No, you went to Italy, there is so little good beer in Italy, you must have tripped and fallen into a lucky glass.

prost! Ou 'chin-chin'!

DAY 1 - BARCELONA

Landed on time, 10 am - was mugged by 11am. Took train to hotel in historic center. Saw the Familiar Sangria, the Church, the Ramble (mugged again!), the Gaudy's Gooie Park, saw Montjuich and day tripped to Montserrat to pray to the Black Madonna.

Hopped overnight train to Paris.

next DAY 2 - Gay Paree!

OVERNIGHT TRAIN FROM HELL

Funny I have take zillions of overnight trains and always slept, with aid of some vino, like a baby. But after reading reports from Fodorites who claim one can never get a good night's sleep on overnight trains, weird thing I could not sleep a wink and woke up in Paris sleepless - sleepless in Paree! sleepless in Austerlitz station but roaring to go see the City of Light!

Details, details, please! I love a good crime drama...more about the muggings!

you missed out going to Seattle..

Seattle - been there done that several times and LOVE it!

Pal..at last some good old sarcastic humor on a Forum that has turned deathly humorless. More stuffed shirts than a
Wall Street trader's luncheon. Bah, humbug!

Thank you Pal...you came through, unscathed, I hope. Sorry about the muggings in Barcelona. My habitually criminal cousin Jose' is at it again. List what you lost and I'll ry to get it back for you. No promises. There's a slight finders fee, of course.

What??? You missed Greece?? But you were right there....

Mugged twice and pick pocketed 4 times? Didn't the gun help?

<didn't the gun help?>

Naw it were for some stupid reason confiscated by Spanish police at the Customs - seems, incredible to believe that barbaric Spanish laws preclude not only carrying a concealed Remington like I have in my pants (no pun intended!) or even having a gun!

Wow I guess in Spain on the criminals pack heat?

What a backward country!

I am very disappointed in your trip report. You omitted when your flights arrived, who you sat next to, what time you woke up, and how bowel movements you had. Could you please specify by country?

Please include the words amazing, yummy, and outrageous so I know when you liked something.

Where you accosted by umemployed bankers in Spain?

Great report! I cannot wait for the next installment!!!!!!

TTT to follow along as best I can. Certainly want to hear details of the muggings and multiple pickpocket incidents.

Thank you Pal...you came through, unscathed, I hope. Sorry about the muggings in Barcelona. My habitually criminal cousin Jose' is at it again. List what you lost and I'll ry to get it back for you. No promises. There's a slight finders fee, of course.>

Stu - thanks a lot for offering to help me - yeh I think that bloke did call himself Jose - he said something like "Jose here at your service" - about the best English I heard spoken in Catolonia!

OK here is what I lost - a 24-carat diamond ring I was wearing along with two gold rings I was also wearing plus a large gold medallion I had around my neck and my $1,000 camera I also had slung around my neck plus several hundred bucks worth of euros I had just gotten out of an ATM (some folks can be real helpful in Barcelona ('barthelona as locals say it) - at the ATM I had trouble entering my PIN number so one really helpful guy asked me what the PIN was and he entered it and voila out came the cash!) Well anyone Jose or whoever robbed me also got my ATM card (thankfully he does not have the PIN number!) and all the cash.

Funny thing is I have been reading with great interest on Fodors about muggings and street crime in Barcelona and always some folks chime in that they have gone to Barcelona many many times and have never taken any precautions on the street and never have been mugged and never heard of anyone being mugged - I wonder why I was a target - a one in a million thing - I tried to blend in but for some reason I became a victim - anyway Stu if you can contact cousin Jose and see if he can retrieve some stuff I'll pay him what they are worth as they are more of sentimental value than anything else to me.

Have a nice day and maybe our paths will cross in Palenque some day! Again thanks for your kind offer.

Pal...believe me, if I can't find Jose' I'll find someone else who'll contact you through his brother in NYC who goes by the weird name of "aduchamp"..one way or the other we aim to help!
stu

and please be alert in Roscommon, "AKA" as the Barcelona of Central Michigan.

naw stu - St Helens, trailer trash just south of Rosco, is the Barcelona of northern Michigan! Believe it's true!

How much did you tip the porter on the over-night train? Maybe it wasn't enough...I don't want to make the same mistake...

Pal..for me to get away to Palenque now would be like two weeks in Hawaii.

How much did you tip the porter on the over-night train? Maybe it wasn't enough...I don't want to make the same mistake>

well I did not tip her at all and I paid the price as about two hours before arrival in Paris-Austerlitz this burly gal came in and suddenly ripped all the bedding off from under me - saying she was preparing for arrival - so you pay the price by not paying the piper I guess.

Hey PalenQ. I'm a down-state Michigander. You helped me back in the winter when I was planning my spring trip to Italy. So I've noticed your name is not on the list for the Detroit GTG. Not your kind of thing? I was thinking it would be fun to meet you IRL. Got any advice for a first-timer?

first-timer GTG? Nope never been to one and did not know there was one in Detroit soon - I have been traveling in Europe most of the last month and was out of touch. Where in down-state do you dwell in Michigan - I lived in Ann Arbor for years after going to school there and grew up in Plymouth, in Detroit area.

Cheers

I too am bitterly disappointed - you didn't mention gelato once.

not to mention the Cinque Terre

I did have the most marvelous, awesome, tasty, delectable gelato in each of the Cinque Terre villages to be sure but that will come later in my Trip Report when I get to Italy. Caio, caio (or is it Ciao, ciao?) for now.

I live just off the first freeway exit from Detroit Metro Airport. Grew up watching the planes fly over my backyard and dreaming that some day I'd be on one. The Detroit GTG was put together a month ago. (Probably while you were in Europe?) A group of about 18 meeting Sunday, July 1st at 3:00 at Portofinos Restaurant in Wyandotte. A few of the names I recognize from my 6 months on the forum. I'll be up your way for AlpineFest---have family in Gaylord.

But more importantly, what did you wear/pack for your trip?

But more importantly, what did you wear/pack for your trip?>

Sartorially challenged I will admit to, too! I had been warned that jogging shoes - especially white tennies were a no-no throughout Europe on Fodors and that shorts instantly marked me as a clueless Yank - so I did it properly, wearing a suit and tie and nice black church shoes - I always say better to over dress than under dress and be laughed at! I did note that most folks on the street wherever I went were, alas, wearing jogging shoes and often shorts.

anneitaly - do you live in Romulus - if so I was an English teacher at Romulus High for several years years ago!

Pal...I thought you had taught somewhere at some time. The first five years of my post-college and military hitch, I also was a high school teacher/coach, in Colorado and Massachusetts. Salaries were insultingly pitiful. After my first two kids were born, I took the first opportunity that showed up.

You're European misadventure here is hilarious...I knew you had it in you. As I keep saying, humor seems to be sadly missing on these travel forums. Thanks, Pal.

I read that dress code here, too. Like I was gonna change the way I dress because of what some stranger might think of my clothes. In the end I was the one doing a lot of laughing, or fighting back the snickers, watching women all gussied up in the heat and wobbling over those uneven stones in fashionable shoes. And I don't---for a minute---believe YOU care whether someone approves of your attire or laughs at you.
Actually, Pal, I live off Van Born Road, very near the intersection where Romulous, Taylor, Westland, and Dearborn Heights meet. A down-scale area with the advantage of being just 20 minutes out of the city and 10 minutes from the airport.
Grew up in Taylor (affectionately or insultingly known as Taylortucky), and, except for flying out of town 7 or 8 times a year, I haven't gotten very far from my roots (which match the rest of my hair---see profile pix).
I taught high school English for the Detroit Public Schools. Also coached debate. Now I'm living high on the hog on my teacher's pension.
I'm terribly off-topic here---someone will complain.

PalenQ, see my post re: teacher's job on the "Paying Somebody Else's Pension" thread in the Lounge.

After his frequent muggings here Pal should have been able to handle anything on the street or metro. Perhaps they were after his magic railpass.

He still hasn't told us where to get the BEST pizza, BEST ice cream, BEST hot chocolate - so what kinda trip report is this?

Wasn't the Mona Lisa so small?! After I saw that, and the Venus de Milo, I left the Louvre, as I was told they were the only highlights.

I spent all my time in Italy sipping wine on a terrace. I did not want to rush and see lots of stuff. I can rush and see stuff at home.

So, where is your next trip??

So, where is your next trip??> Like my profile says for next trip - "to the loo"! Darned I missed the Venus de Milo and only saw La Jocande - oh well a reason to go back to Paris for one more day I guess.

And what is with those crude third-world type street cleaners all over Paris - with their crude brooms manually cleaning the gutters? I thought I were in Senegal when I first saw them!

My favorite French pastry - Tete de Negre! Umm so scrumptious and finger-licking - perhaps a no-no on the streets of Gay Paree?

PARIS - Paris was so so AWESOME - amazing - spectacular - mind-lowing away - so so neat and the food was so outrageously yummy - especially the Tete de Negres!

Stashed my bags in the Austerliz consgine (baggage lockers) and headed out - did Notre-Dame Cathedral, the Louvre, the Orsay Museum - Eiffel Tower - all the way to the 3rd etage - stupendous views but lots of smog all around - I felt like gagging after seeing the pall over Gay Paree.

Then up to Montmartre - got my picture sketched by a starving sidewalk artist - and then strolled the Champs Elysees.

NEXT UP - WHAT I DID IN THE AFTERNOON OF MY DAY IN GAY PAREE!

A WONDERFUL TOTALLY AWESOME AFTERNOON IN PARIS (et ENVIRONS!)

To start the afternoon of my one day in Paris I headed to my #1 desired site on my must see bucket list - the world-famous RUE CLER - and I was NOT disappointed - I came to see the wonderful markets with their dazzling foods and little bistros and general ambiance - but weird thing was that everyone on the street was carrying a Rick Steves guidebook - every single one - there was not one Frenchie in sight. In every shop window they had a picture of Rick Steves book with the words 'recommended by Rick Steves' written next to it - weird but it did not take anything away of what was my absolute highlight of Paris - the awesome Rue Steves!

since my visit to the Rue Cler took only a few minutes I had the rest of the afternoon to explore the City of Lights... to be continued!

Bookmarking for leisurely read. Thanks PalenQ!

You have inspired me!!

The next time I go to Paris, I am going to enter a store, scream "Croak Madame!" Touch all the fruit and run out on the Rue Steves. (I generally rue Steves any way.)

And if you don't mind, I am going to use your new word "mind- lowing" whenever possible (often.)

Ok mind-lowing is yours to use as fit!

Oh back to the Rue Steves - a shopkeeper told me that the City of Paris is going to erect a statue of Rick smack in the middle of the street - something pigeons can poop on - yes a veritable pigeon poop! they said rick will be on the street this summer to pose for the statue! And yes shopkeepers on the Rue Steves indeedy do refer to Rick as "Tu" and not "Vous"!

Merci au revoir!

I'm so glad you loved the Rue Cler, Pal! It was the highlight of ours as well.

I'm so glad you loved the Rue Cler, Pal! It was the highlight of ours as well.>

Well only one thing disappointed me on the Rue Steves (formerly Rue Cler) - there ain't a MacDoo (McDonalds) on the whole darn street! So I had to trek elsewhere to get something decent to eat - During my whole month trip I only ate in MacDonalds as Europeans are apt to call it - wishing to get decent American food sans surprises! And the burgers and frites in each country's Macdoo's taste different because they try to source local foods - like taters from France in France but by Belgium in Belgium (but only if it's Tuesday!), etc.

Ditto for beef and chicken - but there is no Genetically Modified beef or chicken so it just don't taste as well as back home!

My favorite McDondalds remains the one by the Spanish Steps in Roma.

<there is no genetically modified beef or chicken so it just don't Taste as well as back home>

I was always under the impression that the draw for most people who prefer MickeyDee's is...
NO taste!
Oops, I guess you are on a budget after the pick pocketing events.
Let us know if McDees near the Spanish Steps has a Yummy! version of pizza ...

Spanish Steps McDs have incredibly tasting gelato and pizza too - they even slice it for you!

and one thing about French MacDoos is that they use lots of, as I said above, French ingredients and foods - like French Fries, French dressing, French roast coffee, French toast, etc - see all local ingredients - localvores like moi like it - be green I say - watch your carbon footprint even when abroad!

I know the first Spanish Step is to say, "Buenos días, Señor." But what is the second Spanish Step?

But what is the second Spanish Step?>

manana?

The Rue Cler had some killer bakeries with killer breads - a ming boggling variety of breads - I assum all were artisan breads but the darn thing that the French have not come up with yet is the idea of SLICED BREAD! And darn those baggyettes are so hard to cut with the plastic knife I pilfered from the MacDoo opposite Austerliz station - that MacDoo is always my first stop after getting off the train in Austerlitz.

So Frenchies get with it and invent sliced bread! And then the French can say about something new "it's the best thing since sliced bread' - they can already say "now you're cooking with gas!"

France in desperate need of sliced bread (and much whiter bread to boot!)

One bread I did like was Bastard bread! (le batard I believe it's called) and next to a Tete de Negre now my favorite Frencdh bakery treat (well if chocolate eclairs were excepted!)

wonder why they call that Wonder Bread a "bastard"?

Palenq is obvious you know nothing about France and bread.

The origin of the name of that bread is from William Shakespeare's Hamlet "toasted from his own batard."

Moving On - My Afternoon of my day in Paris.

Tired of Paris itself I decided to discover the countryside and the Real France - so I hopped RER C to Versailles - to see how the real French live - in the Palace of Versailles and wow that is quite a home.

I hoped to see the king, some Louis I believe but folks there said I was a tad too late for that - giving me a heads up that he may not be back so soon so do not wait around for him to come home.

Anyway just looking at the facade was overwhelming and totally awesome - the line to get into the dang thing was so so overwhelming as well so I decided to abort the visit and head out to Chartres to see more of the Real France and the Real French.

NEXT - CHARTRES CATHEDRAL WITH MELCOME MULLER!

Ah Chartres Cathedral - the 8th Wonder of the World to me - so so awesome - so so overwhelming - so so so so in other regards. And that Mel Muller guy - he was spell binding even after lunch when he appeared reeking of wine - what a tour - the stones come to live.

I did make the mistake however of glancing down at my phone and reading from texting - wow Melcolm lit into me so iciously, saying I was insulting him by that - he gave me a royal boot from the tour, but thankfully the tour was about over - just after the part when local kids on mopeds purposefully terrorize his groups with loud ride-bys when he's trying to explain the flying buttress thingys.

I was the fourth bloke kicked off that tour for various indiscretions from Melcome so I lasted longer than some!

In Paris a poor young deaf mute girl came up to me with a paper, in English!, asking for money for charities - so I antied up 30 euros - always happy to give to charities. Funny thing though the deaf mute for some reason stuck her hand in my back pocket and took my wallet out - I barely felt it - she said she was just trying to help me give the donation.

how many times must I tell you that, despite you being a newbie and all, deaf mute girls cannot tell that "she was just trying to help you with your donation" it's part of being mute

WHy did they call it Versailles? I hate to go anywhere with a name I do not understand, thank goodness for Sans Souci.

ttt

But PalenQ MELCOME MULLER died two years ago.

Sorry, you are right, he is probably giving the same tour.

<Malcolm Miller was a sail training ship built in Aberdeen, Scotland by John Lewis & Sons, shipbuilders. She was sold out of service in 2001 and renamed Helena C as a private yacht. Following a fire in 2008, she has been laid up.>

I believe it were Helena Christ who did give the tour - Melcome it is said had a sex change in 2001 and became Helena Christ - same mouth, same brain (though now female!) same tour, same abuse.

Oh, Pal....

WHy did they call it Versailles? I hate to go anywhere with a name I do not understand -

Ver-sails - means in French sailing towards something and as the palace front is smack situated towards Paris it was meant to be sailing to Paris, right down that fancy boulevard that goes straight as an arrow towards Paris itself.

Back to CHARTRES - loves the chartreuse windows whose color gave us the word chartreuse! And which monks later took and made liquer of the same color and called it Chartreuse!

Melcome it is said had a sex change in 2001 and became Helena Christ
_________
No wonder the new name of the tour is Priscilla, Queen of the Cathedral or Why is my Chartres Blue?

>>Ver-sails - means in French sailing towards something and as the palace front is smack situated towards Paris it was meant to be sailing to Paris, right down that fancy boulevard that goes straight as an arrow towards Paris itself.<<

You might think so. I couldn't possibly comment.

One subplot and a big source suspense for my (proposed, when I get around to it) Fodors novel will be when Pal shows up at a GTG and his secret identity is revealed.

I have a secret identity - must be secret because even moi don't know it!

If I make it too easy it'll cut down on book sales. Need to consult with attorney how thinly I can disguise characters to avoid legal action.

it will be hard to 'thinly' disguise my body! Annhig is my solicitor if I need legal action I cannot get any better than her!

PalenQ I hope your trip never ends, I'm getting my Laugh of the Day on this thread.

Ok, Pal, this is the THIRD time I have fallen for your title. I must be getting very forgetful, and I am getting a little tired of laughing so much.

this is no laughing matter for me - I am trying to give a serious trip report and am met with laughter? Should I report this abuse to the moderators?

A CHARTREUSE MIRACLE

Part of Madame Melcome's spiel of course was centered on the cathedral's holy relic - the veritable tunic worn by the Virgin Mary at the time of Christ's birth. And the story was that in a big conflaguration, one of many to strike the cathedral thru the ages - it was feared that the holy tunic had to have perished in the flames and, according to Melcome, it was days before miraculously the tunic was found in tact in the ashes and rubble without any damage - this of course had to be a miracle from God.

I was a lifelong atheist until I heard this miracle - absolute proof of a divine existence or how else could you explain the holy tunic coming out of the fire that destroyed the cathedral unscathed.

I took Melcome's spiel as word from God to me to get with the program - proof enough to me. I am now a pious Catholic, thanks for Melcome!

this is no laughing matter for me - I am trying to give a serious trip report and am met with laughter? Should I report this abuse to the moderators?

___

On whose behalf?

Yeah. Don't tempt us, Pal.

Hey Pal. You haven't told us what happened when you flashed your magic rail pass for the Montmartre funicular or what it was like in the front row at Paris fashion week. Did they enforce the no touching rule, or was that after you'd been sent on the straight and narrow at Chartres?

ttt

You haven't told us what happened when you flashed your magic rail pass for the Montmartre funicular>

drat - they would accept my railpass but only with a passholder seat reservation that costs all told more than the actual pass was worth! so I passed on that and climbed the few flights of stairs to the Sacre Coeur - I now go into all churches I pass and pray to the Virgin Mary, my patron saint.

Amen!

Sacre Merde!

Read fast, this may be gone soon.

Ou Putain a merde as my French son often yells when frustrated!

I wish I had had more time to spend in Paris - I could have used a few more hours I think to do it justice. By now was time to hop the overnight train from Paris to Munich.

Next up - Munich!

PalenQ, your use of the exclamation point is masterly.

thanks tarquin - I am a graduate of a top university majoring in English so I find !!!!!!!!!!! a natural!!

PS - !

Great Munich in time for the Olympics!

On my way to Gare de East to hop the night train to the East (like many unfortunate French citizens were forced to do during the Nazi occupation) I decided I needed some java - and seeing no McDonalds where I was I went into an ordinary Parisian cafe.

And sat down.

and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally I yelled "Gars' son" - and some bloke is a black apron and white shirt slowly came my way.

I said "Scuzzez me (I had been warned to try to speak a tad of French that it helps break the ice, etc.) I want a coffee, silver plate."

And the waiter just stared at moi.

Whazz?

I repeated "I ver uno cafe pour favour"

Finally the waiter barked "Me no speaka Englishey"

So I gave up and on the way out I heard that very same waiter talking on the phone in perfect English - so I learned that it is true that Parisians like waiters - highly educated Parisians can and do speak English but they simply will not.

Well learn as you live I always say and I guess I got a whole lot of living to do!