HOW MUCH SHOULD I TIP THE PILOT

Total tip should be 15% of the fare. To calculate flight attendants' share, estimate the value of the in-flight meal. Flight attendants get 15% of that. The rest goes to the pilot.

If the service is exceptionally good, I like leave 20%...If a cute female flight attendant takes me into the lavatory for special favors, I start with a base $50 and tip on the quality of the services.

Ta-roll!

Don't forget that if the person in front of you does NOT lean their seat back at all, you should give them a tip, too.

Likewise, if you don't lean YOUR seat back, you should expect a tip from the person behind you. Don't be shy about this - if the person behind you doesn't offer, just ask. Explain that you SPECIFICALLY did not recline your seat in order to make their experience more comfortable - in fact, more like a business class seat - and so therefore they should give you a tip. I have even used this money in the past to "finance" the rest of the tips for the pilot and stewards.

And don't forget to add 15% for any duty free items you may have purchased.

One clarification: the 15% to the pilot should be before taxes (which can be significant on an international flight).

You recommend 15 percent of the fare, but what if you are using frequent flyer miles, then how do you figure it? Can I deduct from the tip if they run out of the chicken by the time they get to my seat?

it's always about the pilots isn't it?? What about me? I haul your 200 lb. bags onto the belt, I listen to you whine about your seat selection, beg for upgrades, wait while you fill out luggage tags with dozens of people in line behind you...and do you ever consider tipping me??! NO, its always the pilots and the snippy flight attendants who get the cash...I'm sick of it!!! I think 15% of the weight of your luggage is a fair gratuity for what I do for you.

Santa Chiara:

Easy:
1) 15% of the number of FF miles in $$ seems adequate
2) tip them before they start serving , you can be sure chicken won't run out (especially if applying rule 1)).

Tip the pilot just enough to wake him but not enough to send the plane into a barrel roll.

On European flag carriers, a 17.5% service charge has already been added to your ticket, along with a hidden charge of two pounds seven shillings sixpence for disinfectant for the cabin crew's shoe soles (not the Dover sole, sorry, finished) to prevent the spread of foot and mouth disease to Business Class.
Tipping is not authorized on Aeroflot, because it cuts into the "Bribes to Flight Crew" profit sharing plan.

A few more hints:

If you bring only a carry-on bag, the tip should not exceed 22 X 14 X 9.

It is permissible to reduce the tip by 1% for each knee that becomes useless while crammed into cattle class, plus another 1/2% for each armrest hogged by your neighbor.

If flying United, don't forget to also tip a US Air pilot.

I find that a gift wrapped Haggis-in-a-Tube(TM) will make certain the pilot will never forget you.

Do you tip in the currency of the country you're going to or coming from? Or does it have to be the currency of the home of the person you're tipping? In which case, will there be a currency conversion service available (for which you'd also have to tip)?

would it be better to tip a little before you take off with the promise of more for really good service or does this only work with cruise ship captains?

Good one KT.
Barbara, to be on the safe side tip in each currency. If it is Air France don't forget to add a tip in French Franks no matter where you are going.
Also a good tip at the beginning of the flight increases your chances of actually landing on a runway.

if I don't have French franks, will a New York frank do??

To be completely equitable, all tips should be in Euros, Eurodollars or Euro coins.

I only tip the pilot 8% unless he gives special service, like making sure the good sights pass below on my side of the plane.

And don't forget the attendant in the restroom.

Attendant in the restroom, is that who that guy was? I think I may have over tipped him!!!

The only tip the pilot is getting from me is to keep the nose up.

Cindy, keep his nose up where?

Generally, depending on the quality of the flight, meal, etc., I put the appropriate tip in the small bag located in the seat pocket in front of me and then hand it to the flight attendant as I leave the airplane.

This is the point.Over 20 people have responded to this post.The very same people who pretend to be "fodorites" are the same using phony names answering foolish posts.Some actual travel questions have just a few responses .Very soon the only people who will be using this site will be the"small" handful of people who don't have anything else to do.

Has anyone noticed that the most bitter people on the planet are those who don't know how to join in the fun?

Well don't I feel scolded.

Back to tipping:

Do not forget to tip for the magazines on the flight. Many people overlook this and it's a real insult to the flight attendants. Count the number of pages you read and tip one cent per page. Ripped pages get only one-half cent, and pages stuck together with that disgusting unknown substance get no tip at all. I typically use pennies and just toss them in where the magazines are. The flight attendants always give me a special look to say thanks.

If I took the magazine from the first class section as I walked through on my way back to cattle class, I usually add any foreign change I have on me to the tip because it somehow seems more sophisticated.

Finally, when you've just landed and arrived at the gate, and you are watching the luggage handlers, you should tip them too. If you see one do a particularly good job throwing a suitcase across the tarmac, shove a few times into the frame around the window. It's a little-known fact that luggage handlers search window frames every night.

Only the tipsy need to tip. And they should tip 15% of flight cost to each of the two flight attendants serving their seat, and 15% to each passenger directly in front, in back, to the left and to the right of their seat, who no doubt bore the brunt of their drunken behavior. An optional 10% may go to a third attendant, if any.

This thread certainly does show how ingenious people on this Forum are. I love it when a subject such as this with such humor gets going. Keep up the good work!

Lovethis: I love this post too! One of my favorites....please keep it flying??? Judy

Hah! Another trick question. You do not tip the pilots. If you do, the gypsies will see you pull the money out of your money belt beneath your crispy suit. They will then wave a newspaper under your nose and steal your yummy on flight meal. Nice try!

My method works wonders. After I have taken my seat in economy class, I pull the flight attendant aside, discreetly pull a $1 bill out of my fanny pack so I'm sure she sees it ($5 for international), and say: "If you can keep those peanuts coming, baby, there will be a little something special for you after the flight." I then wink at her, turn my baseball cap to the side, and walk back to my seat. I ALWAYS get an extra pack of peanuts, and they typically bring me a meal that they take special care to point out was prepared by them "just for me."

I only tip the pilot if he's sober

Myself, I think the most important thing is to tip the reservations agent. I always ask for his/her name and address, and promise to send them a little something once I get back. I figure someday, I'm going to have to ask for special arrangements, and they'll have me on their list of people who have mailed them tips. Of course, it also means I can call them at 3 a.m. when I'm still waiting to board a flight that has a "75% on-time record."

(BTW "bored" -- I post under my real name for real questions, and I use the "real" travel information I get here quite a bit. But sometimes it helps to diffuse some of the tension of traveling to share some of this silliness. It's part of the camaraderie of a travel forum, which you obviously have no use for. So be it. But go away.)

Is pilot-tipping a new sport, now that we have lost so many cows?

Hey I got a tip for the flight crew... don't eat yellow snow...

Since these flight crew people spend so much time away from home, I find they like a taste of home...like some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, or hot McDonald's fries and a Big Mac.Amaxing how long those things stay warm if you keep them under your blouse in one of those hidden-money-belt thingees.

If its Lufthansa though, bring bratwurst or knockwurst, If Air France bring Crepes, etc.

You people tip actual money? Honestly. What am I going to do with you?

I save up my old undies and leave these under the last row of seats. That way, the flight crew saves money because they can bypass Victoria's Secret. A win-win for all involved.

I think this post has been the funniest I've seen in a bit. (My thanks to almost everyone.)

Dear Bored: I might know your type -- don't comprehend that others can be clever and creative. (Your loss.)

I find it helpful to tip the pilot with a gripping novel so that he doesn't get bored during the flight. Flight Attendants also love a good read, it makes anyone's heart glad to see the pilot and flight crew perusing an A+ novel while aboard a long, difficult trans-Atlantic crossing.

Last time I tipped a flight attendant was when she leaned against the toilette door keeping the throngs at bay while we joined the mile high club...come to think of it, I tipped my husband too!!

Can't believe such supposedly-sophisticated people making such silly mistakes.

You only tip 15-20% when it's a US airline. As experienced travelers are sure to know when flying on a European carrier one just rounds up, leaving no more than 5%.

Of course -- Service is included already in most of Europe. When it's only 5% you can get rid of those pesky foreign coins that just mess up vending machines at home.

I am apalled at this entire posting. What is this world coming to? You MUST all be economy class passengers.

I can not believe that after being on the receiving end of pleasant service by the flight attendants and a safe flight from the pilot (AND HIS COPILOT, YOU INCONSIDERATE LOUTS), that you would deem it appropriate to show your thanks with dirty money.

Personally, I am one who still believes in old-fashioned courtesy, and for that reason, I always travel with several boxes of my custom-made stationary, which I use to write a personal, touching thank you to each service person I encounter. If the service has been particularly noteworthy, I will even include a little token of appreciation in with the note. On flights from the US to Europe, for example, I usually tuck in a few packets of ketchup - they charge for it over there, you know, and those little costs can really add up for someone on a flight attendant's salary.

One of the all time funny-clever posts. I wouldn't even THINK of competing with you folks! Just enjoying....Julius

Gee, I was so sure that the pilot just appreciated my acts of personal affirmation - Every ten mintues, I yell from right behind the cockpit door "KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!" I suppose money or a note would make him a little less jittery. Thanks for the suggestions.

I usually "tip" the pilot and FAs with all the illegal fruits, flowers, and meats that I need to unload before going through customs. From the look of shock on their faces, I always know how much they appreciate my gesture.
(It's also a good way to lighten up my many carry-ons.)

I was wondering how much longer I would have to wait for another funny thread, and here it is. Joisy--yours takes the cake.

TIP to Fodors: This is the perfect grab bag question IMO! Unless of course you want to be PC, then you will not run this fab thread! Judy
Deb: prize winner, in fact they almost all are prize winners!
Regular Seinfelds,all!

for all those wackos on the us forum

My question is, do you have to tip the pilot if the plane crashes? Presumably if this is the case he has already been overtipped, if you catch my drift. Plus, is there a difference if you crash over land or over water? In one case it would be thoughtful to present the tip in an asbestos envelope; in the other, a Ziploc baggie would suffice. I would suggest bringing along both, since you don't know in advance which you're likely to need.

The United States readers have been referred to this post, so back to the top.

My dear Babs,
You are probably unaware that pilots command a rather large salary, and monetary gratuities are not called for. Miss Manners travels with a few sheets of elegant wrapping paper in which she present the pilot with a lovely gift. Some tasteful gifts I have given include:
A small framed photo of my granddaughter's first Communion. No larger than a 5 x 7, as there is limited space in the cockpit.
A refrigerator magnet of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Miss Manners suggests a paperback "Ten Ways to Successfully get your Plane out of China".
A Gideon Bible. These can be gotten extremely inexpensively.
A lovely key-chain featuring our Holy Father, Pope John Paul, if you think he might possibly be Catholic.(the pilot, not the Pope).
A lovely audio tape for those boring moments, might I suggest "Conway Twitty's Greatest Hits"
An enchanting gift set consisting of shampoo, lotion, shower cap, and perhaps a mending kit. You can tastefully scratch off Holiday Inn-Birmingham. To leave it on, Miss Manners considers very tacky.
If your financial situation warrants it, you may be able to find a marvelous T-shirt "My parents went to Helsinki, and all they brought me was a lousy T-shirt." Miss Manners suggest extra-large, not knowing the pilot's size.
These are just a few suggestions, Babs, I'm sure our delightful readers must have more ideas. Enjoy your trip.

If the pilot is cute, I would really enjoy it if he gave me HIS "tip!"

I have read many a newspaper article that talks of how exhausted and overworked international pilots are.
So I think the considerate thing to do to help them out would be to present them with a travel kit consisting of:
a nice eyeshade mask, high quality earplugs, warm toasty slippers (pilots like the ones shaped like ducks I have been told), a pair of loose fitting sweat pants, a neck pillow, a soft cashmere blanket with a rodeo design woven into it and a nice cup of Belgian hot chocolate. Oh, and don't forget the CD of lullabies so the pilot can get his rest from take-off to landing (or past that).

I find that if I tip the pilot, I get a much smoother ride that the others in the plane, and I usually arrive a little sooner as well.

Try it, it's worth it!

I'm an adorable street urchin meself
and I've found singing "I'll do anything for you, dear, anything" while batting me huge crytal blue eyes at the pilot and cluching his left leg with all me strength works quite well.

If money is a problem, one could of course invite everybody (crew and passengers) for a barbecue (or "braai" as we call it) in first class. Using a gas cylinder to get the T-bones done is not quite the real thing - an open fire is the way to do it. (I am not quite sure what would happen to the smoke -open the window?)

Bring in some beers, music, singing and dancing in the aisles and you would have many new friends at the end of the flight. ("WOW moment" - has anybody tried a sing-along in a flight? Did it work?)

If the size of the fire is an issue, you could consider making a "potjiekos" which is throwing anything that you can into an iron pot and put it on a very slow and small open fire. Liquid refreshments, beers, music and singing is a definite requisite here as the food takes quite a while to be cooked - you, however, are also done by that time - ideal for a long flight.

Good way to bond with lads in cockpit - send beverage (alcoholic) of their choice - start a "round" system (no, no, this is my twist!) - camraderie on long flights only way to pass the time. Swap recipes with stewardesses - perhaps they could whip up a fresh dish while you sip your drink (sent down from el capitan!)

Two words: SWEAT PANTS.

Pilots love the 'easy access,' and they're available in many jazzy colors.

I think I joined the mile high club with the same flight attendant and husband that naughty did and now I have a rash...my "tip" is watch who you're sleeping with......

Guys: Be kind. It's not so easy to be a pilot. I just received this from a pal who is going through the first of three days of intensive training at Aeroflot - a crash-course in being a pilot (oopps..unfortunate turn of phase!).

RULES OF THE AIR:
>
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi > to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to appeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

To Cute If all you need is a tip from the pilot, I'd like to meet you!
To Ger, that was hilarious.

Ever wonder why they call it the cockpit?

Isn't that the room where they have all of their parties?

I think the English way is best - that is, have a 'whip-round' for the pilot To do this take a hat(if you can find one on the plane),and pass the hat back and forth along the seats, suggesting everyone put in some money.As you leave, give the money to the pilot and say "Have a pint on us mate" If he doesn't understand the phrase, take the money back and use it for a pint for yourself.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time... you guys rule!!!

Art,

Re: "Ever wonder why they call it the cockpit?"

You made me think of a joke I haven't heard in a million years...
Let me just say it had to do with the pilot(s) being female and choosing to call the cockpit more appropriately the "Box Office"...

Ok. now, where were we?

Are you really serious about tipping the
pilot???? Don't they get paid enough?
Do you really think that they, the pilots, are going to fly the aircraft any
better w/a monetary tip? Just one more thing, I've been
to Europe/Asia a few times & have NEVER
heard of this practice.

Jen
You're not serious are you??!
Please tell me you saw the humour and sarcasm in all these answers!

Too much fun not to top

Not only is the 'passing the hat' among the passengers a much-appreciated gesture, but singing "three cheers for the plane driver" upon landing is just top-notch.

I find pressing a few coins into the flight attendants' hands as I exit the plane gets me a hearty thank you.

And nothing says "I appreciate you" like something home-made, such as a macrame plant hanger or a drawing of my hand decorated to look like a turkey. I always carry a few things I made in my pottery class just in case...

A couple of practical jokes keeps everyone loose, like banging on the cockpit door, yelling "I've got a bomb out here!", then collapsing into gales of laughter when the door opens (the other passengers appreciate the humor, too) is just one idea.

And, Ger, that list is so past funny I can't speak...it's been passed to the Loons...

Don’t leave a tip. Just leave a note in a seat pocket (*not your own*) saying you’ve left a surprise concealed somewhere on the plane. The airline people LOVE a good scavenger hunt.

Don't leave just a tip, leave the whole thing.

To all the woderful people on this site:

Oh thank you all for all your helpful answers.
The reason I asked this question was that every time I take an airplane ride I notice the staff--that is the pilots and the flight attendants-- always line up at the exit when we land--and smile so nicely and say bye bye and have a nice day and I think maybe they are looking for a tip.
Bewildered Babs

Everyone ... Thanks! I needed a good laugh today and just about everyone who has replied gave it to me.

To Bored ... Get a life or at least a sense of humor.

DFW 4/25/01

*ROTFLMAO*!! I finally got around to reading this thread, and thanks for the laughs!! A lot of clever & creative people here.

Excuse me??? The pilot (m/f) is doing his job and the airliner is paying his salary every month.

I am still laughing from this one. If you hear of a flight attendant on an AA flight to London in June being upended -- it was me

Man, I am so sick of all you deadbeats. Do you have any idea how much work it is to haul your complaining asses back and forth to Europe all the time? Geez, I have to file flight plans, gas this sucker up, check the oil, and then try to get this multi-ton puppy up in the sky. And then all I hear is your bitching about the food, the room, the fat person next to you, the bumpy ride, and on and on. Sometimes I wonder if the lousy 120 grand a year I am making for working one week a month is worth it. You people have no idea, no idea at all about what I go through just so you can take some piddly-ass vacation to Europe. Yes, a small tip would be greatly appreciated, as I could use that money to help make my Porsche payment.

Sorry Bobby, you'll need that extra for Olivia's braces..

Excuse me, but which ex are you? Number 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5....hard to keep em all straight.

Captain Bob, please refer to your ALPA code of conduct for rules relating to media contact, including postings to internet chat rooms and similar venues. It’s important that we keep our opinions of tourist class pax out of the public eye, since increasing numbers of those people may own shares in mutual funds, which might contain sizeable positions in our employers’ companies, with clear implications to our own portfolios. However strongly you might feel regarding in-flight gratuities (again, please refer to our recently negotiated contract with your carrier, which covered this topic extensively under “incentive pay,”) all public-consumption comments on this topic must be cleared in advance with your bargaining unit steward. I don’t need to remind you that it’s not only your Porsche payment, but also the Porsche, Mercedes, and sailboat payments of over 50,000 union members, that are on the line here. Discretion, Brother Bob.

OK, thanks a lot! Now I need the tip money...why? I'm sitting here with a room full of students, laughing my arse off over these hysterical replies! The principal comes by, the kids think I've gone mad, and now I'm out of a job. Hmmm, wonder about being a restroom attendant???

I tip, if and only if the attendant pretends not to notice when I stuff my over-sized, over-weight bags into the first overhead compartment that is available. After all, I don't want to have to walk all the way to my seat with it--I might inconvenience myself or I might knock someone out.

Keep it going. Too good to drop.
To the top.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time... you guys rule!!!

Remember you don't have to tip if the crossword puzzle has already been done by some rude person who didn't leave it for you!

Up like the pilot

Just give him your Fodors pin; trade it for his wings perhaps. It is kind of like trading Olympic pins. Then pilots could admire one another's pins as they passed in the terminal, knowing that they have had the great fortune to transport a Fodorite on vacation.

Nah, our pins are worth much more than a dime store pair of pilots wings.
Anyone can get pilot wings but only a true traveler can get a fodors pin.

Babs-The Flight Attendants are smiling like that because they are all members of the Mile High Club.

And to Capt. Bob-Are you the one they made a movie about starring Jack Wagner. You know the one about the pilot who had 3 wives in different cities he flew to. The first wife found out and canceled all his credit cards, had his car towed and told the other 2. True Story.

Duh - just go to howmuchshoulditipthepilot.com.

Found it!

Guys you got carried away with your calculations of the tip for the pilot and comletely forgot that you have to tip the guy in the immigration booth and also the one who checks your declaration, i believe he is called customs officer. Shame! these people work so hard turning over the content of your bags

This just cried out for a Tuesday topping

Hadn't gotten around to reading this one yet - thanks for the laughs; you're all great!

Depends on the pitch of the plane. But, never more than 45 degrees in any event. Follow this dictum and you can't go wrong.

Instead of outputting the extra cash for the tip, may I sign over my VAT refund to the flight staff?

On my last flight, we stopped at the tarmac for some time and then returned to the gate. About 2 hrs later we left the gate again. I asked the flight attendant what happened and she told me that the Pilot had heard a noise and didn't want to take off. I asked her how it was resolved and she said that it took a while to find another pilot. My question is, Which pilot should I have tipped??
Regards

Hey, Art........I gotta know, did that really happen....they had to find another pilot?????!!!!!!

Laura, Since when has anyone at any airline given a honest and direct answer for delays???
Cheers,
Art

Art,

I think a good "tip" would have been to get off the plane.

Tom

I was on a flight from Greensboro to Atlanta, then on to DFW. We had to change planes in Atlanta. When I got on the plane, I had a box of Krispy Kreams. The pilots found me a seat in first class, since I shared my donuts. I wonder if they'll work at the taxi stand?

Just far enough froward that he gets to see over the control panel.

Had to resurrect this one - I laughed so hard the first time I read it that I nearly made a lasting impression on my swivel desk chair!

I want to take back my post from April. You should not attempt to physically tip the pilot because the marshal will take you out. I hope so anyway. We are living in different times now.

Since I don't remember this thread for last spring, I was stunned to see the title and had to check it out.
Reading it Now is quite different I am sure from reading it Before.

I always thank the pilot as I exit the plane, feeling good he got us all to our destination alive. These days, I just might hug and kiss him...unless we are still worrying about sexual harrassment and not just terrorists.
(lame attempt at levity)

I believe this may help jclampett with his concierge question

Before boarding I always ask the pilot if he can stop over for lunch on Hawaii... or Florida.... or Monte Carlo... and depending on the length of the stopover I tip him. Did not hear from anybody else doing this, but then again, it's not the upper class neighbourhood

Remember when you would have a rough flight and when the plane landed the passengers would applaud? I think these days, I would applaud and hug and kiss the pilot,co pilot, and anyone else nearby -just for geting us there..kkk not lame at all! C

The best way to tip the pilot without any out-of-pocket expenses is to sleep with him. Give him anything he wants and he will be putty in your hands and fly you anywhere you want to go. Be adventuresome and imaginative.

Are you nuts? Pilots make over 100K usually if they are flying the big jets trans-continent - don't tip you idiot! And don't believe anything anyone has written on this question - I travelled over 350,000 miles last year and I never tip...

Barb, thank you so much, if you didn't exist someone should definitely invent you...

Oh Barb, didn't you know that when you fly over 100K miles per year, the airlines automatically add a 15% gratuity to your ticket? Read the fine print next time.

Come on, Barb, you're really Babs, right?!!!

Hey Barb, didn't I sit next to you on the plane going to London this year in March? Remember me I was the one who passed out in the aisle. (On my way to tip the pilot).

You guys are cracking me up...I was worried this poor lost soul is going to start tossing $20s at the stewardess like some bad strip club in the sky...some folks probably had the person convinced they needed to tip everyone at the airport - can you imagine???

to the top for Kathy, a new reader.

Oh, you mean tipping like with MONEY! Oh, silly me, tee hee. I thought you meant, like, like tipping cows or dwarfs or whatever it is. Like, I thought you meant trying to get the pilot to fall over and I was wondering, geez, do you have to wait until he's on the stairs or something? I mean, most of them are pretty fit and wouldn't fall over all that easily, so how am I going to tip a pilot at all, let alone for every flight.

Boy am I relieved! Geez, I mean, how stupid can I be. Hah. Hah.

One person complains that there is no humor on Fodors, another wants it deleted.

This is a classic and should be kept. Without it I would not know whom to tip or how much, and post 9/11 it's even trickier. Tip for others: slip the $25 bill into the iron bars across the cockpit door.

I am now picturing tipping the pilot over as in cow tipping..LOL...and what if it is a really round large pilot,then what!? do all the passengers get on one side and sort of just roll him over, what if he pops right back up,like those toys?

Topping for the curious on the US board.

since I am on a low income, I sneak into the pilots cabin and give personally give them a tip, and they smile and smile and smile and smile. Tipping is actually a public service.

Tip the pilot very low; just like your I. Q. I doesn't take much to make idiots laugh.

Now that some of the airlines are asking their pilots to take 10% and more in pay cuts shouldn't we increase the amount of the tip? I think 22% of the full fare ticket value of your seat to the pilot, 18% to the flight attendents, and 10% to the ground crew (per person, not for the whole crew) would be about right.

If you people really cared about us poor underpaid pilots you would be giving us bigger tips. It is hard to make ends meet on my meager pay. I may have to let one of the vacation homes go this year and turn in the leased Porche and Land Rover. But, if my tips would increase just a bit I may be able to keep the house in Aspen.

I don't understand. Is it 15% of your ticekt price or 15% of the pilot's salary? But is it really polite to ask a pilot how much he makes?

I don't mind tipping the pilot, but I just hate it when he comes down the aisle and says: "Hi my name is ________ and I'll be your pilot today." Often, they'll squat down so they are at your eye level. And if you ask for a nice flight they say "no problem". Then, they check on you every minute and a half . . . .

Only if the pilot wears black,otherwise I think he is in need of our fashion advice more than a tip.
So then we get out our Vogue issues and give those away.
I have noticed that a thin man from Philadelphia, is prone to handing out shopping advice to the entire crew when he sees those Flying Fashion Faux Pas~

I was so embarrassed with my new husband! We tipped $100 on a $1000 flight for 6 -- and the pilot chased us out of the plane.

(if this makes no sense to you, go to the US site)

Lol, it made Perfect sense

tipping? how much is the norm now since the planes are more secure?

When traveling over the Xmas holidays I always buy and gift wrap individual Christmas balls to give to the check-in agent and she/he always bumps me up to first class. (Don't I wish)

C'mon guys - let's all pitch in and help Cap'n Bob out. I don't think I'll be able to sleep nights if he loses that condo in Aspen!

How much should I give my travel agent and the counter person at check in and what about the security person. I just want to keep giving away my US$.

You don't need to tip the pilots after the flight. They prefer for you to buy them a round of drinks at the airport bar before the flight.

Too late. I quit claimed it to US Air and those bozos put it into their assets list for the bankruptcy court. I thought I had it sold to some guy from Houston named Lay (Fritos heir I think) but the deal flipped a couple of months ago.

Now I'm hearing there are layoffs coming, so I've got my application into a bunch of other carriers, mostly Euros flying from Luton to Dusseldorf for seven dollars a pop. What chance do you think I'll have for tips on those cattle cars? Stinkin' industry...

Well well Bob so I find you at last. Please send me the back child support as the boys need shoes and Judith needs new braces. They are the laughing stock of the neighborhood now because they do not have new Nike shoes for school. I am so ashamed, and I may have to put the McMansion on the market soon if you don't pay up sucker. My Mercedes is also in dire need of an oil change!

ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DO NOT TIP FA OR PILOTS ON COMMERCIAL FLIGHTS..PERIOD...I AM AWARE YOU ARE A TROLL AND MOST PEOPLE ANSWERING THIS ARE TROLLS..HOWEVER...SOME PEOPLE MAY ACTUALLY NOT KNOW ANY BETTER.

Please get a life...this is funny! Anyone who reads the thread will realize it is a tongue-in-cheek reaction to all the "who do I tip" questions.

Great laughs!

Oh mygoodness! You mean I don't have to tip the pilot? I've could of save hundreds over the years. Who should I call to get my money back?

You can't call -- you have to fill out a LOT of forms! Just make sure you keep copies - those crooks will really try to pull a fast one on you!!

Did I miss something here? I have been traveling since the age of 5 and I am 30 plus years older than that now and have NEVER tipped a pilot, stewardess or the like. I go to Europe sometimes twice a year and the islands also. The airline tickets cost enough as it is and the pilots sure make a hell of a lot of money. I have one in the family so I know. He does very well! He doesn't get tips that I know of. What is this all about? Someone enlighten me!

Well Confused Carrie - if you have read all these posts and haven't realized it's one big joke, I'm not sure anyone could explain ANYTHING to you!

I see, this was a joke that got carried away??? Well, like some other posters said, if there are people with little travel experience out there they might think it is for real and start throwing money around at the pilots, etc. Now sure the pilot would be happy, but not the person when he looks at them quite funny. As for the physical gratuity, do what you want. I say if the pilot is a fine specimen, put the plane on autopilot and enjoy!

Carrie-
HUMOR:
that quality which appeals to a sense of the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous
b : the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous
c : something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing

No Confused Carrie - it is not a joke that got carried away --- it is a joke PERIOD. And if you or anyone else reading this doesn't recognize it as such, I have to wonder how much intelligence you possess. JMO

Glad someone found this again!! It is hilarious. Daughter is a FA and loved it.

Pilots get nothing- they're pros. As for stewardesses, if they look good and are on time with drinks, give 'em a ten.
Old hag stewardesses get a fiver if they are on time with your drinks. Stewards get nothing. They're probably gay and might get the wrong idea. Plus, they're doing a woman's job and shouldn't be encouraged to shame themselves.

Babs you are and remain a genious.

For me this is one of the best threads ever. It even ranks higher than:

I was drunk when...

All the what should I wear ones

All the baggage, packing can I get it in the trunk or the car in the luggage ones.

And even my personal favourite and actively supported PUP ones?

Do you have another to top it?

Check out:
"Our Mothers were right!"

ttt

We talk a lot on this board about how to use up our extra foreign change. I always give a couple of coins to each of the uniformed people who are always milling outside the door of the plane upon landing (only one coin each if they're large denomination coins). The often give me a bewildered smile, as though they can't believe their good fortune to come across someone so generous.

In addition to tipping the pilot and the other crew you mustn't forget to tip the aircrft manufacturer and the company that flies the aircraft, if you consider yourself civilized. Americans could tip up to one per cent of the cost of the aircraft (the cost details should be available with the pilot, who may be persuaded to announce them during the flight)and other lesser mortals up to.ooo1 per cent.

I can't believe that this stupid pilot thing is still around. The Pilots Union must have nothing else to do.

The pilots are grossly overpaid. Why do you think it is that almost all the air carriers are losing money. The largest expense for air carriers is the pay of the employees.

And almost all Fodorites are trying to squeeze out the lowest fare that they can find.

Bringing this one back

Steve

Bless you Steve.

Oh man, I am laughing, LOL...

This post was great, although it's extremely difficult for me to believe that some people actually thought it was serious?!?!?!? Geez Louise, gotta wonder about those folks...

Thank you so much - I am once again laughing until my sides hurt!

My true name is Alfonso, and I am going to check with my lawyer about suing Fodors.

After reading this board I flew last week from Chicago to London on AA. After the meal I decided to go tip the pilots first, before tipping the cabin crew.

So I got up, went to the front, tried opening the cockpit door, it was locked. I knocked on it, no answer, I tried pushing the door open, since I was worried maybe the pilots fell asleep and we're all gonna crash -- that's when 5 passengers and 3 crew members JUMP on me, started pushing me to the ground, shoved me, squeezed me, cursed me and were very brutal to me.

And ALL THIS 'caused I just wanted to be nice!!!

Fodors, you're gonna hear from my lawyers!

No siree, they don't write songs like they used to, they don't make movies like they used to, and they don't write posts like they used too! Hooray for days gone by!

It had to be topped as I am so much better now LMAO

After I stopped laughing I started thinking and after that I remembered that once I called Sears service to service my stove and I wanted to give $10.00 to a man and he said to take it to church for him, and as I am not church goyer it still sits at my stove.
Beside the point if someone during my trip will refuse to except tips - should I write everyone's name on some piece of paper and then go to church and give it in their names (adding Sears man name to the list will not be unapropriate, right ?)

Yeah well thanks for nothing. Here I am in a three-room cement box outside Warsaw hoping the plumber will show up sometime this week, so that my "toilet" will flush. If I'm lucky the modem's phone line won't go dead in the middle of this. Porsches, houses in Aspen... cripes. Ancient history.

So now my pay packet from Wings of Warsaw is barely enough to put vodka on the table, and not the good stuff with the yard clippings in it, either. Tips? TIPS?? Surely you jest. No, instead I get to haul backpackers and bureaucrats between Warsaw and Brussels, or that so-called airport outside London - you know, the one you can't get to from there. Foxy flight attendents? Try former Aeroflot stews in plastic orthopedic shoes. In-flight food? What are you, some kind of comedian?

At least the ex-wife gets squat out of it. I sent her some Zlotys and she emailed me to hold off on the funny money until she can talk to her lawyer. Sure, babe. See you in the Hague.

Listen, here's a tip FROM the pilot. Take the train.

Am I a complete ignoramus? I have NEVER heard of giving a pilot a tip in my life! I have also never seen anyone giving a pilot a tip. I mean, I have never seen them carrying a hat as I exit the plane, waiting for cash! I don't agree with tipping pilots. I know they work hard, but so do I, and I don't ask my students for tips as they exit my classroom!

It sounds more reasonable to tip the FA's, but I admit I have never done this, unless you count tipping on an alcoholic beverage, like you would tip a bartender.

When are you supposed to give the tips?

This is all new to me . . . I guess I don't travel enough!

I couldn't tip the Air France folks last week on the way over because I only had 10E and didn't know who should get it. On the way home I ended up with 30E in my bag but was too tired to remember. Will I get inferior service next time?

This is an example of the funny things that used to be posted here before we were required to register...

I wanted to print the Aero list, but only the names of the post titles appeared. Help please!

ttt

I'm so glad to see this thread back.... one of the funniest around! (and seems like some people still don't get that it's a joke!)

Anne

ttt

Yes it's hard to believe, AnnO.

Hellooooooo those of you who are gullible people.......

It's a joke, it's a joke, it's a joke it's a joke!

jetset1 - try to "copy & paste" into a word document. Works for me.

What I want to know is, where is the viking thread?

Hey Art, there is a reference or two, to vikings in this thread, which is a hoot, all on its own!

http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=1373391

Could it be the one you're thinking of?

Looking back at my post just now, I need to correct something. I meant to type, "Could it, be the, one you're, thinking of?"

Man, I need to use fewer commas!!

ttt

I will be tipping the difference between my actual weight and that complimentary lower weight they key in into my flight info - equivalent in US$!

The best team work ever, I hpe this thread will NEVER die...

Since I quit my traveling to Europe after my first traveling to Europe - I am keeping this thread to share with everyone else...travelers or not...funniest things happening - people just believing that all of it is the guide to TIP A PILOTs.
I even got a list on who to tip and whom not to tip...can you believe it?

ilovelabs2003: you ARE kidding? yes? You're a teacher? Please tell me you just have a VERY dry sense of humor. I was wondering if anyone knew if you were flying to Europe if you had to include the VAT with the tip. Like a gift tax?

I think some of these suggestions made it to the top brass at Delta.

Unfortunately, no, Brimhamrocks. The original was called something like "Will I be able to see Vikings in Scandinavia in September?", one of the all-time best stupid-questions spoofs on Fodors written by the same "Bill & Betty Jones" that did the thread you mentioned (which was done in the aftermath, funny but not nearly as clever). Whoever, this "Bill & Betty Jones" was was a HOOT!

Looking for "Will I be able to see Vikings in Scandinavia in September?"lol

I haven't seen BrimhamRocks for awhile...

and for groups of six or more, be prepared, as a gratuity of 20% will automatically be added to your bill, whether you like it or not, and they won't even remind you when you give them your credit card to pay.

Topping for Ziana!

And I never could find the Viking thread again. It was my favorite thread here EVER!

Topping, Happy Friday!

Man, this is funny!

Thanks faina, for bringing this up. A good one for Danny to remember us by.

I don't know what tip to give the pilot, but I heard the second officer give a very good tip after we landed at Shannon on our way from Philly to Dublin.

The flight was supposed to go all the way to Dublin, but it did not get there that day because there was a fire in the forward cargo hold and the cockpit was full of smoke.

The fire control system on the aircraft was able to extinguish the fire, and the captain brough the aircraft down to 10,000 feet so he could vent the cockpit.

Because of the fire, we landed at Shannon under emergency conditions where half of the fire brigades in that part of Ireland were there to greet us.

After the plane landed, the chief of the airport fire brigade inspected the aircraft for an active blaze. Finding none, the aircraft was allowed to taxi to a gate where we got off rather hurriedly.

Then the firemen boarded the aircraft with fire hoses at the ready.

By that time we were all inside the gate area looking out through the big window. Of the crew, only the captain was on the ground with the firemen. The man whom I presumed to be the co-pilot was standing near me watching the action.

As the fireman entered the aircraft, he had a tip for them: Please don't spray the cockpit.

would it be an insult to tip in dollars? They would surely prefer a tip in euro. Better yet in Sterling!

For those who want to go to Scandinavia to see the Vikings - here is a flight advice!

Faina, thanks for bringing this great and funny thread back! One of the first I read on Fodors. Very very funny!

And Happy New Years to you and your loved ones!

tip topping

I never get tired of reading this thread!!

It reminds me of a business trip I took with a lady who had not flown since childhood. On our trip home I offered to buy her a cocktail using my coupons for freebies. We ordered our drinks, and when she saw the FA coming with drinks in hand, she reached for her wallet. I reminded her the drinks were free. She said, "Yes, but I'll get the tip." I tried not to laugh as I told her it isn't necessary, but it was hard to control it....

Sfowler, I hope you don't expect tips for topping?

P-M, such a funny story!

A friend was telling me about his trip to Europe, and I asked him with a straight face: how much did you tip the pilot and in which currency? He thought I was serious and was upset with his faux pas

Well, Wings of Warsaw had the lifespan of a Mayfly so I hooked onto that Italian outfit named after the song - you know the one - who promptly tanked and left me standing there in my monkey suit at the door to the crew "lounge" in Olbia looking like a right idiot. Crew loo more like it. The Irish guys allowed me to deadhead back to my apartment (via some godforsaken place out in sheep country) so I could fetch my gear and start doing the rounds. Oh, and take another medical. No vodka for a week. Great.

I can't go back to the States for fear you-know-who's lawyers will find me. Turns out they won't take Zlotys but Euros are fine. Like I have any.

So it's looking like Peso country for yours truly. I don't think it's called tipping there - something else. Stay tuned.

Hasta la vista, baby.

My co-worker was telling us about her wedding and honeymoon in Portugal. I asked her if she knows she should tip the pilot. And then went on about tipping in the currency of the country where she'll land.

And it was not the first time I talk to others about tipping the pilots. What I can't understand - why people, even knowing I always joke, take this tipping seriously!!

Hi Faina, you are baaaaaad! LOL.

TTT: In honor of Art's return to circulation.

No input. I just wanted to be #200

I usually give a big kiss.

Being from Canada which is internationally known as the worst tippers and taking into account the exchange rate between maple syrop dollars and euros, we usually only tip 86% of everyone else as unlike lbs or dollars we are screwed when travelling. However on the premise of the flight staff being cute we can be encouraged to be at par with our neighbors the americans

Thanks so much, HKP! And welcome back, Art! It was fun to read the originals - I remember posting some of those, and teared up laughing at some of the best ones from that thread!

Depends if he gets me to my final destination...

The captain would rather have some weed,and the flight attendants should each get an eight ball.Its only FARE!!

This is too funny!

Well, I'm not certain that Canadians are really the "worst tippers" but I do believe in that old saying that "Canadians are willingly unarmed (North)Americans with health insurance."

If I tip the pilot enpough will he land on top of some of the whiners here????

If we tip the pilot too much, won't the plane fall over to one side?

Topping 'cause I love this thread!

You gotta love the folks in Forville. Thank you for topiing this!!! It brought a smile in a week(past few weeks) of gloom!

When I leave the plane, there are always all the flight attendants and other co captains, navigators, etc.. standing at the door. If I don't have cash and don't want the others to feel left out can I pass out the peanuts and pretzl mix that I didn't eat? Kind of like Halloween. Who doesn't like snacks!

ttt

I love this thread. It is even funnier for those who have been/are flight attendants. No joke though, we used to fly through Bahrain and often we would have members of the royal family on board and they actually did tip. Big time, so for all those suggestions of peanuts etc get real and give a tip worth giving. Gold rolexs were given to the senior crew and I even got 100 pounds sterling and this was over 15 years ago. (and I didn't even give any special services)

Keep this funny thread going.

I tip only when the pilot is tipsy so he can afford th taxi back to his horel.

Welcome back, pilot!

Now if we could just locate that tipsy old female parent

That was my favourite.

>One clarification: the 15% to the pilot >should be before taxes (which can be >significant on an international flight)

Or better still, before he taxies.
I've often considered tipping American waiter/esses at the beginning of the meal.
That would prevent that dreadful "Is everything all right for you?" when I'm trying to carry on a conversation.

I'm glad to know that the tip should be based on the pre-tax fare. I feel sick when I think of all the money I've wasted over the years by tipping on the after tax fare.

I think it's time for an update to the rules, as most airlines are now adding a surcharge for fuel. Are we allowed to deduct that from the tip base as well? I think we should all give this some serious thought. I want to get this right. I would hate to appear cheap and offend the pilot by undertipping, but at the same time I do not want to throw away money unnecessarily if the fuel surcharge is an acceptable deduction. So tell me please, dear Fodorites, shall we deduct the surcharge or not?

And another important question: What if you paid nothing for the ticket, for example, it's a FF award ticket? Is it like using a restaurant coupon, where you base the tip amount on what you would have paid? Please help, I'm so confused.

I have seen this referred to many times but never read until now. Thanks for the much needed laughs fffs.

You've all been quite clever -- but you missed the real answer. "TIP" is an acronym for "To Insure Promptness" (T.I.P.). So the pilot's tip should always be caluculated based upon the arrival time of the flight. For instance:

30 or more minutes early: 20% of tkt $$$
15 - 29 minutes early: 15%
1 - 14 minutes early: 10%
On time: 5% of ticket price

For flights that arrive late, I wait until all the other passengers have de-planed and then I go directly to the pilot to collect my "late fee," usually in the form of free flight coupons. (The airlines don't advertise this because they don't want long lines.)

For those who question whether this is a joke . . . um, er, you may not be aware that with the new weight restrictions, you must get weighed at the airport and you pay extra if you're deemed overweight. And let's not even talk about traveling with emotional baggage!

Thanks for some great laughs.

oldie, I've got that other thread. Email me and I'll send it to you.

Re: tipping in advance. We traveled often in Japan with a business colleague who always handed a tiny envelope to our server when we arrived. I believe there was an additional amount given at the end of the meal, but in any case, we always got the royal treatment.

P_M, when using award travel, of course you must tip on what the fare would have been. However, I have never been able to decide whether using the lowest possible fare is acceptable, or whether one should use the lowest upgradeable fare when calculating the tip.

Songdoc, LOL.

"I tip only when the pilot is tipsy so he can afford th taxi back to his horel" - Cigale, are you sure you've spelled the last word right, or should it be "whorel"?

Faina, lol, I always love your comments.
This week's New Yorker has a cartoon that I think the artist must have read this thread. The pilot is standing by as the people leave the plane, and the caption reads: "Sat, buddy, how about a little something for the landing?"

got me again, faina, it's "Say Buddy, "

for oldie "I was drunk the day..." (hope the link works)

http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=7698

oops no it's http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=76980

Hey thanks Ruth I thought that was lost and gone forever ...

Steve

Oh my don't you know a thing? Tipping with money is way too generic...try these:
1) A shower cap for the pilot in case it rains in through the hole in the ceiling (Costs too much for repairs these days!)
2) A Bungee cord for the flight attendent so she can hook up next to someone when theres turbulance

So, you see, there's a much kinder, more thoughtful way to show someone your graditude...

If it is ever lost - i have it saved...

I am howling with laughter-pilot tipping is even more fun than cow-tipping and you shoes don't get as mucky...

What a perfect way to spend Friday afternoon in the office on the quietest day of the year-I don't know how I missed this thread all these years, but, boy, is it welcome now!

ttt please!!!

Shortly after Babs started this amusing thread, The New Yorker had a cartoon. The pilot is at the door as the passengers are leaving the plane and the caption reads: Say, buddy, how about a little something for the landing?"
I couldn't help thinking the cartoonist read this thread.

Ruth! Is this is the thread I was drunk when my mom got out of jail?
I am dying to read it but I can't open it.
Please, help!!!

I love this thread.

Ziana, neither can I must be gone and so is the trenitalia thread

Can we beg moderator to recuperate theose jewels?

Oh no! They're both gone.

One of my favorites-had me howling with laughter! I wish I could come up with such an amusing thread that would generate such great responses...a bit of humor is always welcome!

I've just about fallen off the chair at my computer from laughing so hard.

Good one, I should tell you, I am with you I HATE the people in front of me that seem to collapse the moment they get into the plane and push back their seat to the limit. I should get a tip as you said because I try to push mine back as little as possible. The whole posting has been great.

ttt

Actually happened.
American Airlines lost our luggage returning from Europe to Miami. A day later at midnight I received a call that our luggage was found and did I want them to deliver then or wait until the next day. If right away it would take about 2 hours.

I asked for it to be sent right away.

A husband and wife team were delivering found luggage in their car. They arrived about 2 hours later (2AM) and had luggage crammed into the back seat and trunk.

As they gave me the suitcase they said that they don't get paid other than for gas and work on tips.

I kid you not.

Were these people pilots? Because topic was tipping the flight crew which is bizzare but tipping anyone else is a norm, so I hope you tipped them?

Well, they were piloting their van

I clicked on the Drunk Mother link, but couldn't reach the hickupping old dear.
Could somebody please top it?

I had to chuckle at Oldie's suggestion about tipping the waiter before eating the meal.
I'm afraid that the dreaded "Is everything all right for you" every five minutes has crossed the Atlantic.

Thread started in 2001? This has got to be a record. Anyway, I went to tip the crew as per your suggestions but couldnt open the cockpit door. What's up with that? Dont they want the tips?

It happens on some airlines that cockpit door required to stay closed during flight...however you can ask stuardess about 'knock-knock code' and they will open and if tips amount is sufficient pilot can even let you fly the plane for a sec or two.

Sobster, didn't you see a narrow opening with the word "envelopes" over it? Just push your bills in. Like in a mailbox.

Boy I'd really love to fly the plane-it always looks so easy in the movies. I'm sure I would get the hang of it in no time. How big of a tip would you suggest Ziana?!

It is amazing, but no one has asked the usual question. What is the best way for me to pay the tip?

1. Travelers Checks
2. An ATM card linked to my Savings acct.
3. A Discover Card

How can you ask.
You tip him in the same way that you tip taxi drivers in London and Paris.
In dollars.

Italybound07,
I would say start with a $100 placed in pilots hand and keep adding $10 looking in his eyes...he will let you into his seat when you reach correct amount.
Happy flying.

And for gforaker...
there ARE stupid questions...I just saw one...yours. Have you ever tipped anyone? If you were on receiving end how would you like to be tipped? MasterCard or Visa?

Now, that the $ is down, should I get Euro TC for tips?

Ms Again..you didn't tip the Greyhound bus driver when you took THAT trip did you LOL????

No, I didn't.

Mr Again did

(just kidding, sure somebody will take this seriously!)

I love this thread!

I tipped the pilots during flight once, long long ago. Alas, it made the plane lean in a hair-raising position!

I sure miss the good old days when humor was allowed on the board....so cut and dried now.

Curt: but in the lounge it isn't!

Do we have to tip the lounge lizards, too????

I just thought that this hilarious thread deserved to be topped again! Have fun!

Somebody should talk to Ralph Fiennes about proper tipping of the flight crew. Seems he might have overdone it.

Now that I have stopped laughing.......

Between this thread, and the more recent "Gifts for the flight crew", and "Queso dip for the landlady".....I have been unable to get my work done. The laughter has relieved me of a headache that was caused, in part, by having to work for a living.

Thank you,

Poor & hired out in Texas.....

I honestly found this to be an interesting question. My first thought was, "why would I tip the pilot. He is already getting paid for his job."
I think it is impossible to tip everyone that works during your trip.

Remind me again:
When is it parody, and when is it satire?

Topping.. but isn't it parody when someone is imitating you because you're wonderful.. and satire if they are making fun of you? great post.. comment for Jezebel.. age discrimination is terrible.. why tip the older FA's less - they actually need more tips for the bunion pads!

topping this oldie but goodie...

Now that I have reached platinum elite (yeah...the good side of flying every week!), I get bumped up most of the time. Do I tip based on my paid fare, or the first class price??? How do I show that expense on my expense report? Is it deductible as a business expense?



Anne

Anne you should really get up and offer your seat in 1st to some poor soul back in steerage....

The comic strip Sheldon made me laugh out loud this morning, for reasons only a Fodorite would understand:
http://www.sheldoncomics.com/strips/sd070721.gif

The writer of that comic strip must be a Fodorite.

Nice one-

Love the comic strip!!

Well, now I know what the old timers are talking about when they refer to all those good old days on Fodor's!

My favorite is swapping the Fodor's pin for the pilots wings...

hee, hee.

gruezi

I'm confused.

When I tip the pilot do I calculate the 15% just on the airfare, or do I add on the 1st bag fee, 2nd bag fee, excess baggage fee, online reservation fee, itinerary change fee, pillow & blanket fee, drink fee, and exit row seat fee?

It's hard to keep track nowadays.

J62, when adding in all those extras, don't forget the new charge for meals on overseas flights. Or should we tip the FA's instead of the pilot when we purchase food?

And will one of the FA's serve as a restroom attendant who expects a tip too?

After the flight, are we expected to tip the plane cleaners?

Flying is so confusing these days.

I just thought of the best tip of all:

Print this out and hand it to the flight crew the next time you fly.

Except maybe they'll be too busy reading and laughing to serve those lousy miniature pretzels.

Those who have recommended separate tips for the pilot and the flight attendants obviously are not aware that the airline crews are required to pool their tips. This ensures that the co-pilot, whom nobody has suggested tipping, gets his share.

Not to mention that the crew has to pay a portion of the tip total to the crew who replenishes the snacks and drinks at layovers, the luggage handlers (who, when insufficiently tipped, hideously mutilate a piece of luggage in full view of the passengers, as an "example"), and of course the brave guy with the wands who waves the plane in.

Tips of miscellaneous chotchkeys are also put into a pool, and those who draw the short straw have to take them in lieu of their share of the loot.

Maybe if I tip the baggage handlers they will stop losing my luggage!!

I have only read a few of the posts and already I am in stitches!!!!!

Nice to see the thread has survived! And even searchable!!

Everytime I read this one I crack up all over again.

every time a little fodorite is banned a devil earns their wings

TTT

I had only heard of this before now. hysterical!

Apropos of tips did you notice the thread re "Seville warning for women"?

Are you suggesting flashers should be tipped?

haven't laughed this much in ages. the perfect end to a
stressed out day. thanks for reviving the thread.

Are you suggesting flashers should be tipped?
..or snipped perhaps.

BTW, I send this article
http://tinyurl.com/yg7aurd
with absolutely no comment.

I hope you all don't mind if I add a less amusing note to this hilarious thread.

I actually do tip the pilot if he is standing by the port door as I exit. My tip is a verbal "Good job" or "Nice flight." They always appreciate it. Everyone appreciates a compliment for a task well done but it is so rare in our society of take it for granted life. I also thank the flight attendants on my way out and wish them a nice day. It costs nothing but is worth a million.

Pass it on. What goes around comes around.

Hola from… where the hell am I today?… Oh yeah, Bolivia.

Cripes…. is that right? Let me think…

Yeah, Bolivia. Me and Senor Pisco, back in this flea bitten flophouse. At the airport next door some guys claiming to be A & P mechanics are tearing apart an engine that's older than my ex-wife's first face lift. We're talking Viejo here. Apparently I sucked a bird yesterday on short final and this bucket of bolts I'm driving is furniture until they can fix the bent bits and scrape the feathers off, so I can fly to the next godforsaken stop on this trip, with a bunch of don't-ask-don't-tell boxes in the back. They'll probably have to get some pieces from one of the boneyards up in the desert someplace.

No tips from the cargo I'm hauling these days. Last time I flew self-loading cargo the only tip I thought I might get was from one of the honking knives they had strapped on their belts. Guerillas on spring break, I guess. Whatever. Enjoy your jungle, amigos.

What's it been… three years since Wings of Warsaw went tango uniform? Four? No, it must be more than that.

I hear there's a recession going on back in the world. Lots of layoffs in the majors, and even the low-cost outfits in Europe are folding, or else they have to break even by hitting the schnooks for twenty bucks to check a bag to Benidorm.

The kids are growing up. They have these FaceSpace page things where I can see what they look like, and I guess their stepfather still has his job with that bank or bookie joint, whichever it is. Probably drinks light beer and drives a Hummer. Livin' large.

Me? I'm still flying, at least when the airplane is willing. Lots of short strips, density altitude, private customers with made-up names. Not my business, I'm just the driver. Pay the man and buckle up. Or not. If you want to leave a tip, put it in the coffee can in the head. Cash only, no credit cards or packets of powder, please.

Crud, now I need another bottle of Pisco. Hasta luego.

Since there has been concern over some over the lack of posting by some of the old Paris posters, thought I'd bring back an old thread.

Surfergirl, I'm glad you bumped this one up again - I hadn't seen it before, and I've been chuckling to myself all morning thinking about some of the comments.

Now, with the new TSA rules, can we tip the pilots with bottles of water?

Ah, yes, so glad you brought this one up again. Along with the 'Are the Vikings bad in Scandinavia in September?' thread, it's my favorite

"And what about the flight attendants--what should I leave them?" Alone

This thread and the "Pray for the leg" are like old friends you havent seen in a long time.

Thank you Ann1-on behalf of my fellow f/a's I send you an appreciative thank you!

I'm going to look up the "Pray for the leg" thread for sure.

The search function did not pull that thread up --- or are you "Pulling the leg"?

I pulled it up -- it's on the United States forum -- and I'm not pulling your leg.

Dutyfree.... You're very welcome.

Thanks to all for a great read and many laughs on a rainy day.

I am truly ROTFL! I really need that today!

Surfergirl,

Sorry I doubted you. I was able to pull it out of the closet, and, while I have not finished it, it really gave me some laughs. In case anyone else has some time to waste, I will give you a "leg up" so you can find it at http://www.fodors.com/community/united-states/pray-for-the-leg.cfm

It's only appropriate that, if the lost leg thread is making a re- appearance today, that the tip the pilot thread should be aired out again too.

I agree, sobster, this (and the Vikings in September thread) are the best ones out there... ever!

Did someone pull up the Vikings thread again.

By the way, with inflation, increased fares due to petrol hikes, and the poor economy, should people be reconsidering the percentage of the tip that goes to the pilot? Is 20% too much under these circumstances? Should we deduct for alcohol?

No, the tip should be alcohol, if what I read is true about drunken pilots.

Just bringing this back up for Grins!!!!

It is a classic - thanks for the reminder!

Since the inception of this topic, the rules have changed. If you fly Rynair and the pilot is over 200 lbs, he must tip you.

loved this, anne.... thanks for bringing it up!

I posted this before maybe on another thread.
I think a New yorker cartoonist may have read the thread
because a month later was a cartoon of a pilot, standing by the door, saying, "Hey, buddy, how about a little something for the landing."

A tip is a gift and cash gifts are crass. One should always learn about how the recipient - in this case the pilot - usually spends time and favorite activities. That is why I always transfer FF miles to an account that that I have opened in the pilot's name.