HeatherH

I do quite a bit of my travelling solo and often feel uncomfortable dining alone. Breakfast & lunch don't bother me as much as dinner. Anyone else have this problem, and what did you do to solve it? Just keep eating alone and get more comfortable with it as time goes by?

I've tried getting by on take-away, but for longer trips (one week +), this gets old!

Mahya2

Hi Heather,

Yes I know the feeling. Doesn't bother me at breakfast or lunch, but dinner when everyone is together and chatting away, it does. One solution might be to take dinner as early as possible - the other is to have your back to the room and position yourself so you are looking out the windows

M.

nyse

SUZE started a wonderful thread on this very question in the "Smart Travel Tips" Forum -- has garnered a wealth of information -- I'll top it for your convenience.

danon

weather permitting, I try to have dinner in an outside spot.
If not, I often bring a paper or a magazine along and avoid very formal restaurants.

ira

I believe that it was MFK Fisher who suggested bringing a book to a restaurant, preferably bound in limp leather with gold edging on the pages.

If someone interesting shows up, put the book down.

Otherwise, you have a book to read.

>I've tried getting by on take-away, <

Gak!

adrienne

I agree about eating dinner on my own. My last trip solo I hooked up with another woman on a walking tour and we had dinner together twice. Normally I write my journal or bring a book. Sometimes I chat with others in the restaurant if they look like they're willing to chat for a bit. It is easier if you have people walking by to look at so outdoor places are better.

I think you do get more comfortable with time. What I miss about dinner solo is talking to someone else about the day and planning the next day.

JulieVikmanis

I enjoy the liesureliness of concentrating on the food, the decor and, quite frankly, the conversation of others. I'm an inveterate eavesdropper. It can be fun, but you do need to be circumspect.

You might also look for restaurants with communal tables for solo diners where you're encouraged to speak with your fellow diners. The custom has had a hard time catching on in the States but it's at least somewhat common in Europe. Maurice Naughton, one of my favorite cyber friends, who mostly posted on foodie sites, once wrote a post on Chowhound or mouthfuls or similar about places in Paris where this is available. I'd be happy to search for it, if it would be of use to you.

Try to concentrate on enjoying the good aspects of the experience. Trust me, no one is looking at you pityingly. In fact no one may be noticing at all if my experiences in eavesdropping are indicative. You'd be amazed at what people will say within the hearing of others.

gruezi

Hi Heather,

I travel alone a lot as well and I enjoy having a nice dinner in the evening although it can feel a bit awkward at times.

Here are some thoughts:

Ask a woman working at your hotel desk to recommend a friendly spot where you won't feel uncomfortable eating alone.

Order a glass of wine right away.

Bring a book or a notebook to look at, or write in, if you feel awkward when you are waiting for your order. Sometimes I plan the next day's activities before my dinner arrives.

Once your food arrives, enjoy every bite and don't rush or read. Businessmen seem to do this just fine. Remind yourself that a woman alone also deserves to enjoy the meal she is paying for.

When you're tired, you tend to have less confidence and feel more lonely. If you are tired, get a snack and eat it in your room with some music or TV for company. You can make lunch your main meal eating someplace a bit nicer and then have your sandwich or lunch type food at dinner. I often do this and I actually enjoy my evening snack.

Yes, it gets easier with time. I'm 48 and I am a lot better at it than I was at 24.

Enjoy your solo travel!!

gruezi

tomboy

If in Germany ask for the Stammtisch (solo's table)

Christina

I travel alone a lot, and so dine alone a lot, also. But I also dine alone when I'm not traveling at times, and for business travel. It doesn't bother me at all. I don't see the difference in lunch versus dinner, but I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable about it. I can understand if it just seems boring because you don't have anyone to talk to (and certainly I would enjoy that also, at times, to have someone to discuss what you saw that day or just conversation). But that wouldn't be any different at dinner than lunch or breakfast.

If it just seems boring, eating take-away would be infinitely more boring to me.

I think sometimes people who are uncomfortable are just thinking that it is embarrassing for some reason, and think everyone is looking at them and talking about them -- look at that poor fool whom no one will eat with -- or something like that. If that it is, just don't dwell on yourself so much and realize that other people really don't care about you personally. I never sit around thinking about and judging other people who are dining alone in restaurants where I am with others.

slangevar

It's funny... I find it so much easier to dine alone when I'm on a business trip than when I'm traveling. Maybe it's because I feel a sense of authority?

Anyway, when I was in Paris alone last year, I practically lived on Picard frozen dinners because I felt so strange going out.

On the other hand, during my last business trip, I had no problem doing what gruezi suggested. I asked the concierge for a good tapas restaurant, got a table by the window so I could people watch, ordered some wine and read a book. It was fantastic.

quokka

>If in Germany ask for the Stammtisch (solo's table)

Sorry, this is bad and wrong advice (to put it politely). The "Stammtisch" is the table reserved for the pub's regulars and these usually do not like intruding strangers at all.

LoveItaly

Hello HeatherH. Do not accept a table that is in an akward spot. Sit either by the window or where you can look out over the room. After being seated order a glass of wine. Take your time looking at the menu. Enjoy "people watching". Order as you would if you had someone dining with you. Personally I have never taken any reading material with me. Often servers if not too busy will be very kind and have a bit of a conversation with a solo person. Relax, enjoy and when looking at couples that are dining that never even speak to each other throughout the dinner consider yourself fortunate you are on your own. And yes, you will get more comfortable as time goes by. More and more women now travel solo be it for business reasons or their preferance with travelling for pleasure. And if the weather is conducive a table at an outdoor cafe can be fun, watching the local street/piazza street scene. Best regards.

janisj

What is it that makes you feel uncomfortable?

That others are looking at you? or something else. I honestly don't ever feel uncomfortable dining alone - and don't personally see much difference what time of day it is.

Maybe start out a sort of mid range/casual places to get used to dining alone. It should probably get easier for you in time.

I do usually have a book in my handbag no matter whether I'm eating out or not. I don't depend on it as a "security blanket" - but if there is a long delay between ordering and the food arriving - a book can fill the time.

enjoy the solitude - people watching - surroundings - chatting w/ the wait staff.

travlsolo2

I have no problem eating alone, even at dinner. I enjoy it. Drinking a glass of wine, relaxing, people watching, writing observations in my journal, and planning the next day keep it interesting; and then I enjoy my food. One night in Venice it seemed like the waiter was rushing me a bit -- maybe he thought two people at that nice table by the window would leave him a bigger tip....well, I chuckled to myself and ordered dessert and more wine and relaxed even longer.

travlsolo2

Oh, and definitely don't sit at the Stammtisch. That's for regulars and/or family.

suze

Since you aren't comfortable, definitely take a prop... a paperback book, magazine, local entertainment guide to read. Postcard to write out.

Order wine immediately (agreeing with gruezi).

I prefer more casual cafes or bistro type places. Partly because I'm not that interested in high-end dining when I'm alone, but also for the budget. Personally I find the casual places are more comfortable solo, because you're unlikely to run into "restaurant attitude". If there are tables available in the bar area, instead of the dining room, sometimes that feels better.

Also earlier in the evening, when places aren't as crowded, giving a nice table to a single person seems more likely.

Practice eating out alone in your own home town/city.

And lastly, yes, as with many things, practice makes perfect! And eventually you will get more comfortable doing it.

sheri_lp

I felt a bit pathetic the first couple of times but I got over it! I looked forward to that time to write postcards, or write in my journal, it was a good time to gather my thoughts and reflect on the day. One night in Sorrento I chatted with the maitre d' who brought out the waiter for a chat who brought out the busboy...if I had been with a dinner companion I may not have met those nice people!

bilboburgler

My technique is to chose a different glass of wine for each course, then patronise the waiters by telling them how bad each one is.

Its not a good habit but it passes the time

BTilke

I dine out alone often on business trips, some have lasted as long as a month. It's never bothered me. I don't pick restaurants that ooze the vibe "romantic evening for two."

Other than that, I find it relaxing. Sometimes I bring a book, but usually I don't. When I'm traveling on business, my work requires me to talk to all kinds of people all day long, so the opportunity to dine in peace can be a welcome respite!

I do ask the hotel to make my reservations for me, especially if I happen to be staying at an upscale hotel. I'm much more likely to get a good table that way. But if I'm not happy with the table given, I ask for another one. If you don't have an advance reservation and you go to a popular restaurant, then you may have to put up with a "lesser" table. I try to do some research ahead of time, so that when I ask the hotel to make a reservation for me, I can say (for example): I want a table in the main dining room with the fireplace and chandelier and not in the little room off the bar. The staff pay more attention when they realize I know something about them.

If breakfast and lunch don't bother you, then make lunch your big meal out (if time allows) and have a light, casual meal for dinner. In Vienna, I usually go to the top restaurants like Meinl am Graben and Steirereck for lunch rather than dinner. At Steirereck I have often been the only one dining alone, but their service is excellent, I get plenty of attention. (Plus it's cheaper to eat at top restaurants for lunch.)

At mid-priced restaurants, I avoid those that are in all the tourist guidebooks. They are usually booked solid and the staff are rushed. Example: Oswald & Kalb in Vienna. I felt that the service I received as a solo diner was subpar compared to the service non-solo diners were getting and I was treated like just another tourist. So I haven't been back (I didn't think the restaurant was that good anyway).