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A policeman's lot....

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The Scilly Isles are looking for a new police constable:
http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news<i/2015/apr/03/vacancy-opens-up-for-pc-with-an-eye-for-offbeat-crimes

The islands, a popular tourist destination 30 miles off the Cornish coast with a population of about 2,000, are not renowned as a hotbed of crime but any potential candidate would need to know how to handle a stray seal in the high street or be able to pacify drunken chefs in a row over salt.

Crimes investigated by the officers recently include a goldfish found abandoned on the steps of the police station, a short-sighted horse vandalising cars and a 50-year-old row over a shed.

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