Vanessa

I travel frequently with my two year old daughter and have fortunately only had one disasterous segment. Our flight was canceled just prior to boarding and we had to wait 3 hours to catch a later flight. My daughter was 18 months old then and began crying, then screaming about 1/2 hour into the flight. She was utterly exhausted and could not fall asleep in her car seat.<BR><BR>Fortunately, we had bulk head seats and thus were most concerned about the passengers next to us across the aisle and behind us. I won't sugar coat it - it was awful. I tried every remedy - raisins, milk in a sippy, juice in a sippy, cookie, lollipop, crayons, stickers, singing...There was nothing I could do at that point.<BR><BR>Eventually she cried herself to sleep, much to my relief and quite obviously, the relief of the passengers around me. I apologized to those seated next to me and behind me and they appeared understanding. My question is what, if anything I should have done differntly?<BR><BR>Not traveling is simply not an option - my husband is military and we move every 20-24 months. Our families are spread from NY to FL to Las Vegas to Brussels, Belgium. <BR><BR>I agree that Parents need to take control of their children, but sometimes there is nothing more a parent can do.

vanessa

cont'd<BR><BR>Sorry, I accidently hit the post button. At this age, little discipline is sinking in with my now two year old daughter. She is beginning to understand limits but has not mastered them. <BR><BR>In prior posts about children on planes, the #1 complaint is with the parent not dealing with the obnoxious/loud/annoying behaviour at hand. I felt I dealt with the situation well, however, by the sounds of some of the posts, I think my fellow travelers my have expected me to do more. Comments? Thank you.<BR><BR>Vanessa

xxx

I've heard that you should give the child a half a benadryl before the flight - not sure age/dosage but your doctor will know.

Statia

Vanessa:<BR><BR>I agree that a parent can try and try and nothing will suffice the child at times. I think it's those parents who do NOTHING that fellow passengers get annoyed with.<BR><BR>I can't speak for everyone else, but in my own experience, if I see a parent doing everything in their power to pacify crying children, then I know there isn't much more that can be done and I actually feel badly for the parent AND the child (and I don't have children of my own). But, it's those that do absolutely nothing that annoy me.<BR><BR>Good luck in your future travels. Look at is this way....she WILL get older and more adept to travel.<BR><BR>

Bridget

Vanessa - <BR><BR>My guess, by the tenor of your post, is that you did in fact do everything in your power to console/quiet her. Whenever I see this happen, I feel much sorrier for the parent trying to calm their child than I do for everyone else - on top of the noise, they have to worry about their child's discomfort AND deal with the stress of knowing that their child may be disturbing people around them. (I don't have any kids of my own yet either).<BR><BR>It's also very refreshing to hear someone candidly admit that their child "acted out" (which, believe it or not, folks, toddlers have been known to do).

DS

Vanessa:<BR><BR>When I was a young child (back in the early '70s), my parents made numerous trips ALONE until I was old enough (5-6 yrs. old) to handle it. It wasn't considered child abuse or neglect, and I am sure that I had a much better time with my grandparents/babysitters than I would have had being dragged all over the place. I simply don't understand parents' mindsets today -- why do they feel the need to drag infants/toddlers everywhere? To me, that's FAR more abusive than leaving them with a sitter. Much of the time, the child looks like it would be FAR happier at home. I also seroiusly doubt that a young child will really appreciate the Louvre. Why don't people apply a little common sense, and delay travel with very young children as much as possible until they are both physically and emotionally ready to handle it?<BR><BR>I understand that you are in the military and that frequently moving around is part of the bargain. But that's just it -- you knew (or should have known) what all was involved BEFORE committing to this life. I appreciate your concern regarding the conduct of your child -- you seem like one of the few decent parents out there. But it seems to me that it takes more energy (and perhaps money, as well) for you to travel with a small child than it would be for your family to come and see you. Perhaps that would be the best solution . . .<BR><BR>As far as the crying, I'm with xxx . . . I would get a sedative for the child. It's better for them, you, and everyone else on the plane. I would also hope that any courteous parent would remove the child to a quiet location. In this case, I think that taking her into the lavatory would probably have been the best way to ensure that the least amount of passengers would have been disrupted. <BR><BR>But I do have one question -- at 2 YEARS OLD, " . . .little discipline is sinking in . . ."?!?!? Perhaps a re-think on the discipline methods you're utilizing might be in order . . .

a parent

Leaving children at home is often not an option. What if you don't have grandparents who can take care of them.<BR><BR>Not everyone can afford childcare for a couple of weeks. Does that mean they should not travel?<BR><BR>Children under 2 years old do not understand right and wrong. 2 to 3 years olds are starting to learn but are likely to have a temper tantrum when they are told NO. There is not a lot you can do about this. Smacking them just makes it worst and the play up even more. <BR><BR>Kids over 3 generally understand right and wrong but can still play up. It is not really until they get to 5 years old that they fully understand right and wrong.<BR><BR>As a parent of young children I have found that some times it does not matter what you do, you just can't stop a child crying.<BR><BR>In my experience I have found the whinging of other people far more annoying than that of children crying.<BR><BR>Please have a little patience with children, you where probably a little brat once.

stayhome

To: a parent<BR><BR>I am in agreement with most of the posters that I sympathize with parents who actively try to control their children.<BR><BR>However, my answer to your comment "Not everyone can afford childcare for a couple of weeks. Does that mean they should not travel?" is yes, they should not travel. <BR><BR>Assuming that it is not an unavoidable situation (the family is moving across the country because of a job transfer, for example) the cost child care for young children who do not yet have the ability to travel in a manner that is not disruptive should be considered part of your travel budget. When one becomes a parent, one assumes certain sacrifices with that responsibility.<BR><BR>It's stressful for children to be forced into this type of situation before they are able to handle it.<BR>

Madone

I'm absolutely sure the people saying parents should not travel have no children of their own. Only non-parents EVER give this kind of advice. <BR><BR>Vanessa, you have done everything you could, but you are not going to get any of the parent bashers who post here to say, "there there, now I understand, I'll never say a bad thing about parents traveling with small children again." They never believe there is "nothing more a parent can do" because they always fall back on the "if you can't do anything more, then don't travel" position. <BR><BR>

Paul

Vanessa,<BR>I started the other post about unruly children. The kids I'm referring to are usually old enough to know right from wrong but are undisciplined. I don't know what you could have done differently.<BR><BR>Obvoiusly taking an active role (some parents seem like they don't even know their children) trying to calm her and comfort her is about the best you can do. The sedative thing is up to you and your doctor. I know dramamine helps my daughter to sleep and keeps her from getting motion sickness.<BR><BR>Here's the big difference between you and parents of other unruly children:<BR><BR>-You attempted to rectify the situation<BR>-You apologized to your fellow passengers. That makes a huge difference just to show you care about other's right to peace and quite. <BR><BR>Keep up the good work.<BR>Paul

responsible

If you can't afford the childcare, than you can't afford the child. It is really quite simple.

Madone

"responsible" -- you are exactly the pompous, uncompassionate know-nothing I meant. "Simple" describes your understanding of parenthood perfectly. Some people have children because they love them more than money and actually enjoy their company. I'd take any one of them over someone who thinks the epitome of "responsible" parenting is to wait until they have enough money to pay strangers to take of the children. What a sterile view of families!

kkj

Vanessa, most resonable people will see you in your struggle and will sympathise with you. Yes, no matter what we can all agree a crying child is annoying, but sometimes life itself is annoying, right.<BR><BR>It's the parents who don't do a thing, would rather entertain and amuse themselves or don't bother to try to fix the situation that annoy people. Clearly it seems that you don't fit in that category.<BR><BR>Believe me there are some people kids and adults that will never be old enough to travel.<BR><BR>In the meantime, continue with what you are doing, keep working with your daughter on how you want her to behave, keep apolgizing and helping when she is having one of her "hard to love days" and you'll be just fine. If you do that and someone complains they will look bad, not you.<BR><BR>Keep flying and have fun.

sss

Vanessa, You did fine. I started my boys flying when they were 6 months. It was a chore sometimes but if you are trying most people understand, alot of babys have ear problems during flights. I always took a bottle of dimeatapp ( our Doctors idea) and i shared it with other parents that were having a difficult time. It made everyone happy.

Statia

I thank you for doing everything you could to calm your child down and very much sympathize with you. As another poster stated, I have been the recipient of a crying child in my ear more times than I care to remember and really appreciated it when the parent just acknowledged that it may also be uncomfortable for me. I have also had more parents that ignored their children. I actually had a child kick me repeatedly from Kansas City to Baltimore and asked both the child and the parent to stop and both ignored me. I think maybe two years is too young for a child to fly because if the child can't really tell you what is wrong, how is the parent supposed to help the child?

Statia

Wow....there's another Statia on this board? Who would have known?<BR><BR>

gail

My husband just returned from Chicago and found himself sitting near back of plane, sharing a row with family with 2 parents and infant, 2 pre-schoolers. He was ready for an awful flight, but... <BR><BR>It was an example of how TO fly with kids, the parents took turns amusing the kids, standing up and rocking the infant, had brought plenty of new trinkets for the kids, snacks, and once when the kid in back of my husband started to repeatedly lock, unfold and bang tray table, was immediately distracted by a parent and told to stop.<BR><BR>We flew several times when our kids were this age, and I agree with posters that have said fellow passengers want to see parents making a real effort. It is usually possible to fly quite successfully with little kids - as long as parents realize that as parents it could be a challenge to make it pleasant for all. But if the parents really try, I feel sorry for them, not myself.

Josie

A parent, if he/she has been around the child at all, knows the personality, habits and the usual behavior of the child in a contained area. If the parent thinks that the child would cause mayhem on the plane, then she/he should be sedated if it's a necessary trip. But, if at all possible, leave the child at home or drive. If all else fails, stay home or ship the child in a crate.

Pthh

Lord, Josie, I wish someone had done that to you a few years back.

Laura

I am a big fan of antihistamines, ie benedryl. I only use it is all else fails and my children and completely miserable. If it makes you feel any better, my then screaming 2 yo is a wonderfully behaved 4 yo who loves to fly, sits quietly and colors -- it will pass.<BR>Laura