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Family trip to Japan in November '17

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I would love some advice for our next trip to Japan in November 2017. Here’s the rather complicated plan so far. We are arriving and leaving separately so it’s been complicated. Also My husband and I have been to Japan many times before but are sharing the places we love with our daughter and grand-daughter for the first time…

1st November - my daughter, 8 year old grand-daughter and I arrive in Tokyo where we have booked an apartment in Asakusa for 8 nights (yes I know it’s a bit more than we need but there’s a reason for that).
We will visit Disneyland, wander Tokyo and do one or two day trips out during that time.
Then on 8th November my husband arrives in Tokyo and we’ll go straight down to Kyoto the next morning by train. We have another little apartment right in the centre of Kyoto for four nights 9th - 13th Nov.
We need to get the girls back to Narita for their flight home on 16th November so the plan after Kyoto is to get the train up to Matsumoto, stay there 2 nights and hire a car out of there.
13th enjoy Matsumoto and visit the gorgeous castle.
14th drive to one of the beautiful areas not so far away and enjoy the autumn colours. Which area do you advise??
15th head slowly across to Narita – stay that night and get them safely onto their flight next afternoon.
Then we oldies have another 10 days alone. Can’t decide whether to keep the car for a while longer – perhaps keep it for a few more days and drop it off back in Matsumoto to save the rather exorbitant drop off fee…

I’d love some comments on the general plan. The apartments in Tokyo and Kyoto are fixed and almost uncancellable so although I know more time in Kyoto would be good – no choice there…
I’d also love some advice about things to do in Tokyo with an 8 year old. She’s a good traveller and will be happy to wander old areas and potter in shops but there are probably things we shouldn’t miss?

Still so many things to decide – like is there a rail pass that would be good for us (main trips are down to Kyoto from Tokyo then 4 days later Kyoto to Matsumoto)?

I hope some of the kind Fodorites can help?

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