This is my first time in Ireland, actually in Europe too! I'll be going for 5 nights in late October and flying from London. My return flight MUST be out of Dublin, but I can fly into any airport on arrival from London. I know I want to spend at least the last 2 nights in Dublin, but what to do the rest of the time, given the time of year? What highlights and routes are recommended, and can it be done by train rather than car? If the west coast is a must, should I fly into Shannon or another airport rather than Dublin? What are the best places to stay overnight?
Ireland by train?
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Ireland's train system is pretty much hub-and-spoke with only a couple of hubs. This means traveling on train can mean a lot of backtracking. Check http://www.irishrail.ie/ for the map.
As for highlights and routes, that's determined in the first instance by what you like. Taking a route that won't match your interests seems like a complete waste of time.
" I can fly into any airport on arrival from London."
Not really. Lots of Irish airports are served from Luton and Stansted, which get practically no intercontinental flights: relatively few Irish airports (usually: Cork Dublin and Belfast with one or two to Shannon) have flights from Heathrow. I'd suggest you check on the website of the London airport you're arriving at for which direct services leave a couple of hours after you arrive. Crossing London is a pain you really don't need.
There's virtually nothing outside Dublin worth seeing by train. Train go to biggish towns, which are all of limited appeal, and it's not at all easy to find public transport on to the Cliffs of Moher or the like. Much easier to collect a car at your arrival airport, then dump it at Dublin airport when you arrive in the Dublin area.
Dublin public transport is mediocre by European or British standards, but really the only option for getting round Dublin.Don't even think about keeping your car there
Oddly Cork airport is handier for the much of the South and West Coast than Shannon, to which there are few flights from Britain anyway