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Letter from the Belgian Embassy

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Letter just received from Norbert Faarhtbender, PA to the Belgium Ambassador to the Court of St James.

Dear Mr Burgler,

Thank you for your recent comments on Belgium and Belgian driving customs. I can perhaps help you with your miss-understandings by responding to your points one by one:

1) Infrastructure projects in Belgium are indeed awe inspiring as I think you are trying to say. The Brussels bypass is called the “Ring” in anticipation of it being finished in the future, when it will eventually start moving.

2) As a world leader in technology all Belgian cars are fitted with indicators, it is not reasonable to expect Belgians to remember to use them at junctions when they are so busy talking on their phones, responding to emails, filling their pipes, adjusting their hats, varnishing their nails etc. while having to maintaining the usual 120kph.

3) The humour of the Belgians is world famous. When a Belgian driver cuts in front of you at 120kph from the outside lane to exit down a ramp at the last possible moment, this is an ironic comment on life in general, not an attempt to kill you and the 8 other cars that have to slam on their brakes.

4) Roundabouts, were of course invented, by a great Belgian (Franck Blaarckmore in Swindoorn), in celebration of this, indication and lane discipline are given free reign as pure joie-de-vivre or zin-in-het-leven in the Belgian mind. As mere foreign users of a roundabout you cannot be expected to understand what is happening.

5) Belgium leads the world in its environmental policies. For many years the Belgian authorities have been concerned by the lack of plant growth at Belgian motorway service stations. To resolve this the recent addition of a 50cents charge to visit the “little boy's room” is ensuring that human waste is now sprayed throughout the wooded area around the “aire”. I hope this greening of the environment is appreciated by all visitors to our proud country.

6) I'm sorry that you found the Belgian Space Center disappointing. I can assure you that the well loved facility accurately represents the contribution of the Belgian people to our civilization's exploration of space.

Cordialement, tot ziens,

Faarhtbender

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