Welcome to Fodors! I think you are over-thinking the etiquette thing. You are on vacation to have a good time -- just be yourself. Who cares what strangers think anyway...?

Just be yourself. Not necessary to speak to everyone you pass on the street but very nice to say "Bonjour" when you enter a store or restaurant or other place of business.

Do say Bonjour when you enter a store or restaurant and Au revoir or Merci when you leave. otherwise, in my experience, the fact that you are aware of being polite will put you way ahead. Relax! have fun.

Welcome!
Two years ago my husband and I went to Paris for the first time. I really don't remember acting any differently there than I do in the US. We smiled and spoke to people just as we normally do here. We did not experience any imperious attitudes or withering glances (that we know of ) Just be yourself and have fun!

The French are generally more reserved AND more polite than Americans. It is indeed usual to say "Bonjour, Monsieur" and "Bonjour, Madame" or "Bonjour, Mesdames, Messieurs" at every opportunity, e.g. when you enter a store. Then, a smile is appropriate.

Otherwise, behave like you would behave in New York.

Don't worry.

I live in a place where a lot of tourists come to. Everybody expects them to be different from the locals and is used to it. There's absolutely no need to "blend in" as if you were a spy trying to infiltrate that place.

As long as you don't behave in a way that's clearly rude at home, you won't seriously offend anyone.

So smile as much as you want but don't be offended if someone doesn't smile back as you're used from home.

As for staring, it seems to be an European thing. Chalk it down to strange behaviour by the natives.

And if your husband is loud, so what. The absolutely worst thing that can happen is that someone thinks: "ah, Americans, they're often loud." That's not the end of the world or a good reason to spend your hollidays trying to whisper.

I think the point is this: You can smile and maintain eye contact if you are comfortable doing so. However, do not expect French people to do the same, and don't think they are "unfriendly" if they behave this way. It is their custom to be more guarded with strangers. And of course this may not be true of every person you meet.

Just watch what the others are doing when you arrive. It isn't a different planet.

I'm all for good manners, so I applaud SonomaPinot's ambition to get things right. But remember this: if you mess up, no great harm is done. If you mess up big-time, you don't have to go back to the scene.

There is some difference between Paris and much of the rest of France, but that difference is of the sort to be expected between life in a major city and in a smaller community anywhere.

Parisians tend to be busy, often brusque, but they still observe the basic rules of "la politesse", and would prefer that you also did. You should open every engagement, even entering a shop, with "bonjour", but confine it to that; a smiling expression is okay, but a big broad smile might seem inane. A shop assistant is not likely to become a bosom buddy. When you leave, it is customary to say "au revoir; merci" but if you neglect to do so you won't be there for the exasperated sigh that might possibly ensue. It is not normal to greet strangers on a bus, and it is generally not usual to greet all and sundry in cafes and restaurants (a quiet "bonjour" to people at a table that is very close to yours is okay, but is not really required).

Most French people speak fairly quietly. Some Americans do not (there are regional differences). In general, the French do not like loud voices.

Outside Paris and other big cities, the style is a little more relaxed. La politesse is still preferred, but people may be prepared to engage more with you (more smiles, perhaps little bits of conversation if they speak English or you speak French). But people still generally keep a bit of distance. Don't expect to exchange life stories or see pictures of their children.

[I'm not a movie-goer, but my impression of John Candy is that he is exuberant without being excessively loud.]

<<you should even say "Bonjour" to the entire bus-full of strangers when you board a bus.>>

Where did that come from? I've ridden buses in Paris and never seen anyone do that.

It's really simple and nothing to worry about. Do what Padraig and others wrote. "open every engagement, even entering a shop, with "bonjour", but confine it to that."
And say "au revoir" when you leave.

Go, relax and have a good time.

I have been thinking what this "get used to being looked at" thing should mean.

I can imagine just one situation: a tourist is dressed completely inappropriately (I have seen an American lady in pyjamas in an art museum on the Cote d'Azur!!!) and is stared at because the people do not believe their eyes. Otherwise, "looking at other people" is not common behaviour in France or in any other European country. In fact, it is considered bad manners.

I think being stared at is a common complaint by people from the UK or the US when in Germany and in other European countries without the people there being aware that their way of looking at others is considered staring.

Different perception according to different cultures.

To everyone - Sincere thanks for your helpful advice! I'll remember to always be polite, expect people to be reserved, and I'll also try not to be a "worrywart" about it.

To Luisah - I don't remember exactly which book or online article mentioned saying a general "bonjour" as one boards a bus. If I run across it again, I'll let you know.

Just to add to your confusion; I have been seated next to a dog on two occasions. (French dogs are better trained and have better table manners than most American children). When dining, the French keep both hands, not elbows, on the table. And usually, the wait staff will not give you "L'Addition" until you ask for it. Finally, the barest hint of "attitude" can be helpful.

<<you should even say "Bonjour" to the entire bus-full of strangers when you board a bus.>>

No, you don't need to greet the other passengers on the bus, but do say "Bonjour" to the bus driver when entering the bus at the front.

Hi Sonoma,
Isn't it amazing how much stress we can load up on when trying to "relax" LOL. Anyway like you I am about 3 weeks out from my first trip to Paris. My game plan? I've learned quite a few rudimentary phrases in France. I try to be a polite stranger where ever I go so saying Bonjour or Bonsoir will not be to radically different.

No way am I going to be able to "Blend in" for the simple fact I anticipate my jaw dropping at every new sight and gawking at windows, no way is anyone going to mistake me for other than what I will be, "A tourist".. I plan on having the time ofmy life.

E,

So far everyone has given good advice. The opportunity for error is small

Shopping
Looking out for queues
Noting the traffic in the street and fiting in (droit droit droit etc)
In restaurants, as has been said if asked to share a table say hello shyly to your fellow guests and wish people bonne appedi when their food comes. If on separate tables its not such a big thing but, here comes a story,

I was in a vegitarian burger bar in Eppernay and in came two skin heads, tattoed down their skin laughing and being noisy. We ordered our snack as did they and by chance sat very close together in an empty canteen room. The opportunity for stress was high. They wished us "have a nice meal" as did we and we chatted on this and that is a supportive way. Basically the French do not eat for fuel they eat for enjoyment and company

It's certainly apropriate to smile and to make eye contact. However, prolonged eye contact is seen as staring (it is) or as having some specific intent (flirting, challenging etc). It's like the NYC subway - do NOT stare at people.

Also, I have noticed that some people from other parts of the country smile a lot - as in all the time - for no known purpose. And while you don't want to go around lookng grim - continual smiling would be seen as odd (as it is here). No one is that happy all the time - so either the smile is fake or the person is unbalanced.

This may simply be the differnece between behavior in a large city - where everything tends to be more impersonal than in a small town - where most people are friends or acquaintances.

Generally the bigger the city the more businesslike the behavior - pleasant and courteous, but not you instant best friend.

On th eother hand it is always polite to greet the shopkeeper when you enter - and to ask to have things shown to you rather than pull them from stacks of merchandise.

The last time I went for Paris, my friend and I were at the Air France gate at SFO, waiting to board, and there was a group of about six or seven young french people also waiting to board. Not only were the laughing and having a great time, but they were shouting at each other across the room.

So much for quiet refinement. One of the girls was also quite obese, and they all were wearing jeans, sandals or tennis shoes, and were over all quite ordinary. I really made a point of looking at all the french people because of all the postings about how the french are always empicably dressed, are thin, and speak in "whispers".

This group was not teenagers, but I'd say probably mostly in their 20's, but I don't judge age all that well and at my age, everyone looks young.

You don't need to obsess over your france visit. Just be polite, as I'm sure you are, and you'll be fine. If you screw up, and I have...just tell yourself you'll never see those people again anyway. I found that desole is a handy word to know, and I have used it more than once.

I used to obsess so much, that one time, I wouldn't enter a little shop because the woman in the store was on the phone and I was afraid to go in and not be able to say bonjour, or should I say bonjour anyway, but it didn't seem appropriate to interrupt her. I kind of hovered by the door, not knowing quite what to do. She probably thought I'd either lost my mind or was casin' the joint. LOL

I agree that you should relax and not be overly concerned.

Having said that, I had two particularly embarrassing incidents in France. The first was at a train depot. I had not been able to use the restroom on the train, as I'd planned to do, because the commuter we were on was too crowded for me to move.

When I got into the station, I was desperately seeking a bathroom. I made the mistake of asking a security guard, but I forgot to say "Bonjour" first. He looked at me, looked away, and moved aside to help someone else. When he looked back to me, he scolded me for not saying Bonjour, then he pointed in the general direction of where the restroom was.

I was apologetic, and headed in that direction, only to discover that restroom was closed for repairs. I'm sure he knew that, and sent me there on purpose. A fellow traveler helped me out, and gave me directions to the next restroom.

Another time, I was treated very rudely by a shopkeeper in a bakery. I don't know what I did to warrant this treatment, however. I had greeted her appropriately.

I did try to ask for a croissant in French, by saying, "Bonjour. Je voudrais une croissant, s'il vous plait." The lady behind the counter glared at me, pointed at me, and said, "You. Sit down."

I was completely confused, because there were many people (French) who had lined up at the counter before me and been served easily. I had just wanted a croissant to take with me, but I was 'ordered' to sit at a table. Which, of course, cost me more and took more time.

Still haven't figured that one out.

<<I did try to ask for a croissant in French, by saying, "Bonjour. Je voudrais une croissant, s'il vous plait." >>

<<The lady behind the counter glared at me, pointed at me, and said, "You. Sit down." >>

I suspect she somehow misunderstood what you were asking.

From what you describe, it sounds like she probably said "Have a seat," which you understood as an "order."

Misunderstandings can happen.

Padraig says, "Don't expect to exchange life stories or see pictures of their children."

I must be doing something wrong. This happens to me regularly, even in Paris.

It's pretty simple. You say "bonjour" and "au revoir" to everyone with whom you interact (shopkeeper, bus driver, desk clerk, waiter, museum guide, and on and on, even if you see them twenty times). You say "thank you" to anyone who does you any kind of service, including letting you browse around their shop.

We had dinner recently with an adorable couple in which the husband was French and the wife American and Southern to boot. The more she smiled to make his family like her, the more they seemed to withdraw. He finally explained the situation to both sides: she was not the village idiot or being pushy, and they weren't cold or hating her. Different strokes.

The French also tend to be much quieter than many Americans in public places, particularly in restaurants (not necessarily in cafes or bars where everyone is drinking) but it is rare to be able to hear the people talking at the next table or talking on the cellphone on the train or anywhere else. They do talk, they just don't do it very loudly.

Today at lunch here in the US, I heard all the details, financial and other, of a real estate transaction as the agent and the offering parties worked it out. I can't imagine that ever happening in France.

But you sound like a very reserved person, and I think you will like being in what is really a very reserved country.

Nikki wrote: "I must be doing something wrong."

Of course you are. That is your special talent.

I have lived in Paris for 37 years, and even I make mistakes. I took a friend and her daughter to Père Lachaise cemetery one day, and walked up to the young attendant at the main entrance and said (in French)
"Do you have a map of the cemetery?"
"Bonjour, Monsieur," he replied.
"Yes, do you have a map of the cemetery?"
"Bonjour, Monsieur," he replied. The dawn broke at last.
"Excuse me. Bonjour, Monsieur. Do you have a map of the cemetery, please?"
"Bonjour, Monsieur," he replied and gave me the brochure.

I was mortified for the rest of the day. My friend was delighted to see that I had made such a horrible mistake. The teenage daughter just wondered WTF?

It seems like every six months or so a post like this pops up. It actually makes me quite angry. The etiquette tips and pointers do more to stress people out than to actually educate anyone.

SP -- enjoy Paris. It's lovely. Don't try to change who you are -- or expect your husband to either. If you are walking along the Seine, arm in arm with your man and you feel like smiling, SMILE!

Be polite. Be considerate. Know that you will make some mistakes. Know that those that witness those mistakes have seen it all before -- and you'll never seem them again anyway!

SP - ditto what has generally been said above - relax. you are a tourist, and just as you would be able to spot a tourist at home, the french will be able to spot you. so what?

incidentally, on virtually every holiday we've ever had anywhere, we have had at least one moment when the locals look at us a if we've got two heads. sometimes we've wandered into a place where tourists generally fear to tread [like the bar in Prague where there was a picture of Vaslav Havel up one end of the bar, and a statue of Jo Stalin at the other] other times, it's been unclear [to us!] why we've got this response.

my advice - just go with the flow and have a great trip.

Kerouac - I'm chuckling to myself reading your post!!

Our experience in Europe has been that most Americans were delightful, but some do tend to be loud. For some reason if they were chatting while waiting in a queue they seemed to think that everybody else in the queue was interested in their conversation. If your husband can tone down his voice a little, then he will be fine. But if he is enthusiastic about what he is seeing, then that's ok too.

One little tip I learned that might help.... I was at a market stall and wanted to purchase something, but the stallholder was eating lunch. I decided to wait, rather than disturb her lunch and just pottered around for a bit longer. But some French women approached her and just wished her 'bonjour madame, bon appetite" and then proceeded with their purchases.

No need to say bonjour to the entire bus full of people - that would be funny though.

I hope you love Paris! Relax, stroll, enjoy!!

Peaceout, your problem with the clerk may be because in some shops one takes a number, and you are served in order. Perhaps this was one of those shops, and you unknowingly broke the queue.

My two cents, or, what I've figured out from my five visits to Paris:

It's hard for us Americans not to smile. But I save them (polite smiles only) for waiters and shopkeepers. I've even gotten some smiles back - small ones, yes, but...

Ditto everyone who advises to say "Bonjour" before beginning any interaction. It's vital. "Au revoir" and "merci" are good, too. You've just learned all the French that you will need in Paris.

Loud talking in museums is frowned upon. But if you're in the Louvre when it is jam-packed the level of your voice makes little difference. It only matters when you are in a place like the Carnavalet or the Marmottan, and then, the atmosphere will be much calmer and your voice will lower naturally. So don't worry.

Try NOT to smile at or make eye contact with the peddlers and beggars on the street or in the Metro. Once you smile at them or make eye contact with them you've started a relationship - one that you do not want. Watch how the Parisians behave on the Metro...mimic them.

Don't get offended when the waiters in the bistros and cafes are brusque. They are busy, they have to serve a million tourists in the summer, not all are as nice as you are. It's not you - it's them.

I find that the public manners in Paris are just a little more formal than those in America. Actually I kind of like it - they have a certain politesse that we are missing here.

You will have fun and you will love Paris.

All of you have been so helpful. Thank you for your personal stories and insights. I of course can occasionally forget to be polite here at home as well, and like kerouac I am mortified when I am.

I have seen Americans both here and overseas act quite rudely, talking loudly on their cellphones or doing other dumb things (but one of the worst offenders to me was a European man on his cell phone in the Sistine Chapel). With your help, it is less likely that I will be the Rude American.

Ackislander, I can relate to the Southern wife in your story. Although I was born and raised in California, all my grandparents came from the South, where traditionally curtesy is crucial. (My grandfather from New Orleans was so proper and polite, the bank he worked for promoted him to be the social liason for their contacts in Japan). The Southern woman's smiling was probably not just so that they liked her, but a way to show that she liked them, to make them feel at ease - ironic, in that instance, indeed.

For artsbabe, mamcalice, BKP and the many others who said just to relax, be myself and enjoy, thank you. I feel better already.

I greatly appreciate everyone's thoughtful answers and your kindness - Merci Beaucoup! I will look for opportunities to pay it foward.

A trip report when you are back home would be appreciated. We all love to hear about other travellers adventures.

Certainly. Since it will be my fledgling effort, I will look into the parameters onsite here, but do you have any tips on writing trip reports, such as length, lots of detail or just highlights, etc?

Speaking of that, how do I find other people's trip reports to read?

At the top of this page there is a heading - change forum. Click on that and choose Europe. Scroll down that page a little and you will see a heading for Trip reports. They have a little yellow book beside them. You will see a couple in the left hand column on this page too. There aren't really any rules as such, make sure you put in some paragraphs the same as you did in your original question so that it's easier to read. If you don't write it all in one go, you can just click on your report when you are ready to add another update and put it in as a reply.

When is your trip?

There are no rules for trip reports. Some are extremely brief, some are like small novels. Some are sober and impersonal, others personal and emotional, others are satirical and funny.

The main reason why I write trip reports (occasionally) is that it is fun writing it and that the writing process revives memories.

Just a few more comments regarding etiquette:

- In each country in this world, you find people with refined manners and you find rude rascals.
- In each country, there are differences between people from rural and urban regions. The urbanites are generally more reserved (it is a protection against overflow of social contacts, as the sociologist Georg Simmel has observed a century ago).
- In each country, you find differences between social classes.
- In each country, you find regional differences (e.g. between the U.S. South, New England and the West).
- And you find differences between countries (or cultures), which are usually smaller than the differences between social classes within one country.

SonomaPinot, the sole fact that you care about etiquette lets me assume that you will go along well with the French without changing your behaviour.

Hi cathies, DH and I leave on May 23 (arrive CDG May 24). The overview is 5 nights in Paris, 3 in Lyon, 6 in Provence, 3 in Antibes, 4 in St. Emilion, 4 in Dordogne, then back to Paris for 4 nights before flying home June 22. We're very excited!

Echnaton, thanks for your comments. And I appreciate your confidence in me.

<<No need to say bonjour to the entire bus full of people - that would be funny though.>>

cathies, I guess it would be funny, but maybe they would have get a good laugh?

*ps - have a good laugh (my brain's slow on 4 hours sleep; need to go to bed soon)

Well now I'm just straight out jealous, what a fabulous itinerary!! I love Paris and I'm glad that you are spending quite a bit of time there. The nights are lovely as it won't be properly dark until 10 or 11 at night. We often went for a walk in the evenings and it was definitely our favourite time. Paris in the twilight is very beautiful, I live in Sydney and we don't have that here.

Have you read some posts about which transport tickets to get etc? There is lots of information here if you search for it.

I got caught out on the metro in Paris and ended up with most of the carriage of Parisien commuters laughing at me. I got confused about the stop we needed and tried to get off while my friend pulled me back. The commuters were grumpy as there was 5 of us with luggage and it was 5pm on a Friday and of course, the train was packed. The locals all looked quite aloof and did sort of sneer at me (I deserved it). I then commented to my girlfriend that at least they all knew we had to get off soon at which point the French all burst out laughing!! Those devils all knew what I was talking about the whole time!

Thanks for commenting on my experience at the Parisian bakery. I don't think there was a number system, because I had been in queue for a few minutes, and had observed how the people ahead of me had successfully ordered.

And I don't think I was misunderstood, because I believe I my sentence was correct, I pointed to the croissant I wanted in the case, and I actually have a very good French accent so I know I pronounced it correctly. The only thing I am wondering is if the "Je voudrais" is too familiar? I don't think it is.

Oh, well, I loved Paris. This is not to say we experienced this type of behavior routinely while there. I can't wait to go back there, spend more time without an itinerary and just wander around.

Another "rule" : don't call people by their first name unless invited to do so.

Yes, politeness is 'amped' up when there. I also catch the eye of a waiter before grabbing a table. Cheque will not be brought to table until requested...essentially, the table is yours until you decide to leave. And, when at an outdoor market, let the vendor pick out the fruits and veg for you..don't like when you squeeze the goods.

My BIL was an expat in Paris. Every morning you would shake the hand of all your co-workers and wish them good day (and remember their name!). Poor form to miss anyone.

Just don't ever forget the "bonjour". We had some minor emergency with the turnstiles in the Metro and, in the heat of the moment I forgot the "bonjour". I was completely ignored until I figured it out....

I think you've got a good handle on the etiquette, but 4 nights in St-Emilion? WHY?

the most important tip I received was

when oyu enter a store or resto do NOT just say "Bonjour" - say "Bonjour madame/mademoiselle/monsieur" as the case may be. "Bonjour" by itself sounds like "hey you" to most French people.

We noticed the difference between our first and subsequent trips with just this small change.

Pick up a copy of Polly Platt's excellent, and funny, book "French or Foe." That will give you many good pointers.

And BTW, keep your hands on the table when eating.

Peaceout,

Je voudrais is not too familiar, it's considered in part an expression of politesse because you are saying "I would like" rather than "I want".

I live very far from Paris--the norm here is most definitely, "Bonjour madame or monsieur." This is followed by many pleases and thank-yous and bonjournees before you are out the door, also comments on the weather, etc. I love it!

Because this is a small town, it's usual to wait politely while greetings, kisses and short-ish conversations are carried on between the shop owner and customers he or she knows.

Je voudrais isn't "familiar." It's the conditional future tense and is what one would normally say. Now, if you used "tu," that would be too familiar.

I am always amused by the ceremony involved in leaving a shop. Thank you. No, it is I who thank you. Au revoir. Have a good day. At some point I just leave, because I don't know enough pleasantries to keep going.

Merci to all of you for your helpful suggestions!

StCirq, it's 4 nights in St-Emilion because we are staying with friends. And my DH loves Bordeaux red wines. (I lean toward Burgundy myself, but will try anything).

Yes, "Je voudrais" (I would like) is the conditional tense and it is the polite way to order. I did teach this to my children and they were able to order in restaurants by themselves. This was much appreciated by the serveurs/serveuses who just seem to really like kids. I have heard "Je veux..." (I want) from people ordering in restaurants but I assume those who ordered in this manner were French - I would not dare.

And also, je suis d'accord (I agree) "Bonjour monsieur/madame/mademoiselle" is best.

Yes, yes, yes, please "vous" to everyone. On our way to Paris for the first time we shared a van with another American woman who tried to have a conversation in French with the French driver. Her language skills were pretty good but as soon as she used the familiar "tu" with him he stopped talking. Everyone in Paris is "vous" to me (well, kids are "tu" but they generally don't like talking to strange American women who speak French with a terrible accent.)

cathie, I didn't realize it would be light 'til so late at night, how fun! Maybe an evening cruise on the Seine is in order.

Thanks for the tip about reading up on the posts; I'll check it out. I've read some of the items under the Paris Travel Guide here at fodor's. In fact that's what led me to start this post about etiquette; I found the article too vague, and I needed more info.

Btw, I liked your funny story about the Metro, too!

A note about "Je voudrais" vs. "Je veux":
The French language DVD I bought from Fluenz teaches its students to say "Je Veux". For 2 months I've been practicing this at home. But after reading several people's posts, I will be using "Je voudrais". However, I'm not sure how it is pronounced ... voo-dray?

Yes, exactly.

I think if you behave the way you behave in any American city you will be just fine. America is a sophisticated country. Stop thinking of yourselves as the country cousins coming up to the big town.

Yes, you can be yourself if yourself is polite. Always greet the person in French with hello and goodbye and thank you..
I found people in Provence and the Vienne smile much more than in Paris. I found it true in Languedoc.
But Even Paris and other areas of France have rude people as we do.The most grating criticisms I heard was how loud talking we Americans tend to be. Never a word about sneakers or smiling.I don't know many who smile constantly unless the were retarded but I met alot of loud persons. But I can say the same for other country tourists. We had to check out of a hotel in Alsace because of loud after hour Germans. We sat opposite a loud British woman in the Alps. No country has a liscence on bad behavior.

Funny article

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1274368/French-boast-comes-moaning-does-better-do.html

They pride themselves on moaning and complaining. But I love them anyway, each and everyone of them!

"I am always amused by the ceremony involved in leaving a shop. Thank you. No, it is I who thank you. Au revoir. Have a good day. At some point I just leave, because I don't know enough pleasantries to keep going."

And don't forget the whole timetable for the pleasantries that must be exchanged:

Morning, until noon: Bonne journée
Noon till around four pm: Bon après-midi
Four pm till around sixish: Bonne fin d'après-midi
Six pm onwards: Bonne soirée
On Friday afternoons or Saturday mornings: Bon weekend
On Sundays, till early afternoon: Bon dimanche

Obviously there is some flexibility but you wouldn't say bonne journée at 4pm, and you never say bonne nuit unless somebody is literally going to bed.

It took me ages to get the hang of it. Zhere I work these pleasantries must be exchanged every time one shares the lift (elevator) with somebody.

Zhere = where

How does anyone ever get off the elevator? Is there some protocol about who has the last word? Leaving the shops, it seems to be the shopkeeper. It is for me anyway, because they exhaust my knowledge.

Nikki, it is a wonder indeed that people don't spend all day in there. Perhaps they make the lift doors open more slowly in France/Belgium so people have time to say all this stuff! Especially as it has to be repeated every time somebody enters/exits the lift...

Sonoma: This is the type of thread that is most useful for anxious first-time visitors like myself. Thank you for starting it.

hanl: (groan) 6 more pleasantries for me to learn. I also just learned from your post not to say "Bonne nuit" to our waiter, as we leave the restaurant after dinner.

You sound like a thoughtful person, I'm sure you'll do just fine.

I've only been to Paris once, but no one stared at me that I noticed. Yes you greet people when you walk into a shop, and thank them upon leaving. I would not greet an entire busload of people though. And not shouting or having a loud conversation in appropriate places also good advice I guess (yes Americans can be loud -haha).

Researching on the internet is a wonderful tool, but there are times it can be 'information overload' and confusing or conflicting advice. I think this topic is one of them.

Just be your normal polite self enjoying your trip (smiling is OK). My best tip is learn to say correctly in French "I'm sorry I don't speak French" and say it in a humble way, has always been well received in my experience.

Parisians, imo, are very nice and quite friendly. I tried miserable to speak French and they were patient, sometimes people would suggest, "we can do this in English."

People respond to the energy you put out, so it sounds like you'll be fine.

BTW, I'm one of those people who walk around smiling for no apparent reason and I didn't notice anyone clearing the sidewalks because I was coming. In fact, there were a couple of times that people went out of their way to help us.

There is indeed too much 'information' here.

Rule 1 -- don't try too hard. You will have a chance to make improvements on subsequent trips.

Well since I am here and have been for a week, and am a very out-going southern woman I will share with you that the first time jitters are normal (even though I was here l0 years ago - but with a french speaking native)
Everyone has been friendly, helpful, funny, enjoyable....Do not get intimidated. We've had most everyone speak a bit or more of English and all I've done is learn the french for: " I am sorry I do not speak french, do you speak english.."
I greet everyone with a Bonjour and leave everyone with a Merci, au revoir, etc.
Its wonderful - you will love it
No one speaks loudly but they sure do talk on cell phones like in the states!

They all responded to us very well to and I even had smiles! I think if you act like a reasonably nice, sane person and not an obnoxious "privileged" person of power/elitism, you will do just fine.
Don't worry about it. Just be nice and respect their city/country.

Now, if I end up in jail as I just passed a protest, someone here please bail me out. Merci!

MB

You have probably gotten more responses than you ever thought, but it's because we've all been in your shoes. When I first went to Paris and Beaune in 2001, I read everything I could and was totally overwhelmed with how to behave so I wouldn't be seen as an ugly American. Here are my three cents:

1) There are many offensive people travelling in this world, including Americans but also from other countries. I would say hands down the Americans were not the worst, although we did witness an elderly woman from NY screaming at a fancy Left Bank restaurant for dinner that "the only thing she wanted was white asparagus". No, they did not have it on the menu that night, yes, she was skinny and yes we were mortified.

2) The only time we did something "wrong" as far as ordering food was at a restaurant in Beaune and like the woman with the croissant experience, I'm not quite certain what we did wrong, although I think it's because we weren't quite ready to order the wine yet and the waitress became mad and stormed off. Desole bien sur.

3) My husband is a very smiley happy guy, too, and was was "called out" for that on the Chunnel coming from England, when a Brit wanted to know why he was so happy. Of course this was pre-9/11 and everyone saw Americans as being spoiled and wealthy, which we are not. We were just happy to be on the Chunnel going to Paris for the first time!!

So...do not curb your enthusiasm!! Have a wonderful time!!
Oh, and we're finally getting back this July and I'm much more relaxed, except for what shoes to wear... But that's another forum.

Have to say that it's not very encouraging to hear that some French people teach "manners" by forcing a visitor who needs help to say a phrase she doesn't know in a language she can't speak before she can be assisted.

What great responses you are getting! I agree with all I was able to read - be sure to say bonjour, merci, and as you are leaving the place, a final au revoir. The looking in the eye thing is more complex - absolutely look in the eye but just a quick comfortable look to establish rapport with someone you are going to interact with. No need to stare! I also agree that you may be overthinking it. Enjoy yourself in France, that is what everyone wants - but not too loudly! Here's a piece from a blog post I did about shopping in the vintage markets

As with all your interactions with the French, establishing rapport is first and foremost. Even if you don’t speak French, use a few words you’ve picked up, look them in the eyes, and don’t be shy. In France, personal appeal works wonders. And money does not talk as loudly in France as it does in the U.S. Of course, some of the sellers can be hard nuts to crack; these folks can be impervious to your charms and staunchly prix fixe types, so be ready for anything. However, remember this golden rule of rapport first and your stay in France will be surely filled with French charm.

I love to write about French etiquette and you've inspired me to do a future post! Thanks!
Jill

www.leTrip.org/blog
www.leTrip.org

You worry way too much. Paris is a big city like any other, and they are used to tourists, and they have the usual characteristics of big-city people: distance, wariness, a tendency to always be in a bit of a hurry, a tolerance for weirdness but an unwillingness to suffer foolishness.

Regarding money not talking loudly, I have seen many French shopkeepers not mind at all to lose a sale if they took a disliking to the potential customer for some reason (generally for reasons of disrespect).

<<You have probably gotten more responses than you ever thought, but it's because we've all been in your shoes.>>

Yes, I have, but I'm glad to get so much advice; it has all been so very helpful, and I want to thank everyone again for your thoughts on the subject and your kind words. Merci!