In the words of Greta Garbo, I want to be alone. I prefer to travel solo so can not sympathize with your situation. Everyone should pursue their passion. Tell your wife I will see you in two weeks and send her post cards while in Europe. Enjoy your travels.

As above, get a new wife or just plan on going alone. There is nothing worse than a bad travel comnpanion, no matter how much you love him/her.

Half-empty, true. And sorry. But look at the half-full part; at least she understands your need to travel. Imagine if you had a wife who was happy at home but also didn't want you to travel.

You're better off going alone than dragging along someone who will be miserable. If you really don't enjoy solo travel, perhaps you have a friend or a relative who would be interested in traveling with you. I have a friend who's in a similar situation to yours in that her husband does not like to travel. She met a lady at work, a divorced mom, who has become her great traveling companion, since they share the same interests. You might also consider a small group trip as another alternative.

It sounds like John is fine travelling alone but not happy with his wife's reaction. Are we supposed to vote on whether or not he should divorce her? Good grief.

Do you want validation for leaving your wife? It sounds like you two have different interests and goals in life, so compromise as best you can. Don't give up what you love, everyone has their own life to live whether you are in a marriage or not. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

Traveling with a small group may be the alternative you are seeking.

Check out

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/differentgrouptravelagenda

and

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/travelcheap2000

I am a member of the first group, but it is early in its formative stage, and has not active plans on the drawing board for a trip anytime soon.

The second group is actively seeking interested participants for a trip to Sicily in April or May 2003. They intend to use a tour company.

I am not a member of that group.

Best wishes,

Rex

Solo, it's just one of those things. But many people who travel alone don't consider it "resorting" to traveling that way. The advantages include cost and not having the need to compromise very much, if at all. If your wife understands your need to travel, then there's no more that can really be asked of her.

I prefer to travel alone. That way I can do exactly what I want when I want.

I also find that if one is a gregarious sort of chap one soon meets other folk to talk and interact with which is nice for the company.

Solo, would your wife be happier staying in a European 'homebase' somewhere while you went further afield? For example, she could stay in a small, low-stress place like Salzburg while you went off on short jaunts to Vienna, Munich, etc., returning to Salzburg in between jaunts. (I'm sure we could find an English speaking gasthaus owner who would be happy to have a quiet guest stay with her for a week or two, and could make your wife feel more 'at home.')In this way the two of you compromise a little - she needn't feel you're ever too far away, for too long, and while she would not be at home, she would be more 'at home' than if she were on the road, exposed to a level of stimulation that she personally finds stressful.

I grant, you would have to manage costs carefully, but it could be done for not an exorbitant sum. What do you think?

I guess I shouldnt be giving marriage advice since i have never been married. But i do have a way with manipulating people for their own good. (yes, im one of "those"). I can imagine the culture shock someone from a small town would feel going to a new and fairly unusual country. i know its always a change of pace to go somewhere new even for a weathered traveller.
If you dont mind, my suggestion is as follows:
get some nice travel magazines, say NatGeo Traveller or Conde Nast. Leave them out for your wife to look at, them bring them up in casual conversation. This is the important part - get a feel for what she might be interested in, preferably something not too far from home, a new city on the other side of the country or maybe even canada or mexico, something like that. Then begin your planning - you'll need an excuse, any anniversary, birthday, holiday will do. You must be very deliberate and detail conscious because you definitely dont want something to go wrong! that would just burn her forever. Plan things she would enjoy - like a nice candlelit dinner in a posh restaurant vice maybe bungee jumping. Keep her needs and wants in mind at all times. This is the weening period. Then, once all the details are taken care of, every minute planned (you must take control and preferably have as many things pre-staged as possible so nothing will go wrong. If you look like you know what you are doing, she will feel more comfortable following you and trusting your judgement). Then, "Surprise" her with your plan of attack. If you have to, compromise on something. Tell her you will go to that boring play she has been dying to go to or that you will cook for her for a week. something that lets her know she is not the only one giving in. hopefully everything goes as planned and she will have a good experience. i believe travelling well is an acquired talent, one which comes not without a few mishaps and more than one horror story. But the bottom line is that most of us in the know are willing to take those risks, because in the end it is always worth it. Prove that to her and she will follow you to the end of the world.
Trust me, I'm a Sergeant in the United States Marine Corps and it is my job to make people do things they would rather not do - every day of my life. Making them follow you willingly shuld always be a priority.
If not, tie em up with 550 cord and throw them in the back of the truck. They'll go.
Semper and Godspeed!

Hi Solo,

I agree that traveling alone is not "resorting"! I like traveling by myself. I can do what I want on my own schedule, and not worry about anyone else. Even when I go to England with my boyfriend next month, we have already agreed that I am going to tour around myself quite a bit, because he has been there before and doesn't want to do all the "touristy stuff".

I understand your issue though. I think you should just continue to travel alone. Just make sure you talk to you wife about it, so she understands this is something you have to do to be happy. Relationships are about compromise - and I firmly believe that each person in a couple has to have some interests or hobbies to do on their own. I'm sure she does some things that don't involve you, right? This keeps relationships healthy.

Another thought, also, along with Sue's thoughts. What doesn't she like about Europe? Big cities? Foreign languages? Flying? Depending on the answer to this, maybe you can try to tailor a vacation that would address that issue. For example, if she doesn't like big cities, take her to the south of France or the Cotswolds or Tuscany, and rent a cottage in a small town. If she hates to fly, how about touring around the US or Canada or even Mexico by car or train? You get the idea. You can relieve your travel itch without stressing her out or leaving her home.

But again, I like to travel by myself, and I see nothing wrong with you doing so if she doesn't want to.

Good luck!
Karen

for Solo

Hi Solo,
Dump her and marry me. I will go anywhere in the world and love every minute of it.

ttt for solo

Why not travel somewhere other than Europe, you just said she doesn't like Europe. What about Latin America? Caribbean? South Pacific? Asia? Ask her what her dream trip would be.

ttt for me

up up up

Go with Rex. That should cure you!

My wife doesn't really get much from travel unless it's to a beach . . . and she's not much for more than a 4 hour flight in coach-size seats. I like Europe and the Far East.

There is no "handling" it, as you put it. I say "I'm thinking about going to <insert country here> because I saw some cheap fares" and she will say "OK" in which case I pack and leave as fast as I can. I call each morning and each night. If she says ANYTHING other than "OK" I drop the issue, wait a week or two and mention it again.

There's quite a bit of interesting stuff in these posts (Sgt Single in particular) but I don't think any of them are in the situation we are in and cannot do anything more than poke fun or sympathize. On a bad day, my wife will ask me why I want to get away from her . . . I have been taking Kenpo Karate for several years so I usually respond to the effect that Im not taking Karate to beat her in the same sense that Im not going to Europe to get away from her.

I do things with the family, take care of the kids, make sure that I keep a good relationship with her parents, and for a 2 or 3 weeks leading up to asking about taking a trip I suggest that we both get away . . . to a beach. She's pretty much figured out this tactic, but I am sincere and she knows it.

Good luck.

I feel no love or passion in your relationship. That is a pity. Find someone who loves travel too.

While I personaly enjoy the travel I do alone, I am single.

I agree with travellady, travel to places you can both enjoy.

Keith

Repeating this part of a message listed above.

Traveling with a small group may be the alternative you are seeking.

Check out

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/differentgrouptravelagenda/join

Several new members recently. Building interest slowly. Maybe Spain on the horizon.

up

to the top

How old are the children. My mother is not too big on doing anything that is not in her normal routine. They will drive from Missouri to Florida to see me but any other travel is out of the question. She thinks every plane is going to crash and every ship going to sink just like the Titanic.

My Father would love to travel but his first trip out of the country was with me when he was 64. We made a pretty good traveling pair. As the children get older you might consider them as your traveling companions.

Your wife sounds like my mom. She will probably never be a good traveling companion. She might understand you spending some special quality time with your children a little better than you traveling alone.

Good luck. When I met my husband I let him know right away that travel was my passion. If he didn't think that he would enjoy traveling with me that our other option would be separate vacations. Luckily he loves it as much as I do.

Rex is the founder of the first group he mentioned and often posts anonymously to promote it, just as he's done here.

He WAS a member of the second group but was booted by the site administrator after numerous complaints about his arrogance, his unsolicited e-mails to members and his efforts to take over a forum that did not belong to him - much the same way he behaves on Fodor's. He was trying to drum up travel customers for his own group - much the same way he behaves on Fodor's.

He is not a tour guide, just some desperate dude who thinks he can get people to pay to travel with him. Can cite numberous examples of his penchant for offending people, should you be interested.

Solo, I'm curious as to why your wife is "too stressed to really enjoy" travel. Any way to address those issues? Is she afraid to fly? Does she not like to lug luggage around? Does she hate hotel living? Was she simply not interested in the places she visited? Good luck to you, and happy travels!

If you are obsessed with travel and your wife is asking you to just stay at home and be happy - is that really going to occur? I think you need to consider if this would just make you resentful and then how happy would that make everyone?

I'm not with the "divorce your wife crowd" but I think if she will not join you then she needs to understand that you might need to take a trip alone for your happiness. I don't think that is too unreasonable.

I am traveling alone for the first time to France this June and frankly I am excited about it. My previous boyfriends have made remarks like "ugh you could never get me to go to Paris" or "why not just go to the Keys." Those comments are part of the reason that they are previous boyfriends. I did not want to deal with someone who would complain about taking the stairs up the Eiffel Tower or who could not understand why I might sit in a garden for hours. I think this is a lesson for others that if you love traveling and your partner hates it, you need to work out a compromise or move along.