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Need Help..Large group, wedding?

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I would love some advice here...this is my very first time planning a real vacation for more than 2 people, and I'm so overwhelmed.

Basically, I got tired of looking at wedding venues here in the US that cost 20G's for 6 hours of my life. So, we started looking at destination weddings. Now, we are aware of the common gripe that people don't want to spend thousands of dollars (understandably) on someone else's wedding. So, we want to cover either the accommodations and food or accommodations and flights for the 20 closest people in our lives (moms, dads, siblings, a couple kids).

We know we want it somewhere warm, and are open to almost anything to make this fit in the 20K budget. We have looked at villas on VRBO, have considered a few AI's and are not opposed. We may have up to 40 or 45 people attending (MAYBE), but would only be paying for them at the reception and nothing else, if they should choose to come. So, that being said, if more people want to come down, we would like them to be able to stay near by or at the same property if they wanted to.

The group of 20 ranges from age 4-65, four children, so we would like to have something for them if possible.

As for the wedding, we really are very laid back. I'd be happy saying vows on the beach and going out to dinner afterwards if it ends up being a small group. However, it would be nice if we could have a small reception for a couple hours with a DJ so my fiancee and I can have our first dance and I can dance with my dad.

Location wise, we'd like it to be somewhere less expensive to fly into (DR?) the grooms brother has 3 kids, and we don't want to put a huge burden on them. Time of year is flexible, whatevers cheapest.

Any suggestions??

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