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U.S. Airlines Announce Major Changes

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Spirit Airlines has announced that all windshades will be in the down position for all flights. Raising the window shade and looking out the window will result in a $30 fee.

Billie Sue from Kentucky was recently suffering from constipation so she went on Amazon to look for a laxative and ended up with a $300 flight to Los Angeles. She and others are now demanding that the Los Angeles airport change their code name from LAX. Said Billie Sue, I don't want to go to California--there are hippies out there.

Delta Airlines has announced that they will ban everyone from using the airline if they walk into the galley in a bathrobe and ask the flight attendants where the shower is. Said a Delta flight attendant, it isn't funny anymore. We wanted to throw a glass of water in their face but water is a precious commodity at 37,000 feet.

United has begun the reconfiguration of their 777's. They are removing four business class seats and replacing them with a bar. Unfortunately, things didn't go so well on their first reconfigured flight. Two hours after a smooth take-off, the fasten seatbelt sign was removed and Anita Cocktail from Florida was on her way to the bar for a drink. Due to a small bump of turbulence, the fasten seatbelt sign came on for the remaining 12 hours of the flight and she was ordered back to her seat without a drink.

American Airlines new Boeing 777-300's with ten across seating in economy have received a lot of comments from riders. So to make the experience even better, the airline has decided to remove the four middle seats and replace them with five middle seats. American's new slogan will be, lose 100 pounds before you fly and you will love the experience.

Jet Blue has announced that all male pilots need to be addressed by Mr. and then their first name. It appears that the airline has a lot of pilots named Jack. Saying "Hi, Mr. Jack," won't turn so many heads on the plane.

And if any of these changes have made your head turn, you may want to check the date this was posted.