Tennessee Trio of Terror - Part 2: Paris

Yay! Part II is arriving sooner than I expected.

Have time to complete our first day in Paris.

We arrive at our hotel Residence Monge around 12:30ish and are able to check in right away. Amy and Saundra share a double with twin beds for around 98 euros and I have a single (there is a God) for about 78 euros. The rooms are small but spotless. I can't open my bathroom door all the way cause it hits the bed but I'm alone and away from the evil influence of Amy for at least a few hours a day. I guess those prayers at St. Peter's and promises of life-long celibacy (as if I had a choice - the pickings are slim in Middle Tennessee and I'm really too old to start washing some guy's dirty underwear)have worked.

Julie at the hotel desk suggests we go to La Belle Epoque for a late lunch. It was a very simple place but had great food and a funny waitress. We had 3 bowls of French onion soup (not a very original choice but wonderful), 2 omelettes with fines herbes, one chicken tangine, one pear tart, one tarte tartin, and one order of profiteroles with chocolate sauce. We drank tap water and the bill was 60 euros.

The rest of the day is kind of a blur. We wandered around the area and ended up at Berthillon. Quelle suprise!!!! Amy was trying to force us on another march but we just couldn't take it so Saundra and I found a cafe and sat ourselves down and refused to go any further. We drank wine, water and Kir Royales (about 20 euros worth). Amy went to about a hundred attractions in an hour and then met us at the cafe.

On the way home we stopped and bought bread, cheese, and apples. We already had macaroons from Cacao and Chocolat. We ate this sitting in the park (old Roman forum?) behind our hotel and then dragged ourselves back to the rooms. I spent the rest of the night watching the World Figure Skating Championships which were on EuroSport but in German.

Forgot to put on the pedometer today so no mileage.

Just a note about the hotel: very nice and clean with an ATM located right across the street. My room had a double bed, armoire, small dressing table with TV on it and a little balcony that you couldn't stand on. The bathroom was small but had a full shower and full shower curtain. And yes IndyTravel, a small waste can. Amy and Saundra had two twin beds and a little alcove with a kind of single futon that someone could have slept on but I refused to share at this point. Saundra had to, she's related by blood to Amy but my attorney told me that even when held hostage, the Geneva Convention allows me some rights. Their bathroom had a tub (the size of a coffin) and a hand held shower thing. No balcony for them which was a good thing because I think Saundra might have tried to fling herself off it. She kept trying to come to my room to escape but I but the armoire in front of the door and pretended I couldn't hear her cries.

Amy here....I prefer to think of myself as a trip facilitator and not trip nazi! I was doing my best to fulfill the european dreams of a varied group of people. I also mention that both my mother and Sharon are happily planning other trips with me. (We are not inviting Heather and her mother)

I also did not hear any complaining about the loss of weight and dress sizes when we returned to tennessee even with the massive amounts of wonderful food we ate every chance we got!

Sharon, I'm really loving your report.

The remark about washing some guy's dirty underwear resonated with me. My husband and I met in our church's singles group, and a few weeks after our wedding, we invited them over for dessert and coffee. During the evening someone asked if we would give them a list of positives and negatives re single vs. married. My new husband gave a sweet list of positives, ending with, "And I always have clean underwear!"

Don't listen to her, she's the Devil! And never look at her directly, you've heard of Medusa haven't you?

Hoorah! Part 2!

Your style of writing is so good, I get pictures!

And I almost snorted my tea out my nose that Amy posted too... very cool.

Medusa had snakes in her hair....I had the appropriate dark red highlights that seem to be the requisite for the fashionable european lady!

Amy

LOL I'm loving Part Deux!
Two questions though...
Is that REALLY Amy the Trip Nazi responding?
And, in France, do they call it French Onion Soup? Or simply Onion Soup?

Great report, SG.

Did Heather and her mom ever return?

Nutella,

Yes, it is truly the now infamous Amy. Little did I know when I traveled with Sharon, I would become a Fodor's boogeyman!

"Be a good Fodorite or we will send you on a trip with Amy"

I was in San Diego on a business trip when Rome got posted...unable to defend my good name so I am keeping close tabs on Paris!

Yes that really is Amy answering back on the boards. We really love her (she made me say that). And yes, Heather and her mom do return but you'll have to stay tuned!

She lies! She wasn't in San Diego but meeting her minions in the Netherworld. Just call me Charron.

As I live in Middle Tenneessee I am willing to vouch for Sharon that the pickings are slim here!

And now can someone link me to Part I? I have to find it! LOL!

For inquiring minds

Part I
http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=34600689&start=0&dirtyBit=1

(I travel from Tennessee with my own Trip Nazi, my mother!!! LOL!)

Love this report!

Too funny, we were in the hotel last week from Saturday to Saturday. Was that your week too??? Somehow I think we would probably have noticed you in the breakfast area, if I am right and your personality matches your lively writing style!

Sharon and Amy--you two are brilliant!! I think both of you would be a ball to travel with! Like everyone else reading about your exploits, I am LOL every other sentence. You really should consider being a "writer"--if you are not already. Do you know where Ripley or Humboldt, Tx. is? Lived there are a wee tyke. Mid Tn means you may be close to Cooksville and to I75? Used to live up in Ky--Berea.
Keep up the good and fun work--I'm all ears!

SharonG, you need to start writing a weekly column, because I'm just having too much fun reading your report. I'm going to have my mom and sis read them too, as I think they could relate. Our last trips to Rome and Paris, they unanimously elected me "team leader". However, by the end of both trips, I could hear them muttering "yes, drill sergeant" whenever my back was turned

SharonG, This is the funniest post to hit here in a long time.

Sharon, you're a hoot! Can't wait for the next part.Thanx for the giggles!

Day 2 in Paris in which we celebrate St. Patrick's Day and the first sighting of "Le Clip"

We woke up early this morning and went for breakfast at a little place down the street from our hotel called Le Petit Cardinal. By now, Saundra and I are prepared for battle so we snark down enormous cheese omelettes and fresh squeezed orange juice while Amy has a baguette with butter and jam and some croissants. The total (with coffee for all) is 24.50 euro. Now let me digress here for a moment. Amy insisted that we could eat cheaper at a local café than at our hotel but this is a plot. She knew we couldn't control ourselves and would start carbo loading so she could have us in a soporific state for the rest of the day. And it worked! This café is very nice and we end up going there just about everyday.

Turns out I've caught some kind of cold and am sick as a chien. Went to our local Pharmacy where I soon become a regular. They were wonderful as I explained in my pathetic French that "I have a throat that is sick and the head, she hurts too, and I cough". David Sedaris has nothing over me. Luckily, they speak English and I am soon supplied with a wonderful cough medicine (with a codeine derivative! By the end of the trip I feel like Edgar Allen Poe), some cold pills with chlorhydrate (isn't that knock out drops) and some throat lozenges with honey (meil? I never could pronounce it).

Despite my illness, there is no mercy in Amy. She did give us a St. Patrick's Day card but I know a Judas kiss when I see one. We went to the Cluny with about a thousand French school children and then walked around the Left Bank where I bought a couple of Herve Chapelier bags. I am addicted to these things and I needed something in which to carry all my drugs. By this time, I'm also addicted to the cough medicine and am feeling no pain.

We then walked to the Musee d'Orsay but Amy wouldn't let us go in because it was open late that night so we trudge on over to La Samaritane (now I’m sure I didn't spell that right). This is a warm lovely day in Paris and the store's air conditioning is broken and all the staff are sitting around limp and complaining about the heat. We go to the rooftop terrace and eat the world's most expensive lunch: two artichoke and salmon quiche, one ham sandwich, two petite croissants, one wine and one water. All for the mere pittance of 41.40 euro! But the view is wonderful.

I pop some more drugs and wander down to the first floor looking for something to pin up my hair. It is so hot in Paris (in the 70's) that I can't stand my hair hanging around my neck. And so we come to "Le Clip". A lovely little confection by Alexandre de Paris that ends up costing me 64 euros!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can only blame it on the drugs and something Amy put in my water on the terrace. Hey, if it's good enough for Princess Grace (old Alex used to do her hair), it's good enough for me. For the rest of the trip we no longer cost things out in euros but by how many "le clips" something will cost. "Oh, that will cost 2 le clips for all of us." I think the woman was so shocked that I actually bought it that she threw in another barrette for free. I guess I'll have to be buried in it now.

By this time I’m exhausted so we head back to the hotel where I crash. Amy and Saundra end up going to the museum and Amy lets her use the Metro!!! Saundra had put her little Fred Flintstones down and refused to walk (I told Amy we should have brought the choke collar).

Total mileage for the day: 8.5 miles

Absolutely terrific! A friend of mine is leaving on a girls' trip today, so I copied your first report a couple days ago for her. She's taking it on the plane to read. I'm sure it will be read by all by the time they land.

Love your term "Trip Nazi" - oh boy, can I relate to that. Your writing, along with that of your companions, brings your trip to life.

Have y'all gone on a trip together before?

jv287- I have lost track of the names Sharon and my mother Saundra called me. They said it was a sign of affection, but I haven't heard anyone else lovingly referred to as commandant, la diable, or Blanche from Whatever happened to Baby Jane!

Kopp- This was our first trip together, but we are going to Atlanta this weekend, Chicago in September (hitting American Girl Place for Sharon and my niece), and Canada next year before we hit Europe again in 2 years...we have to save up our le clips and vacation time for another immersion!

So I ask you...how bad can I be when these people are traveling with me again?!?

this report is priceless. if you ever go to a fodor's get together, please advise .

Amy,
If it makes you feel better, I just did a trip plan yesterday for a group of four adults and 8 teens. I am wondering if they will kill me.

They only have three days in London and two in Paris so it is the "Battan Death March" I am seriously considering letting them out of the Louvre tour just to allow them to see more of Paris, but.... I can't imagine taking these kids to Europe and not having them set foot in either the Louvre or the Orsay????? What will I do????

I'd like to meet Sharon too. akm, You know it was all said with love and for us: 0 You lucky diable!!

CarolA,

Even with my Nazi rep, I have to admit I have now been to Paris twice without stepping foot in the Louvre. My first trip was as a high school graduation trip (me and my best friend at 18), and we just enjoyed walking the streets and finding out what was new at the McD's!

Mom and I went to the Orsay (Sharon was at the hotel sick) on its late opening evening. If that is an option for the days you are there, I recommend it. It seems to be a more manageable museum and we loved the impressionists and the Art Neaveau (sp) rooms. Going in the evening leaves more time for forced marching during the day!

Amy

Hi Carol,

>I can't imagine taking these kids to Europe and not having them set foot in either the Louvre or the Orsay????? What will I do????<

The D'Orsay is well worth a couple of hours.

If you check where the Venus de Milo, The Victoire de Samothrace and the Mona Lisa are, you can be in and out of the Louvre in a 1/2 hr.

I am leaning towards the D'Orsay as it might be more accessible to them. (I had actually picked the Lourve due to the food court. Feeding this bunch is going to be a challenge LOL!)

SharonG, this report is worth its weight in gold. By the by, please describe the infamous "le clip".

Le Clip looks just like ones you can get at Walmart for about $4 but oh no, I had to pay 64euros!!!! I think they call it a banana clip where you squeeze the top and it opens up and you clip your hair together with it. Mine is brownish with lovely golden topaz colored Swarovski crystals all around it. It is really pretty but hardly worth that much. C'est la vie.

Hysterical.

We once stayed at the Hotel Monge and had our breakfast at le Petit Cardinal too. Sniff.

Sharon, your trip report is fantastic and soooo funny! I sure wish I could write like you do. Thanks for the chuckles plus the information.

You too Amy!

Somehow we missed Le Petite Cardinal. Where is it? We breakfasted in most days. (The days we "ate out" were more expensive, but we were game for new places!)

This HAS to be my favorite series of threads on FF of all time!

AlisonM: Le Petite Cardinale was down the street from the hotel. If you turned right coming out of the hotel and walked down to the next street, it was right across the street.

March 18th in Paris: We attempt a cooking class and no one loses a finger although Saundra graciously gave me hers several times that day.

We decided to try French for a Day with Madame Paule Caillat of Promenades Gourmandes. It is expensive but really worth it. Around 300 euros for the class and walking tour. Leave it to Amy to include a walking tour in our itinerary. She wanted to make sure that my toenails didn't grow back in Paris since I had worn them down to nothing in Rome.

We met Paule in the morning around 9 and walked with her to an open air market. She is absolutely adorable and lots of fun. I was afraid she was going to be some stiff-necked gourmet type but she was very down to earth. Her mom lives in L.A. Amy will have to tell you the details of where the market was since I was still in a drug-induced fog most of the day. Betty Ford where are you when I need you?

Paule taught us about how to buy veggies and fruit in season and then we went to buy cheese which is similar to negotiating a peace treaty in the Middle East. By the time we were done, we had 4 delicious cheeses to take home and had sampled about 8 of them. A funny thing happened while we were buying the cheese. It was a new cheese man (do you think they might call them fromage tetes?) and Paule told him she usually bought from a lady down in the center of the market but that she was going to change because that lady "doesn't know how to smile". The man answered "I know. I've known her for 37 years and haven't talked to her in 5, that's my mother!" I swear this was true.

Here's what we made and ate at Paule's: beggars purses which were filo type dough filled with chevre and zucchini and baked in the oven and served on rocket (arugula right?); the 4 cheeses; a cheese souffle; crispy lamb with ratatouille "minute" (they were stir fried so they were still crisp not cooked all day long) and string beans (haricots vert?); chocolate tart with raspberry sauce; wine; and coffee. We then went on a walking tour of the Marais and ended up in the Left Bank at Poilane where we got to go down into the ovens and watch the bread being baked. We went to all kinds of shops including an amazing spice shop and Dellerin where Saundra became engaged to the salesman for a brief moment. I keep telling her that those designer mumus she keeps wearing are just too intoxicating for most men.

This took almost the whole day from 9 AM till after 6. We dragged ourselves home, stopping at a little café for a pick me up. Saundra had to go to "Madame Peepe" and left to go find it. She came back rather quickly and when I asked her how it was she replied "it was just a hole in the floor". Our first Turkish Toilet! But alas, just like the bidet in Rome, she didn't know how to use it so we had to hotfoot it back to the hotel for relief. Oh the wonders of middle-aged bladders.

Total mileage for the day: around 8.

By the way, if you are interested in Paule's classes, here's the website: www.promenadesgourmandes.com

>>We attempt a cooking class and no one loses a finger although Saundra graciously gave me hers several times that day.<<

SNORT!!! love it, LOVE IT!!!

Hey- my daddy and all his people are from Franklin so we are probably kin somehow.
Tell that Saundra that the Dehillerin guy is MY boyfriend- we became betrothed over 10 years ago over an enormous 50-pound copper gratin that I carried home and never use.

I love the story of the cheese lady and her disengaged offspring. Priceless!

As her daughter (and why is that even when you reach the point you could take her in a fight, you still live in fear of your mother?) I must defend Saundra. She did not wear muu-muus on this trip...she had a european uniform of black pants, white shirt, and grey fleece vest which I never want to see again. In photos, it looks like the woman never changed clothes the entire time we were there.

sbparadis---please don't be jealous. We are going to publish Saundra's men of europe calendar for next year. We had an equal number of photos of monuments and mom with some man she picked up.

Side note: I picked up a wonderful purse at Un Apres-Midi de Chien on our tour that afternoon in amongst the spices, chocolate, and specialty kitchen ware!

Ladies, ladies, ladies - I work in a library and have to cover my mouth to hold in the snorts of laughter from these posts and riposts. Going to Italy in July, so first I e-mailed the Rome thread to my friend who is traveling with us. She and I are hysterical, insist the husbands read it and guess what, they are less amused, so this is so a girl thing. And sorry Amy, I am looking for a summer version of Saundra's travel outfit. Ladies, just too, too funny. Will we ever find out what happened to Heather and her mom - do we care? After months of planning said upcoming trip I realize that no one ever talks about the most important thing you need to pack - a sense of humor! Please tell me that there's more to come . . .

Where is the cafe with the Turkish Toliet? I think my teens need to see this!

i just have to add something. as of three days ago i am an unemployed (my choice) middle-aged (not my choice)mother of three teenagers (seriously doubting my choices here!). i'm addicted to the paris posts, and must say that this thread has given me some much needed humor during my time of need, i.e. looking for new employment.

a million thank yous to the tennessee girls from your next door neighbor in arkansas.

Carol: I think it was called Cafe Quebec or something like that. And yes, Heather and her mom do return but that is an adventure in itself. Stay tuned.

Hey MissDaisy, happy to be of service. I love reading people's trip reports and I really don't plan to make it funny but it just comes out that way. That's my personality and I tend to write the way I talk, in a stream of consciousness with lots of asides. Maybe this has something to do with that head injury I had as a child? Truth!! I always have to edit myself, I have no frontal lobes.

SharonG - You have eclipsed "Days of our Lives" with your very witty trip report and I love it!
carolA - You DON'T want to show your kids a Turkish toilet believe me.
We do have them, but unlike Europe, ours are spotlessly clean even in the largest of shopping malls.

Carol,

Mom so wished she had had the camera with her when she went, but as the designated photographer of our trip (I am the only one who can see without glasses), it was with me, Sharon, and all our drinks at the table.

Cafe Quebec was near the Monoprix on the Left Bank. I am sure the Monoprix bathroom will be mentioned soon by Sharon...she had an adventure there. She is the writer of the group...I can only do witty comebacks!

Let's face it...with the 3 of us, we had some sort of adventure every day! That's the fun of getting out of your comfort zone (of course we cause a lot of trouble in Tennessee, too).

Amy

Well Dang! I was hoping for the impressions/synopsis of fashion!

Honestly, I am reading but watching in my head. Great little movie there.
Of course, I happened to have liked the movie "Rhinestone" so I guess I'm not a good judge.

Oh yes I do want to show them the Turkish Toliet! (Let's get real, they are Girl Scouts from Tennessee.... they have used out houses, might as well show them the alternatives.)

Saturday in Paris: March 19th – the saga continues;

We get up and have our usual at Le Petite Cardinal. By this time Saundra has made friends with the butcher shop man that we pass on the way to breakfast and he keeps waving at us with sausages in his hands. Saundra has developed an unusual way of communicating now. It includes a little bit of French, a little Italian, some Spanish and I believe some Klingon. This is all accompanied by much flailing of arms and waving of hands and intense eye contact. We like to call her "The Great Communicator" with all due respect to President Reagan.

We take the Metro (Saints be praised) to Place Madeleine and go to Arche so Amy can buy some purple gladiator type sandals (they came with a matching switch) and low and behold, they actually have shoes that fit my feet too! I buy two pairs. Saundra wanted a pair similar to mine but they didn't have her size. Her feet are quite unusual in that the width equals the length but that's another story. Hey Wilmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

We decide to stop at Laduree for hot chocolate because after all, we hadn't eaten in an hour or so. 22 euros for 3 pots of hot chocolate and 3 mini-macaroons. The waitress got a big kick out of the fact that Saundra wanted hot chocolate and a chocolate macaroon. I told Saundra that the chocolate famine had been called off but she just wouldn't believe me.

Then went to Maille for mustard and Fauchon for little presents to take back to people. I bought the little pink cardboard purses with chocolates in them for people at work and they were quite the hit. Also wanted to buy some Fleur de Sel and when I asked one of the staff which was the best, his reply was "they all taste the same to me". Gee, salty? For that attitude I could have gotten it at Walmart.

Saundra wanted to go to the Louvre so we walked that way and found Le Soufflé on the way. Now this may seem touristy but my research partner loved it and urged me to try it. It was great and they were so nice to us. By now, I was audibly sniffing and sneezing my way through Paris but had stopped at my favorite pharmacy again that morning and gotten a new supply of meds: try Fervex for a cold. Saundra got some chewable aspirins which she also loved. The staff was very solicitous and I enjoyed them fawning over me while I did my best impression of the Lady of the Camellias.

Here's what we had: one asparagus soufflé, one ham and cheese soufflé, one foie gras soufflé, one glass of wine, one Kir Royale, tap water, two chocolate soufflés and one Grand Marnier soufflé. The latter was for me and the waiter kept pouring it on telling me it would do my cold good. By the time we left, I was feeling no pain. Lovely bathroom there as well. The whole meal cost 87 euros.

We strolled through the Tuilleries and dropped Saundra off at the Louvre since I was ready for a nap. After her visit, they had to move the Mona Lisa – must have been the asparagus.

Amy and I stopped at a fabric shop called Patchworks de Rouvray where she purchased a set of "fat quarters" in beautiful French fabric to make a quilt. Perhaps for my coffin? I tell you that girl is trying to kill me. She has her eye on my Barbie collection.

Went back to hotel for a toes up (rest – I've been reading too much Barbara Pym) and a quick turn under the oxygen tent. I think Amy was doing research on behavior modification while I rested. Then she went to pick up Saundra and I had the pleasure of going to Les Editeurs to meet fellow Fodorites Indytravel and Dave-in-Paris. We ended up talking for about 3 hours (these guys are great). Isn't it wonderful that we could all recognize ourselves as fellow Americans? And not one of us was wearing big white sneakers or warm-up suits. I was however wearing Le Clip. I now figure that I have to think of it as dollar cost averaging instead of feeling sick every time I think of what I paid for the stupid thing. But the most fun was meeting these guys in person. They are outstandingly handsome, witty and debonair. Marry me.

Still sick so I went back to the hotel only to find that Heather and her mother are NO SHOWS! And we don't know what's happened to them. Madame at the hotel was very upset and none of us know anything about what's happened to them.

You'll have to stay tuned to find out the continuing adventures of Heather and Raynell and the Tennessee Trio of Terror or "Dante's Inferno: the sequel".

I was wondering if I'd get an honorable mention and I end up with a marriage proposal!

I'm not really that handsome, witty or debonair. I just know what to say when a woman's loopy on cold pills.

You have natural humor! This is a great report!

Sharon, this has to be the funniest trip report I've ever read. Certainly the most plain-spoken, too! I've been laughing through the whole thing (because it's so true, so true). Isn't IndyTravel nice? You'll have to get in line, though: yours is not the first marriage proposal he's had on Fodors!

Yes Mermaid, I can believe that. Indytravel is wonderful but I think I have priority now, after all, he's seen Le Clip!

Just want you to know I have REALLY enjoyed hearing about your trip!

Thanks for taking the time to share it -
Cindy

Great report Sharon,

For another Turkish Style toilet, near Metro Abesses, see

Ira’s Mother’s Trip to Paris
http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=34497442

>..wanted to buy some Fleur de Sel and when I asked one of the staff which was the best, his reply was "they all taste the same to me". Gee, salty?<

The important thing about all of the very expensive table salts is that they contain dirt, which you don't get in the plain stuff.

There are turkist toilets in the ladies' room at Charles DeGaulle airport; believe me, I was taken aback until I discovered there were others with real toilets.

And back off, Saundra, Franck at Dehillerin is mine... I knew he was such a flirt.

I have mail ordered from the fabric/quilt shop and hope to get there in person next trip (the end of this month).

We did French for a Day three years ago, but it was a different owner. We also did the Poiline bakery basement - what fun. Your cold did not need all that flour in the air.

Love your posts. It's getting me through my work day today.

Gee, this isn't fair! In two trips to Paris, the only rude clerk I ran into was at Dehillerin. He was actually nasty! Guess I need to go back and get a different clerk...

Too too funny!!!!! All of it!!! I will NEVER use a turkish toilet again..I'm packin' Depends or hip boots maybe? next trip, in case there's no alternative. I only got the turkish one once and that was it for me. I felt like I was audtioning for Circ de Soleil (sp) or "O". Oh, oh, uh oh, OH NO!!!!

Where in CDG? Never in all my years have I seen one there.
Sharon, you must keep this going, I haven't laughed so much since Elvira.

Sharon...my Depends are going to have to be changed!!!!! Okay.. is there a Part 3.... I'm sitting here and giggling with only my birds around..

OMIGOD, I am laughing too hard to read this!
I have only gotten to Day 2 and I have to take a break to post this and wipe the tears from my eyes.
The mental picture of Saundra outside the door crying to be let in, the Geneva Convention, it is all too much for me.
Thank you Sharon and Amy !

Now I'm dying with morbid curiosity to know what happened to Heather and mother.

This is great. What an excellent trio you all make.

OK, I have finished reading so far, waiting for the Where is Heather installment.
I tried reading this to the Yankee but broke down laughing/crying too many times and since he cannot understand me, he left.
Sharon, How does it feel to be Edgar Allen Poe? LOL
Indy, face it, you are witty, debonair and handsome!
thank you mermaid for sending me this thread to read!

I'm enjoying your trip to Paris more than my own.
Amy, are you and Sharon always this funny?
Please continue I have to find out what happened top Heather and her mom.

cigale, I was also thinking that this report reminded me of Elvira's! I really miss her input here.

Last Day in Paris: or how I avoided the end times.

On our last full day in Paris, we decided just to drift around the way we had in Rome. However, we had forgotten that Heather and Mom were with us so we had breakfast with them but then I made up a story about how we were going to go to lots of museums and they decided they didn't want to join us. Perhaps they wanted to "stomp around the Shomps" once more.

So Saundra, Amy and I merrily wandered around the Left Bank where I had a near death experience in the bathroom of Monoprix. Have any of you ever been in it? It is all stainless steel and "self-cleaning". This poor little Japanese girl went first and needed some encouragement to enter (read: a little push and threats because I had to go baaaad). It costs a euro I think and after she was in there for awhile there were all these loud squeaks and squeals that didn't appear to be coming from a human being. She came out looking bewildered but okay. There is a big sign about waiting to go in until the place is cleaned etc. I entered with some trepidation but with lots of necessity if you know what I mean. The place is entirely stainless steel and there is not, I repeat not, a piece of paper in sight. Luckily, Saundra had given me some traveler's toilet paper. After I was finished I looked around for some sign of a flush or handle and I swear I couldn't find anything! I "high-tailed it" (literally) out of there and closed the door. Have no idea how the thing works but I didn't wait around to investigate further. I was afraid I would end up in Dr. Evil's lair.

We ate lunch on Ille St. Louis at Au Lys d'Argent and it was wonderful. Saundra had a salade nicoise that was a freaking work of art. Amy had a crepe sarrasin that included potato, crème fresh and cheese and I had veggie soup. We also had one bottle of Perrier and one coffee followed by one chocolate cake for Amy (we hoped it would sweeten her disposition but my getting out of that bathroom alive was our one miracle for the day) and I had the "medicinal" crepe suggested by the waiter – fresh lemon and honey. Oh yes, I was honking and coughing there too. Nice bathroom too and this one didn't try to kill me. Isn't it amazing how important those little details are?

We shlepped around the rest of the day and then went back to the hotel to pack and get ready for our last dinner in Paris. Luckily I had brought an extra soft-sided suitcase with me which now contained all my dirty underwear in lovely little space bags. All of the purchases were in my carry-on and the rest I didn't care if I ever saw again.

Our cooking class lady suggested a restaurant to us for our final dinner. By this time, I never wanted to see Heather and her mother again (Raynell:"gee we had steak and fries last night for dinner but they weren't like American fries". Sharon: "Gee Raynell, that's good because YOU ARE IN FRANCE!") So do you think I was going to spend my last night in Paris with that woman? So I lied (I’m sure there is a special circle in hell just for me after this trip) and told her that the teacher had made special arrangements for just the three of us to go and they went their own way. You may not want to stand close to me when that lightning strikes.

One thing in my defense. Poor Raynell showed up with ankles the size of bowling balls because of all the time sitting on the train so I took her to my friend at the Pharmacy and she helped her out with an herbal remedy. Her daughter showed no concern so maybe my stay in hell will be cut short a bit.

We went to Chez Lena and Mimile at 32, Rue Tournefort. It was lovely. They only offer le formule. It is 35 euros per person and includes the following: an aperitif (we all had Kir Royales), an amuse buche (is that right? You know what I mean) which was Bugs Bunny on toast (I know, I know just call me Raynell) and choice of entrée, plats and dessert. I had a goat cheese terrine followed by filet of beef with this incredible herb butter sauce, and chocolate mousse which was in slices in a crème anglaise. Saundra had rocket salad with ham and parmesan cheese followed by lamb with wild rice and crème brulee (she had been having it all through Europe but said this was like having it for the first time), Amy also had the salad and chocolate mousse but had chicken in lemon sauce with "mac and cheese" gratin. This also included a bottle of wine, coffee and tip. Pretty good huh? We walked home in a fog. The dinner started at 7:30 and we left completely full at 10. By the way, for all you Gigi and 3 Coins in a Fountain fans, Louis Jourdan's niece is one of the owners.

The next day we had our last carbo-loading breakfast and took the shuttle to the airport. The three of us bought a baguette, cheese, ham and other snacks to have on the plane thanks to a Fodorite suggestion. No big problems coming back except that 3 international planes landed at Detroit at the same time so customs was kind of bad. They handled it by just waving most of us through (gee, now I feel really secure and was sorry I hadn't put those insects in my bag. Have you noticed that on the customs form when you list food it also includes insects in the same space?) Guess what? Raynell and Heather had to go to the agriculture place and open their bags! Bad karma I guess.

On the way from Detroit to Nashville, Amy's suitcase was opened and inspected (there was a notice in it) and my TSA lock was cut off of my dirty underwear suitcase but it doesn't appear to have been inspected, there was no paper in it. Do you think the fumes acted as a deterrent? I better tell Tom Ridge about that.

So ends the saga of the Tennessee Trio of Terror in Europe. We are all friends (with two noticeable exceptions) and planning more sojourns with Amy in the future. Yes Mein Fuhrer!

Loved it! Got to remember that little lie on the dinner.

This Can not end!
The Looonies and Lunatics finally meet!

Bravo!...

Clapping wildly - nicely done!

WONDERFUL story...now I'm off to search of the first part (should take me through the afternoon....he he he)

Sharon,

Just adding my kudos to the rousing applause for this wonderful report. We are actually going to be staying at Residence Monge next month, so I hope the Tennessee Trio didn't overly terrorize the management! We'll give them your regards.

Anyway, I loved reading about all your experiences and recommendations, which I have duly noted for when we'll be there. I don't suppose you have any digital photos that you could post somewhere? I'm sure we'd all love to put faces with the names we've so enjoyed reading about.

There are three parts but I got confused (have got to stop taking that cold medicine. I don't even have a sniffle left) and posted the end on Part II.

Amy will have to answer because we do have photos at Shutterfly or something of the sort. Amy is the innocent looking young thing, Saundra is the short blond (Amy and I learned to say in French and Italian "I am not with that annoying short woman behind me") and I'm the young Elizabeth Taylor look-alike in the flowered jacket.

Oh, Sharon, now you really have me confused. The title of this includes "Part 2" - I don't remember three parts and I have been a faithful reader. And why were Heather and Raynell no shows? Had they had any interesting experiences since leaving you in Rome?

Oh, that's great! Please ask Amy to post how we can access the photos.

Suki, you have to find Part III - the return of Heather and Raynell. It's on here somewhere.

Yes, thanks, somehow I missed that. Great report.

Sharon..cut and paste the last "chapter" into part III...I wouldn't want anyone to miss the fun!

I hope you can convince amy to post the picture links!!

I've saved your last restaurant to my ever growing list!

here are selected photos....

http://photos.yahoo.com/akm_tn

Please, no modeling contracts....we are already booked.

Thanks for the photos -- such fun to see all of you having such a great time. Amy doesn't look at all like a Nazi!

For anyone who wants to see all 3 parts, just click on SharonG in any of her posts above and you will see the "Tennessee Trio" posts on the left.

Sharon, re your bathroom experience, I think you were lucky to escape when you did. Here's an excerpt from The Backpackers Guide to France about the selt-cleaning toilets in France:
http://www.bugeurope.com/destinations/fr-toilet.html

These high-tech self cleaning toilets come complete with rocking toilet seats and muzak. When you put your money in the coin slot, the door automatically opens (just like on Star Trek) and you step on a wet, freshly sanitised floor. In fact the whole toilet is sprayed with disinfectant after each use, which means the seat will be wet. Once you've paid your money you have 15 minutes to do the business, so you'd better be quick otherwise the door will automatically open and expose you to passing pedestrians. A lot of travellers think they can use these toilets for free by sneaking in while someone else is leaving. DON'T DO THIS! These toilets are automatically cleaned after each use. If you don't pay, the toilet thinks it is empty and will clean itself while you are in there. Expect the toilet bowl to disappear into the wall while you are sprayed with disinfectant. This happened to my mother!

Sharon, a really great story. You have given me a pleasant evening reading your adventures. Well done.

And Amy, the photos are terrific. Now I feel as though I know who you both are. Thanks,
Debbie

ttt

Thanks for topping our wonderful SharonG's hilarious report!

I'm topping too because this report is great! I don't know where I was when they were first posted - glad they were topped yesterday or I would have missed out.

Great job Sharon!

Cheers,

Murphy

bookmarking

bookmarking

topping for those enjoying the latest SharonG report

ttt

I sure am!!!!!

thank you Sharon and Amy, both of you, for recounting your travels. i had so much fun reading your posts!! best trip report on fodors i've ever seen!!

you must be a lot of fun to be around.

p.s. don't feel bad, amy, lots of us are "travel nazis" and don't they love us all the more for it!!

you are such a talented storyteller and writer. can´t wait for you to go on another trip!

like others.. you make me feel like part of the tour group.

Please don't yell at me, but I'm topping this so it stays within the "maximum three year range" for advanced search.

It should stay on this site forever!!