7 languages.

Ira, LOL!

As a mother of 4 daughters in their 20's, I completely understand. It's our JOB to worry about our kids, even when they're adults.

But that doesn't mean we're going to stand in their way or keep them from seeing the world. In fact, we should encourage them to do so.

If your daughter is a solid, common-sense kind of person, I have no doubt that she will have a wonderful trip, and meet lots of interesting people.

But will you worry about her? Of course you will!

Dear Lady,

Europe is a far safer place than the U.S. of A. If you don't worry about your daughter when she's in the U.S., you most certainly don't need to worry about her when she's across the pond.

You're welcome.

I admire the niceties that are extended to somebody whose form of comfort and re-assurance comes from people she never knew in a very public Internet message board.

Full moon or not, I don't admit to overlooking Lady's concern for her daughter's safety. My issue is her bringing this up in a public forum. Yes, so far, everyone's been positive about her daughter's trip. However, and I hate to think of it, but shouldn't somebody mention the possible negatives of travelling as a young adult! This may not be re-assuring, but , at least some semblance of reality is offered.

In terms of being realistic somebody posted this un-validated, un-substantiated and ill-timed (due to the very unfortunate current event) bold statement -"Europe is a far safer place than the U.S. of A."????

Any place in this world is only as safe as one can make it to be when one is there.

Can you re-assure that Lady's daughter is fully capable of this?

I can assure that European parents are as nervous if their children travel to the other side of the pond.

Can something happen to people travelling in Europe? Sure it can, millions of people live here and not all of them are angels. But the same is true for the USA or any other place. And in comparison to many other places on earth, Europe and especially the places visited by tourists are very safe.

Will she be able to cope with it at 22? Probably. I can only agree with Elina that travelling alone at a much younger age is a pretty common experience for many European teenagers. And they aren't necessarily solid and common sense or in any way better acquainted to the different cultures or languages of the dozen countries they are visiting by interrail than any American. Honestly, Europe in the summer is full of teenagers behaving as complete fools, lacking what's often described as "street savvy" and inviting desaster. Still they return home with nothing worse than having something stolen, having slept in a railway station and having had a few momentous hangovers.

Full Moon, NYU, UN Huhhhhhh?

Okay...now that the claryvoyant folks have "spoken"...I mean "posted" GREAT!

This traveler is just as SAFE as the next traveler.

I am lock step with Taylor-Made.

If the Lady was asking about herself like we all do then that is a suitcase of another color.

As a parent it seems academic at best to ask folks on the world wide web about MY GROWN CHILD...now, there you have your full moon in effect!

BTW: I like full moons.

That aside...

If you really want to know about SAFETY then contact the Travel Advisory for USA citizens or for whatever country you might be from.


From: Full Deck, Common Sense, Stanford, Harvard, Princeton and Yale with a no thank you sent to UC Berkeley...and that counts for?

Right...NOTHING, this is a travel site!!!!!!

Weary,
Oaktown Traveler

You are probably going to concerned whether she travels alone or with a tour group. There is nothing anyone can do to prevent you from worrying. You can help her (and make yourself feel better) by encouraging her to do (her own) research, and by suggesting that she take some condoms.

Who said the Internet doesn't provide the best source of cheap entertainment these days.
Lol.

There's no way to answer "how worried should I be about her safety if she goes alone?" - it's impossible to say. Depends on her personality, travel style, choice of destination, luck of the draw, etc.

I think what you can do in practical terms, as touched on above, is make sure she has access to funds. I firmly (as a female solo traveler) believe that not going the very most shoestring budget route can improve your safety, and obviously comfort. So phone cards, pre-paid credit or ATM card for emergencies might ease your mind and her travels.

I'm 50 and my mother still worries when I travel alone, but she tries not to let on!

My 25 yr.old daughter has been traveling on her own for years. She has found that staying in youth hostels, she is never alone, unless she wants to be.
I trust she will be safe and leave it at that. Worrying won't change what might happen or help her in any way, it only stresses You.

Is anyone going to tell OT to lighten up on the return key? Instead of lock step maybe she should acquire lock jaw.

Lady, mothers worry about their kids ... especially daughter travelling alone. I'm 35 and my mom still worries, but she is better about keeping it to herself by now.

You should congratulate yourself on rearing a child who is "solid, common sense kind of person" and drink a glass of good wine when your concerns flare up.

I hope that she has a wonderful, safe trip!

I don;t wish to be harsh, bu if I were your daughter I would be mortified at your dragging this issue into a public forum. Granted some parents may feel it necessary to worry about sensible adult offspring doing perfectly natural things - but that's no reason to make it the subject of pubic debate. All you're demontrating is your complete lack of confidence in your daughter and her ability to behave as an adult. IMHO your concerns are way out of line - and you really need to consider what they say about you and your need to keep your daughter a child within your control.

This may be a public forum, but it is anonymous, so I don't see that Lady's daughter has any need to be "mortified."

Based on my own personal behavior, even though I was a sensible young woman, I did some pretty stupid things when I was 22. So I don't think Lady is super-controlling just because she's worried about her daughter. I never took a trip my entire life that my mother didn't worry about me til I was home safe!

Marilyn, dear, you're always the voice of reason and it's a pleasure reading your words of wisdom.

My dear Lady, She'll be on the same behavior there as where she lives at 22. It's ok to worry. Hopefully she will stay at small hotels where she is always noticed and can interact with the staff should anything go wrong.
At least her belongings will be safe.
Better she pay more for lodgeings rather than worry about safety in an insecure area.

Naturally all mothers worry about their children - my mom still worries about me and I'm 47. But this is byond worry. If you read the original post lady first (several times) tried to stop her daughter from going, eventually gave that up - and is now - I would suggest - collecting up opinions to have another go at her poor daughter. This is beyond normal motherly concern - especially about a daughter who she admits has a lot of common sense and has been to europe twice before. To me it sounds close to pathological.

Dear Lady,
Greetings from another mother, of a grown daughter, who is leaving tomorrow morning for Brussels, Amsterdam and Paris.
I did not try to stop her, she is old enough to do what she wants, and when my mom tried to stop me when I was a young traveler, I ignored her. So the best thing is to remember that she is an adult, all those years of teaching her the way to handle herself out in the world will be useful now and be proud of her..she is not some wimpy whining girl that lives at home and is afraid to go out.
Enjoy that knowledge and remember, the more freedom you give your children, the more they come back to you.
And someday you can sit back and smile while she tells you how worried she is about her daughter going on a big trip alone

This thread's interesting, to say the least. I just didn't get out of Lady's post that she was asking anyone how to relate to her daughter.
Y'all know that it's the sentences that end in a question mark (?) which are ones requesting advice, right?

One question - and she brought it to you because you are experienced travelers in Europe, and she isn't. "how worried should I be about her safety if she goes alone?" That's it. That's the question.

Some pretty good answers here, from various perspectives, amid the chaff.

I've hesitated posting again because I'm not particularlly masochistic, but here goes. First, thank you, Clifton. You got it. And thanks to the informative posters. Second, if you read the post, you'll see I never tried to stop her from going, just told her I wasn't comfortable about the alone part. I'm not pathalogical, I'm not a control freak and the guilt-trip thing never has worked with her! I'm not clinging (believe me, she goes to school 500 miles from home) but we do have a close relationship and I feel comfortable telling her how I feel. It's like I tell her about when she's driving home from school, I trust her, it's all the other drivers on the road I worry about.
BTW, I'm glad I'm not the mother of some of you out there. I'd be so embarrassed.

I'm sure Lady has gotten all the responses she wants, but I just had to say:

I'm 21, female, and look forward to taking a solo trip somewhere, someday. But, OF COURSE, parents will worry and it's not even pathological to try to disuade us from it. And I find absolutely nothing wrong with her asking a question - the question itself still falls within the realsm of "travel" questions and since this is board is supposed to discuss travel, seems perfectly normal to me. Even though I'm 21 and not a mother but merely a daughter, I understand that good parents care about their kids. Whether or not you are offended by her post, have some human compassion. We should people caring about each other at a time like this, not beating people down for it.

Lady:

You are thankful to the informative posters. For telling you what? For re-assuring you that your daughter will be safe. In spite of the fact that aside from the most common advice on phone cards and frequent internet emailing, nobody had given you the possible dark side of travelling alone, with the possible exception of Hans, who provided information regarding sleeping in train stations, things getting stolen and some other poster who wrote about bringing condoms.

Yes, you got your assurances from the internet that your daughter will be safe and sound in Europe. Congratulations, and I trust and pray (oooops, just make that, I pray) that she has a good and safe time.

BTW, I have to take exception to your statement about being embarrased. Let me tell you this. My mother has nurtured and carefully-reared me with a lot of love and respect. She respects me and she has the confidence in her abilities to raise me such that she will personally confide in me the negatives and positives of travelling alone, which I did when I was 18. She had taught me the ups and downs of travelling alone that she, herself, experienced or would have learned from
reading messages on this board had this been available back then. Unlike you, though, she wouldn't rely on a bunch of complete strangers posting on the internet to determine how she can trust or have faith in me or how they can guarantee my safety.
At my age, I still feel that imaginary umbilical chord in spite of the fact that I live thousands of miles away from my mother. She reared me with respect that I was able to demonstrate I deserved and she worried about my whereabouts (and still does when I don't call) but not to the extent that she had to ask my boss as to how safe would be the place where I'm sent to travel to.

I'm so happy that my mother is so different from you.