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Airlines announce new changes

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Concerns that the 3 x 3 x 3 seating may be too tight on United’s new Dreamliner, the airline will be requiring anyone weighing more than 150 pounds purchase two seats on the Boeing 787 at the time of booking.

Hawaiian Airlines believes they have a new hit with their free Spamtini’s. The drink which has a shot of vodka and schnapps along with the viscous fluid from a can of Spam has already been a big hit on their flights from Sydney.

To save money on entertainment costs, American Airlines will now be playing their safety announcements in 500 different languages. Said an airline spokesperson, if we play the announcements twice, it should be enough entertainment to get the plane to Tokyo.

Ryan Air joins the One World Alliance. American Airlines and British Airways will now reward all members with one mile for each flight with Ryan Air. JAL and Qantas are in talks to join Star Alliance.

Delta is running a month long special for everyone who has one million Sky Miles. One night free in a 10-bed hostel, anywhere in the world. This is a $30 value so don’t wait too long.

The children of the 90 year-old lady who were run over by “The Cart!” “Look Out For the Cart!” and left for dead have successfully sued the Houston Intercontinental Airport for 100 million dollars.

And if any of these statements leave you scratching your head, you may want to check the date this was posted.