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Humorous European Travel Incidents?

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Reading about all this scare thrown into tourists by terrorists bombs in Europe and how nearly no one is going to Europe this summer (at least from the U S) wants me to try to lighten the tone so I thought about the many humorous things I have witnessed as a European tourists for the past 30 or 40 decades I have been traveling there - I'm sure we all have some so if you want to help lighten things around Fodor's tell about them.

Some of my most memorable funy incidents:

NICE
Back in the days when Nice's main train station had luggage lockers and when young American college types Eurailling around Europe I saw a college-tuype gal get her fully loaded backpack out of the locker and struggle to put it on her shoulders - but just as she had done it- boom - she fell over flat on her back - looking like a beached fish. I chuckeled and thought about 'packing light'.

PARIS BHV DEPARTMENT STORE
Paris' clochards (homeless or beggars who sit around and drink wine all day in public) are notorious for urinating just anywhere when the call of nature calls (or used to - I think now this may not be tolerated as much as before when it was rampant and every sidewalk at points reeked of urine)- but the grossest case I saw was when I was coming down the escalator at the BHV department store - upon reaching the ground level there was a big window at the bottom of the escalator thru which you could see the street outside and two clochards were openly pissing right on that window in front of everyone coming down the escalator! Another chuckle or two in this case.

K-D RHINE BOATS
Though it may be a well known line the first time I heard it was when a tasty young gal was sitting on a deck chair and some guy came up to her and was pestering her - finally the gal, a European,said in near perfect English "put your head between your feet and give your a-s good bye!"

AMSTERDAM-
Way back in the wild 80s had so so many funny and weird things about it - one trip to a squat coffeeshop (selling cannabis) a young couple biked up to the door and with their tiny toddler went in to have a smoke and stock up or whatever - they had a dog - they were changing the baby's diaper when the dog suddenly snapped it up and ran out the door! Chuckles from everyone in there.

NIGHT TRAIN GRANADA TO BARCELONA

Was in a six-person couchette and everyone was in but three berths were still empty - finally at the last minute a young French guy and two small kids came in - the French guy stunk so so much it was overpowering to the other folks in the tiny compartment - I mean he stunk as much as the Paris egouts (sewers) - when the conductor came around to check tickets he was repulsed by the stench and said to the stinking French guy - 'come with me' - he had an empty compartment I guess where he put them - man what a relief - we all would have bailed out. Now just a nice laughable memory.
Or maybe the French guy was just pulling a Rick Steves to perfection - Rick wrote in his early books about riding night trains in a regular car with just seats and bragged about his technique of wearing especially stinky socks and taking off his shoes and voila the locals would decide to relocated - now that to me was the ugliest ugly American thing of all time!

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUNNY INCIDENTS TO TALK ABOUT?

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