Hello from Degas - I’ve Missed You Fine Folks!
Mar 26th, 2005, 08:53 AM
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Hello from Degas - I’ve Missed You Fine Folks!
Please excuse my sudden absence. The past months have been exciting and tumultuous.
Plagued by ruthless IRS agents, declining moonshine sales, a mysterious disease that ravaged my catfish ponds, and an ever increasing gang of greedy relatives, I decided to forsake my beloved north Georgia mountain retreat.
My crazy plan was to seek out fame, fortune and honor again in far away foreign lands populated by strange native people who spoke bizarre languages and often tried to kill western infidels with a wide array of crude, but deadly weapons. It was just the thing to get my alcohol and butter-laced blood pumping again.
My adventure began on a bitter cold day in late November under a cold, steady rain that drove my faithful hound dogs deep under the front porch. After indulging in 90 seconds of passionate, but tender sex, I emerged from the bathroom and walked lightly into my master bedroom, being careful not to trip on the beer bottles and mounds of TV dinner cartons. Gazing down on the lovely face of my sleeping “Little Wife”, I was racked with guilt and remorse for leaving this amazing woman. But my precious angel’s window-rattling snoring and passing of near toxic gas soon convinced me I was doing the right thing.
Parting was such sweet sorrow.
An ice storm soon forced me to load my two small, but skillfully packed suitcases in an old iron bath tub I was using as a Buzzard Bath in front of the cabin and take a wild ride down to the train line where I hopped a freight run into Atlanta.
I made my usual attempt to cut ahead of the long lines by striding up to the pompous first class gaggle and chatting up some aging divas who might prove useful in financing a pre-departure cup of expensive coffee and a few dozen doughnuts to ease the deep growls emanating from my massive, but finely muscled stomach.
Rebuffed due to my lowly economy class ticket and greasy overalls, I was immediately befuddled by an e-ticket self-check in station. Not one prone to showing weakness, I caused a “nasty scene” by demanding immediate help from an extremely snotty agent from an airline whose name begins with Delt and has one other letter which is a vowel.
After getting him in a tight headlock and biting his huge floppy ear, the little over paid twit punched in a few numbers and it was done.
Man how wonderful it felt to be “wheels up” and heading off again into a setting sun and a great expanse of ocean!
Needless to say, I did not take a cushy job in jolly old London. Silly, stupid me!
Alas, my new line of work has left me no time to have fun and be light hearted. The pay is not real great, but my true reward is doing something important in this critical moment of history. My overall health is fine, but my hearing is a bit damaged after some very loud noises a little while back.
I often think of the laughs we had on this forum when I‘m in some dreary, god-forsaken hell-hole, and it always makes me smile! Stay safe and think sometimes of your rude, but very well-dressed friend when you eat at all those expensive restaurants and lounge about in 6 star hotels!
More to follow, I hope!
Plagued by ruthless IRS agents, declining moonshine sales, a mysterious disease that ravaged my catfish ponds, and an ever increasing gang of greedy relatives, I decided to forsake my beloved north Georgia mountain retreat.
My crazy plan was to seek out fame, fortune and honor again in far away foreign lands populated by strange native people who spoke bizarre languages and often tried to kill western infidels with a wide array of crude, but deadly weapons. It was just the thing to get my alcohol and butter-laced blood pumping again.
My adventure began on a bitter cold day in late November under a cold, steady rain that drove my faithful hound dogs deep under the front porch. After indulging in 90 seconds of passionate, but tender sex, I emerged from the bathroom and walked lightly into my master bedroom, being careful not to trip on the beer bottles and mounds of TV dinner cartons. Gazing down on the lovely face of my sleeping “Little Wife”, I was racked with guilt and remorse for leaving this amazing woman. But my precious angel’s window-rattling snoring and passing of near toxic gas soon convinced me I was doing the right thing.
Parting was such sweet sorrow.
An ice storm soon forced me to load my two small, but skillfully packed suitcases in an old iron bath tub I was using as a Buzzard Bath in front of the cabin and take a wild ride down to the train line where I hopped a freight run into Atlanta.
I made my usual attempt to cut ahead of the long lines by striding up to the pompous first class gaggle and chatting up some aging divas who might prove useful in financing a pre-departure cup of expensive coffee and a few dozen doughnuts to ease the deep growls emanating from my massive, but finely muscled stomach.
Rebuffed due to my lowly economy class ticket and greasy overalls, I was immediately befuddled by an e-ticket self-check in station. Not one prone to showing weakness, I caused a “nasty scene” by demanding immediate help from an extremely snotty agent from an airline whose name begins with Delt and has one other letter which is a vowel.
After getting him in a tight headlock and biting his huge floppy ear, the little over paid twit punched in a few numbers and it was done.
Man how wonderful it felt to be “wheels up” and heading off again into a setting sun and a great expanse of ocean!
Needless to say, I did not take a cushy job in jolly old London. Silly, stupid me!
Alas, my new line of work has left me no time to have fun and be light hearted. The pay is not real great, but my true reward is doing something important in this critical moment of history. My overall health is fine, but my hearing is a bit damaged after some very loud noises a little while back.
I often think of the laughs we had on this forum when I‘m in some dreary, god-forsaken hell-hole, and it always makes me smile! Stay safe and think sometimes of your rude, but very well-dressed friend when you eat at all those expensive restaurants and lounge about in 6 star hotels!
More to follow, I hope!
Mar 26th, 2005, 09:01 AM
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I'm so disappointed! I was sure you were living the high life in Mayfair! Although I was quite certain that there was internet connectivity in Mayfair and wondered why you were so absent.
Welcome back?
Welcome back?
Mar 26th, 2005, 09:27 AM
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Degas, please stay safe so you can post more Paris Walks. I took several last year and enjoyed them very much. Maybe you could do a few on Rome? I'd love to buy you a drink if you ever come to Honolulu.
Mar 26th, 2005, 09:36 AM
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"doughnuts to ease the deep growls emanating from my massive, but finely muscled stomach."
I was fairly certain that you had a protective layer of fat over that six pack. Gotta protect those chiseled abs somehow, right?
Glad to have you back, Degas, as well as your witty posts. Hope you can stick around while.
I was fairly certain that you had a protective layer of fat over that six pack. Gotta protect those chiseled abs somehow, right?
Glad to have you back, Degas, as well as your witty posts. Hope you can stick around while.
Mar 26th, 2005, 09:38 AM
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degas! So nice to see you back!
In case you're wondering what's been going on while you've been away, we've been arguing about iPods and pâté de foie gras. It's hard to tell who's winning, though.
Anselm
In case you're wondering what's been going on while you've been away, we've been arguing about iPods and pâté de foie gras. It's hard to tell who's winning, though.
Anselm
Mar 26th, 2005, 09:41 AM
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cigale, so sorry, no can do!
I used that earring, and many others being the great stud that I am, in a skillful barter deal.
You can take comfort in knowing that it provided me loads of fine lamb, dates, and goat milk.
I used that earring, and many others being the great stud that I am, in a skillful barter deal.
You can take comfort in knowing that it provided me loads of fine lamb, dates, and goat milk.
Mar 26th, 2005, 09:57 AM
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cigale and degas
An earring went missing?
That must have been SOME 90 seconds. Were you both there at the same time?
degas, in the same sentence, earrings and a great <stud> ?
You haven't lost your touch.
Welcome back, and don't let the turkeys or the revenooers get you down.
An earring went missing?
That must have been SOME 90 seconds. Were you both there at the same time?
degas, in the same sentence, earrings and a great <stud> ?
You haven't lost your touch.Welcome back, and don't let the turkeys or the revenooers get you down.
Mar 26th, 2005, 10:07 AM
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Ah ha! So the scoundrel has at last resurfaced!
In a post asking "Where is Degas?" I replied that, after my misadventures in his disreputable company, I had hoped to see him fly home "caged in the cargo hold with an entire smoked ham and an ice cold six pack dangling just inches beyond his reach".
Don't know if that particular fantasy was ever realized, so few are when it pertains to Degas, but as the wily fellow is now claiming to be altruistically confronting cutthroats instead of catfish, I should perhaps cut the guy a little slack.
Or not. For all we know, the old swashbuckler may relish consorting with cutthroats.
In a post asking "Where is Degas?" I replied that, after my misadventures in his disreputable company, I had hoped to see him fly home "caged in the cargo hold with an entire smoked ham and an ice cold six pack dangling just inches beyond his reach".
Don't know if that particular fantasy was ever realized, so few are when it pertains to Degas, but as the wily fellow is now claiming to be altruistically confronting cutthroats instead of catfish, I should perhaps cut the guy a little slack.
Or not. For all we know, the old swashbuckler may relish consorting with cutthroats.
Mar 26th, 2005, 10:11 AM
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Degas, Darlin!
I am so happy to see you posting here again!
I looked for you in Paris, hoping you might stop on your way home..or wherever you were off to next.
I heard the Girl in the Red Dress was looking for you too.
Take care dear, and please, when you find my earring, keep it as a momento
I am so happy to see you posting here again!
I looked for you in Paris, hoping you might stop on your way home..or wherever you were off to next.
I heard the Girl in the Red Dress was looking for you too.
Take care dear, and please, when you find my earring, keep it as a momento
