Drunk Mom's Travel Limericks

Old Jun 23rd, 1999, 11:05 AM
  #1  
KT
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Drunk Mom's Travel Limericks

I've never started a thread before, but it seemed like a good idea to break the limericks subthread off from the "I Was Drunk..." thread, since it's taking on a life of its own.

Here are two weak attempts to start it out. Surely *you* can do better!

Got a layover at CDG
And was wondering what I could see
In an hour and a half.
Can I beat a fast path
Through the major museums of Paris?

Just got back from my third trip to Flanders
Where the mighty Scheldt river meanders.
The chocolates were swell
The dioxins as well
In the chickens, the eggs, and the ganders.

 
Old Jun 23rd, 1999, 01:37 PM
  #2  
s.fowler
Guest
 
Posts: n/a


We're off for a visit to Skopje
Our friends think we must have myopia
For there was a war
[It's only next door]
So Skopje's not a utopia
 
Old Jun 23rd, 1999, 01:48 PM
  #3  
Al
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
An old man devoted to Fodor's
Read postings without his decoders;
He encountered a howler
Scripted by fowler
And thus found the source of the odor.
 
Old Jun 23rd, 1999, 01:49 PM
  #4  
wordsmyth
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Once upon the Fodors Forum
"Europe" posters lost decorum
As threads started to digress
All used a fake email address
To compose nonsense galorum.

 
Old Jun 23rd, 1999, 05:05 PM
  #5  
D.B.
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I wish I knew how to travel alone
instead of in two's, or by fours.
The kids are asleep, and my ankles are sore
so now I sit reading Fodor's.

 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 05:32 AM
  #6  
Neal Sanders
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Dear Fodors:

We've three hours to see all of Rome,
(including a glimpse of the dome)
We're so tightly slotted
There's minutes allotted
To take in the old catacomb.

To Florence with haste we will scamper
With no space to waste in our hamper
No where will we roam
Without washclothes from home
Our motto: "ourselves we do pamper."

We wanted to try some Nutella
We read it was so "muy bella"
In Hagen's famed Copen
A jar we did open
One taste and in love we did fella.

The British, they drive on the left
At dodging their taxis we're deft
My drunk mom, one night,
She looked to the right
And made her poor family bereft
 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 07:56 AM
  #7  
cp
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Hmmm, how about Haiku? (5-7-5)

2 screaming children
Into the overhead bin
No one hears their screams

Pedestals for feet,
what is this hole in the ground?
I must be in France.

The menu says "ris".
Hey, this doesn't look like rice!
It tastes like sweetbreads.
 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 10:36 AM
  #8  
martha
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
As I pack 'midst pre-trip hurly burly
I wonder "Should I dress comfy or girly?"
I want to look right
As I'm seeing the sights
Or someone might give me a swirly.
 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 11:57 AM
  #9  
Beth
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

We're headed off to see Rome
To see the Basilica's dome
so where should I stay?
my fears to allay
where none of the gypsies call home?



There's not even room for my feet
In this uncomfortable airline seat
I don't mean to be rude
but this airplane food
Even makes sweetbreads a treat!
 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 12:07 PM
  #10  
Brian in Atlanta
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Why do those French seem so mad?
I wore the best windsuit I had.
Why won’t they seat me
And serve pre-dinner coffee?
And why does their cheese smell so bad?

I’m heading to Europe and terrified.
Reading this forum has me stupefied.
Good grief!
Everyone’s a thief!
The Gypsies have certainly been vilified.

My goodness this seat is small.
Sure glad I’m not 7 feet tall.
But this I will bare
For a Supersaver fare.
I’ll just get drunk and have a ball.
 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 12:58 PM
  #11  
Bram
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
In Vienna I stopped for some strudell
It's crust was as limp as a noodle
We waited an hour
The filling was sour
And the pie wasn't fit for my poodle

In Prague I ordered a schnitzel of veal
With potatoes and slaw, what a meal
I paused with my fork
When told it was pork
For my Rabbi I do think would appeal

In Paris I yearned for some wine
The Bordeaux we selected was quite fine
After 15 more glasses
We fell on our asses
And couldn't even walk a straight line

In London we sampled some chips
Along with some stout a few sips
When it comes to their cooking
The English are looking
For someone to give them some tips

In Athens we wanted souvlaki
But food on a stick seemed quite tacky
Our tour from Contiki
Enjoyed the Tatziki
But the grease made a stain on my Khakis
 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 01:04 PM
  #12  
Neal Sanders
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I seem to have had a mishap
We took off and I took a nap
Now London is thataway
I'm in Piscataway!
I think that I need a new map.


At PR Abate's a pro
But RomanHomes had to eat crow
There are no more vestiges
Of spurious messages
Allowing him his horn to blow


 
Old Jun 24th, 1999, 01:37 PM
  #13  
KT
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
My sneakers have treated me well
On trips in the past, truth to tell
But I hear that their whiteness
Will ward off politeness
Though they're clean and they don't even smell.

"Learn the language," they say, and I've tried
To speak French and Italian with pride.
But I lost all my daring when
faced with Hungarian.
And in Budapest I was tongue-tied.

When I studied in Scotland I ate
A haggis arrayed on a plate.
So I'm not quite a rube,
But Haggis-in-Tube(TM)
Doesn't sound like it was worth the wait.




 
Old Jun 25th, 1999, 10:40 AM
  #14  
s.fowler
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
C'mon... this one *can't* be dead. You're too creative a bunch of people
 
Old Jun 25th, 1999, 11:31 AM
  #15  
Brian in Atlanta
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
For Tony:

In France, I know what I want.
The waiter I’ll purposely taunt.
I’ll boldly say,
“Monsieur, si vous plait,
A sausage, egg and cheese croissant.
 
Old Jun 25th, 1999, 11:37 AM
  #16  
Brian in Atlanta
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
And for Elvira:

I’m worn out in old gay Paris.
I’ve seen all that there is to see.
I think I’ll sit down
At the best café in town
And order an $8 iced tea.
 
Old Jun 25th, 1999, 11:49 AM
  #17  
elvira
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
In the morning I get ready in two seconds flat;
My companion takes hours and hours longer than that.
But I sure did get even;
and now he is grievin';
playing peek-a-boo with a two year old brat.
 
Old Jun 25th, 1999, 12:02 PM
  #18  
pam
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
This-a-way, that-a-way,
London, Piscataway,
If Neal's map is old
May I be so bold
To suggest the same to our dear CIA?
 
Old Jun 25th, 1999, 12:08 PM
  #19  
pam
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
there once was a man from Nantucket
who figured that fin'lly his luck it
had run out and so
he decided to go
to Thailand, specifically Phuket.

 
Old Jun 25th, 1999, 12:09 PM
  #20  
sheppak
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Speaking of croissants:

You might know not to say Edinburrow
If your education was thorough
And if you're a touris'
You can learn to say Culross,
And Kirkcudbright and Hawick you will purr-o.


(That's more or less "Curris," "Kirkcoobree" and "Hoyk" -- pardon my bad phoneticization.)
 

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Manage Preferences - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information -