Travel vs. Babies

Old Oct 25th, 2016, 08:19 PM
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Travel vs. Babies

So this may or may not be appropriate for this forum, but I just want everyone's opinion on a hot topic in my household right now ��. My husband and I have been married 5 years, together since high school, almost 15 years!! We spent or 20s going to college and traveling and have been to 7 different countries. We love traveling and try to take 3-4 dissent trips per year, at least one being over seas. We are now in our early 30s and need to make the big decision on if we want to have kids or not ��. We don't really want to give up traveling and aren't sure if we want kids bad enough to give it up!! What is everyone's experience on traveling with kids, leaving them at home while you travel, or just not having kids at all and continuing to do whatever you want!? On one hand I'm really worried we'd regret giving up our freedom, but on the other hand I think we'd really love being parents. I worried that we won't have the time or money to continue traveling with kids, not to mention the hassle of lugging all the stuff with us to another country! I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, insight, etc. Thank you!
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Old Oct 25th, 2016, 08:29 PM
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When you get old, many of your dearest memories are the funny things you kids said and did when you took them on trips.
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Old Oct 25th, 2016, 08:39 PM
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Who is it a hot topic for? You or your husband? (Feel free not to answer that.)

I think the better question is if you want kids at all. They won't be the only thing to take your money away from traveling. Health expenses, home renovations...the list is pretty much endless.

I will say that when I travel with kids (relatives) it enhances the experience instead of detracting from it. Sure, you travel differently, but don't you do that anyway? I travel differently after 30 than I did in my early twenties. Your interests change, your preferences change, your budget changes.

Anyway...lately there have been a lot of kid oriented threads, so just go back a few pages and read through them. Everyone has different opinions and methods.
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Old Oct 25th, 2016, 08:40 PM
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Your life will not end if you have kids. Whether you traveled with them or not, eventually they will grow up and move out, and you could then have another 20+ years to travel.

There are no guarantees in life. You can decide and plan and make lots of assumptions about parenthood and travel and money and the concept of freedom, and then life could deal you another hand and things won't go as you planned.

I don't get the impression that you're aching to have kids, and I do get the sense that you'd rather remain childless and be able to travel as much as possible.

5 cents, please.
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Old Oct 25th, 2016, 08:45 PM
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Travel or not should not even factor into the equation.

Having children or not is a serious decision -- doesn't sound like you are ready for the commitment.

(Just a guess but probably ±70% of the people posting on Fodors have children . . . and almost ALL of them travel.)
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Old Oct 25th, 2016, 09:08 PM
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You can travel with kids. Many people do. Many have fun doing it. They don't mind all the many accommodations they have to make. Many don't enjoy it and feel constantly cheated of the things they personally enjoy.

If there were medical issues or something else with the kids that made you have to give up travel, how would you feel? If you can no longer afford travel because the kids need things, or their school or their interests limit your travel, how would you like that? If there is any question that your child's needs would not have priority over your desire for travel, without regret or resentment, then you have much to think about.

There is no right or wrong, and absolutely no judgement involved. Being a parent is tough. It can take a toll on parents and the marriage, especially if there are any medical issues. It is forever! There are plenty of unwanted kids around. They weren't intentionally unwanted. They are simply more draining than their parents expected. Good luck with your decision.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 01:19 AM
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The best holidays of my life have been those with kids. We used to take occasional short breaks or citytrips while they were very small. But now that they have gone off to college and work, I'll take a week anywhere with them over any exotic holiday without them.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 01:20 AM
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meant to add; we took citytrips without the kids when they were very small, leaving them with grandparents.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 01:20 AM
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Put aside any 'ought to's in your thoughts. They are irrelevant. Every couple and every family is entirely different.

I faced the same decisions and I read books on travelling with kids, etc. Together my husband and I decided to have children, which has brought us huge joy and I don't regret it for a second (well, maybe every now and again when they are squabbling).

On the occasions that we have travelled with the kids, it has added a whole new dimension and we saw and did things differently - it was wonderful. However, now my kids do not enjoy travelling much and my husband refuses to go away even for a weekend. I mostly travel alone now or with a friend. On the other hand, we know many families in our circle of friends who travel often as a family and have the BEST time ever. We are the exception, not them.

It is entirely unpredictable but having kids - travel aside - although rewarding is not easy so you have to want them. It is true that you will love and do things for your own children that you wouldn't so willingly do for someone else's kids.

btw, I think that the difficult time to travel with kids is between when they start walking and about 4 years old.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 03:34 AM
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I think that if you're struggling to decide between travel and children, the time isn't right for you to have them.

People here will give you their experiences of travelling with and without children and they're all perfectly valid experiences, but will in no way give you any idea of how you or your (yet to be born offspring) would deal with an identical scenario.

You could wait a couple of years, travel some more and see how you feel then. You might never be ready, or you may decide in a few years' time that you're ready to move heaven and earth to have them.

For what it's worth, I'm the father of two young (ages 7 and 5) children, have traveled extensively with them and wouldn't have it any other way.

On the flip side, I have friends who felt that they should have children by a certain point in their lives and seem to spend most waking moments resenting their offspring's existence.

I'd suggest taking some time to decide what would make you happiest. There's no wrong answer, just one that is right for you.

Good luck.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 04:05 AM
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Hi Aknox53

Decisions, decisions. We're in a similar boat, except I'm 36 and hubby is 39, so I keep thinking we need to make a decision (either way) very soon.

Travel is one factor we are considering as well. We see families travelling and can't help but go 'stuff carrying all that around" or "we couldn't do this with a rug rat in tow". But as humans we're pretty good at adapting and I'm sure if you had a child you would adapt and play your holiday's (and it's not forever, they will leave home at some point or perhaps you have some fabulous parents who would love for the grand kids to stay with them). I'm also sure travelling with your children would be very rewarding, just in a different way.

Most people I speak to about kids and how they decided is that there is never the right or perfect time to have them.

For me, I'm not "sold" on having them (hubby really doesn't mind either way) so if it doesn't happen, I'd like to think I'd be ok with that. I'm sure I'd be upset at the time or feel disappointed, but I think I would get past that. There is so much to do out there and plenty of experiences that can still make life fulfilling (even though I know society tells us we must have children to be happy).

There is no easy answer and everyone will have a different opinion. At the end of the day you need to do what's right for you. Perhaps leave it a year or two (and maybe even considering freezing some eggs just in case) and see what happens.

Either way, kids or not, there is still plenty of travelling to be done.

Good luck.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 04:37 AM
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I travel with my husband but also my friends and we have one major thing in common. Not one of us has kids. Five of us and we have a good time together. Not one of us long for kids now that we are older. It is refreshing not to listen to people moaning about lack of funds to travel because of college expenses.

On my last trip home this two year old screamed and whined the entire 8 hour trip. I sort of felt bad for the Mom and Dad. But have also seem some really well behaved kids on flights.
My brother and his wife traveled and dined out with their three all the time and they were great at both.
I have no kids and I am happy.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 05:53 AM
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Here's some more background for those of you who want it, I am 30, my husband 32. We both have good jobs, and we already own a home. I work as an occupational therapist for children ages 0-3 who have delays or disabilities. I love my job and I love kids. My husband is great with kids as well. HOWEVER, we currently don't feel like our lives are somehow incomplete or we are missing out on anything by not having kids, but we can't help but wonder what it would be like. And I do worry that I will regret not having kids and then it would be too late. I think it's very hard to make the decision to have kids once you have experienced life without them and know what it's like to have money and be able to do just about anything you want. I really appreciate rellie2 reply, because I think you are the only one who truly understands what I'm saying. I know what kids are like and the expenses of them as well as the other expenses in life. I honestly don't know how to make the decision. If it happened accidentally I know we'd be excited, it's just really hard to say that I want to give up what I have now for kids. On the other hand, I do worry that I'd regret it later....
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 06:35 AM
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Children should not prevent travel--read trip reports for inspiration on that, though obviously there are financial and other considerations that do make it more difficult. However, whether or not to have children is a different story altogether--one only the two of you can make. Don't do it because you fear you might regret not doing so, or just because you feel you are supposed to. Do what feels right for you! You really do know in your heart if it is for you or not. My husband and I always knew we did not want children, but we waited to see if observing friends have them made any difference. It didn't, and no regrets.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 06:47 AM
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To me your question would have perhaps been better framed as "freedom vs babies" because that is what it boils down to.

Freedom to go where and when you want. Freedom to eat and sleep when you want. Freedom to spend your money on yourselves vs on kids. Freedom to live on your schedule vs someone else's. Only you can decide whether you want to make these trade-offs in life.

As far as travel, as a parent you can still travel; it will just be different. When our children were young we couldn't afford any of the types of international trips people post here about all of the time, but we still traveled extensively within the US. We drove and camped and saw nearly all of the national parks, many different states and cities etc. Now, with grown kids we travel extensively internationally. So, as far as the travel part of the equation you might also need to re-think what would be your expectations and whether you can downscale or re-think those.

As a side note, my son and DIL just returned from a couple week trip to Europe from the US. They visited family in one country and then flew to Greece where they spent a week in a rental house on the Greek coast. The kids are 5, 3, and 7 months so it is doable but does involve lots of schlepping and planning around kids (and of course those extra plane tickets and the need to rent larger accommodations). They just got back and are already talking about perhaps doing it next year since they figure it will only get easier.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 06:59 AM
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I travel with two small hellions that look (thankfully) like my wife. I'm not stopping. It was a minimal factor in our decision. We'd bopped about to various places around the world. She'd put in more than a 1/2 decade's worth of sweat equity in a vain attempt to civilize me before spawning the hatchlings.

I'm thinking it'll be more difficult being a dog owner because we'll worry about him without us (rescued from a shelter, will have someone watch him, no kenneling). Having the kids in tow just means adjusting.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 07:29 AM
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<or just not having kids at all and continuing to do whatever you want!?>
This is the option we chose, SO and I, and we have no regrets. Some people just don't feel the need to be parents. Like Macross, we are happy, and more so the older we get, actually.

<As far as travel, as a parent you can still travel; it will just be different. >
I gather that this is true.

<Most people I speak to about kids and how they decided is that there is never the right or perfect time to have them.>
Me, too. I have two friends who jumped into having kids with some misgivings--one woman, one man--and they have them now and are very happy.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 07:46 AM
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When I was a young penniless single parent, I traveled with my kids. Often it was camping trips (Quebec, Maine coast, national forests). When they were 9 and 11, I got a chance to work in the Netherlands, and jumped at it. While there, we traveled around Europe at every opportunity. Because of my job, the trips were usually city breaks on long weekends. I still didn't have much money, so we stayed in dormitories and hostels. I always had a great time traveling with the kids. They were interested in everything: cathedrals, castles, museums, it was all fascinating to them.

Now I have a grandchild, and enjoy tremendously traveling with her.

The decision to have children or not really has nothing to do with traveling. If you enjoy traveling, you'll find a way to do it.

If you're not sure whether you want kids, it's probably best to wait a while. You're still young, and have time to make the decision. It's not a decision to be taken lightly. I do know people who had kids not altogether enthusiastically, and they don't seem to regret it, but maybe they feel constrained to keep quiet about their regrets.
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 09:40 AM
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I agree with the others that traveling isn't really the deciding factor in whether to have kids but thought I'd share my experience.

My husband and I definitely wanted kids and were adamant that we would not give up traveling. Traveled with the first child when she was a baby and toddler throughout Europe and it worked out great. She was an easy baby/is an easy child all around. Had a second child who is more strong willed and a worse sleeper and traveled with her (so with two kids) as an infant around Europe as well. It was fun but very tiring.

I then came to the realization that I really did not want to travel around Europe with two very young kids and was tired from my regular life (probably as a result of said kids) and we opted for beach vacations for the next few years. I will admit that for whatever silly reason, I looked down on families who took "easy" vacations and thought that taking your kids around Europe was the ultimate goal.

Guess what? We LOVED taking the beach vacations, they were/are easy, kids relax, we relax and it is wonderful. Kids slightly older now (5 and 9) and we have been alternating between beach and European trips.

So I guess that is a long way of saying, should you decide to have kids, you will figure out that kind of vacations that you want to take and that work well for your family at a particular time and that is not predictable now and will likely change. We have not had a "bad" vacation yet. Some have been more tiring but we have all enjoyed them all and remain grateful for the opportunity to take them. Our next step is to try to take a quick European vacation while the kids stay with their grandparents.

Your priorities will change with time and circumstance.

Good luck with a big decision!
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 10:17 AM
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Gosh, I have so many thoughts I am not sure I will remember to get them all written down here

We had kids not too long after we graduated from college. We have traveled a lot and always taken the kids with us. DH was a career military officer, so we were often stationed on the opposite side of the country as family so we did not have built in babysitters so it was never an option to NOT travel without the kids. I am glad we did though, because we have no regrets at all! Taking the kids with us was better than we could have imagined. I know that if anyone told me that before we had kids, I would have thought they were crazy, but once you have kids, you want to share the world with them and experience it with them.

FWIW, I never found it difficult to travel with kids. We often flew across the country to see family. The first time, one of the kids was 3 weeks old, to give you an idea. The first time we took them to Europe, one was 4. We have taken the kids to Europe over a dozen times, and they are 23 and 25 yrs old now. One great aspect of this is that they too have the love of travel, especially with Europe, and have both done study abroad terms as well as regular travel on their own there. Last Christmas, they spent 2 weeks traveling around Europe while we were at home, lol!

So basically I just wanted to share our experience as one of many that shows it is entirely doable to have kids and travel and not feel resentment, etc.
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