How about a Sandals resort? They are adults only, and are quite nice. Since you don't want to be locked into the resort, I would advise against Jamaica.

Happy hunting!

How about Puerto Rico? You might want to look into El Conquistador ($$$$).

Barbados sounds like it would suite just about all of your requirements. We're going back there this year, having made the trip some 15 years earlier. One website I found helpful was www.funbarbados.com. Also, www.wheretostay.com. Lots of options for hotels, big, small, $$$, and enough to do on the island if you feel like it. Good luck

Aruba and Grand Cayman would also fit your description.

I would recommend the BVI....very safe and laid back without the commercialism of many big resorts, yet all the amenities. My husband and I stayed at Little Dix in Virgin Gorda, and although they allow kids, I would not recommend taking kids there. You have access to the entire island (don't get the meal plan) therefore, you can explore, eat at the local places and get a feel for the island. I loved it.
I haven't been to Bermuda (going this summer) so can't compare (yet!!). Advice on bermuda would be appreciated. I am finding it hard to believe there is a better place than the BVI.
Good luck in your search.

Hi Heather-We love Bermuda and go almost every year! We also started to travel "south" about 10 years ago. First of all nothing is like Bermuda-it as you know is beautiful and truly unique and has a European flair and no real visible poverty and some of the best beaaches anywhere!
We went to Barbados, and enjoyed our stay very much. The beaches are lovely, the food is excellent, lots to see and do, some shopping in Brigetown. One of our first experiences going to a beach bar!I would recommend Barbados over St. Lucia. Did not like some of the jet ski noise- but not a big problem. We stayed at Treasure Beach, great location and you could walk up the beach quite a distance, best sunsets I have ever seen. Island is much larger than Bermuda.
After Barbados we started going to Anguilla, my absolute favorite island. Not lush, its arid and flat, funky houses, no flora and fauna. We feel in love with its beaches, its people, its food, its little beach bars, and the whole relaxing experience.
We did go to St. Lucia in 1995, we stayed at The Jalousie Hilton. The island is vey tropical and lush. The Pitons are stunning, but were disappinted with the beaches, missing the white bottoms and blue and green water. The island is very hard to get around , as the roads are very windy, steep , narrow with hair pin turns. The trip from the airport to hotel took about 45 minutes < opt fo a copter or take dramamine etc. We aslo felt very confined. All in all in was beautiful, glad we went,but probably would not go again.
Have never been to Martinique, so I cannot comment.
Our favorite islands are Anguilla, St. John, Virgin Gorda, Jumby Bay island, and of course Bermuda. Would love to try Turks and Caicos, and Harbour Island.
I hope I have not confused you! I look for an island, then a hotel. Each person has their own expectations!

I would highly recommend the Hyatt in St. Lucia and the Radisson in Aruba. We've been to both islands and return again and again.

Hi Penny,

Interested in your comments on Anguilla. We flew over the island on our way to St. Martin this spring. It was so unbelieveably gorgeous! And all those coral reefs! They looked terrific from the air - did you snorkel or dive there?

We're very interested in the island after just flying over it! We are laid back people, mid-40's, love nature, don't need the nightlife or noise. So, does Anguilla sound like a fit?