My husband is like yours, he has to read every label, see very exhibit, microscopically inspect every display.

Luckily he is not overly keen on most museums, or on cities, but he is a pain when we do visit one.

Usually I say when I have had enough, go and do my own thing and arrange to meet him somewhere later on.

My husband is also a museum slow-poke. If it's art I'm right there with him, but history, not so much. We just agree to meet somewhere when he's done.

>After 3-4 hours I am getting bored and ready to move on to the next attraction....<

Have you ever considered Zoloft?

My husband is the photographer so I wander merrily ahead, find somewhere to sit and wait until he is satisfied he has enough shots. Sometimes I have to constantly look over my shoulder to check where he is - when he sees me do this he gives me a wave and I'm happy we haven't got seprated in the crowds. At least he keeps following me - he knows I know where we're going and where we are - he hasn't a clue!

Usually we're on the same wavelength regarding the length of time to spend at one attraction. But, we're not joined at the hip so if one of us wants more time the other is happy to sit or wander in the museum/gallery cafe, shop or garden for an hour or so.

As we often travel as a family of 3 or 4 this goes for our teenage children too. We arrange meeting points/ times.

How about agreeing to meet for lunch in, or near an attraction at a set time then start the day together; separate when you're ready to move on, meet for lunch and even your husband is free to return to the 'attraction' while you see something else.

oops should read.. even after lunch..

My husband and I move pretty much at the same pace. But, in your situation, I'd plan to find a place nearby (another museum, shopping, lunch, even a cafe to sit and watch the world go by...) and agree on a time to meet later.

My wife reads every description including how to use the fire extinguisher, she is also a watercolorist.

One time, in a larger museum, we walked into a spoon collection each with an individual notation and if a gun was available, I am not sure whether I would have been suicidal or homicidal.

We simply agree to meet elsewhere at an agreed upon time or I bring a book for my own amusement but with the agreement of a specificied and limited time.

Adu, LOL.
My DH spends more time on arms and armaments, and odd type gory minutiae: bog man, etc.
Me? I like furniture and costumes, best.

When we were in the Louvre in April, it was said, that it would take you 2 months to see everything there, spending around 10 seconds on each item.

From the OP again:

I mentioned to my husband that maybe we could meet at some public place at a certain time so we could each spend just as much time we need at a particular attraction. He said that was not practical because when he was satisfied that he had completed the tour of the museum or art gallery, I would likely be back at the hotel so it is like we are not even traveling together. He says an easier approach is for us to just not travel together, but then we can not go at all because I do not want to travel all the way to Italy alone.

Hmmm, it sounds like you need a sister or a good friend to go on holiday with, and let your husband do his own thing since he doesn't seem keen on compromise.

Alternatively you travel together but he does his thing and you do yours then you have something to talk about in the evenings.
Maybe you could take up photography or something to pursue while he visits his museums? Or find a cookery course or a language course?

I'm a photographer and often I'm out taking photos while he is in the museum, even though the light isn't always the best.

hetismij - O the light, the light! I hear it all the time....either it's too sunny & bright or too dull/dark for a quick photo. Quick photo? What's that?
Your suggestion to WorldTraveler1024 is worth a try on her and hubby's part. Next trip why not try it for the odd day and spend other days getting irritated.LOL

My husband and I split up sometimes. I go shopping or take a tour, he hits the casino or the pub. After a big fight on our first trip to Europe, we figured out we don't need to be joined at the hip. We make sure to have a hotel in a central location, easy to drop back to.

So what if you're not side by side part or all of some days. You are traveling together. You are together for breakfast, dinner and the night. At dinner you can tell each other about what you did or saw during the day.

It's funny to read about people's quirks.

I tend to need more time in the museums, but we're often on pace w/each other as we have similar interests. Like tod's husband, though, mine is a photography dawdler and a slower walker. We seem to trade turns being patient at sightseeing venues. With architecture, villages, shopping, etc. that hold more interest for me, his darn camera is actually quite an asset as it keeps him occupied taking his beloved clock, bench and door shots when he would otherwise be bored out of his mind.


For us, it's driving in unfamiliar territory and trying to follow a map that triggers marital tension; or trouble brews when my DH suddenly decides he doesn't want to go somewhere that has been on my itinerary and planned for months. Some rather serious "negotiations" often ensue.

"He said that was not practical because when he was satisfied that he had completed the tour of the museum or art gallery, I would likely be back at the hotel so it is like we are not even traveling together. He says an easier approach is for us to just not travel together."

Sorry but that sounds ludicrous. I think he is bluffing.

This was the first year we broke up three ways - I went one way, wife another, two teenagers another. It's the only way we can travel. Time to call his bluff.

I agree that's ludicrous. So what if you're back at the hotel? You still have the whole evening together. And why would any sane person want an unhappy traveling companion standing around in a museum for 6 hours when she didn't want to? At the end of the day, though, he's right. You shouldn't travel together. Sounds like a whole lot of unpleasantness for both of you.

I happen to have a marvelously travel-compatible SO, but I've certainly traveled in the past with people who weren't compatible with my style - slow walkers, food whiners, people who wanted to see things that didn't interest me at all - you just split up and meet later. Problem solved. But apparently your husband isn't willing to compromise.

Find a compatible person to travel with if you can't get past this. Or go alone - then you can do exactly as you please every minute of the day.

This is a great thread as it's good to learn I'm not the only one with these complaints. Husband is a photographer who is seemingly ONLY interested in photography; if a place doesn't allow photography he doesn't want to spend time there. I thought he was going to take pictures of every single piece of art at the Musee D'Orsay!

I also have a friend who needs to read every word of every description; it's difficult to keep track of her in a crowded exhibit. She is also directionally challenged and several times I have had to go retrieve her as she has turned around and is heading back the way we've come.

I love to travel with my sister as our interests, and our interest levels, are nearly the same. It's so much more relaxing.

Any couple can split up. My wife gets lost in our house. But we split up in the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul last month when I couldn't stand her negotiating for useless trinkets any longer. I told her that our hotel was "in that direction", which is pretty funny if you have ever been in the Grand Bazaar. She found the hotel. Eventually.

The six minute Louvre
Saturday Evening Post, Oct, 1984 by Art Buchwald
Any sportsman will tell you that the only three things to see in the Louvre are the "Winged Victory of Samothrace," the "Venus de Milo" and the "Mona Lisa." The rest of the sculpture and paintings are just so much window dressing for the Big Three, and one hates to waste time in the Louvre when there is so much else to see in Paris.

Ever since the Louvre acquired these works of art, amateurs from all over the world have been trying to cut down the time it takes to see them. Before the war the world record was held by three Scandinavians, who had managed to make the course in seven minutes thirty-three seconds. This record stood until 1935, when a britisher, Mergenthaller Waisleywillow, paced by his Welsh wife, did it in seven minutes flat. Waisleywillow in his first attempt made it in six minutes and forty-nine seconds, but was disqualified when he forgot to make a complete circle of the "Venus de Milo."

The record stood until 1938, when a Stockholm man, known as the Swedish Cannonball, introduced sneakers and made it in six minutes and twenty-five seconds.

Aduchamp1, thanks for the laugh on a Monday morning..

I think OP's husband is bluffing too just to get his way. My DH likes to spend more time in museums then I do also, but I just go find a cafe or go outside and people watch. If he's taking too long (IMO) I just keeping moving thru the museum at my pace. He's real good about compromising with everything.

Worldtraveler1024 - I'll go to Italy with you

I'll go too. Let's make it a girls trip!

in these days of mobile phones I don't see the OP's [or her DHs'] problem. He inspects the museum at his [snail's] pace, she goes round at hers, and when she's had her fill, she goes off to the cafe/shop/shops nearby. when he's finished, he texts her, and they meet up to discuss/argue.

somehow, though, i suspect [on his part] a different agenda. After all, 3-4 hours is an average [some might say long] time to spend in most museums, and his reaction to her suggestion is a pretty extreme one.

if all else fails, take a book.

It sounds like the holiday is his, not both of yours. Let him do his thing, plan on meeting for lunch, late afternoon drink,etc..

I've travelled with others, and at some point the frustration level of giving up what I want to do versus their interests was ruining even the 'good times'.

Compromise...and letting each enjoy a trip as they see fit.

Our dog spends a lot of time sniffing around each canine "tourist attraction." We find that a few strong tugs on his leash solves the problem, at least temporarily.

Have you tried that?

If your husband thinks it's not practical to travel together when a simple and very PRACTICAL solution is to split up during part of the day then maybe you could be equally 'awkward' and suggest rather than traveling separately it would be easier to divorce?

Be careful what you ask for!

We're fairly compatible middle of the roaders. But there are definitely some things that each of us likes better - so we just arange to meet later. There's no rule that you have to be joned at the hip the entire time.

So don't travel with your husband.

Or split up during the day and meet for dinner before you move on tho those horrible Italian B&Bs with the terrible mattresses.

End of story.

Trollin', trollin' trollin' down the highway . . . .

Has the OP ever had anything good to say about anything?

Entire populations have been tarred with but a stroke of the keyboard. Very sad.


http://www.fodors.com/community/asia/would-you-prefer-a-foreign-or-american-airline-to-asia.cfm

In any case, it sounds like the marriage has been in shaky straits before:


http://www.fodors.com/community/asia/to-beat-jet-lag-were-getting-separate-hotel-rooms-in-china.cfm


The OP was a male in the post above, but now seems to have had a change of orientation...

This is easy. Such an obvious answer!! You and your husband should split up during the day. So you can each do what interests you and at a pace you enjoy.

Set a time to meet back at the hotel so you can go out to dinner together.

Nothing worse than being rushed around by an impatient and bored person (from your husband's perspective) or being bored yourself (waiting around for him).

<He says an easier approach is for us to just not travel together>
Another good solution.

<because I do not want to travel all the way to Italy alone>
Why not? That's YOUR problem.

- go have a nice lunch than pick him up at a museum

- "get lost" and "run into him" later in the day

- bring a book to read

- split after breakfast, agree to meet for dinner

- do you have to travel with your husband? apply for "wife swap" program or invent your own "husband swap"

- pull the fire alarm in a gallery when you are done with your sightseeing

Please note that this poster was a man in an earlier incarnation but is now posting as a woman. Something smells fishy.

Ekscrunchy, in the back of my mind I was thinking an earlier post indicated the OP was a male or at least the husband. Thanks for posting those other threads as it was the "seperate hotel rooms in Asia" that I was sort of recalling. Perhaps a same sex couple and they decided to switch who was the wife and who was the husband? I sure don't know but my money would be this OP is a troll.

wow you guys are correct. this poster is THE MOST complaining-est one i've seen in a long time. they have negative experiences no matter where they go... china, asia, europe. nothing but PROBLEMS!

So far she/he has been to Cancun, China and Italy since March and hasn't particularly enjoyed any of them.

If I had their travel budget and vacation time off from work, I think I'd find a way to be happier!

"The record stood until 1938, when a Stockholm man, known as the Swedish Cannonball, introduced sneakers and made it in six minutes and twenty-five seconds." - I bet it's faster on a segway!

LoveItaly: same sex couples don't switch wife/husband. I know you're just being funny, but still....

The OP should get the police from the Rome train station to 'move him along'! ;^)

When this same screen name was visiting Mexico in March, they had their wife with them.

My wife wanted to read this topic but will wait until tomorrow because she does not have time to read every word tonight.

As others do, we split up and agree to meet somewhere at a specific time.

"I guess my husband and I are not travel compatible."

Get yourself another husband.

Hey, if WorldTraveler1024 doesn't know if he/she is the husband or wife, how can we help them.

Maybe there are two people posting? But they both use the same screen name? And both don't have a good time regardless of where they travel?

People, people, look at you! Split personalities is a serious disorder, and should be handles with care. Nothing funny in waking up in some foreign country not remembering who you are.

Or you think it can be planeed like we plan vacations: if it's Tuesday and it must be Belgium, I'm Mrs 1024 today?

>>>>The OP was a male in the post above, but now seems to have had a change of orientation...<<<

Perhaps the OP went to Asia for surgery?

Well I hope for his/her sake that they had carpets in the hospital rooms!


http://www.fodors.com/community/mexico-central-america/any-hotels-in-cancun-with-carpet.cfm

I am amused how so many posters will try to discredit my husband and I by bringing up our old posts and try to guess if my husband or I wrote the post. Both of us use the login and screen-name worldtraveler1024.

He thinks that most couples spend the whole day at the major museums and I am wrong for wanting to see a little bit of many different tourist attractions. We have to agree to disagree.

Glad you solved the gender mystery!

You know, you have asked many questions here and many people have taken the time to respond. Have you considered writing a trip report about your recent visit to Italy?

nice to have you back, WT.

He thinks that most couples spend the whole day at the major museums and I am wrong for wanting to see a little bit of many different tourist attractions.>>

mmm - i see no right and wrong here. when you say that you have agreed to disagree, will he be accompanying you to a non-museum attraction next time you go anywhere?

i win, i win (i guessed two people posting under the same screen name).

WorldTraveler1024~ You might each want to post under your own name. It would be a LOT less confusing that way. I don't think I know of any other posters who "share" their screen name.

I don't mean to make fun but...every time I read the heading on this thread my mind fills in the second part as "and my cat makes too much noise."
It's nothing personal towards the OP and certainly off-topic, but fans of "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" will get it.

There is another poster who sometimes uses his/her spouse's name but always starts off ...mr. ___ here. So no confusion. CJ

Or they sign off at the end with... Gertrude or Bob

Well- here's a solution. Have everyone here vote for a couple of options:

Couples together all day every day at a museum
couples together at all different types of sites for varying times less than the full day
Couples that spend a lot of time together but some apart when they want to see different things
Couples in which one partner would take vacations with another family member or friend because the partner is so controlling and irritating
Couples in which one partner would take vacations with another family member or friend because the partner is so controlling and irritating

Then show your husband the results.

TROLL alarm!

<<He thinks that most couples spend the whole day at the major museums>>

He does? On what basis? There's grounds for divorce on the basis of him being a complete idiot.

Troll. You've never left the USA.

I don't understand couples who think they always have to do the same things. Two people, two sets of preferences.
I also don't understand people who seek marital advice on a travel forum.

This is hysterical..I wonder if HE ever gets "bored" or "frustrated" when you drag him and the plastic into a store while you are shopping????

I have the solution. You plan one day and both of you follow your plans (without complaint). The next day he plans and you follow his plans (without complaint). That seems fair.

We are exactly the same but the other way round. Mr N has a very limited tolerance for museums and galleries, but I can spend hours and hours poring over the smallest details. He gets frustrated with too many visits - 'How many things do you want to count!' was his last little protest, so I guess he'd side with you on this.

We have to compromise. If you can't compromise, well, I don't know what you can do. Get divorced? (joke).

1) When we are on holidays we will quite often split up a bit. He likes lazing round the hotel, so I zip off early in the morning, get a couple of hourse culture fix, then come and meet him back at the hotel and we sort out the rest of the day. I enjoy my thing, he enjoys his thing (oooer missus), and then we both get a nice day together. Win-win.

2) He is expected to tolerate being dragged into yet another museum without moaning.

3) but I have to accept that I won't see everything I want, but something is better than nothing, and keep the visit to a reasonable length of 2-3 hours. If I bribe him with tea and nice cakes in the cafe he can go an extra hour. But I have to prioritise what I really want to see.

oh ok, it's a troll. Didn't spot it as it's quite a dull trolling subject, non? Trolls are meant to have fun.

justretired sometimes share their name (Larry and Marge)

I don't think the poster(s) is a troll. That's the scary part!! Who would bother to post over & over again all the negative experiences they have on every single trip they take? Who could make that stuff up?

Please please please - can we now stop commenting on the postings as he/she/it is hogging the forum.

Nochblad has posted the same plea on every WT1024 x 2 post. Okay we got the message.

Very few people have identical sightseeing preferences, particularly for places like art galleries & museums.

It just makes good sense to split up during the day and meet in the evening and/or for lunch as well. That way, each person sees what he/she wants at their own pace, has a pleasant day & something interesting to share with the other over dinner.

Perhaps it's just me, but I honestly don't understand why adults can't do things on their own. I don't think it means you're not good travelling companions. On the contrary; considerate & intelligent people who know how to get the best out of a trip and allow your companion to do the same.

A positive mind set does help, though.

Well, I love the idea of pulling the fire alarm - I will not forget it on the next visit to a military museum! Thanks for the idea.

Who gives if a flying someone is a troll or not. There were more honest responses than not. And, not speaking about this particular thread, but there are plenty of people who have no idea of which they speak and yet are not trolls.

Are you kidding... there are some times during a vacation that I cannot wait to ditch my DH. Love him dearly, but the photog can get to me at times, do we really need 22 shots of the same building? I take DD with me go see a few things and all is happy.
We set-up a meeting point and time, and off we go. No problems, no complaints, happy marriage.

easiest possible solution: have breakfast together and talk about what each of you want to do. agree to meet for drinks in the late afternoon/early evening. the time in between -- you do what you like, he does what he likes.

since you haven't come up with this no-brainer together, i suspect there might be something else going on here, but i wouldn't dare guess what the issues might be.

re: your trip to italy -- go with a friend who likes to do the same stuff as you. simple.

Funny reading this. When I was married (eons ago!) I couldn't have gotten my husband to a museum. He didn't want any vacation that didn't involve golf! I LOVE to travel solo, and do whatever I please, whenever I please. I like to dawdle in museums, too (but maybe not quite as long as the OP's husband). My recommendation is split travel for them. Her husband probably wasn't kidding when he said that.

Thank you to the OP and many responders, for this thread. It has given me lots more compassion for my daughter, who patiently waits while i read assorted museum display descriptions (which i forget soon after).

She went hunting for me at the Vatican Museum, fighting the crowds surging forward toward the Sistine Chapel, while she had to go backward in search of dear ol' Mom.

Seriously, OP, just meet Husbanc back at the hotel for dinner.

Spend your free time writing a rough draft of a trip report (maybe).

Aduchamp1, LOL!!!

We fall somewhere between tod and auduchamp1. DH has little sense of direction, so I am navigator. He has to stick to me like a limpet or he would get lost. Only in crowds do I become the limpet as he is taller and can see over the crowds and is more likely to be able to push his way through. If staying several days in a place, we generally have a 1/2 day out of each other's company where we can pursue our own interests. I always make sure that he is armed with a map and that I have at least taken him on a route from our accommodation to where he generally wants to go, so he can find his way back. Only very occasionally do we visit different museums as inevitably there will be something that each finds to interest them even though the overall subject might seem dry or not for them. DH always takes a small book with him, so if I want to browse, he finds a seat and reads while waiting for me. On those occasions where he has not acted like a limpet and got lost, he has no option but to try to retrace his steps back to our accommodation and stay there until I return.

I love the flea markets. I'd sit my late husband at a nearby outdoor cafe where he could watch the passing "parade."

Lots of good suggestions/anecdotes, but never underestimate the power of the leash:

d_claude_bear on Sep 13, 10 at 10:12am
Our dog spends a lot of time sniffing around each canine "tourist attraction." We find that a few strong tugs on his leash solves the problem, at least temporarily.

Have you tried that?

"On those occasions where he has not acted like a limpet and got lost, he has no option but to try to retrace his steps back to our accommodation and stay there until I return."

This is why God invented cell phones.