American needs advice regarding Canadian wedding
Jul 10th, 2006, 01:07 PM
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American needs advice regarding Canadian wedding
We were invited to a wedding at Windsor Arms in Toronto, Ontario. It is for a business associate. The invitation states it is Black Tie Welcome. Not being from Canada and not knowing Windsor Arms...we are not sure how much money to give for a gift. Any suggestions? We usually give 250.00 American dollars in the US. Thank you for your help.
Jul 10th, 2006, 02:42 PM
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That's probably fine.
The Windsor Arms is one of Toronto's nicest small hotels, in a fancy part of town.
And it is about a block from Ashley's, which is guaranteed to have something physical if you want to give an object instead of cash. (Cutlery, china, appliances, etc., etc.)
Bringing your own tuix, or do you need rental info?
BAK
The Windsor Arms is one of Toronto's nicest small hotels, in a fancy part of town.
And it is about a block from Ashley's, which is guaranteed to have something physical if you want to give an object instead of cash. (Cutlery, china, appliances, etc., etc.)
Bringing your own tuix, or do you need rental info?
BAK
Jul 10th, 2006, 04:33 PM
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The rule of thumb is to "cover the plate". I don't know how much dinner will cost per person @ the Windsor Arms. A quick call to catering (without mentioning the names of the wedding party obviously!) should clear that up for you. Then take the price per "plate" & multiply it in Canadian Dollars by the number in your party. That's your wedding gift! 
Jul 11th, 2006, 07:17 AM
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Not to start a discussion, but I think it would be tacky to call up the hotel and find out how much dinner per person is. Maybe it's just me, but I have always given a gift based on how close I am to the couple. Perhaps the "cover your plate" mentality is from another culture.
To the OP, given that you will be travelling for the wedding, $250 Canadian is a very generous gift (in my opinion).
To the OP, given that you will be travelling for the wedding, $250 Canadian is a very generous gift (in my opinion).
Jul 11th, 2006, 07:35 AM
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I agree with pavfec. Does that mean that if the wedding is held at home and self-catered, you should give $20?! Of course not! Where the wedding is held has absolutely nothing to do with the value of the gift.
This "cover the plate" thing I haven't heard of, and I disagree with, normally I give about AUD100.00 for a wedding gift. I think that $250 is very generous indeed unless it is close family/friend, but especially since you're travelling, and it is a business associate I would tend to give less, perhaps $150.
It really depends on what you feel comfortable giving, if you still wish to give $250 then go right ahead. I'm sure whatever you give will be appreciated.
This "cover the plate" thing I haven't heard of, and I disagree with, normally I give about AUD100.00 for a wedding gift. I think that $250 is very generous indeed unless it is close family/friend, but especially since you're travelling, and it is a business associate I would tend to give less, perhaps $150.
It really depends on what you feel comfortable giving, if you still wish to give $250 then go right ahead. I'm sure whatever you give will be appreciated.
Jul 11th, 2006, 07:38 AM
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Pavfec: You're right on both counts -"cover the plate" is a myth started by people who want to have a great party but not actually pay for it. And, yes, $250 US is VERY generous especially for a business associate.
My wealthy uncle gave my son a modest gift when he married and son was happy as he wasn't expecting anyone to pay for the wedding but him and his bride.
Have you considered finding out where the couple have registered? Maybe it's Ashley's China(http://www.williamashley.com), The Bay Department store, etc.). You could buy them something from the list of gifts requested?
My wealthy uncle gave my son a modest gift when he married and son was happy as he wasn't expecting anyone to pay for the wedding but him and his bride.
Have you considered finding out where the couple have registered? Maybe it's Ashley's China(http://www.williamashley.com), The Bay Department store, etc.). You could buy them something from the list of gifts requested?
Jul 11th, 2006, 08:55 AM
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I too think $250 USD is very generous! I honestly believe that between $200 - $250 CAD is more than acceptable. Unless of coarse this business associate gives you lots of business or makes you lots of money then I would up the $$$ slightly.
Jul 11th, 2006, 05:38 PM
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Forgetting about the other point, whyyyyyyyy would anyone say it is "tacky" to dial a hotel and ask questions about any rate-related issues?
True it might be tacky to do so if the bride were answering the hotel's phone that day, but how in the world do you think people book those receptions if it is "tacky" to dial the business and ask about rates?
True it might be tacky to do so if the bride were answering the hotel's phone that day, but how in the world do you think people book those receptions if it is "tacky" to dial the business and ask about rates?
Jul 12th, 2006, 06:47 AM
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NorthwestMale, you don't think it would be tacky to call the hotel and say "I'm a guest at X&Y's wedding. I'd like to know how much they're paying per person for the meal so I can determine how much to give them as a gift" ??
Hotels usually have several meal options for weddings, and what's more, couples often get hors d'oeuvres and cocktails, so you most likely can't find out the amount per person.
Back to the OP's question, I agree with AussieGallovesUSA in that $150 might be more appropriate given that you are travelling to go to the wedding.
Hotels usually have several meal options for weddings, and what's more, couples often get hors d'oeuvres and cocktails, so you most likely can't find out the amount per person.
Back to the OP's question, I agree with AussieGallovesUSA in that $150 might be more appropriate given that you are travelling to go to the wedding.
Jul 12th, 2006, 10:31 AM
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"We were invited to a wedding at Windsor Arms in Toronto, Ontario. It is for a business associate. The invitation states it is Black Tie Welcome. <b>Not being from Canada</b> and not knowing Windsor Arms...we are not sure how much money to give for a gift. Any suggestions? <b>We usually give 250.00 American dollars in the US.</b>"
Yes, if they live in the US, they would have to travel for the wedding in Toronto.
Yes, if they live in the US, they would have to travel for the wedding in Toronto.
Jul 12th, 2006, 11:25 AM
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>>>>>>Yes, if they live in the US, they would have to travel for the wedding in Toronto.<<<<<<
Yes, if they want to attend the wedding they will have to travel.
But I have not seen an explicit statement to the effect that they will be attending the wedding.
It is possible to be invited to a wedding, decline the invitation, and send the bridal couple a gift.
I grant you that kaslcsw's original post implies an intention to attend the wedding, or at least that's how I read it.
Yet it seems to me that it would be possible for kaslcsw to have declined the invitation to the wedding and still have said everything that was said in the original post.
Yes, if they want to attend the wedding they will have to travel.
But I have not seen an explicit statement to the effect that they will be attending the wedding.
It is possible to be invited to a wedding, decline the invitation, and send the bridal couple a gift.
I grant you that kaslcsw's original post implies an intention to attend the wedding, or at least that's how I read it.
Yet it seems to me that it would be possible for kaslcsw to have declined the invitation to the wedding and still have said everything that was said in the original post.
Jul 18th, 2006, 12:26 PM
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This past weekend one of the news/useless info tv shows had a "wedding guru" on; host asked what was a suitable wedding gift. Guru said $100 (this was Canada) was perfectly acceptable but more depending on how close you were to the bride and/or groom.
Jul 20th, 2006, 07:26 AM
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Thank you all so much for your advice. I didn't realize this would be such a hot topic. I will definitely take all of your suggestions into consideration. We will be traveling via airplane to Toronto from New Jersey (just to clarify). THANK YOU ALL!!!
Jul 20th, 2006, 05:02 PM
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I'm sure that wedding guru meant 100$ per person for the gift; hence $200 for a couple; anyone who's highly impressed by that number has not hosted a reception these last few years, once you tabulate all expenses related, food , bar, music, the price per head is quite high so using the guideline of covering the plate is quite appropriate.
A home wedding might cost less but it all depends of the hosts, it could be fancy also. I would not give less than $100 regardless of where it's held, but at a fancy hotel with open bar, the gift should be no less than $200 for a couple, imo....
A home wedding might cost less but it all depends of the hosts, it could be fancy also. I would not give less than $100 regardless of where it's held, but at a fancy hotel with open bar, the gift should be no less than $200 for a couple, imo....
Jul 21st, 2006, 10:15 AM
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No, she did not mean per person. It is NOT the responsibility of a guest to pay for the reception.
Here's something from the 'net about wedding gift etiquette from a US newspaper:
"I'm attending the wedding of a very close friend in London. The trip is proving to be extremely costly, and I'm debating whether to buy the couple a gift. I've been told that destination weddings don't warrant a gift. However, I don't want to be the only guest who doesn't bring an offering. What should I do?
F.O. /// Boston
You won't be the only guest who doesn't bring a gift, because - guess what - gifts should not be brought to a wedding. They should be sent in advance. Schlepping a trunkful of gifts home from a wedding and making sure that all the tags stay attached so thank-you notes can be properly written is a nuisance that etiquette sensibly decrees newlywed couples should be spared.
I don't know where this "Destination weddings don't warrant a gift" nonsense comes from - probably from the same people promoting the idea that a wedding gift should cover the per-guest cost of the reception. (I have heard people describe this in all seriousness as the "cover your plate" rule. Suffice to say, no such rule exists - or if it does, it is more properly described as "Them what has, gets," which is not a rule that civilized people should attempt to live up to.) A wedding gift should come from the heart, not from adherence to a rule or the desire to look impressive in front of the other guests.
And you spend as much as you can comfortably afford. Many people these days don't need wedding gifts to set up housekeeping, as almost everyone did once upon a time, because people are marrying later in life. So gifts are less likely to be strictly utilitarian - the blenders and slow-cookers of days gone by - and more creative, personal, and fun. This gives you lots of room to give a meaningful gift that doesn't break the bank. Invest time and thought rather than money.
You can also give a gift after the wedding, if you expect that your cash flow will be in a happier state soon. Some etiquette experts say that gifts should be given within a month of the wedding, but I think any time in the first year is fine. Most couples will be delighted to have their thank-you-note chores spread out a bit rather than having to do them all at once, anyway. One of the nicest wedding presents my husband and I got arrived on our first anniversary - a gift certificate to the very same posh Boston restaurant that we'd decided was beyond our means for our anniversary dinner!
Here's something from the 'net about wedding gift etiquette from a US newspaper:
"I'm attending the wedding of a very close friend in London. The trip is proving to be extremely costly, and I'm debating whether to buy the couple a gift. I've been told that destination weddings don't warrant a gift. However, I don't want to be the only guest who doesn't bring an offering. What should I do?
F.O. /// Boston
You won't be the only guest who doesn't bring a gift, because - guess what - gifts should not be brought to a wedding. They should be sent in advance. Schlepping a trunkful of gifts home from a wedding and making sure that all the tags stay attached so thank-you notes can be properly written is a nuisance that etiquette sensibly decrees newlywed couples should be spared.
I don't know where this "Destination weddings don't warrant a gift" nonsense comes from - probably from the same people promoting the idea that a wedding gift should cover the per-guest cost of the reception. (I have heard people describe this in all seriousness as the "cover your plate" rule. Suffice to say, no such rule exists - or if it does, it is more properly described as "Them what has, gets," which is not a rule that civilized people should attempt to live up to.) A wedding gift should come from the heart, not from adherence to a rule or the desire to look impressive in front of the other guests.
And you spend as much as you can comfortably afford. Many people these days don't need wedding gifts to set up housekeeping, as almost everyone did once upon a time, because people are marrying later in life. So gifts are less likely to be strictly utilitarian - the blenders and slow-cookers of days gone by - and more creative, personal, and fun. This gives you lots of room to give a meaningful gift that doesn't break the bank. Invest time and thought rather than money.
You can also give a gift after the wedding, if you expect that your cash flow will be in a happier state soon. Some etiquette experts say that gifts should be given within a month of the wedding, but I think any time in the first year is fine. Most couples will be delighted to have their thank-you-note chores spread out a bit rather than having to do them all at once, anyway. One of the nicest wedding presents my husband and I got arrived on our first anniversary - a gift certificate to the very same posh Boston restaurant that we'd decided was beyond our means for our anniversary dinner!
